In case you were missing it, my long author's note can be found at the end :)
Four Months Later…
"I cannot believe you're graduating," Karen said tearfully as she entered the kitchen, the commencement ceremony tickets in her hands.
Nathan looked up, a teasing smile on his face. "You make it sound like you had zero faith in me."
With the tickets still in her hand, Karen swatted at the back of Nathan's hand. "I always had faith in you, you know that."
"I do," Nathan mumbled, suddenly sobering. "I want you to know how thankful I am for everything that you've done for me over the years. I feel like I haven't said it enough."
Keith narrowed his eyes as he reached for a mug and poured some coffee into it. "You want something…what is it?"
Nathan just nervously laughed.
When they had got their commencement tickets, Nathan had requested that he be the one to deliver them to Keith and Karen…alone. Luckily, Lucas hadn't questioned him about his odd request and just handed over the tickets. He had something important to talk to them about and he wanted to keep it on the down-low as much as possible.
Just at the thought of what he came there to do, his knee started to bounce.
"What's on your mind, Nate?" Keith asked as stirred his coffee and placed the spoon in the sink. "You seem…extra keyed up."
This is it.
Nathan couldn't recall a time where he'd ever been so nervous and he knew that it was only bound to get worse. Running his sweaty palms along the length of his jean-clad thighs, he took in a shaky breathy. "There's…actually, another reason why I stopped by tonight."
Karen, her motherly instincts immediately kicking in, sat up straighter in her chair and reached for Nathan's hand. "Is everything okay?"
He smiled shakily and quickly nodded his head. "Yeah. It's more than okay, actually."
Keith chuckled as he claimed the seat next to Karen. "Then what is it? You're starting to freak us out, kid."
"I want to ask Haley to marry me," Nathan finally blurted out. His heart was slamming in his chest and their blank expressions weren't helping to curb his nerves. "I know we're young—we're just graduating high school and we still have our whole lives ahead of us, but I've never been surer of anything in my life. Haley…she's it for me, I just know it. I know that you must think I'm crazy—"
"No," Karen quickly intervened. She glanced over at Keith with an adoring smile on her face. "We don't think you're crazy."
"You're just in love," Keith said, a matching smile on his face.
Nathan couldn't stop his smile even if he tried. "I am. So much. You both have done so much for me over the years and I felt that it was only right if I asked for your opinion."
"Wait here," Karen mumbled as she slid out of her chair. Nathan was almost positive she had tears in her eyes.
Nathan could feel his nerves dissipate a little at Keith and Karen's warm reception to his idea. It wasn't like he was expecting them to be against it, but it still felt good to know that he had people on his side and that he wasn't, in fact, crazy. Marriage was never something Nathan thought about. When he'd actually reached the age where thinking about your future was normal, his life was weighed down so heavily with tragedy and drama that thinking about the future was the last thing on his mind.
That was until he met Haley. Before her, his future didn't exist. He couldn't see himself surviving high school or moving on to a better and fuller life. Now, not only did he want those things…he needed them.
"Wanna know something?" Keith pondered, breaking Nathan out of his thoughts.
"Sure."
"I knew this day was coming," He answered softly, folding his hands around the coffee cup. "I didn't think it would be this soon, but I figured we'd be having this conversation one day."
Nathan's lips titled slightly upwards in a half-smirk. "Am I that predictable?"
Keith chuckled, mixed in with a quick shake of his head. "I saw the way you were with her when you brought her here for Thanksgiving. You were a goner the moment you Haley, weren't you?"
A very slight, almost dismissible blush crept its way on to Nathan's cheeks. "Yeah," He admitted. Back then, he didn't want to admit to himself there was an obvious connection between them. He fought so hard to keep her away from him, but she always managed to snake her way into his thoughts. He realized now that he never stood a chance.
"As soon as you guys left that night, I told Karen that she was it for you," Keith continued. His voice was low, but full of conviction. "I knew because you reminded me so much of myself and how I was when I first met Karen."
Nathan's heart swelled inside his chest. A warmth and calmness spread through his body…that same feeling he got whenever he held Haley's hand or seen her smile. Hearing all these comments about how his love for Haley was so obvious…he couldn't explain how it made him feel.
"Ha, I finally found it," Karen announced as she made her way back into the kitchen. In her hand was a small black velvet box. "I think this is something you'll want to have."
Nathan's forehead creased as Karen passed him the small box. She jutted her head at him as if to say, "open it." Carefully, he peeled back the top and his breath hitched in his throat when he saw what was inside. It was a 3-karat ring, a single diamond in the center and the band embellished with smaller diamonds. He'd know that ring anywhere. It was simple and elegant, just like the person who used to wear it.
"This…this is my mom's wedding ring," Nathan finally said breathlessly. He looked up at Karen and Keith with a bewildered look on his face.
Karen nodded her confirmation. "The police were able to recover it from the fire. Unfortunately, they found it a couple of days after the funeral, so they just gave it to me as a remembrance. I've been holding on to it…for this very reason."
Karen paused to gather her thoughts, while Nathan was too in shock to speak. She quickly swiped away the few stray tears that had fallen from her eyes.
"Your mother would have loved Haley and I know that she would be honored if that ring went to her."
"I…I don't know what to say," Nathan finally choked out. His eyes never once left the ring. It seemed to glisten in the light, almost like it had just been freshly polished. He couldn't imagine anyone else wearing that ring other than Haley.
"I think your expression says all that I need," Karen laughed softly. "Obviously, you're going to have to get it re-sized so it fits Haley perfectly…but it's a start."
"I don't even know if she's going to say yes," Nathan huffed out lightly. For the most part, he was joking. But there was also a small part of him that wondered if maybe he was jumping the gun. Maybe Haley would think that it was too soon. But just as soon as those thoughts entered his mind, he pushed them aside. Nothing about their relationship had been normal and there was no reason to start now.
"Oh, she's going to say yes," Keith said confidently. "Although, word of advice, I'd probably ask her mom for permission before you ask Haley. It's just the right thing to do."
"Noted."
~x~
Everything was calm. The sound of the crackling fire and occasional crashing of the waves were the only sounds floating through the night air. Brooke's beach house had provided the perfect location for them to celebrate their graduation with a bonfire on the beach and a cooler full of drinks.
Nathan's eyes scanned over his friends. Jake and Brooke, who had finally stopped dancing around the fact that they had feelings for each other, were lying next to each on a blanket. Lucas and Peyton were sitting off to the side, gabbing about some band that they both loved that recently released a new album.
There was a slight sadness in the air as they began to realize that this might be the last time they were all able to be together. Life was pulling them in all separate directions.
Brooke was headed to New York to study fashion at some designer college that he couldn't pronounce even if he tried. Since her acceptance, all Brooke could talk about was how she couldn't wait for A-list celebrities to wear her clothes. But it was obvious that fashion was her calling.
Jake coincidentally got accepted into a medical program at a small, but prestigious, college in New Jersey. He claimed that his reasoning for accepting the offer was because this school had one of the best medical programs in the country, but everyone knew that he just wanted to be as close to Brooke as possible. Everyone knew that they were meant for each other.
Peyton had gotten accepted into an art school in Savannah, Georgia. They were so impressed by her talent that they had given her quite a hefty scholarship. It was an offer that she couldn't refuse.
Surprisingly, Lucas decided to hang his hat on playing basketball, despite interest from both Duke and UNC. His focus was now literature, which something Nathan teased him relentlessly about. But it also fit Lucas, after all, he was the one that spent every minute of his free time reading some novel by some old author Nathan had never heard of.
As for Nathan and Haley, they were headed to a small college in North Carolina, a little place called Gilmore. Haley had ultimately decided that she was going to pursue a degree in English education. Clay, the agent that Nathan had met after one of his games, had got in contact with a college recruiter who was in awe of Nathan's talent. They were able to work out a deal for him to play ball for the Cobras. He didn't hesitate to take the offer.
The last four months had been the most life-changing months for Nathan but in the best way possible.
It started with Damien's trial, which was the most exhausting and emotional draining few weeks of Nathan's life. The trial forced him to relive so many things that he had tried so hard to forget. Damien's lawyer, who was the best money could buy, was relentless, too. He knew exactly how to push Nathan's buttons, sliding in snide comments about his parents and his past in his questioning. There were moments when Nathan thought for sure he was going to snap and wring the lawyer's neck. By some kind of miracle, he was able to keep his emotions in check.
Nathan's first breath of freedom didn't happen until that guilty verdict rang through the courtroom. He's not ashamed to admit that he cried. Every weight that had been holding him down disappeared. It was a cleansing experience…his first taste of freedom in so many years.
He was still seeing his therapist, but he'd made a lot of progress over the months. Now instead of seeing her every week, he only saw her twice a month. At one point, she had prescribed him an antidepressant, which had worked wonders for him. He no longer held back when he talked to her. Her office no longer felt like it was suffocating him. She was always ready to offer help and he was always ready to accept it.
He was happy. Genuinely. And he had the girl sleeping in his arms to thank for that. She had been his anchor, especially during the trial. He wouldn't have survived it all without her. That was only one of the million reasons his mom's ring was still sitting in his pocket. He was just waiting for the perfect moment.
Haley sighed contently as she snuggled up closer to him. Nathan rubbed a hand down her back and pressed a kiss to the crown of her head. He finally had everything he didn't know he needed or wanted for that matter.
He must have dozed off because the next thing he knew the fire had burned out and the sky was a dusty purple. The sun was just barely peeking over the horizon. Confusion dawned on him when he realized that Haley was no longer lying next to him on the lounge chair.
Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, he sat up and glanced around. Everyone was still asleep. He slipped out of the lounge chair and started to walk down the length of the beach, in the direction of the one place he had a feeling Haley had escaped to—the one spot on the beach that had been pretty monumental in their relationship.
He smiled when he saw her standing there. Her hair was tasseling about in the slight breeze. Even though he couldn't see her face, he knew she was relaxed, simply enjoying the view that was in front of her. This secluded part of the beach was pure beauty, white sand boarding on perfect green grass. Crystal clear water with unalloyed white froth crashing wave after wave. It was like something out of a movie.
"I figured this is where you disappeared to."
Haley jumped slightly before turning around. A slow smile spread across her face when she saw him standing there. "I didn't wake you, did I?"
Nathan shook his head as he closed the distance between them. "What brings you here?" He asked as he slid his arms around her torso. She turned so her back was facing him as he pulled her into his chest.
"I've always wanted to watch the sunrise on the beach and this seemed like the perfect place to do it," Haley answered quietly. He could hear the smile in her voice.
"You don't mind if I join you, do you?" He teased, brushing a kiss along the curve of her cheek.
"Definitely not."
His heart skipped a beat when she snuggled further into his chest and dragged her fingers over his arm in gentle caresses.
A comfortable silence fell over them as the sun began to peek higher and higher over the horizon. There was something at that moment that seemed to click with Nathan. Maybe it was the way Haley kept sighing contently like there was no other place she'd rather be than in his arms. Or maybe it was the way their hearts seemed to be beating in time with each other. Whatever it was, the ring that was still in his pocket was burning a hole through the fabric.
He felt like he was floating. He knew how much he loved Haley. He felt it every single day. But when the intensity of it all hit him all at once, like it was right now, it took his breath away. It was unbelievably magical.
His grip on Haley tightened as he buried his head in her hair. He brushed his lips along the side of her neck until he reached her ear. "I'm so in love with you," Nathan whispered huskily.
Haley shivered at the conviction laced in his voice. She never doubted how he felt about her, but she still found herself in disbelief that she was lucky enough to be loved by someone as amazing as him. She turned in his arms with her lips curved into a slight smile. "You've been extra sweet today, not that I'm complaining, but you're starting to make me nervous."
He swallowed hard as he gently grabbed both of her hands. His thumbs moved over the back of her hands in slow circles, matching the base of his breathing as he tried to remain in control.
"Nathan?" She asked softly, divots of confusion wrinkling her brow. She couldn't explain the look on his face and it was starting to make her nervous.
He shot her a small smile. "Promise me you won't interrupt me until I'm done?"
She looked at him with unease but nodded anyway.
There was a feeling inside of Nathan that he couldn't explain. It was like a mixture of feeling at ease and safe, but also feeling like he was teetering on the edge of a cliff. Words have never come easy to him, but the ones he's about to say…they're the easiest and truest thing he had ever said.
His voice was strong and steady, gaining more sincerity with every passing word.
"When I first met you, I was barely…living. I woke up every day with this weight in my heart and didn't care enough to try and fix myself. I was spiraling out of control…until I met you."
He watched as her confusion melted into bewilderment and it only spurred him on further.
"The first time I laid eyes on you, I knew you were going to change my life. And then the first time you smiled, I swear something inside of me cracked wide open. I was never the same after that. I tried so hard to push you away because I was scared out of mine. You made me feel things that I didn't think were possible and the last thing I wanted to do was drag someone as amazing as you into my sinkhole of a life. But no matter what I did…I couldn't get you off my mind."
Haley felt tears spring to her eyes. He was looking at her so tenderly and she used to wonder if someone would ever look at her that way…like she was the best thing to ever happen to them.
"Before I knew it, I had fallen completely in love with you."
He paused to take a calming breath. His heart was beating against his chest like the wings of a trapped bird.
"It still takes my breath away when I think about you and how lucky I am to be loved by you. Your selflessness, the way you love with all your heart, your strength…God, Haley…you saved my life. I wouldn't have survived the last six months with you and now that I know what life with you is like, I don't want to ever lose you."
"You're not going to," Haley promised tearfully. "I'm not going anywhere, Nathan."
He only squeezed her hands in response.
Haley's hand flew to her mouth as she watched him drop to one knee. He reached into his back pocket and her heartbeat accelerated, even more, when he revealed a small black box. The tears that had been piling in her eyes had sprung free. Her knees almost gave out.
Every ounce of nerves had evaporated from Nathan. This was right. He just knew it was.
"You're it for me. There is nothing else in this world that matters more than you. So…Haley James, will you marry me?"
Haley didn't have to think about her answer. They were young, she knew. Their lives were just beginning and there were bound to be more challenges they'd have to fight through. But she didn't want to go through those experiences without him or with anyone else. Without hesitation, she yanked him off the ground and flung her arms around his neck. She kissed him fiercely as the tears continued to pour down her cheeks.
"Is that a yes?" Nathan laughed against her lips, holding her close by the waist.
She pulled away and gave him a watery smile. "That's a hell yes."
Genuine happiness raced through Nathan. It still took him by surprise when he felt that kind of happiness. He wasn't sure he'd ever get used to it. It felt like two perfect puzzle pieces finally fitting into place.
Nathan pulled away just enough to slip the ring on to her finger. His heart bloomed in his chest when he noticed how perfectly in fit…like it was meant for her all along.
"It's beautiful, Nathan," Haley squeaked, admiring the ring.
Nathan gently wiped away the tears from under her eyes. "It was my mom's wedding ring."
Her gaze snapped up, another wave of emotion coming over her. "Nathan…"
He brought his other hand to her face to cradle her head. His calloused thumbs brushed along the tender skin beneath her eyes. "She would have loved for you to have it and there's no one else I'd ever give it to you."
If it was even possible, she felt herself fall even more in love with him. His mother's ring…the meaning behind that was so completely overwhelming and suffocating in the best way possible.
"God, I love you," Haley declared as she leaned up to kiss him again.
This kind of love they had…it was earth-shattering. It was intoxication. It was perfect in every single way.
"My mom is going to freak out when I tell her," Haley laughed when they broke apart, her eyes returning to the ring that had now taken homage on her left hand. It felt and looked right.
"Actually," Nathan began with a smirk. "I think she might be anxiously awaiting your arrival back home…camera already in hand."
Haley's head flicked up. "She knew you were gonna do this?"
Nathan nodded proudly. "I might have asked her permission beforehand."
Haley's mouth fell open. "You really thought of everything, didn't you?"
"I guess you could say that."
~x~
They walked hand-in-hand through the quiet cemetery. Streams of sunlight peeked in through spaces between the trees and a few chirping birds could be heard in the distance. It was a perfect summer day—a clear blue sky and flowery smell in the air.
A small smile crossed Haley's face when Nathan squeezed her hand, his thumb brushing over the ring on her finger. His grip was strong, but she immediately noticed how un-tense he seemed. The usual worry lines on his face were distant shadows, fading scars of the troubles that were. It seemed as if every time they came to the cemetery, Nathan became more and more at ease with it.
Nathan's therapist had suggested that he try going to see his parents more often, claiming that it might help him alleviate some of the guilt he was carrying around. He was unsure about it at first. Visiting the cemetery was always the hardest thing for him. While he felt the loss of his parents throughout even the most mundane tasks of his everyday life, sometimes it felt as if he was becoming complacent to their absence, but seeing their name carved into stone felt like he was being thrown back into a harsh reality.
Haley was originally only supposed to accompany him during his first trip. But he quickly found that her being there was exactly what he did need and want. They had conversations with his parents that imagined would be the same if they were still alive.
Finally reaching the end of a familiar path, they took their spots on the ground in between the two headstones. Everything about it felt so natural at this point. The ache in their hearts was still there—Nathan's for his parents and Haley for all of them. That was never going to go away, but it became easier.
The conversation was light—quick recaps of their days, brief synopses about wedding planning, and updates about their prepping for college. It amazed Haley just how much progress Nathan had made since she first met him, especially over the course of the last five months. Gone was his guilt, replaced with his acceptance.
Once the conversation had died down, Haley did what she always did when they did this.
Haley patted his thigh in comfort as she pressed a quick kiss to his lips. "I'll give you some time alone."
Nathan tipped his head in a quick nod and squeezed her hand before she picked herself up off the ground. Mumbling a quick "I love you", she turned on her heels and headed back towards his car. He kept his gaze fixated on her until she disappeared behind a small hill, the smile on his face stretching from ear to ear.
"I know what you're thinking, Dad," Nathan started after a few moments of silence. "I'm whipped, but you can save your breath, Uncle Keith has already teased me enough about it."
He laughed to himself as a slight breeze brushed past him. Propping his knees up, he loosely wrapped his arms around them. He sighed softly before continuing to speak.
"I say this every time…but I miss you guys. I can't imagine a day that I won't."
The tone of his voice in somber, but it's lacking that dark and angry edge that it used to.
"But I know I'm going to be okay," He declared. "I have Haley, who you know is absolutely incredible. God, I know you guys would just love her. I have friends who I'd take a bullet for and vice versa. I get to play basketball still. I get to marry the love of my life. It finally feels like I can breathe again."
He took another pause to gather his thoughts.
"I just have to say this," Nathan muttered, more to himself than anything. The pain in his chest was dull, almost dismissible. It wasn't nearly as crippling as it used to be. "I've struggled…so much with what happened. I blamed myself and wished to God that the roles were reversed. There was even a time where I convinced myself that you blamed me, too. You can stop shaking your head at me, Mom."
A small chuckle covered up the crack in his voice.
"I realize now how wrong I was. I guess you could finally say that I've forgiven myself. And I never thought I'd say this…but it feels good. I'm, dare I say it...happy."
Can you believe that this is the end of Colors? This story had become such a huge part of my life...I'm sad to see it end. But I'm also excited to finally get to work on some other projects that I have going! Thank you to everyone who took the time to read (and review!) this story. Every alert meant the world to me. Like I did for Razor Sharp, I'll leave you with a few interesting fun facts/anecdotes about this story!
-It's not mentioned in this chapter, but that spot on the beach where Nathan proposed was the same spot that he realized he was in love with Haley. That's where she went when everything happened with her mom and Nathan found her in the pouring rain. Nathan was supposed to mention that in his little speech...but I struggled so much with finding the perfect place for it. It just felt kind of random and out of place no matter where I put it.
-The first scene I had written for this entire story was actually when Haley first told Nathan that she was in love with him. I had that written before I even had the first sentence of the first chapter written. It was that scene that I had basically built this entire story around.
-Originally, Nathan and Haley were supposed to have an even slower burn than they actually had. Nathan was supposed to struggle a lot more with his feelings for her, but as I was writing him, he seemed to grow as a character faster than I expected. Besides, I was a little scared of drawing the beginning of their relationship out too much.
-Rachel was supposed to have a bigger part of the story. I was going to have her cause some drama between Nathan and Haley and have her being work closer with Damien, but honestly just never got around to writing it in. It was always in the back of my mind, but obviously, that didn't work out.
-When Nathan first decided to "join" Damien again, I was going to have him go through a relapse where he reverted back to using drugs. However, at that point in the story, I felt as if Nathan had already developed too much and him going back to his old ways would almost be unrealistic.
-This is going way back to the beginning, but I had originally planned Haley to actually tutor Damien but to be frank, I didn't want to go through the bullshit of writing that, hahaha.
Well, I think that's it. Thank you all again and if you're a fan of my writing, look out for new things coming soon! I already have the prologue up to my new story and I'll be posting the first chapter soon. Plus, I got a few more things up my sleeve ;)