Lisanna picked at the frayed cuffs of her arm cozies. The butterfly design printed on the stretch of fabric that covered the backs of her hands was fading. She sighed and kicked her feet back and forth over the tips of bright green grass. The heels of her boots hit the low brick wall she sat with every swing. All day she'd been avoiding the rabbit hole of Mirajane but now that she was alone, Lisanna couldn't help but replay what she'd heard.
Mirajane was pregnant. She was pregnant and both she and Elfman were hiding it. How long had her siblings been keeping secrets from her? And why? That answer, at least, was simple. Lisanna knew they still saw her as a baby in need of handholding and coddling.
Somewhere behind her the metal clang of the school doors shutting echoed off the side of the building. Lisanna scowled. Why was she always the baby?
"You ready?" Natsu asked, suddenly beside her. He planted a hand on the brick and hopped over the wall easily. "Did I interrupt some deep thoughts?"
"Not really." Lisanna tried to smile but Natsu could tell her fake smiles just as well as she could tell his.
"Liar." He stood and took her hand. "Let's walk and you can tell me all about whatever's in your head."
A real smile – the kind she couldn't fake – stretched across her face. Her arm cozies covered most of her palms but she still felt Natsu's fingers sliding between hers.
"I think my brother and sister are keeping secrets from me," Lisanna said softly, once they were free of the campus. "I heard them talking about some stuff this morning and I'm mad about it."
"Siblings do that." Natsu shrugged and squeezed her hand. "Zeref gets all power trippy every time mom goes away."
Goes away. Lisanna knew what that meant. They were both old enough to know she sometimes spent days at a time in the county drunk tank.
"He tries to tell me how I should be acting or eating or when I need to be in bed."
"He doesn't have much room to be telling you any of that," Lisanna offered softly.
"He thinks he can because the state says he's my guardian. It's stupid."
"Not as stupid as them sending you away."
Natsu's laugh carried up into the trees that lined the sidewalk. Lisanna liked to think the sound if it ruffled the leaves instead of the wind. Near the end of the block she could see Jellal's truck already parked in front of her house. It wasn't like him to be so early. Stuffing away her guilt for making him wait, Lisanna pulled Natsu into the grove of apple trees that separated the older section of the neighborhood from the newer homes – newer meaning houses less than twenty years old. The grove hadn't been harvested yet and fat, red apples hung from nearly every branch.
"What is it?" Natsu asked, finally taking a serious tone. "You can tell me."
"Mira's pregnant," Lisanna said in a hushed breath. "Elf knows. Laxus knows."
"Wow," Natsu said, reaching up to run his free hand through his hair. "That's… heavy."
"I'm so mad she didn't tell me!" Lisanna huffed, focusing on an apple that had fallen to the ground and would turn to rot in no more than a day or two. "We're sisters!"
"Does she know what she wants?" Natsu asked, stepping closer. "It can't be easy for her."
"They were talking about an abortion," Lisanna muttered. "I don't know what she's going to do. I don't care, really. I just want to be included."
"My mom had Zeref when she was fourteen," he whispered. "She had me two days after her eighteenth birthday."
"Natsu –"
"I know Mira hurt you by not saying anything but you gotta understand how fucked she feels. It's scary."
"I never thought of it like that."
"She's just a kid. Like you and me. My mom didn't have anyone and neither does Mira."
"She has Laxus."
Natsu shook his head and his eyes pinned her feet to the ground. They were the same color as Zeref's but not nearly as menacing. Natsu couldn't have been truly menacing, not like Zeref, if he tried.
"Laxus isn't who she wants." He reached up to touch a strand of silver hair caught in the wind. "She wants your mom. She wants to not have this on her plate."
"Elf says she's trying to be mom."
"She is."
Lisanna's breath caught in her throat when Natsu leaned forward and touched his forehead to hers.
"I know you're mad," he whispered. "But try not to be, okay?"
"Okay." Lisanna couldn't move. She couldn't breathe. Not when he was so close. He squeezed her fingers again and, without really thinking about it, she closed her hand around the fabric of his shirt. He'd forgotten his jacket again – Natsu never seemed to get cold. The tips of his fingers skated over the exposed skin at her elbow and her shoulder before settling on her neck.
When he kissed her, it was a light but wild thing. Inside her chest, her heart beat frantically. The curve of her neck where his fingertips still touched her felt hot. Natsu's lips were soft but mostly dry. She could taste her raspberry lip gloss on them by the third kiss. By the fourth kiss his fingers were in her hair and the palms of her hands were pressed into the small of his back.
A strong gust of wind ruffled the branches of the trees and a few apples thudded in the grass. Natsu smiled against her lips and kissed her once more. This kiss was soft and barely anything at all but it sent her heart racing all over again. Lisanna cringed when her phone chimed.
"You shouldn't keep Jellal waiting forever," Natsu whispered, leaving another kiss on the warm apple of her cheek.
"Yeah, okay."
"I'll see you tomorrow morning?"
"Yeah," Lisanna breathed. Natsu's laugh was soft but he squeezed her hand once more before disappearing into the trees.
The butterflies in Natsu's chest scattered at the sight of a police cruiser in the driveway of his house and a uniformed officer on the porch. Zeref leaned against the open screen door and the smoke of his cigarette curled idly from the cherry. Natsu couldn't help but notice his brother wasn't wearing a shirt at all and his utility pants hung low around his hips. He hated the way Zeref never bothered to even try to be less trashy.
Natsu ducked behind the row of unkempt shrubs on the edge of their neighbor's property when the officer slid the brown hat back on his head and returned to his cruiser. The car rolled down the street at a casual pace, and despite afternoon glare, Natsu recognized Ivan Dreyar easily. He didn't leave his spot behind the shrubs until the cruiser was out of sight.
Inside, the house smelled of something heavier than cigarette smoke. Natsu's mother was stretched across the sofa asleep, and baggies of green, sticky clumps littered the tabletop. A lumpy brick flecked with red fibers was still mostly in tact in a shallow glass baking dish. Bags of pills sat in a box on the floor with black X's through the factory labels. Natsu's temper flared.
"Were you doing that shit in front of the cops?" he snapped, dropping his backpack to the floor noisily. Zeref brushed a stray hank of midnight hair from his eyes and glanced up at Natsu. His fingertips were tinged with green. Later they'd be coated in white pill powder.
"Mom's sleeping," he muttered. "Try shutting up."
"You're gonna wind up just like her and worse," Natsu hissed. "Why didn't he arrest you?"
"You should also try minding your business."
"This is my house, too! It is my business!"
"Go do your homework. I'm sure you have some." Zeref tossed a baggie on the electronic scale and poked the buttons. Natsu seethed.
"You paid him off, didn't you? That's why you weren't dragged away in cuffs."
"Mind your fucking mouth," Zeref said with no more emotion than if Natsu had told him he'd forgotten to brush his teeth that morning – not that Zeref had ever cared about stuff like that. Not all the time anyway. Only when he was feeling magnanimous, and that was never when he was sober.
"You should be in jail." Natsu kicked his backpack aside and stalked into the kitchen. The pantry was nearly empty and the freezer held nothing but a bottle of his mother's vodka still in the paper bag.
"I'll go shopping tomorrow after I sell these parcels off," Zeref said blandly from the archway. He had another cigarette between his fingers. The belt at his waist wasn't buckled. For whatever reason this bothered Natsu more than anything else.
"You don't think it's shameful that we don't get to eat unless you're selling that shit?"
Zeref said nothing at first. He simply eyed Natsu from behind his fringe of black hair. He took a long drag off his cigarette and blew the smoke carelessly over his shoulder.
"You should be grateful I'm not a street dealer, Natsu." His thumb flicked over the filter and a clump of ash fell to the floor. "You should be happy we don't live that life anymore. And yet all I ever get is static from you."
"I should be happy?" Natsu shook his head in disbelief.
"The things I had to do to get off the bottom rung are the reason you get to stay here with me," Zeref said around another mouthful of smoke. "They're the reason Mom lands in county and not state every time she fucks up and gets busted doing what she does over at the truck stop. You could be a little fucking grateful."
"You'll have to forgive me for not throwing confetti in your face." Natsu shoved past him and headed for the front door.
"Where're you going?" Zeref called from behind him. When Natsu spun around he was back at the table weighing out dime bags for his peddlers on the street.
"To beg Mirajane for dinner," Natsu snapped. "I'm not in the mood for paper bag vodka."
"I told you to stay away from that family."
Natsu's hands balled into stubborn fists. "Why?"
"Because it's not good for us." Zeref zipped another baggie closed. He never bought the fold over sandwich bags, no, Zeref bought the ZipLocks because Natsu knew it brushed his ego to be the guy with the fancy bags.
"Why?"
When Zeref finally glanced up, he leaned back in the chair and stared at Natsu for a seemingly endless moment. He pulled another cigarette from his pack and rolled it over his knuckles and between his fingers.
"The first time I was trusted with a shipment and not a big bag of other small bags was…" He trailed off and tapped the filter of the cigarette on the tabletop. "Just over a year ago?"
"Yeah, so? Get to the point."
Zeref's eyes were so dark Natsu really did think them black holes that would tear anything and everything apart. "I've done my time for this family, Natsu. I've dug holes. I've dumped shit in the holes and walked away. If you do digging in the garden, you aren't gonna like what you find there. Stay away from the Strauss family."
"You fuckin' junkies never make any sense."
"Watch your mouth," Zeref murmured, returning to his work.
"Fuck you." Natsu kicked open the screen door and almost missed Zeref's words.
"If you care about that girl, you'll leave her alone." Natsu spun around to find Zeref still carefully pinching apart sticky, green buds. "Dragneels don't do anything but fuck shit up for good people like them."
Natsu left his brother to his mood swings and headed for the park.
Lucy glanced up from her plate and watched her mother watching Anna at the other end of the table. They'd had nothing but ice water for dinner but Layla seemed to be waiting for a wine bottle to appear out of nowhere. Lucy hadn't ever thought of her mother as a lush but lately she'd been doing all kinds of unpredictable things. Her eyes slid to Jellal who practically twitched in his seat. He'd eaten every bite of his dinner almost right away and now sat with his hands folded in his lap as he leaned forward to press his chest against the edge of the table.
"How's school?" she asked softly. Jellal looked up at her with an expression of mild panic.
"Fine."
"My dad wants me to do the online homeschool thing," Lucy whispered. "But I don't think I want that."
"I couldn't handle it," Jellal said too loudly. His answer caught the attention of their mothers and Lucy deflated. She just wanted something that was all hers – even if it was just a conversation at dinner.
"Jellal plays varsity soccer this year!" Anna said with false enthusiasm.
"I mostly sit on the bench," he snapped at her. His face pinched immediately with chagrin but he didn't take back his words.
"All his classes are advanced placement," Anna bragged. Lucy watched Jellal's eye twitch. "He's even helping that little Strauss girl. She tested right on out of middle school, I hear."
"Mirajane?" Lucy asked helpfully.
"No, the other one. The baby."
"She's not a baby," Jellal said much quieter. Anna shrugged.
"I heard about that awful business with their parents," Layla offered. Her tone was stiff. Everything was stiff. "So violent."
"It was the talk of the town," Anna said with a sigh. "They never did peg anyone for it but everybody knows that park is an eyesore."
"It's not an eyesore," Jellal said, sitting up straight. "It's just fine during the day."
"I saw Eileen Belserion at the court house," Layla went on as if Jellal hadn't spoken at all. "She's certainly come up in the world."
"She's up for a judgeship this year," Anna said, gulping the remaining water in her glass. "I personally hope she crashes that boys club over in the government building."
"She's always been a shark," Layla muttered.
Anna heaved a fast breath and stood. As if it were the most normal thing in the world, she retrieved two of the bottles from the rack. Lucy watched her mother carefully. After a flash of what she thought for sure was hesitant judgment, Layla accepted a glass of the wine. It was a dark red and Lucy imagined Anna spilling it on the white carpet and laughing about it.
"I'm still shocked she married that fool, Bel. He was always a loose cannon back in school," Anna said after finishing half her glass in one go. "Do you remember?"
"He was an absolute asshole," Layla agreed.
Lucy's eyes shifted back to Jellal. He was hunched rigidly and she still couldn't see his hands.
"He's still over on that military base upstate." Anna poured herself another glass of wine. "He recruited the Strauss boy for the school up there. It's a pretty generous scholarship." Lucy watched Anna glance over at Jellal. "Acnologia sent Jellal a packet a few months ago. It's collecting dust in the office."
"I don't want to go there," Jellal muttered without any real resistance. Anna laughed softly.
"He and Eileen's daughter –" Suddenly Jellal stood and nearly knocked over his chair. He vacated the dining room abruptly. Anna didn't even flinch. "I think they're having some kind of fight."
"Him and the Belserion girl?" Layla asked with an ever so slight slur.
"Oh, no, no," Anna said, leaning forward. "Eileen went and changed that girl's name on the birth certificate. She's Erza Scarlet now."
"That's so petty," Layla said with a giggle. "Jude would shit a brick if I pulled some shit like that."
Lucy swallowed an annoyed sigh and followed in Jellal's footsteps. He wasn't in the hallway or the den, though. Instead of seeking him out, Lucy made a snap decision. Anna and her mother would probably never even notice she was gone. Lucy slipped out the front door and quickly made her way down the driveway and around the corner. She glanced back over her shoulder and before she could focus on the sidewalk in front of her, she collided with something hard.
"Oh!" she cried, her hands closing around wads of what felt like t-shirt cotton.
"Whoa, there," a voice said. "You okay?"
"Yeah –"
"Lucy?"
Lucy stepped back and blinked. The bright smile flipped her stomach over.
"Natsu?"
"It's been forever!" The boy she hadn't seen since the last summer they'd spent chasing lightning bugs through the apple grove when they were eight wrapped her in a tight embrace. "What are you doing here? I thought you guys moved to the city!"
"Uh," Lucy couldn't help herself. She pressed her nose into his shoulder and sighed. Despite his now harder body, Natsu was still something she thought of as soft. "We did but we're back I guess."
"Yeah?" He finally released her and Lucy felt cold.
"Well, me and my mom are. My dad –" She cut herself off and swallowed the lump in her throat that had been steadily growing all day.
"Hey, it's cool!" He smiled again and Lucy couldn't help herself. She smiled back. "Shit happens, right?"
"Right." Her eyes swept up and down the street. "Hey, are you hungry?" she blurted.
"My dinner plans fell through," Natsu said with a forced laugh. "I'm starving!"
"My Aunt Anna made dinner but I'm not a big fan of seafood. Is that pizza place still open? The one by the ice cream shop?"
"Well, it's not an ice cream shop anymore." He winked at her and Lucy felt her face burn. "They closed that down and expanded the laundromat. But the pizza place is still kicking."
"I've got cash," Lucy offered. When she'd known him last he'd been at the mercy of a problematic mother and mean older brother. She didn't want to face the evening alone because of something stupid like money. "Dinner's on me?"
Natsu hesitated and Lucy panicked.
"Please?"
"Anything for you, Lucy!" His smile felt a little too bright but she'd take it.
Lisanna watched the sun dip below the trees and bit her lip. The longer she stayed at the park, the more her skin crawled.
Jellal had stayed with her for what felt like an eternity explaining in outrageous detail every tiny facet of the lesson. He'd seemed like a bicycle chain a few links off track but still tried desperately to keep peddling. She might have asked him if he was okay… if her mind hadn't been stuck on a loop of Natsu's lips against hers.
Once Jellal had gone home, Lisanna floated around the house in a daze. She didn't ask Mirajane about that morning at dinner even though her sister seemed to be steeling herself for a conversation. Maybe Natsu was right. Maybe she needed to cut her sister some slack and just be there.
She got antsy after Mirajane pulled out of the driveway in her work uniform. Elfman was still in his room with the door shut so Lisanna took advantage of the freedom and quietly left the house.
The autumn air was nice and she grabbed an apple from the grove as she passed by. Lisanna didn't actually like apples but she plucked one anyway. It felt nice to be doing whatever she wanted. She hadn't meant to sit at the picnic table and wait for Natsu to maybe show up at the park but that's what happened anyway.
Lisanna felt heavy disappointment settle in her chest as she reluctantly accepted he wasn't going to make an appearance. She left the apple on the picnic table and decided to take the long way home. Technically she could tell Mirajane the absolute truth: she hadn't been in the park after dark.
The grid of streets just east of the apple grove was newer than the neighborhood Lisanna had grown up in, but not by much. She found herself crossing the block she knew Jellal lived on and then Erza's. When the sky turned purple and the street lamps flickered on, Lisanna circled back around to head home.
At the far end of the opposite block, Lisanna's eyes caught on a head of golden hair she thought vaguely familiar. The heavy disappointment in her chest from before tightened into a hard ball of something she couldn't quite name. Natsu wasn't holding the blonde girl's hand but they were walking awfully close to one another and the smile she'd wanted to call hers was plastered all over his face. They turned out of view, and when she couldn't see them anymore Lisanna felt her eyes sting and her breath catch.
So this was jealousy.