Boob Shrooms: From Nikki Little's "Not American McGee's Alice" Chapter 6

Was it just one hour? Two? It felt like an entire day that we walked toward the Card Guard compound in featureless, wooded terrain with clumps of underbrush located everywhere. There was enough open space to walk unencumbered, but no more. Cheshire's ears and tail suddenly went up, and I knew to be on guard.

Far ahead between the trees was the Card Guard compound. I crouched down and began to crawl behind Cheshire. We advanced very slowly. We were able to see six Card Guards milling around outside the compound. We had no idea how many were inside. Cheshire motioned for me to move straight ahead, and indicated with motions of his paw that he was going to circle around to the back. He pointed to my pockets and motioned for me to take out a boob shroom and hold it in my left hand. I needed to keep my right hand free for my blade in case a Card Guard saw me. I considered the possibility of tossing a jackbomb inside the compound to rid ourselves of all the Card Guards inside in a single instant.

I hid behind some underbrush and waited for Cheshire to return from his reconnaissance. About fifteen very long minutes later Cheshire returned and air-drew the message "six more behind several inside." There were at least fifteen Card Guards. There was no possibility of taking them down one-by-one. Attacking them in the three groups that they were in was inadvisable as well. I came up with my own plan. We had to get them all in one space. To do that we needed a lure. Me.

I placed a full boob shroom in my mouth, but did not chew or swallow it. I brazenly walked up to the Card Guard compound and stood with my back to a tree as the Card Guards outside in view called to their buddies. In a few seconds I had around eighteen Card Guards approaching me. I took off my blouse and draped it on a nearby tree branch. I stripped off my bra and also draped it on the tree branch. The Card Guards came within maybe three to five feet and began laughing.

"Is she offering us a bribe?"

"Poor, deluded bitch thinks she's sexy!"

"No tits! No ass! No hips! I need a better offer!"

"Bitch, do you ever eat?"

"If she had any meat on her, she'd make a delectable dish!"

I really did not want to use that boob shroom. I really didn't. I was dreading the damn thing. I moved the shroom over toward my teeth and began chewing it like gum. That meat broth flavor again. Quite pleasant actually. I breathed deeply. I did not want to swallow it. I braced my back firmly against the tree and winced. I swallowed hard.

I felt light-headed and dizzy to the point of passing out. I felt a sudden yank on my chest as if someone had just attached two cannon balls to my breasts with very short chains and then dropped the cannon balls. I looked down and saw that my breasts were rapidly filling with a thick, heavy liquid. They slid farther and farther down my chest and grew continuously straight outward projecting more and more. My breasts reached my waist and seemed to float two feet out in front of me. The Card Guards stared open-mouthed and some dropped their weapons. None of them said anything. The ones in front of me stepped back a foot. The volume of the undersides of my breasts was massive and continued growing. The pull on my shoulders was staggering. My breasts continued to slide downwards and grow outwards even farther. They reached my knees and stopped. They waved and sloshed back and forth perhaps four feet in front of me. I struggled to catch my breath.

The Card Guards had all dropped their weapons by now. They were all staring with their mouths wide open. Speechless. I suddenly jerked my shoulders to the left and my breasts obligingly swung with me. I started to twirl to the left and smacked the first Card Guard to my left with one breast. He went flying backwards over the underbrush perhaps fifteen feet. I continued to twirl and caught another Card Guard in the side. He flew backwards about fifteen feet as well. One of my breasts dipped under the other, and I caught the third Card Guard with both breasts. He went soaring over the tree tops and didn't make a sound as he flew. From this point onward I caught every Card Guard with both breasts and sent him flying over the treetops. It took me perhaps seven full seconds to send every Card Guard flying. Only the last few had started to grab for their weapons, but none of them had time to poke me or fire.

The Card Guards gone, a new dilemma stared me in the face. My breasts completely covered my pockets and I couldn't lift them out of the way. I lay on the ground stretching out my breasts in front of me, opened my right pocket, and fished for my little metal shroom box. I opened it and found a light-orange mushroom. An inspiration hit me, and I tore off a small piece which was about fifteen percent of the mushroom and put it back in the metal box. I put the metal box back in my pocket and sealed it. I chewed the remaining part of the mushroom and swallowed. My breasts deflated, but not completely. My breasts now hung down on my chest a bit below my elbows and a bit above my waist. They floated perhaps eight inches in front of me. The pull on shoulders felt slight. These were manageable.

I checked inside the compound for more Card Guards with my jacks and jackbomb ready, but there was no one inside. All clear. Cheshire showed up and immediately asked why I hadn't taken the whole mushroom.

"An experiment, Cat. I wanted to find out what a reasonable-sized pair feel like."

"You call that a reasonable size? Those things are huge."

"This is what human men like. Breasts like these would be their wildest fantasy. They're manageable. Only a little pull on my shoulders."

I was still naked from the waist up. I reached my hands up into the air and clasped them behind my head. I shifted my shoulders back and forth to make my breasts wobble. They had a very nice sway. I cupped them from underneath and let them drop a few times. Perfect bounce.

"If I had any meat on the rest of my body, I'd be tempted to keep these. In a war zone, however, breasts like these would be a nuisance. At the very least, they would interfere with me using my Vorpal Blade. I suppose it would hurt considerably if I accidentally lopped off my right boob."

I opened my right pocket again and fished out the little metal shroom box. I pulled out the tiny piece of light-orange mushroom I had cut off.

"Bye-bye boobies. Parting is such sweet sorrow!"

I chewed and swallowed the little piece and was back to normal. I went back to the tree branch and pulled down my bra and strapped it back on.

"Back to flat!" I said to Cheshire. I put my blouse back on and followed Cheshire out into the woods to see if any of the Card Guards were still alive. Only the first two I hit - the ones I hit with only one breast - were still alive. I dispatched them with my Vorpal Blade. Cheshire and I headed back to the Card Guard compound.