A/N: I wrote this as the anniversary of one of my best friend's death comes up. I didn't realize how much I loved him until he was gone. When I found Desna and read some of the backstory of Emzadi and her first love, it made me think of my friend. We were never lovers, but we could have been with more time. I know that keeping things in can hurt you more than losing the person can and I writing this song/poem helped me to heal from my grief and maybe it could do the same for Emzadi.
Emzadi sat on her balcony looking out at the Grass Sea. The last few months had been long and hard and utterly heartbreaking. Her first love, the man she wanted more than anything to be her mate, she had killed. It had broken her heart when her dragon had so much as stirred. Telling him that he was not her mate, that he should forget about her and move on nearly killed her.
He wasn't supposed to follow her or try to mate with her, but he did, and it had killed him, killed her as well she knew but her brother, her teddy bear of a brother Cristoff brought her back, there was no way that she could still be alive otherwise. Her family had converged on her and kept her close, someone was always with her. Emi was sure that right at this moment Vander was in the shadows watching her.
It was just all too much and she didn't know what to do. "Let it out sis" Vander said as he stepped out of his shadows with their father, they rest of the family coming out onto the balcony as well. "Just let it all out, whatever you are feeling, in any way let it out. You can't keep it all in, it's hurting you".
Emi looked them, the love and support they offered was overwhelming. And for the first time since she truly broke down. All the pain and anguish, the sadness and lost, the betrayal she let go of. Emzadi would never forget him but she had to move on, her mate WAS out there somewhere, and she would fine him/her one day. So, she sang what was in her heart, for him and especially for herself and let the grief pass and new hope flow in and she healed.
Forever
Forever is what we had
In my eyes, in my mind
I never thought that
Would not come to pass
I see us in times past
Laughing, joking, smiling
Friends since we were children
Growing up, learning the lessons
Life had to teach us
Going our separate ways
Making our own path
Putting our mark upon the world
We were always connected
No matter how far from each other
No matter how much time had
Pasted between visits or calls
Forever is what we had
No pain could be greater
No sorrow could be deeper
I cannot imagine
Life without you in it
I lay awake at night
Just thinking of times past
Forever is what we had
The pain continues no matter what
I can pretend to be strong
Though I am anything up
Forever is what we had
I cherish the time that
We had together
Never will I forget your
Sweet smile, deep voice, great laugh
Never will I forget
The love that we shared
Forever is what we had
I wish that you did not
Have to leave so soon
I know you suffer no more
Happiness evermore
The sadness will fade from
Us with time
The grief we feel will lessen
The memories of you
Will never wan ever
Our hearts will mend
With you forever in them
Forever is what we had
Tomorrow will come no matter what
Dawning bright and full
Night will fall dark and silent
You will be with us no more
We will hold you in the most coveted place
In our hearts where our God resides
Know that no matter how far
You go, I will love you always
Forever is what we have