To answer the reviewer's confusion about what terms Nathan and Damien are on now: I've kept it vague intentionally. The next few chapters are very telling about Nathan's past and will fill in some of the blanks!
School does start back up for me this week. I can't really determine what my posting schedule is going to be like, because I'm not sure what my work load is going to be like this semester. I'm not taking that many credits this semester, so I'm hoping that I won't be super busy. Although, I thought that last semester and it was my busiest semester to date. So, we'll have to see, lol. I promise that I won't abandon this story, but my school work does come first. Thank you all for your continued support!
P.S. I know I kind of brushed over the basketball game in this chapter and I apologize. Writing scenes for a sport that I don't really know much about is extremely difficult for me. I didn't want to torture myself, nor did I want to torture you all. It's too bad OTH wasn't about baseball...that I could write about.
Nathan couldn't take his eyes off of Haley.
She was sleeping peacefully on his chest. Her hair was a heap of curls, messy and knotted from his fingers tangling between the strands. Her body was pressed as tightly as physically possible to his side, with one of her hands resting over his heart. A single sheet was draped over her lower body, stopping at the small of her back.
The sight of her was hell on the heart. She looked so peaceful—the muscles in her face were completely relaxed and her breathing was steady. Her skin seemed to be shimmering, like a million little diamonds were embedded in her flesh.
It was unreal how beautiful she was. Every single inch of her was perfect, inside and out. She was an angel and she…she loved him. He still couldn't wrap his head around that and he wasn't sure that he ever would. He couldn't think of a single thing that he'd ever done that made him worthy enough to be loved by her.
He wasn't going to question it, though. There wasn't much in his life that made sense, but everything about her and how she made him feel made complete sense.
Nathan was trailing his fingers over the bare curve of her spine, revealing in how soft and warm her skin was. There was a lightness in his heart that he'd never experienced before. Despite all of the shit going on in his life, last night was one of the greatest nights of his life.
His past was cluttered with things he wasn't proud of and one of those things was his sexual history. He'd spent countless nights sharing beds with nameless and faceless girls. A majority of those encounters only occurred because he was wasted out of his mind, and because of Damien's encouragement. Those girls were just a way to pass the time or just means for him to get off.
With Haley…it was so much more. He'd never experienced the types of feelings he felt when he was with her—the addicting way her delicate skin felt gliding against his, how exhilarating it was to feel her nails digging into his back, the fire that burned through him when he heard her whimper his name, and the way his heart pounded in his chest at the emotions he found flashing in her eyes.
It was so overwhelming, but it also meant everything.
A loud banging on his front door had him breaking out of his thoughts and had a perplexed expression forming on his face. Glancing over at his alarm clock, his eyebrows furrowed further. It was only six in the morning and he knew that Lucas had spent the night over his mom's house, so it wasn't him.
When the banging persisted, Nathan slowly slid from underneath Haley, careful not to wake her. He quickly threw on a pair of shorts and headed towards the front door. As soon as he opened the door, he wished that he never had. Every single muscle in his body became taut with fear and anger.
Damien stood in the doorway with a sickening evil smirk on his face. His eyes sat low and were rimmed red—signs that he was clearly high on something, most likely a narcotic. His clothes were trashed and he reeked of alcohol. He was most likely coming down from a night of partying, per usual.
Nathan straightened his posture and cleared his throat. He could feel his body want to shake with the fear coursing through his veins, but he tried to fight it off as much as he could. If Nathan was going to suffer at the hands of someone like Damien, he wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of seeing his fear.
"Good morning," Damien slurred. He didn't wait for Nathan to answer or to even open the door wider before he just forced himself inside the apartment.
Nathan clicked his jaw as he closed the front door. A few seconds ago, he was on cloud nine. He was the happiest he's ever been. Now, reality had set back in and it felt even worse than before.
"Nice black eye," Damien laughed. "Oh, and that hickey on your chest…niiiice. I hope you enjoyed your last slut."
"Can I help you with something?" Nathan asked sharply.
Damien swiveled around and laughed chillingly. He spoke loudly…angrily. "Help me? Oh, no, I think you've helped me enough."
Nathan swallowed hard. "Then, what do you want?"
Damien strolled around Nathan's apartment. It seemed like he was trying to commit the place to memory or like he was searching for hidden treasure. He trailed his fingers over the side of the side of the couch, before peaking behind the cushions. He then moved to the kitchen, surveying the magnets and pictures on the fridge.
"I've been racking my brain for the last 24 hours," Damien began. The tone of his voice let Nathan know that he was about to give one of his infamous speeches. "I've been trying to figure out the perfect way to repay you for your…transgressions. There aren't many options, ya know? Your parent's already dead."
Damien's sick smile made Nathan's stomach churn. He could feel the bile rising in his throat, but he forced it down. He couldn't let Damien get to him. His jaw locked into place and he tried to keep his face as stoic as possible.
"I really only have three choices," Damien continued to recount. "My only problem is that I'm not sure which one would hurt you the most. I supposed I could make you pick…."
Nathan's fists involuntarily clenched as his heart lurched in his chest. He'd seen Damien be ruthless and cruel way too many times to count, but he'd never seen him this…malevolent. The look in his eyes was one that was inherent of the devil.
Come on, Nathan, think. Find a way to get yourself out of this.
"There's Lucas—your brother. You'll probably keep fucking up, so I could just eliminate the entire Scott line. One by one."
Nathan could feel his anger rising to exceptional levels. His heart was slamming in his chest and his eyes kept darting to his room. If Haley woke up and came out into the living room…he couldn't even finish that thought.
"There's also Jake—the best friend since childhood. Ya know, I never did like that prick. He's way too high and mighty for me. I could have fun with that."
Damien was moving again. His walk was slow and deliberate. It made Nathan nervous.
"And then there's…"
Damien trailed off and he stopped walking. His gaze was locked on something and Nathan's heart dropped to his stomach when he realized what it was. A sweat broke out on his skin and every hair on his body was electrified.
Damien slowly turned around and the sadistic smile on his face almost brought Nathan to his knees. "I think we have a winner."
Nathan didn't have time to think or to debate with himself. He bolted over to his bedroom door and pulled the door closed. "That's not what it looks like."
Damien laughed cynically. His smirk never left his face. "It looks like you got lucky last night, that's what it looks like. She give you that hickey? Damn, I knew she was a little freak. I always knew that Haley James was something special to you."
Nathan's world felt like it was shattering into a million pieces, yet again. The panic surged through him like an electric current submerged in a pool of water. He knew that look of rancor in Damien's eyes. He knew it well. One of his biggest fears were about to happen in real time and he knew he wouldn't survive that pain or guilt.
Losing Haley at the hands of his own stupidity…it would kill him.
"She's not," Nathan blurted out. Denial was his only option. He just had to be convincing enough.
Damien snorted as he dragged his disgusting body over to one of the bar stools. He sat down and leaned heavily against the counter. "You really expect me to believe that?"
Nathan remained stationary as he mulled over his next choice of words. He was hit with an idea and it was…brutal. It could be impossible to pull off, but he didn't have any other choice. He didn't have time to think of another option. He could work Damien, tell him all the things that he wanted to hear; things that he thrived on and built pride on. It wouldn't solve all of his problems, but it would buy him some more time.
He took in a shaky breath of air. He was like Damien, once upon a time. He wore that same smirk and that same lifeless glare. All he had to do was channel his past self—the same version of him that Damien had been convinced still lived and thrived inside of Nathan.
Dulling that light in his eyes, Nathan stepped forward and met Damien's beseeching gaze.
"Damien, you said so yourself—we're one in the same. We both love going after the innocent ones, because it gives us power. It's a type of satisfaction that we don't get from anything else," Nathan said, forcing a sick and twisted smile on his face.
Damien's ears seemed to perk up at the change in Nathan's demeanor. He eyed him curiously. "And you're telling me that Haley was just one your conquests?"
The next thing Nathan was about to say was one of the hardest things he'd ever had to do. He could already feel the ache in his chest.
"Haley means absolutely nothing to me."
Good, God, that left a sour taste in his mouth. Was it possible to break your own heart?
The skepticism was clear on Damien's face and Nathan knew he had to lay it on thick to break himself free.
"Come on, you know how girls like her can be. They're not just going to drop their panties after a few smooth lines. You gotta win them over—wipe their tears when they cry, whisper sweet nothings in their ear, buy them meaningful gifts, promise them the world. It's a fucking chase, but the payoff is so goddamn worth it."
Damien narrowed his eyes, but a small smile was starting to form on his lips. "You were awfully protective of her."
"Because I knew how much you wanted her," Nathan forced himself to laugh. He was on the cusp of something big. He could feel it. "You wanted her so damn bad and I knew that if I wanted my chance to crack her, I had to be hardcore. Don't you remember how we used to compete over girls? I couldn't let you take such a big score away from me."
Damien remained silent and Nathan's heart threatened to beat out of his chest. Damien's face was void of any expression and his eyes were as black as night. Nathan couldn't gauge what he was thinking and that made him so unbelievably nervous.
He needed Damien to believe him. He needed this one thing to go right for him.
"I bet I could have gotten her in my bed," Damien finally mumbled after a long stretch of silence.
Nathan felt the giant weight resting on his shoulders slide right off. Damien's expression was still cold and tactless, but the malicious edge was gone. He could breathe again…for now.
Nathan coerced a dry laugh. "You're not capable of the sweet talk Haley craves."
Damien rolled his eyes and planted another smirk on his face. This one was different. It wasn't evil…it was lighthearted, something Damien was surprisingly capable of. "Does this mean that I get to add her name to the list I got going in the pool house?"
Nathan's throat sealed shut at the vision of Haley's name being carved into Damien's list of "whores." Her name didn't belong on that list and it killed him that everything they'd been through had been reduced to something as sick-minded as that.
He couldn't give Damien a clear answer and luckily, it didn't seem like he wanted one.
Scooting off the rickety bar stool, Damien headed towards the front door. Before opening it, he turned around and gave Nathan a hard glare. "You might have gotten lucky this time, but this isn't over, Scott. Not by a long shot. I'll figure out your weakness. I always do."
As soon as the door closed behind Damien, Nathan collapsed against the counter. He breathed in deeply, fighting to regain control of his body and his emotions.
He walked back into his room and his eyebrows shot up when he saw Haley frantically moving around. It was like she was in a desperate hurry to get away from something…or someone. There was panic radiating off of her and in turn, he began to panic.
Was she regretting what happened between them the previous night? God, he hoped not.
"Oh, you're awake," He said shakily.
Haley froze at the sound of his voice and a bad feeling infested itself in the pit of his stomach. She was visibly shaking and a million thoughts started racing through his mind. She regretted last night, she had to of. That was the only reason he could think of that would have prompted her to be acting like this.
It was only six-thirty in the morning and his day was already absolute shit.
He took a few steps closer to her and frowned when she tensed further.
"Don't you dare touch me!"
She whirled around and the wild look of despair in her eyes had him stumbling backwards. There were tears streaming down her cheeks and it felt like someone punched him in the gut.
The look in her eyes…it was unbearable. He'd never seen someone look at him with such hate and heartache.
"Baby, what's…, what's wrong?"
She looked at him in disbelief.
"Don't act like you care," She cried. "I'm just another girl for you to add to your list of conquests."
He could have died of a heart attack right then and there. He felt his body turn cold as all the blood drained from his face. She heard every word that he'd told Damien, unintentionally breaking her heart.
"Hales—"
She shook her head and her painful glare sliced through him. "You put on quite a show. Congratulations, Nathan."
Nothing, not even the death of his parents, prepared him for the pain that tore through him at watching Haley walk out his bedroom door.
~x~
"Are you ready for the game tonight?" Lucas asked while bouncing a basketball against the asphalt. The sun was sitting low in the sky, casting a warm and eerie glow over the River Court. They only had about an or so before they had to report to the gym for warm-ups.
"I hadn't really thought about it," Nathan mumbled honestly. He clapped his hands together and motion for Lucas to toss him the ball, which he did seconds later.
Nathan supposed that he should have been a nervous mess about his first time really back on the court. There was a lot of buzz going around Tree Hill about his "comeback." Most people couldn't believe it, while others were cheering "finally!" There was a lot of pressure on this game, even if it was just an exhibition game—a lot of expectations and a lot of curious eyes. It was bound to be packed house tonight.
But he wasn't nervous at all. In fact, he felt nothing…absolute numbness, about the game, anyway. His head was too fucked up, too clouded with painful memories from this morning. He couldn't focus on anything, especially basketball. Nothing really seemed to matter, except Haley.
He saw reminisce of her crying eyes everywhere he looked and it was agony. Every inch of him felt like it was slowly being pulled apart and shredded into millions of pieces.
As soon as he got to school, he searched everywhere for her. He needed to find her to…explain. He wasn't sure how he was going to explain what had happened. All he knew was that he needed to fix what happened. Unfortunately, she was nowhere to be found.
Nathan never meant for Haley to hear those words. He never meant to hurt her. The hateful things he told Damien were the furthest thing from the truth. He was playing the game of survival and falling into Damien's mindset was the only chance at winning he had. His victory meant nothing if it meant losing Haley.
"That's a surprise," Lucas snorted. "I prepared at least ten pep talks last night and I still didn't think that was enough."
"I fucked up," Nathan blurted out as he tossed the basketball towards the basket. Swiftly, it sailed through the net before bouncing against the concrete.
"What did you do now?" Lucas said with humorless chuckle as he chased after the basketball. He reached it before it rolled onto to the grass. Picking it up, he held it against his side as he turned to face Nathan.
"I lost the best thing that's ever happened to me," Nathan lamented with a sigh.
Lucas paused at the doleful sound of Nathan's voice. It was then that he noticed just how beat up Nathan looked. It had been quite a long time since Nathan looked this shattered. He had dark circles under his eyes, much darker than normal. The life in Nathan's eyes, the same one that he'd been slowly gaining back, was gone. His hair was disheveled and his skin was pale.
"Talk to me, Nate," Lucas said seriously.
Nathan let out a heavy sigh before walking over to the bleachers and plopping his body down on the bottom row. He rested his elbows on his knees and nervously began to rub the palms of his hands together. Saying the words out loud was going to hurt like a bitch. "Last night, Haley and I kind of got into a fight. In the middle of the fight, Haley…uh, she told me she was in love with me."
Lucas' eyes widened before narrowing in confusion. "That's a good thing, isn't it?"
"I'm not finished," Nathan grumbled. "Things ended up escalating from there and we…we slept—we made love for the time."
Lucas' confusion only grew.
"Wait, wait, hold up," Lucas tossed his hands in the air, his palms facing outwards. The sound of the basketball bouncing against the concrete lost in the intensity of the conversation. "Two things—still not seeing what's so terrible about what happened and since when does Nathan Scott use words like 'make love.'"
"Since I realized it was possible for me to actually fall in love," Nathan said sincerely.
"Wow, I never thought I'd see the day."
"It's crazy, man," Nathan mumbled, the rubbing of his hands only seemed to increase. He was never good at expressing his feelings, but talking about Haley seemed like the easiest thing in the world.
"She smiles and I swear I can't breathe. When she laughs, my body tenses at the thought of never hearing it again. If we argue, my throat burns like I just downed a fifth of vodka. I never thought I could feel so safe and so at ease just by holding her in my arms or by touching her hand. I never really did think much about the future until she came along, now it's all I can think about."
Lucas stared at Nathan, an expression of bewilderment on his face. Never in his life had heard Nathan talk like that, especially about a girl. It both shocked him and made his heart soar. The way his eyes lit up, the way he smiled…it was a side of Nathan he had never seen before. He found that he liked this side of Nathan. It was the most alive he had ever looked.
"You're crazy in love with her," Lucas concluded.
Nathan placed his head in hands before running both of his hands through his hair. He let out a heavy breath of air. "God, I am and it scares me to death."
Lucas flashed a sad smile as he took a seat next to Nathan on the bleachers. "So, where does the 'I fucked up' fit in with all of this?"
Nathan swallowed roughly. "Damien stopped by this morning."
"I do not like where this is going already."
Nathan gave a quick nod. "He saw Haley lying in my bed and I could see that look in his eye. It was like he figured out the perfect way to hurt me and that was by hurting Haley. I panicked and I didn't know what else to do. I kind of told him that it was all about sex and that she didn't mean anything to me. Haley, uh, she heard the entire conversation."
Lucas jumped up from the bleachers, his eyebrows furrowed. He clenched his fists at his sides. "So, let me get this straight, Haley tells you that she loves you, you sleep together, and then the next morning she over hears you tell Damien that you were just trying to get her into bed?"
Nathan nodded sheepishly. With the way that Lucas was looking at him and with the way the guilt and heartache were eating him alive, he just wished something would fall from the sky and crush him.
"Did you at least tell her that you loved her back?"
Nathan shook his head. "When she admitted that to me, I was so in shock that I just, I don't know. I guess in that moment, I was so wrapped up in the fact that she loved me that I couldn't focus on anything else. I should have told her. My biggest regret is not telling her."
"You're a dick," Lucas growled, shaking his head in disbelief.
"You think I don't know that?" Nathan glowered. There was an accusing tone to Lucas' voice and that felt like another crack in his heart. "You know I'm not like that, Luke. I would never use a girl for sex, especially one like Haley. Of course, I wanted her but it was never about that with us. It was the first thing that popped into my head when Damien started his shit. You know how he is and I just got scared. It felt like it was the only way I could buy myself more time."
"Do you try explaining that to Haley?"
"She, kind of, left in a hurry, not that I blame her," Nathan mumbled. "You should have seen the way she looked at me. I broke her heart and I don't think there's any way to fix this. You know, I thought I was finally moving forward in my life, away from that person I used to be. And now…"
Lucas ran a set of fingers through his hair and took a calming breath. It was obvious just how much this all was affecting Nathan and as much as he wanted to place the blame solely on Nathan, he knew the power that Damien had over him.
"You need to tell her…everything, Nathan," Lucas asserted. "I get that you're scared and you think that you're protecting her by not telling her, but I don't think you have a choice in the matter anymore, not if you don't want to lose her."
"I don't think she wants to hear it. Besides, Damien—"
"Fuck, Damien," Lucas snarled. "I know I've been hard on you when it comes to him and I know how dangerous Damien can be. But, you can't keep letting him control your life. You're letting him win by giving him control. You deserve to be happy, Nathan. And what you have with Haley? That's worth fighting for. Most people go their wholes lives without feeling what you just described to me. You can't let that go."
Nathan knew that Lucas right. "Do you think she'll forgive me?"
Lucas exhaled deeply. "Honestly, I have no idea. It sounds like you hurt her pretty badly. Bu what I do know is that you need to fight for her—prove to her that what you feel for her is real."
~x~
"I can't believe this," Brooke muttered as she dropped down on the bench in the locker room. Her mouth was still dropped open in shock.
"I don't even know what to say," Peyton sighed, frowning.
Haley's fingers nervously picked at the hem of her cheer skirt. Her chest felt heavy with affliction and it was taking all of her strength to not crumble into pieces.
Brooke and Peyton had been flabbergasted by what Haley had told them. They immediately thought it was some kind of sick joke. Haley thought for sure she was going to throw up when she told them that it wasn't. This all felt like some twisted nightmare that she was begging to wake up from.
"Tutor Girl, don't take this the wrong way, but are you absolutely sure you didn't, maybe, hear the conversation out of context? I mean, Damien is like Nathan's biggest enemy. Maybe there's more to the story," Brooke tried to reason.
Haley wasn't sure and that was her biggest problem. She wasn't sure of anything. It was so easy to believe in the bad, because there wasn't much good.
For weeks, even months, Haley had pushed aside Nathan's tendency to shut her out. She ignored all the times he would keep her from something. She thought she was doing something good by allowing him to open up to her at his own pace. That had clearly turned around to bite her in the ass.
She wanted to have faith in Nathan. She wanted to believe that things he told Damien weren't true. The fact of the matter was that there was so much Haley didn't know about Nathan. He kept so many parts of him hidden from her, lock and key.
How was she supposed to act like she hadn't heard all of those hurtful things? How was she supposed to find justification for them when there was a whole other side of Nathan that she didn't know?
She opened her heart up to him and now…
"He didn't say it back," Haley croaked, completely disregarding Brooke's previous words. Her throat was closing up again and she could feel the tears burning in the back of her eyes. She had cried so much in the last twelve hours. She didn't think she had any tears left.
Peyton glanced up from tying her tennis shoes with a look of concern. "What?"
She quickly wiped away the single tear that had started to trail down her cheek. "I told him that I love him and he didn't say it back. That's what makes this so hard. He—"
Haley couldn't speak anymore. The pain in her chest had taken over. Her body was quaking as she fought to control the tears spilling from her eyes. Brooke and Peyton were instantly at her side, trying their best to console her.
"Oh, Haley," Brooke cooed, rubbing a hand up and down her back. "I'm so sorry."
"It hurts…so much," Haley cried through gasps of air. "I've never…this…it's unbearable."
"Just let it out," Peyton coaxed her. She was sitting on the other side of Haley, rubbing her arm soothingly.
"He…he means everything to me," Haley declared. Her throat was burning and it felt impossible to breathe. She'd never experienced a pain like this before. "I fell in l-love with a lie."
Brooke glanced at Peyton with a heartbroken gleam in her eye. They both felt completely helpless.
"Haley." Brooke coaxed Haley to look at her. Once she did, she gently wiped the tears away from her cheeks. "I know what Nathan said and didn't say, but there is not a doubt in my mind that you're missing something here. I've seen the way Nathan is with you…the way he looks at you. There's no way he could fake something like that."
"Yeah," Peyton agreed. "I've seen Nathan do some pretty messed up things, but I don't think he's capable of something like that. His feelings for you run deep."
Haley shook her head in disbelief. She wanted to believe in what they were saying, but it was like a stone wall had formed around her heart. "You…you didn't hear the way h-he said it."
Brooke slid off the bench and crouch down in front of Haley. She grabbed both of her hands and squeezed them gently. "Shh, it's okay, Haley, just breathe. You're gonna get through this, okay? Peyton and I are going to help you."
Peyton squeezed Haley's shoulder and brushed the hair out of her face. "Yeah, we will. It might not seem like it right now, but everything's going to be okay. We'll figure this out."
Haley hiccupped as she tried to calm down her crying. Everything was a kaleidoscope of colors from her tears blurring her vision. She couldn't imagine her pain ever subsiding, but she didn't have the strength to argue with them on it.
Brooke smiled gently as she brushed her thumbs over the tops of Haley's hands. "Look, we just gotta get through this game and then we'll go back to my place. I'll order a pizza. I'll get buckets of ice cream. And I'll rent every rom-com known to man. We'll have a girl's night to get your mind off of things, okay?"
Haley could only sniffle and nod.
~x~
Searing and unbearable pain cut through her the second she laid eyes on him. She felt as if the wind had been knocked out of her. She knew the next time that she saw him, it was going to feel like a bullet in the heart. That's why she tried to avoid him as much as she could.
He was on the opposite end of the gym, decked out in the black and blue Raven's warm-ups. He looked like hell, with his messy hair and droopy eyes. For some reason that made her sadness shift into anger. What the hell did he have to be upset over? She was the one who was lied to. She was the one who had her heart ripped out of her chest. As far as she was concerned, he had no right.
Haley's heartbeat came to a screeching halt when Nathan suddenly looked her way. Their gazes locked and she felt like she couldn't breathe. The best thing for her to do would have been to just look away, but she couldn't. The magnetic field between them was still intact and she hated every minute of it.
Nathan's walk slowly decreased in speed until he was completely frozen. Every instinct in his body was telling him to run over to her, pull her into his arms, and kiss the daylights out of her. It hadn't even been a full twenty-four hours and he already felt like he was dying without her warm touch.
It didn't help that she looked absolutely amazing in her cheerleading uniform. Her lean legs were on display beneath the short skirt and her curly hair was styled in a perfect high pony-tail. Not being able to touch her was surely going to kill him.
She felt sick as memories flashed through her mind—every passionate kiss, every gentle touch of his hand, every loving whisper, and every soothing hug. Before, those memories would bring a smile to her face, now they all felt dirty and tainted.
The buzzer signaling the start of the game had Haley breaking their eye contact.
Nathan felt another crack form in the root of his heart. Sighing heavily, he ripped his warm-up jacket off his body and tossed it on the bench. He walked towards center court, but never once took his eyes off Haley.
"You've got this," Jake told Nathan as they waited for the referee to blow the whistle.
Nathan shakily smiled.
The whistle blew and both teams were in action. In a matter of seconds, the ball was in Nathan's hands. He attempted to dribble it down the court, but he caught Haley's gaze again. He fumbled a little and the opposing player easily stole the ball from Nathan.
So, it was going to be one of those games.
Brooke knocked her elbow into Haley's. "How are you holding up, Haley?"
"I just don't want to think anymore," Haley muttered tiredly. She ran a shaky hand through her hair. "I don't want to feel. I just…I want it to go away."
Brooke's lips curled into a smirk. "I think I have something that'll help with that."
~x~
The pounding on his apartment door was relentless. Tiredly, he ran a hand over his face as he walked over to the door. This day had been absolute shit. The Ravens had ended up losing their game, mostly because Nathan couldn't stop glancing over at Haley. He'd missed the basket and dropped the ball way too many times.
His teammates were pissed and if the circumstances were normal, he would have been beating himself up over it.
Not even bothering to look through the peephole, he un-did the lock and swung it open. Before Nathan could fully register who was standing there, a body brushed past him, almost knocking him over in the process. The sweet smell of vanilla immediately clouded his senses.
Haley.
Nathan felt his heart begin to race as he slowly turned to face her. The first thing he noticed was how flushed her face was. Her cheeks, her neck, and the top of her chest were dusted a rosy pink color. Her blonde hair was messy as if she had just spent the last twenty minutes yanking on it. Her eyes were bloodshot and glossed over, dark circles coating underneath them. She was having a hard time standing still, her body wobbling as she stared back at him.
She was drunk. Haley never drank…at least, she never drank enough to get drunk. There was a pang in his chest at the sight of her. That stupid little voice in the back of his head began to taunt him. Haley drank because of you. She's drunk because of you.
"What are you, uh, what are you doing here?" Nathan asked, breaking the uncomfortable silence that had formed.
"I'm here to give you exactly what you want," Haley mumbled, her words slurring together. She brought her hands down to the hem of the black tank-top she was wearing before swiftly pulling it over head. Tomorrow, she would most likely regret her actions. She knew that this wasn't her but she stopped caring. All she felt was numbness, completely and utter numbness. She could thank the alcohol in her system and Nathan for her attitude.
Confusion marred Nathan's features as he tried his hardest to keep his eyes trained on Haley's face, instead of her bra clad chest. He swallowed thickly. "Ha-Haley what are you talking about?"
Haley closed the distance between them and the very small part of her sober brain that was still functioning was screaming at her to leave right now. Unfortunately for that version of her, drunk Haley had a different agenda. Her small hands landed on his chest and her fingers began a slow dance across the firm planes. "You said it was all about sex…"
His body was reacting to her caresses in the only way it knew how and he hated it, especially since her voice was laced with pain. Closing his eyes, he took a calming breath before halting her movements. "Hales—"
She snatched her hands out of his grip and pressed her body flush against his, causing what he was about to say to hitch in his throat. She looked up at him through her eyelashes and felt her heartbeat begin to hammer in her chest. "Fuck me." Those words burned in the back of her throat, leaving a sour taste in her mouth. She physically felt her heart break but she wasn't going to back down now.
Nathan's mouth felt dry at her words and not in a good way. The way she was looking at him…it tore his heart to pieces. This wasn't Haley and it killed him to know that he was reason she was acting this way. In one quick motion, he distanced himself from her, walking further into his apartment and towards the kitchen. Swinging open the fridge, he grabbed a bottle of water before handing it to her. "Here, drink this. It'll help you sober up."
Sober Haley probably would have thought that gesture was sweet but it caused a fury of anger in Drunk Haley. She rolled her eyes at him and marched over to where he was standing. Using all of her strength, she pushed him backwards until his back collided with the fridge. Repeating her earlier actions, she grinded her body against his. "Stop trying to act all noble. If all you wanted me for was sex, then here you go."
She was pressing against him in such a delicious manner and Nathan ignored the spark of desire he felt flowing his veins. He needed to remain in control. He shook his head vigorously, gripping her waist tight in his hands to still her movements. "Haley, stop. You don't want this. I don't want this. Not like this."
Haley glared at him, the fire alight in her dark brown eyes. Without hesitation, she slipped her hand underneath the elastic band of his basketball shorts and wrapped her hand around him. "Looks like a part of you wants this," She purred perfectly. "Come on, Nathan. You spew all this shit about being the bad guy, so here's your chance to prove it."
Despite himself, he groaned, his eyes falling shut. Her small hand felt so good working him over like she was and he could feel his self-control waning thin. He couldn't let Haley do this. It was wrong and he would rather never see her again than take advantage of her. Gathering up all of his self-control he had left and the love he had for her, he pried her hands off his body. Pushing her up against the nearest wall, he held her hands above her head, locking them in a tight embrace.
"Haley, baby, please stop," Nathan pleaded, breathlessly. "I'm not going to let you do this. This…this isn't you."
Before Haley even realized what was happening, the tears were streaming down in her face in hot streaks. Through her drunken haze and the tears, she could see the pain in Nathan's eyes. She wanted to fight back and to yell at him but all the adrenaline she had been feeling moments before was gone. All she felt now was a deep pain in her heart, threatening to swallow her whole.
"How could you do this me?" Haley sobbed. "How could you do this to us? I gave you everything. I gave you every part of me."
In that moment, Nathan hated himself more than he thought possible. The pain in Haley's eyes and the anguish in her voice…it tore him to pieces. He felt his own eyes fill with tears and it took everything in him to not fall to the ground. His biggest fear was hurting Haley and of course, that's exactly what he did. He felt his throat close up and he just wanted to disappear.
Eventually, Haley's legs gave out and her tired body collapsed into Nathan's chest. She buried her head in his chest, her sobs tearing through her body painfully. She couldn't stop crying and she didn't care that she was in the arms of the person who was the reason for her tears. All she wanted was for the searing pain in her chest to go away.
Out of habit and instinct, Nathan wrapped his arms around Haley's shaking body and held her close. With every minute that passed, his grip on her tightened, almost like he was hoping that the tighter he hugged her, the more he was able to take her pain away. His eyes were squeezed shut and his breathing was hard. Every beat of his heart felt like a bullet ricocheting through his chest.
It felt like hours had passed before Haley quieted down and she fell limp in his arms. He looked down to see that her eyes were closed and her breathing had evened out. The alcohol must have finally caught up with her or she cried herself to sleep. Nathan prayed for the former, but knew it was the latter. His heart ached at the thought. Carefully, he lifted her up and held her bridal style. His heart lurched when she involuntarily buried herself further into his chest.
Laying her down on his bed, he took note of the fact that she was still in only her bra, jeans, and heels. He walked over to his closet and grabbed one of his Duke t-shirts. Walking back over to where Haley was sleeping, he gently lifted her up to slip his t-shirt over her head. Surprisingly, she remained asleep. Next, he moved down to her heels and slid them off her feet. Lastly, he unbuttoned her jeans and dragged them down her legs before tossing them to the side.
Sighing, Nathan took a seat at the edge of the bed. He couldn't take his eyes off of her.
Haley was fast asleep. Tear tracks still marred her cheeks and worry lines were still etched into her features, but she was still so breathtaking. The urge to touch her was strong. He wanted nothing more than to slide into bed next to her and hold her in his arms. But he knew that she didn't want him touching her and that thought alone broke his heart.
"I love you," He whispered painfully to her sleeping figure. "It's insane how in love with you I am."
Nathan paused to regain his composure. He wasn't sure why he felt the need to tell her all this when she wasn't even awake to hear it.
"I'm so sorry, Haley. I'm just…I'm sorry."
Allowing himself one little touch, he brushed his fingers delicately across the skin of her cheeks. Her skin was warm and a wave of tingles spread through his body. The nagging voice in the back of his head was back, mocking with full throttle. You better savor this moment now, Nathan. After all, this is most likely the last time you'll ever touch her.
God, he hated himself. That seemed to be his mantra now.
He couldn't stand looking at her anymore. The pain in his chest was becoming unbearable. Forcing himself up from his bed, he headed back into the kitchen. Swinging open one of the wooden cupboards, he grabbed a glass cup and the bottle of unopened whiskey. Popping the top, he tossed it haphazardly onto the counter and filled the glass. Hastily, he tossed the bottle back onto the counter, uncaring of the fact some of it spilled.
Bracing himself against the counter, Nathan stared down into the amber liquid. He could toss that glass down like it was nothing. He could drink himself into an oblivion, just like he had done so many times before. Alcohol was the easiest way to numb the pain.
But, he needed to stop being that person. Drinking himself into a drunken stupor wasn't going to doing anything but cause more trouble. He needed to be a better person…for himself and for Haley. She deserved better and his old habits didn't fall under that category. After everything that she's been through with her mom... Sighing heavily, he picked up the glass and poured the contents of it down the drain. He put the bottle of whiskey away and cleaned up the counter.
Dragging his beat-up body towards the couch, he draped himself over it. There was no way he was getting any sleep tonight.