This chapter took me so long for 2 reasons. 1) It's such a big chapter and I wanted to get it just right. I put a lot of pressure on myself for this chapter to be perfect. I about typed and backspaced parts of this chapter a minimum of 5 times and I'm not even exaggerating. I finally feel like it's where I want it to be, but I'm still super nervous for you guys to read it. Hopefully y'all don't hate me too much, and it enjoy it, nevertheless. 2) The holidays are always pretty rough for me and my family. It's always a very tension filled season for us and a lot of times, that triggers my anxiety. I'm on medication that helps relax me, but unfortunately it also puts me to sleep. And I have been taking it...a lot, recently. I know I get pretty personal with you guys about my depression/anxiety and I apologize if I annoy any of you with it.
P.S. If you aren't reading "The Lights That Guide You Home" by missmelsie (Or any of her one-shots), you are living your life wrong. It is one of the best written fics I have ever read and I highly recommend it. It's just marvelous. Also, happy New Year!
"What the fuck are you doing?!"
Those words echoed in Nathan's head as his shoes squeaked against the hardwood. Damien's venomous tone and cold, cutting edge eyes were tattooed in his memory. Every time he closed his eyes, even if it was just to blink, he heard his voice and saw that look of betrayal. It left him with a searing pain in his chest.
"Nathan!" Jake shouted, passing the basketball in his direction.
Reflectively, Nathan put his hands up to catch the ball, but it slipped right through his fingers and collided with the side of the bleachers. Normally, Nathan would have been pissed at himself for that. Instead he felt nothing. Not even a sliver of aggravation. It didn't matter how he played. Nothing mattered...not anymore.
Whitey blew his whistle and Nathan dragged his tired body over to the bench. Plopping down, he grabbed his towel and patted at the sweat coating his skin. His heart was racing in his chest and it had little to do with the physical activity he had just partaken in.
The gun clicked, the bullets settling into place. Damien ran his hand over the shiny metal and paused right over the trigger.
"I really didn't think you'd be stupid enough to cross me again. I guess I was wrong."
Nathan's chest constricted as he struggled to breathe. Whitey was giving directions, but he couldn't comprehend a word of it. Everything around him felt cloudy, like he was dreaming. He was drowning in his own thoughts. With every passing second, they were rising higher and higher. It was only a matter of time before they swallowed him whole.
The whistle blew again and the team got off the bench. Nathan was a beat behind them. His bones felt brittle, like with one wrong move they would shatter. He was drained, physically and mentally.
A hand clapped over his shoulder and he jumped.
"Nate, you okay?" Lucas asked. His brows were furrowed in concern. "You're looking a little pale."
Nathan only nodded and Lucas stared at him hard. The incredulity seeped off him in waves and Nathan gulped. He was used to being transparent in Lucas' eyes, but he prayed he could pull off being at least translucent this time.
The seconds ticked by slowly until Lucas finally released his grip. Nathan avoided his prodding gaze as he took his place on the court. The whistle sounded again and the team was in motion. Their bodies were moving in slow motion to Nathan and it took him a couple of seconds to register what was happening. As if on autopilot, he began to run.
He knew what he was supposed to do. He was supposed to find a way to break free from the two players guarding him. Once he was open, Jake was to pass him the ball and he was to shoot it. But it was like his mind couldn't or wouldn't communicate that to the rest of the body.
The barrel was pressed to his head and he swallowed hard. It was cold, but his body felt like an inferno.
'You're so stupid, Nathan. God, you're so stupid. You should have just stayed away.' He continuously chanted to himself. He wanted to shut his eyes, but he was afraid that if he did, he'd never open them again.
"It would be so easy to pull this trigger. It would all be over for you. But no, that's not good enough. I want to watch you suffer, like I did before."
The gym felt like it was caving in around him. The basketball sailing towards him morphed into Damien—the insipid eyes and the wicked snarl glaring back at him. He caught the ball in his hands, right before it collided with his face. His fingers flexed around leather and his stomach bottomed out.
"The only questions left are how and who? Lucas? Jake? ...Haley?"
Everything around him faded. The sweat pouring down his face chilled and his heartbeat fell flat. His body completely shut down on him, partially in fear and partially in anger.
Someone was going to get hurt and it was going to be all his fault. Again. History was repeating itself and he was helpless to stop it. The urge to run was strong, but he wasn't sure where he would go or if that would even help. The thought of watching someone that he cared about fall at the hands of his mistakes made him want to die. That was a thought he hadn't had in a while.
He couldn't handle going through that again.
"What the fuck is your problem, Scott?"
"What the fuck is your problem, Scott? Quentin barked, knocking the basketball out of Nathan's grip. "You can't follow a simple instruction?"
Quentin shoved Nathan as he walked passed him and Nathan completely lost all sense of himself. He took one swing with a clenched fist and it landed squarely on Quentin's jaw. He doubled back, his hand clutching the raw skin and his eyes narrowing at Nathan. Quentin wasted no time to retaliate and before anyone knew it, Nathan was on his back.
If someone were to ask Nathan why he swung at Quentin, he wouldn't have an answer. Just like he wasn't sure why he didn't fight back. He felt the impact of Quentin's punches against his cheek, upper chest, and stomach, but felt zero pain. He could hear people shouting and feel people trying to pull Quentin off of him, but he just remained limp.
Every inch of him was numb, even though he was silently begging to feel every sting of pain.
Nathan wasn't sure how much time had passed, before he was pulled off the ground and thrusted into the boy's locker room. There was a dull ache in his ribs and the room felt like it was spinning. He could vaguely see the silhouettes of Lucas and Jake standing in front of him. Their lips were moving, but all he heard was static.
"It would be so easy to pull this trigger."
"I didn't think you'd be stupid enough to cross me again."
"I want to watch you suffer."
"The only questions left are how and who? Lucas? Jake? ...Haley? Maybe this bullet should be saved for one of them."
"Nathan!" Lucas shouted, giving him a hard shake.
That seemed to do the trick.
Nathan squeezed his eyes shut and gripped the edge of his seat. He gulped in a deep breath of air, before slowly letting it out. When he reopened his eyes, he felt grounded again. He blinked a few extra times, clearing the fog from his eyes. Eventually, Lucas and Jake came into clear view. They were both staring at him with a fierce uneasiness.
"What the fuck was that?" Lucas hissed, his fingers digging painfully into the round tops of Nathan's shoulders. "Coach Durham gives you another chance and you thank him by clocking Quentin?!"
"Luke!" Jake scolded. He braced his arm against Lucas' chest, pulling him away from Nathan.
Nathan struggled to swallow. His throat was dry and scratchy. "I didn't mean to."
"How do you not mean to hit someone?" Lucas argued, frowning.
Nathan brushed a hand over his face. His knee was bouncing anxiously and he physically couldn't lift his head up to look at them. "Damien caught me in his office last night."
Lucas and Jake both froze. A panicky expression fell over their faces.
"What do you mean he caught you in his office last night?" Jake interrogated, eyes narrowed into tiny slits.
Nathan's lung felt as if they'd shrunk in size. Jake and Lucas were going to be completely crushed when he divulged to them what happened. They trusted him. They put their faith in him. It's not like they didn't know that he ran the risk of getting caught, but he's sure they didn't expect him to screw up within the first chance that he'd gotten.
"He has a lock box under his desk in his office," Nathan began to explain. His dry throat made painful to speak. "I'm almost positive that is where he keeps his victim files. Last night, his office was left unlocked. I thought it was the perfect opportunity to do some investigating. I didn't get very far, because Damien…found me."
Nathan braced himself for the shouts of anger. His muscles tensed as if he was waiting for Jake or Lucas to lay punches into him. Lord only knows that he would have deserved it.
All Nathan could think about was how he should have walked away. He was notorious for having the worst luck and that alone should have stopped him. He was so stupid. God, he was so fucking stupid.
Lucas gritted his teeth and a flame brewed in his eyes. Despite his obvious anger, spoke in a calm and level voice. "What happens now?"
Nathan gulped. "I…I'm not sure."
"You're still alive—that's some good in this situation," Jake muttered dryly, scratching the back of his neck. "What did Damien say?"
"That he wanted to watch me suffer," Nathan glowered as he rubbed his hands together. "He pulled a gun out on me and threatened both of you. And Haley."
There was no need for Nathan to elaborate on that. Lucas and Jake already knew what Damien's threats usually consisted of.
The silence stretched on for miles between them. And there was nothing louder than their silence. For Nathan, that was terrifying. His world was falling pulling apart at the seams and he felt like he was on the brink of going crazy. He wanted to crawl out of his own skin.
"This isn't good," Lucas stated obviously, finally disrupting the silence. His voiced quivered in thick fear.
"I know that this isn't something you want to do, and I understood your reasons for waiting, but I think now is the time to go to the police," Jake asserted, running both of his hands through his sweat-coated hair.
"I know," Nathan confirmed.
Lucas and Jake stole surprised glances.
"But, I need more time."
The surprise was broken.
Lucas shook his head angrily. "This isn't a time for you to be stubborn, Nate. All of our lives are in danger!"
"You think I don't know that?!" Nathan shouted, jumping up from the bench. The pain in his eyes shifted to anger instantaneously. "This isn't me being stubborn. This is me trying to figure a way out of this mess that I've forced you all into. This is me trying to figure out how to keep you all safe."
"How is letting Damien continue to roam freely going to keep us safe?" Lucas shouted back and stepped closer to Nathan.
"If I go to the police now, when it's just his word against mine, it's just going to make things worse," Nathan argued further. "You know how easy it is for Damien to weasel his way out of things. It'll be even easier for him to get out of this, because I don't have anything substantial. I don't even have enough evidence for them to get a warrant to search his pool house. I already 'betrayed' Damien once. He'll just view that as another act of betrayal and that'll make things even worse. "
"He's right," Jake muttered briskly as he gritted his teeth together. Without warning, he whipped around and slammed his palm into a closed locker. A loud bang ricocheted through the empty locker room. "Damn it! We're fucked if we do, and we're fucked if we don't."
"How do we get out of this, then?" Lucas pressed helplessly. "Do we just wait it out and fight off whatever Damien decides to pull?"
"I don't know…I just…I need time."
"We might not have time."
Nathan groaned in aggravation and buried his fingers in the thick strands of his hair. "I don't know what I'm going to do, but I'll figure it out, I promise. I won't let anything to happen to any of you. I'd rather die."
"What about you, Nathan? What about your life?" Jake asked.
"I don't matter in this situation," Nathan mumbled. "I'm going to do whatever I have to do."
"Nate—"
Nathan shook his head, effectively cutting him off. "Don't. This is my cross to bear. No one else's."
~x~
Haley eyed Nathan curiously as she tapped the end of her pen against the corner of her biology book. He was lounging on the couch adjacent to her. His elbows were resting on his knees and he was staring blankly at the worksheet in front of him. There was something clearly off about him and it made her uneasy.
He was dead quiet. Granted, she had come over there to study for their last final exam, but the quiet wouldn't have bothered her if Nathan was actually studying. His practice worksheet was left untouched and she hadn't seen him pick up his pencil once. Whenever she attempted to talk to him he gave her curt, one word answers, and never once looked at her directly.
It was also impossible to ignore the purple and yellow marks that were forming around his right eye and on the curve of his jaw. The skin was slightly red, clearly still raw from the intrusions. When she asked him about it, he brushed it off as a "basketball accident." It was an obvious lie, but she didn't get a chance to argue it.
The far off look in his eyes was hauntingly familiar. She was suddenly transported back in time to when they first met and he wore that same look in his eyes daily. It was like he was lost in his mind, trying to fight off his demons on his own accord. Haley wasn't sure what to do with that revelation. Did she call him out on it? Or did she just let him fight through it on his own?
Sighing, she tossed her pencil and jumped up from her seat. Brushing her hands along the rough fabric of her jeans, she trotted over to the drawer where Nathan and Lucas kept their take-out menus. "Are you hungry? We should order a pizza or something."
Nathan didn't reply. In fact, he didn't even acknowledge that she had spoken at all.
"Nathan?" She said a little louder.
Still nothing.
Huffing loudly, she squared her hands on her hips. "Nathan!"
Nathan jolted out of his trance. His knee collided with the edge of the coffee table and he swore sharply, immediately reaching to rub the injury. Turning around to face Haley, he tensed when he saw the apprehensive and annoyed look on her face. "Yeah?"
"I asked if you were hungry?" Haley repeated, flittering her hand towards the take-out menus she picked up.
Nathan's stomach lurched and twisted at the thought of eating. His anxiety was eating away at his stomach and he was sure anything he ate would've just came right back up. So, he just shook his head and turned away from her.
A surge of annoyance raced through her veins. Haley clicked her tongue before pursing her lips. She couldn't take his silence anymore. Pushing the menu's aside, she walked over to the couch and claimed the spot next to him.
"Nathan, what's wrong? You've been quiet all night," Haley asked, plopping her hands down on his shoulders. Right away, she felt how tense he was.
"Nothing," Nathan declared, brushing her hands off of him. He couldn't think straight when she was touching him. He pushed his useless homework away from him and jumped up from the couch. Walking into the kitchen, he opened the fridge to grab a beer. It was the first time in weeks that he'd reached for alcohol, but he needed something with substance tonight. He was a dead man walking, anyway.
Haley was smart and he knew it was only a matter of time before she started questioning him. He was surprised at how difficult it was to lie to her and how much it hurt to do so. He'd never felt that kind of pain before and it made his already cloudy head even hazier. Cracking open the beer, he quickly took a swig and cringed slightly when the bitter liquid slid down his throat.
Just another checkmark to add to the "Nathan Scott is a Failure" column.
Haley eyed the beer with a frown pulling on her lips. She ran a frustrated hand through her hair, a sad attempt at trying to calm herself down. Did she expect him to answer truthfully? No. Did it still hurt that he didn't? Like hell. "Why do you always do this?"
"Do what?" He asked dryly.
"You always push me away," She answered quietly as she stood up from the couch. "I told you that there is nothing in this world that you could say that would scare me away. I just want you to let me in."
Nathan turned around, put his beer down, and rested his hands against the sink. He inhaled deeply. It's not like he meant to shut down like he always did. He wanted to let her in but he was just so damn scared. He wasn't sure that feeling would ever go away. "Don't do this, Haley."
"Do what? Care about you?" She asked incredulously, her voice rising in volume. A part of her felt terrible for goading him like she was, but there was only so much secrecy and brushing off she could take before she exploded.
"You shouldn't care about me," Nathan growled. He was being self-deprecating and he was well aware of it.
"Stop that," Haley demanded, her heart aching in her chest. There was something about the lack of emotion in Nathan's voice that broke her heart. He sounded broken and lifeless, something she hoped she'd never have to experience again, yet here they were. "I care about you. Nothing you say or do is going to change that."
"Why do you even bother? It would be so much easier for you to just walk away and forget that I even existed," He yelled back, his hands clenching into tight fists against the cool marble of the counter. He couldn't turn around to look at her. The anger was bubbling up inside of him and he couldn't control it.
Today was hell and this was just making it worse. Damien's words kept echoing in his head and he couldn't help from thinking that maybe this was his chance. Maybe this was his chance to say something so hurtful to her that she would leave and never come back. God, the thought of hurting her made his blood boil even more…but what other choice did he have?
"Because I can't," Haley whispered. Her heart was beating out of her chest at this point. How could he actually think she could easily walk away and forget he ever existed? That was an impossible wish. She was shaking uncontrollably and tears pricked at the back of her eyes. Hearing him talk like he was insignificant to her tore her to shreds. Didn't he know how much he meant to her? Didn't he know that she didn't say something unless she meant it?
Nathan shook his head. "Don't say that bullshit to me. You're just too naïve to realize that you should be running far, far away from me. Do yourself a favor, Haley." His voice was cold and stern as he spoke through gritted teeth. The words burned at the back of his throat. Why couldn't she just understand that he wasn't a good person?
Haley felt a flash of anger and frustration run through her body. She wasn't going to allow him to push her away, not this time. She wasn't going to walk away from him, she couldn't. Before she could even think about stopping herself, she was yelling back at him. The words just seemed to flow out like they were the most natural thing in the world. "Because I'm in love with you, that's why!"
Nathan's world stopped turning on its axis.
Her words slowly sunk in and his heartbeat came to a halt. That was the last thing he had expected her to say. Slowly, he turned around to face her and chills ran down his spine at how she was looking at him. He could see the truth so clear in her eyes and he felt like he couldn't breathe. Damien's words were no longer plaguing his mind. All thoughts of hurting her, of needing her to hate him…vanished.
This girl….she loved him—she was in love with him. She was so pure, so innocent, so good, and she saw something in a corrupted and terrible person like him. He had spent the last few years of his life believing that he wasn't worthy of love. No one would ever love him and for the longest time he believed that he was okay with that. But now looking at the beautiful angel standing in front of him, he realized that he was never okay. The bewilderment and happiness that he was feeling at her confession was proof that love was everything that he was looking for.
Nathan's feet carried him until he was standing directly in front of her, the look of wonderment still on his face. His heart was pounding in his chest as he gently cupped Haley's face in his hands. "S-say that again," He muttered breathlessly. He needed to hear it again, just to make sure he wasn't dreaming.
Haley wrapped her fingers around his wrists, gripping them tight. The way Nathan was looking at her cause her toes to curl and her heart to pound so fast that she was surprised it didn't burst. "I'm in love with you," She whispered, her voice full of emotion. "I love you, Nathan."
Without a second more of hesitation, Nathan captured her lips in a searing kiss. His hands slid from her cheeks into the curly strands of her hair, as Haley's hands latched on to the collar of her light blue dress shirt. She fell limp against him and he quickly banded an arm around her waist to steady her.
The kiss, which had started off an intense and fast paced duel of passion, slowed into a soft and chaste one. Pulling away, Nathan rested his forehead against Haley's. Her brown eyes were sparkling back at him in pure adoration, causing his heart to thud even harder in his chest. Her tiny fingers grazed over his injuries and the concern in her eyes rocked him to his core.
Bending his knees a little, he scooped her up in his arms. A surprised squeal fell from her lips and she instinctively wrapped her legs around his waist. He smiled up at, a real and blissed out smile, before capturing her lips in another passionate kiss. A kiss that led to them tumbling down the hall to Nathan's bedroom, completely forgetting about his secrecy.
It could be seen as them glossing over their issues, but their hearts didn't stop to question how right that moment felt.
They stumbled on to Nathan's bed, never once breaking their visceral kiss. Teeth and tongues clashed as they kissed each other desperately. Their bodies were a mess of limbs. Their hands roamed each other's bodies—soft caresses of sensitive skin and desperate grabs of clothing. Hips rocked together, eliciting quiet whimpers and fervent moans.
Haley's hands moved to the buttons on Nathan's shirt, fumbling to get them undone. It was a hard task to concentrate on when Nathan was manipulating every sensitive crevice on her neck with light nibbles and smooth kisses. Whimper after whimper, his name rolled of her tongue.
Once the last button was undone, she pushed the shirt off his shoulders and he tossed it uncaringly to the side. Haley raked her eyes over the velvety planes of Nathan's chest and down to the firm cut of his stomach. A fierce mixture of love and lust burned through her veins and any inhibitions that she had seemed to melt away.
She pushed him away gently and smirked at his obvious confusion. Before he had the chance to ask her what was wrong, she sat up and forced him on his back. Straddling his waist, she pulled her shirt over her heard without a second though and tossed it to the side.
Nathan's eyes widened at Haley's sudden movements. All the blood in his body rushed south. He couldn't take his eyes off her toned stomach or heaving chest. Her black bra contrasted enticingly with her porcelain skin. A light pink blush dusted her skin and the moonlight shining in from the window provided her with an angelic glow.
Not being able to ignore the slow thump of his heart, he sat up and readjusted her in his lap. His hands splayed against the heated skin of her lower back and slammed their bodies together. Their lips moved hotly, with their lower bodies grinding together. Nathan felt her gasping against his lips and it only served to drive him crazier.
"I'm never gonna get tired of this," Nathan rasped against her lips. "You're so damn intoxicating."
Haley dragged her fingers through his hair and struggled to even her breathing. "I know the feeling…definitely know the feeling."
She wasn't sure what came over her in that moment, but she found herself reaching behind her back and unfastening the clip to her bra. She didn't want to think, not when everything she was doing felt right.
The straps fell off her shoulders and Nathan's eyes widened further.
"Haley?" He questioned cautiously. His body was on fire. He was surprised he could even form a coherent thought with a lusty fog invading all of his senses.
"It's okay," Haley whispered, letting her bra fall further off her body. "It's okay."
Words escaped him as she pulled the garment away and threw it to join the rest of their clothes. She was so fucking perfect.
He just had to taste her. Leaning forward, he skimmed his lips across the top of her chest, working his way towards the center. The first touch of his tongue on her nipple had her eyes rolling to the back of her head.
"Oh, God," Haley moaned. She tossed her head back as she gripped Nathan's hair.
He was relentless, kissing and licking every inch of skin he could reach. His ministrations were maddeningly slow and gentle. He was driving her absolutely mad. She thirsted for me. She needed more.
Her hips grinded against his on their own accord, earning a guttural groan from Nathan. It wasn't long before she found herself on her back again, with Nathan hovering over her.
"Nathan?" Haley panted as Nathan kissed his way down her stomach. Her skin fluttered beneath his soft caresses and the rest of her body was shivering with desire. Slipping her fingers in his hair, she gently pulled him back up to her mouth.
"Yeah?" He breathed out. An intense shiver passed through him when he met her lust-filled gaze. Her fingers were tenderly brushing through his hair, calming his racing heart.
"Make love to me," She said confidently. Haley knew what she wanted. She knew from the moment he kissed her with such a knee weakening passion that it stole her breath away. There wasn't even a sliver of doubt in her mind that she wanted him. She was in love for the first time in her life and it was the type of love that completely consumed her—the type of love that she always dreamed of finding.
Nathan's heart stopped beating for the second time that day. Her words repeated in his head and each time it did, his stomach clenched even further.
"Hales...are you sure?" He asked shakily, squeezing her bare waist softly.
A slow and confident smile crossed her face. "I've never been surer."
He searched her eyes diligently for even the smallest sign of doubt. He swallowed the lump in his throat when he came up empty. He wasn't an amateur when it came to sex—something that he honestly wasn't all that proud to admit—but Haley had him feeling like this was his first time. His heart was racing, a sweat had broken out on his skin, and every nerve in his body was on fire.
Closing the distance between them, he kissed her softly and fingers slowly glided to the button on her jeans. His hands were trembling as he worked on unfastening the button and zipper on her jeans. She lifted her hips off the bed and he yanked both her jeans and her panties down her legs.
Haley bit her lip as Nathan's eyes raked over her naked body. She expected to feel embarrassed around him or at least feel the urge to cover herself up. But she didn't, not in the slightest. Nathan's eyes had shifted from their usual light blue to lust darkened midnight, causing a layer of goosebumps to paint her skin.
The tips of Nathan's fingers traced the contours of her body, starting with the crease of her knee and up to the indentations of her collarbone. He was mesmerized by every inch of her smooth and pale skin.
"You're so beautiful," He whispered adoringly. He smiled when she blushed.
Haley squirmed beneath his intense gaze and a fire burned in the pit of her stomach. She brusher her fingers along the curve of his shoulder, feeling the skin quiver under her touch. "You're shaking, Nathan," She murmured quietly.
The corner of his mouth twitched into a smirk as he bent forward. Gently grabbing her hand, he placed her hand over his heart and planted kisses around her jaw to ear. "My heart's racing, too. That's what happens when I'm around you."
The pitter and patter of his heart was strong against the palm of her hand, eliciting a gasp from her. She inhaled sharply when his lips glided down the column of her throat. Sliding her hand down his slick torso, he shuddered when she loosened his jeans. Using her legs, she struggled to push them down his hips. Nathan followed her lead and a few seconds later, there wasn't a single layer of clothing between them.
The butterflies in Haley's stomach grew even larger as she watched Nathan reached over to his bedside table. When she saw that he was grabbing a condom, the weight of reality came crushing down on her. She was absolutely terrified, but in the best way possible. It was so exhilarating to want someone as she wanted Nathan and to know that he wanted her just as much.
A mutual sigh of pleasure pushed pass their lips when their bare skin came in contact for the first time. Their foreheads rested together as Nathan's arms wrapped tightly around her waist. Never breaking their eye contact, Nathan trailed his hand over her thigh, before hooking it over his hip. Haley gasped and dug her nails into the round tops of his shoulders.
"Nathan?" Haley called out, her voice shaking with panic.
"Do you want to stop?" He quickly asked.
Haley shook her head and smiled shakily at him. "No, no…I'm just nervous."
Nathan chuckled soothingly and brushed his lips against the corner of her mouth. "Want to know a secret? I am, too."
Hearing that helped Haley calm down a little, but there was still one thought plaguing her mind. She hated the fact that she was about to ruin this perfect moment between them with her insecurities, but she wouldn't have been able to relax if she didn't express her thoughts.
"W-what if it's not good enough for you? I don't have any idea what I'm doing and you—"
Nathan silenced her by kissing her passionately. Once they parted, he caressed her warm cheek in the palm of his hand. "Hales, I feel everything just from kissing you. I feel things that I didn't know it was possible for me to feel. You've always been and always will be more than enough for me."
The hoarse tone and conviction in his voice had her fighting a smile. "Okay."
"We don't have to do this."
"I want you. So much," She declared. "Just…go slow."
He nodded in affirmation. With a pounding heartbeat, he moved his lips against hers and slowly pressed into her. He swallowed down her gasp and kissed her harder to take her mind off the pain. It took every ounce of self-control he had to not pound his hips into hers. She felt so good, better than anything he could had ever imagined.
He couldn't be selfish. Not with her.
He pulled away just enough so that his lips were hovering over hers. "Are you okay?" Nathan croaked, reaching a hand up to rub her cheek.
With hooded eyes, Haley nodded. "I guess I really am yours now. Only yours."
Nathan dropped his head to crook of her neck. He groaned at her words and trembled against her. He had to be dreaming. Something like this was too amazing to be real.
They moved together in perfect sync, their bodies molded together at every curve. Their sweat sodden skin glided together as moans and gasps echoed throughout the room. Haley's fingers roamed Nathan's back, piercing his skin with the blunt edges of her nails. Nathan's lips traveled her face and neck in a flightless pattern.
"Nothing has ever felt this good before," Haley whimpered. She'd heard so many horror stories about people's first times. They were always described as being painful or incredibly awkward. She wouldn't have used either one of those adjectives to describe what she was experiencing. The pain only lasted a few seconds and everything else was…blissful.
She felt whole, completed. She didn't know pleasure like this existed.
"I know," Nathan agreed huskily.
Haley hooked her leg higher over his hip and moaned loudly when he slid in deeper. He back arched off the bed and dug her nails into his arms harshly.
"Shit," Nathan muttered under his breath. "Put the other leg up."
She followed his orders and she swore she saw stars. Shudder after shudder ran through her body, as her orgasm ripped through her without warning. Her eyes squeezed shut and Nathan's name was a chant of appraisal.
He stared in wonderment.
When her eyes reopened, Nathan solidified his gaze on hers. Their lips brushed together with each heaving breath. He wanted to memorize every second of this moment—the glossy look in her eyes, the blush on her cheeks, the look of bliss on her face, and her kiss swollen lips.
"Say it again, baby," He breathed against her lips. "Please."
Haley didn't have to ask to know what he meant.
"I love you," She purred, her fingers flexing harder into his skin.
That was all into took for everything to pull inside of him. He stilled his movements and her name dripped from his lips like a prayer. Collapsing on top of her, he pressed his lips to the base of her throat.
Time slid by as they tried to regain control of their breathing and their rapid heartbeats. The fatigue in their muscles was a warranted relaxation. When composure met sanity, Nathan gently rolled off of Haley. Once on his back, he curled an arm around her waist and pulled her into his side.
Haley rested her head on his chest. The sound of his elevated heart beat was soothing to her.
"You okay?" Nathan asked after a few moments of silence.
She tilted her chin towards him. "I'm perfect."
He chuckled and kissed the top of her head. "Yeah, you are."
"Thank you."
"For what?"
She smiled up at him. "For being you."
~x~
Haley was jolted awake by a cacophony of loud voices. Dazed with sleep, she slowly sat up and glanced around Nathan's room. Her brows were furrowed in confusion as she fought for a clear consciousness. The blinds were half-closed and gray light seeped into the room. The soft sound of raindrops pattering against the window echoed through the quiet room. Moving her eyes to the floor, she noted her and Nathan's clothes littered across the tan carpet.
Nathan was no longer lying beside her.
It was then she realized there was a blissful ache in her bones and all of the memories from the night before came rushing back to her. It was all soft kisses, gentle caresses, and passion-filled sighs of lover's names. Her cheeks flamed red as she remembered the way they fit together, her blistering skin against the silk of his sheets, and the burning desire that flowed through her veins.
She often wondered what it would be like when she lost her virginity. What girl didn't? She had her fears about it—like would she regret it like Quinn did after losing hers to a boy that ended up breaking her heart? Or would it be on her wedding night to love of her life, like Vivian?
The love of her life.
Haley smiled softly at that thought. Her fingers were drawn like a magnet to the charm bracelet that never left her wrist. She couldn't pinpoint exactly when she fell in love with him, but she'd been aware of her feelings for a while. She hadn't expected to profess her feelings to him the way that she did, but the look on Nathan's face made it all worth it.
And then what her confession led to…boy, she was in deep. Everything about it had been perfect. She hadn't forgotten about their fight or the fact that Nathan was keeping things from her, but something about their night together had put things in a new perspective for her.
To put it simply, last night was one of the best nights of her life.
Another loud shout had reaching for the sheet that was twisted around her legs, shielding her bare skin. The shouting was shortly followed by a loud bang that had her springing out of Nathan's bed. Her heart was racing as she pulled one of Nathan's t-shirts over her head and bolted over to the cracked open door.
She stopped dead in her tracks when she heard a voice that caused a chill to rattle her spine.
"You really expect me to believe that?"
The voice belonged to Damien West and Haley didn't need to see his face to know that whatever they were discussing wasn't good. His voice, which always caused her stomach to knot up, sounded even more insidious. She wasn't all that educated in Nathan's past, but she was certain that Damien was a part of it…the most dangerous part of it.
The smart thing to do would have been just to crawl back in bed and wait for Nathan to come back in. She hated eavesdropping. But her feet were welded to the floor and her brain wasn't communicated with the rest of her body. In fact, it betrayed her by inching closer to the door.
Nathan's laugh was the next sound she heard and her face immediately scrunched up in confusion. It wasn't a heart-filled laugh or one that meant humor. It was dark and cynical.
"Damien, you said so yourself—we're one in the same. We both love going after the innocent ones, because it gives us power. It's a type of satisfaction that we don't get from anything else."
There was something in the tone of Nathan's voice that made Haley's stomach sink. The words coming out of him didn't sound like him at all. He was always so soft spoken and kind, never spineless or cold hearted.
"And you're telling me that Haley was just one of conquests?"
Her heart stopped at the sound of her name. Her knees felt wobbly and she had to extend a hand to the wall to keep herself upright. A conquest? She waited with baited breath of Nathan to answer, even though she was terrified of what his answer would be. He had to deny that claim. He just had to.
"Haley means absolutely nothing to me," Nathan snickered. "Come on, you know how girls like her can be. They're not just going to drop their panties after a few smooth lines. You gotta win them over—wipe their tears when they cry, whisper sweet nothings in their ear, buy them meaningful gifts, promise them the world. It's a fucking chase, but the payoff is so goddamn worth it."
Haley felt like her heart had been ripped out of her chest and the wind had been knocked out of her. All of her bones turned to Jell-O and fell against the door, shutting it completely with a soft click. She reached for her chest as she struggled to breathe, pathetically sinking to the floor. Nathan couldn't have meant those words, could he have? But he sounded so…confident and cold hearted, much like how Damien talked.
"You were awfully protective of her." Haley heard Damien mutter.
She was torturing herself by listening. But it was like a car accident, no matter how terrible it got, she couldn't stop. Angry and hurtful tears burned in the back of her eyes, but she willed herself not to cry. What was happening…it couldn't be real. It just couldn't.
"Because I knew how much you wanted her," Nathan laughed. "You wanted her so damn bad and I knew if I wanted my chance to crack her, I had to be hardcore. Don't you remember how we used to compete over girls? I couldn't let you take such a big score away from me."
Haley felt physically sick. Her stomach was queasy and it took everything in her to not gag. The tears were threatening to spill out and she was quickly losing the battle to keep them in.
"I bet I could have gotten her in my bed."
Nathan laughed loudly. "You're not capable of the sweet talk Haley craves."
"Does this mean that I get to add her name to the list I got going in the pool house?"
That was it. She couldn't take it anymore. Usually all of her strength, she pushed herself up and off the floor. Hot tears poured down her cheeks, blurring her vision. She quickly tore his shirt off her body and began to frantically search for her clothes.
She needed to get out of there…now, before she really went crazy.
Nathan had just tainted one of the best nights of her life. She woke up this morning feeling refreshed and…happy. Now all she felt was dirty and worthless. How could he say those things? Was their whole relationship a lie? Memory after memory flashed through her mind and none of them brought her happiness. They were all tainted now. All of the times he held her, told her how amazing and beautiful she was, whispered about how she helped him through some of his darkest times…it was all just to get her in bed?
She could physically feel her heart break in chest.
She heard the front door of the apartment slam shut and that kicked her into gear to get dressed faster. Frantically, she pulled her jeans up her legs and tossed her shirt over her head. She didn't see her bra anywhere and right now, she didn't care.
"Oh, you're awake."
The sound of his voice caused a new wave of tears to pool in her eyes. Her fingers clenched into tight fists as he body tenses. She suddenly felt him behind her and before he could wrap his arms around her waist, she whipped around.
"Don't you dare touch me!" Haley barked, a few more tears trailing down her cheeks.
Nathan stumbled backwards. A look of clear shock was on his face. "Baby, what's.., what's wrong?"
Haley could have slapped him for his attempt at playing confused and concerned. She couldn't even look in his eyes without feeling sick.
"Don't act like you care," She cried. "I'm just another girl for you to add to your list of conquests."
His face fell pale. "Hales—"
She shook her head. "You put on quite a show. Congratulations, Nathan."
With that, she brushed passed him and headed out of his apartment. She could hear him calling after her and it only caused her tears to fall faster. The only clear thought in her head was that maybe she should have listened when everyone told her to stay away from Nathan Scott.