It was hard to have fun anymore with this goddamn feud going on. I can't believe Baljeet and Ginger broke up. I really can't. They were the forever couple. We had been waiting and waiting for him to ask her out, and then when he did, they just clicked so perfectly. I just can't believe this happened. He was about to tell her he loved her, and suddenly he's going for another girl.
Kind of like you were, right Ferb? You kissed Vanessa when you knew you loved Isabella.
I'm a horrible person.
"Hey Ferb, what's wrong with you?" Phineas stared at me.
I gave him a pointed look. "Ginger broke up with Baljeet."
"WHAT?" He exclaimed. "I mean, I don't care." He crossed his arms. Nice recovery. "Baljeet was horrible to her. She should break up with him." I shrugged. It was true. Ginger was most certainly not at fault here. "Um… Isabella isn't coming over today, is she?"
"She's over here every day." I said.
"I was never here!" He exclaimed, grabbing his coat and running out. "YOU SAW NOTHING." That was odd. Odder than normal, if that sentence could make sense.
It took less than fifteen minutes for her to show up after that. "Hey baby." She said, walking in. I waved.
She sighed. "What a week, man. I'm depressed. Too early for alcohol, I assume. Ginger's miserable. Ginger and Baljeet hate each other. Phineas and Baljeet hate each other. And I'm pretty sure Ginger hates Phineas too."
"Um," I said. "Do you know why he would be avoiding YOU?"
"ME?" She made a face. "Um… We had Mishti over." I nodded. Right. He's avoiding Mishti. If he thinks she's hanging out with her, then that makes sense. "And," She continued. "I might have implied he likes her." I facepalmed. "Oh come on, Ferb. They'd be cute!"
"They're what started this mess in the first place! You've certainly given up on the other matches quickly."
"But Ferb!" Isabella insisted. "This time is different! This is not me just matchmaking anymore, ok! He really wants her!"
I rolled my eyes. "Isabella, Phineas has never really wanted anyone." I resisted the urge to add "even you". That would really upset her and just be mean, even it did prove my point.
"No, Ferb, that's not what I meant." She turned to me. "He… WANTS… her." She emphasized. "He… really… WANTS her."
"What?" I think my eyes bulged a little.
"Dude, I think she was the straw that broke the camel's back." Isabella declared. "I can't blame him. Have you seen the way he looks at her?"
"No…" I said. "Not particularly."
"Ferb! Ferb, how can you not see it?" Isabella shook me. "Ok, I'll invite her and some of the gang over, and we'll just watch a movie or something, and just get him to hang out too. Watch him. You'll see it."
"He's desperately avoiding her, and now you." I said.
"There's no way Phineas can avoid me forever." She stated. "Group movie night. It's happening."
"I don't want to go." He sighed. "I'm going to work on the hyper-transporter."
"Just come with me." I said. "It's Isabella's house. It's an animated movie. It's your best friends. We aren't scary."
"No, I think you guys have become very scary actually. This kind of stuff never happened in the backyard."
Yes. It would have been very disturbing if we had gotten drunk and slept with each other in the backyard. Although I'm sure certain people, certain girls, with crushes on certain nerds, would have loved to in high school. I grabbed his arm.
"HELP. I'M BEING KIDNAPPED. CALL THE POLICE." He called loudly to no one.
I knocked on the door and Isabella opened it. "Hi boys."
"HELP! SOMEONE!"
"Drama queen." Isabella rolled her eyes. "Come on, you're late."
"Is Baljeet here?" He questioned. "Huh? HUH?"
"No." She sighed. "Just the girls and Buford. Look who's here, guys."
Buford, on the recliner, grunted in our direction. Some of the girls waved.
"Finally, guy candy." Adyson joked, on her stomach on the ground, swinging her legs up and down.
"Fuck you, Sweetwater." Buford exclaimed, getting up and going to the kitchen.
"Aw, Byoof, I was joking." She called.
"Hello, Phineas and Ferb." Mishti said sweetly, with long dangly earrings today.
"Get ready to kill me again." He whispered to me. "Hey Mishti." He said weakly.
"So, Miss Ginger isn't coming?" She asked.
"Uh, no." Isabella answered.
"Baljeet already told me he wasn't. Idiot." She rolled her eyes.
"Friend-zoned." Holly whispered.
"Ok, let's just watch this thing." Isabella declared.
As the movie got up and going, I wasn't really paying attention. Isabella was sitting on my lap, like always, on her comfy recliner, but her focus seemed to be putting my eyes on no one but Phineas. The movie had to be funny, because the girls were laughing at almost every other word. Most were all squished together on the couch, a fairly tight fit, although they seemed fine: Gretchen, Holly, Katie, Milly, and Mishti. Adyson was still lying on her spot on the ground, with a cushion, and Buford had joined her. They were whispering obnoxiously on and off throughout the film to each other. Finally, Phineas was leaning against the edge of the couch. There were a parade of girls' legs going up and down, and getting on and off that thing, but Phineas was, well, Phineas. Except…
Mishti was wearing a typical sexy Mishti outfit: a tight but not too short skirt, which happened to show a lot of her long toned smooth brown legs. And nobody, except for me, and I guess Isabella, seemed to notice Phineas' eyes were constantly flitting to those legs that went on forever, and I had to really peer at him, but I saw what was in those eyes. I get it in my eyes all the time, especially what with this stupid girl on my lap now. Desire.
Oh my god.
And, I don't think he was oblivious to it either. Because all the time he wasn't spending watching Mishti, he was making tiny tortured little faces to himself, as if admonishing himself like a little schoolboy afraid of going to Hell for committing the sin of Lust. Criminy, Isabella was right. She was right that even if his mind didn't, after the wedding, Phineas' body certainly wanted Mishti. And the guys were right that… man, Phin needs to get laid more.
"You're… you're right." I whispered to her. "I mean, I've never seen him look like that. He looks… hungry."
"I know!" She whispered. "He wants her bad."
"But he's… Phineas." I stared at him again. It looked like he had given up on the movie entirely. He was staring at his hands.
"Phineas." Mishti poked him gently with her foot. "Phineas," She whispered, leaning down to him. "You've made a cartoon before, haven't you?"
He stared at her leg and shook his head. "I… I… I… yeah, yeah."
How had I not noticed this? I thought he was avoiding her because he was embarrassed and upset, and more importantly, because Baljeet had told him to. But, no, he was avoiding her because he was craving her, and it was scaring the crap out of him. This is probably what happens when you've never had a real crush or ever really been… hot… for someone. I had been hanging out with Isabella and Vanessa for years before I was with them, and the same went for the rest of the gang and their crushes. I can't imagine being scared of them. Of course… there was that time during which Isabella decided to start wearing all those tiny clothes and "seduce" me. And… Mishti always looked like a temptress. Ok, he was right, girls could be a little scary.
"We made ourselves into cartoons."
"That's so cool." She fluttered her eyelashes. "Oh, you can do anything."
"I have to go the bathroom!" He exclaimed, and ran out of the room.
"And… someone's pants have got to be tighter." Isabella declared.
"Ew. Ew." I whispered.
"Oh come on, Ferb. He clearly likes her. She thinks he's sweet. They're both smart and fun. Dude, they've gotten into bed with each other before."
"Bella, you do whatever you want. But, honestly… Phineas and Mishti? And, I said already, they're the root of the problem."
"Fine. I won't do anything. Yet." She whispered, as the credits rolled.
"That movie was cute." Gretchen declared.
"I was falling asleep." Adyson said.
"No you weren't!" Milly complained. "You and Buford kept making adult jokes."
They both snickered. "Kay, bitches. And Ferb. I'm out. Peace." Buford said, as he exited.
"So, are you gonna kick us out, Isabella?" Holly asked.
"Yeah… do you want to 'play' with Ferb now?" Adyson asked.
"ADDY!" Isabella exclaimed.
The girls all giggled. "How come you never get embarrassed, Ferb?" Katie asked. I shrugged. The Isabella and Ferb jokes had become a staple by now. Unless they come up with something new, I didn't care. "Phineas is so much easier." She giggled. "He gets all red and shy."
"Oh, you aren't very nice." Mishti commented. "What do you tease him about?" We all gave her looks. This had to be the most oblivious girl on the planet. By god, Phineas might as well have slept with himself. "Where is Phineas?" She tilted her head.
"Hey Phineas!" Isabella called. "Are you still hiding in my bathroom?" The girls all started laughing.
"No." We heard softly. He came walking into the living room again, slightly pink. "I wasn't hiding." Isabella rolled her eyes. "Can I leave NOW?"
"Yeah. Let's go, 'bitches'." Adyson said, standing up. They all started exiting the door in a line.
"Oh, Phineas Flynn," Mishti playfully pouted. "You ended the party."
"I– "
"Bye Isabella!" She called, as they all left.
"She was flirting with you!" Isabella declared.
"Isabella, stop it!" He exclaimed. "What is wrong with you?"
"There are a plethora of things wrong with her." I remarked.
"That's it." Isabella declared. "You two are banished. Out."
I sighed as I opened the door to our apartment and entered.
"Ohh… Mish-ti!" Phineas moaned, collapsing back onto our couch. "This girl will be the death of me. You know, Ferb," He sat up. "I always pictured myself age, like 104, with a long gray beard, in a rocking chair, maybe with you right next to me, under another huge tree just like the one we grew up with, with a nice sunset… when I finally close my eyes for the final sleep. Either that or the Mayan calendar prediction finally comes true and the world ends." He shook his head. "But now I know… Mishti is going to kill me."
I rolled my eyes. I wasn't sure which one of those fantasies was most predictably Phineas. I patted his shoulder.
"Yeah, I know you're trying to be comforting bro, but… what the heck is going on? Baljeet hates my guts. Everyone is laughing at me. And Isabella is trying to set me up with Mishti? Mishti? That little girl I dumped a tub of rose petals on when we were like ten years old? What?" Let's ignore the fact that you looked like you want to eat her alive. "Everyone knows this wasn't supposed to happen, ok? I was against it, but really, it should have been Baljeet with her that night. I mean, that's what we all thought. The pools always come true at some point. Otherwise, I wouldn't have gotten that chunk of change last year."
"What?" I asked.
"Oh… um… crap." Phineas said. "Man, I really can't keep a secret, can I?"
"What are you talking about?" I asked.
"I… um… so, you know how the gang kind of likes to… bet… on who's going to get together?" He said. I nodded. "Well, ha… um… there used to be a 'Ferbella' pool."
"What?" I exclaimed again. "You guys were betting to see if Isabella and I were going to get together? Did this start after you found out about the friend-with-benefits?"
"Ha… no."
"What?" I couldn't believe what I was hearing.
"It was kind of going on for… years." The gang had been betting for YEARS whether I would end up with Isabella? Before I slept with her? Before she got over Phineas?
"Who on Earth thought I would end up with Isabella?" I asked. "You were all so shocked."
"Well, there was a lot of flip-floppers throughout the years, you know between Gretchen and Sandra and Vanessa … and of course, it shot up towards the end, but there was always one person who thought you would end up with Isabella… me." He said. "And that's why I won. I mean, where else do you think I got that money to breed those teacup rhinos?"
"But you were also so surprised."
"No, I was surprised you had been sleeping with her. I was surprised you had been keeping this from me. ALL of you. But, I mean, I wasn't surprised you were in love with her, remember?"
Yeah, he was right. So, Phineas, of all people, had called us from the start. And people call him oblivious.
"Bella," I called. "Come on!"
So, new plan. I'm not sure what plan we were on… but, the gang was going out to dinner and drinks. Casually, you know… we were just hoping to rebuild some bridges. If the "select four" did come, well, ok then. Of course, Isabella was taking a million years to get ready. Females.
"Ok, ok…" She hurried out of the bathroom in just a towel. "What should I wear?"
"Does it matter?" I shrugged.
"Um, it always matters." She declared. "I mean, should I wear pink, like always? A dress? A skirt? Jeans? Hello?"
"You are so irritating." I stated. "We're late."
"Ok… mmm… I'll start changing now." She started opening her towel.
"Oh," I groaned. "We don't have time for…" Oh, she was totally naked. Self-control, Ferb. "Come on, Isabella."
"Oh, humor me, baby." She giggled.
I ran my fingers through her hair and very gently traced one nipple. "As soon as we get back. The second I get back, by God."
"You're a good boy." She smiled. "Let's go fix the shitstorm." She declared, as she pulled on some panties and a black skirt with them.
"I think we do have a problem." I declared, as she pulled on her top.
"Yay." She said sarcastically.
"Should I spout a nymphomaniac fact?" I asked.
"Yeah, I kind of do miss when you used to end the afternoon with random facts." She giggled.
"The amount of sexual desire a woman feels is widely thought to relate to her head size."
"I fucking hate you." She hissed, grabbing me by my shirt and dragging me out.
Going out to dinner with a huge group of people is actually fun. We decided to sit outside, and the chairs had cushioned bottoms too. Paper lanterns were hanging around a few feet above our heads. It was nice. The girls were gabbing and all looked pretty. Even Phineas seemed to be having fun. Then again, Ginger, Baljeet, and Mishti weren't here yet.
"Oh my god, guess what happened to me today!" Holly exclaimed. "My new straightener was battery powered, it came with free batteries, and I guess it got turned on somehow, and like, it melted all the plastic!"
Everyone started laughing. "Did it survive?" Gretchen asked.
"Yes, thank god!" She said. "Oh, I am so jealous of all you girls with the silky hair."
"Me too." Isabella said.
"No, I love your hair." I said softly to her.
"Mr. Perfect, knock it off." Adyson laughed.
"Ferb, stop making us look bad!" Kyle exclaimed.
"I need a boyfriend again." Adyson frowned. I'm guessing she was done with Phineas? Adyson was actually a sweet girl. Oh, she was a bad girl. Obnoxious, foolhardy, sarcastic, promiscuous, scary, and a whole lot more, but she was a good person. She didn't want to go after him while he seemed so traumatized, she didn't want to mess up the group any more, but most of all… she didn't seem to want to touch "Mishti's man", even though she had just met the girl. Wow, we guys are SO much worse than the girls. I slept with Phineas' girl, he slept with Baljeet's girl, Baljeet liked another girl while dating Ginger…
"Who was your last boyfriend?" Gretchen asked.
"Toby." She groaned. "That was like a whole year ago."
"Ew. I hated him." Isabella said.
"He was a piece of shit." Buford stated.
We all nodded. Toby was the typical "bad boy" Adyson went for. He had fake black hair, face piercings, a crappy band, and a nasty demeanor. Adyson was with him all the time, so occasionally he had hung out with us, and none of us had liked him. He drunk, and I think he smoked, and I hated that he knew so much about us, because Adyson told him everything. You know, dating within our group could blow up into… well, this… but, we were also a lot happier and had a lot more fun dating in our group. Maybe that's why we made the pools in the first place.
"Oh, he wasn't so bad." Adyson sighed.
"No, actually, he was. He broke your heart, remember?" Buford said critically. "Piece of shit."
Just then, strolling out in all pink, as was typical for her, came Mishti. "Hi guys!"
"Hi Mishti!" Everyone said happily.
"What are you talking about?" She said sweetly.
"Nothing. My pathetic love life." Adyson said.
She giggled. "Oh Miss Adyson, you're so pretty. Why would you be having any love problems?"
"Because she always goes for losers." Isabella stated. "And Ferb." Everyone started laughing.
"Oh, there was never any way I was going to be with Ferb!" Adyson said. "He's dated Gretchen, and he's in love with Isabella. That's one-third of my best friends right there." I rolled my eyes as everyone started laughing more.
"Did you know Mishti's never had a boyfriend?" Katie said loudly.
"Katie!" Isabella admonished.
"You've never had a boyfriend?" Buford exclaimed.
"R-really?" Phineas asked, a little hesitantly.
"Whew, I don't feel like a loser now." Wynne said.
"YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND." Kyle said.
"Quiet, babe." Wynne said.
Mishti shrugged. "Yeah. I mean, who cares? I just like hanging out with my friends. I don't need a boyfriend. I don't have time for a boyfriend."
"Yeah." Isabella said. "Mishti doesn't really care about romance. In fact, she's pretty much OBLIVIOUS to it." She said, directed to Phineas. I glanced at him. He was staring at her again. She wasn't going to kill him… he was going to kill himself at this rate.
"What about Baljeet?" Django said blankly. We all gave him looks.
Isabella glared. "GINGER." She mouthed.
"Oh SHIT." He said quietly. He probably forgot they even broke up. He needs to pay attention. A lot of us need to pay more attention.
"What about Baljeet?" Mishti repeated. Oh, she's killing me here now too, she really is. I never thought there could be another soul as oblivious as my brother, but I guess there was.
"Would Baljeet have been your boyfriend?" Adyson asked outright.
Mishti burst out laughing. "You mean if he hadn't moved? Ooof. Let me guess, Phineas Flynn here is going to pull together some huge romantic spectacle?"
"NO!" He exclaimed.
"Well," She paid him no attention. "That's ridiculous. Baljeet seems very happy with Miss Ginger."
"Not anymore." Buford said. "They broke up."
"What?" She gasped. "Why?"
"Well…" Isabella shifted around. I don't know how we could tell her that Baljeet's girlfriend dumped him because of her. She would feel awful. I know Phineas did.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?"
"I COULD ASK YOU THE SAME QUESTION!"
We all cringed as though someone had thrown a bucket of icy water over all of us. We recognized who those voices were.
"THEY ARE MY BEST FRIENDS, GINGER. YOU WOULD NOT EVEN KNOW HALF OF THEM IF NOT FOR ME!"
"WHAT? YOU ARE KIDDING ME. YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME. SO ALL THOSE GIRLS LOVE YOU SO MUCH, RIGHT? AND BUFORD HAS NEVER KICKED YOUR ASS? AND THEY DON'T CONSTANTLY LAUGH AT YOU AND I WASN'T THE ONLY ONE TO DEFEND YOU?!"
"GIVE ME A BREAK! AS IF PEOPLE HAVE NEVER LAUGHED AT GINGER HIRANO BEFORE. STUPID BEE DANCER."
"GO HOME, YOU SON-OF-A-BITCH."
"NO WAY!"
They both stormed out to our table together. We all awkwardly stared at them. Isabella did say that they had been yelling at each other, but yikes. This group fight was getting out of hand.
"Look! Look Baljeet!" Ginger said furiously. "It's your best friends. It's your best friend, Phineas!"
Baljeet looked so angry right now. I don't think he could fight Ginger and Phineas at the same time. Phineas was also scowling.
"Baljeet, what is wrong with you?" Mishti reprimanded.
"Nothing." He seemed to snap out of it. "Nothing." He sat down next to Mishti. "Hi everyone." Ginger sat down too. The tone of the room slowly changed from loud and angry and awkward to… just awkward.
"You broke up?" She said wistfully.
"Well, not everybody is Mr. and Mrs. Perfect." Adyson remarked.
"Fuck you, Adyson." Ginger hissed.
Mishti sighed. "Why did this happen just as I came?" Again, we all exchanged glances. "What happened? Is this your fault, Baljeet? You're so dumb. Whose fault is it?" Mishti, Mishti, Mishti… I think she was WORSE than Phineas… who was, by the way, still having trouble keeping his eyes off of her.
"Baljeet is just a jerk." Ginger declared. "Actually, Mishti, actually, I'll tell you whose fault it is, you know besides Baljeet being an asshole…" The entire room almost covered their eyes, waiting for the bitch fight. "It was PHINEAS'!"
"Me?" He pointed at himself. "What did I-" Baljeet glared at him. "Oh, I… right." He sunk down in his seat.
"I'm leaving!" Ginger proclaimed, grabbing her purse and storming off.
"Phineas Flynn, what did you do to her?!" Mishti exclaimed.
"I… I…"
"You better stay away from Ginger." Baljeet admonished.
"Ok, what the heck is wrong with you?!" Phineas exploded. "You broke her heart and you're yelling at me?"
"Whoa whoa whoa…" Isabella cried. "Cool it."
"I told him!" Phineas cried hysterically. "I was the only one who told him from the beginning! The guys, they were basically encouraging him!"
"Do not talk to me, Phineas." Baljeet said. "And stay away from my girlf… my EX-girlfriend. I know how you can be."
"HOW I CAN- wait, what?!"
"AND, stay away from… 'You-know-who'." He subtly gestured towards Mishti.
"Lord Voldemort!" Katie guessed.
"I don't approve of this, Baljeet." Mishti said, obliviously. "You're being immature, both of you."
"Alright, Mishti. I am sorry. I am fine. I promise." Baljeet reassured her.
Dinner went off without a hitch after that… although it did still feel tense and awkward. Phineas wasn't angry at Baljeet, but with him. He wanted to be friends again, he wanted Baljeet to be back with Ginger, and he wanted everything to go back to normal. I'm pretty sure the entire gang wanted to start arguing and taking sides again, but we couldn't with Miss Mishti here. Initially, I do think I had been on Baljeet's side, to a point. Yes, Phineas was my brother and best friend, but as I had explained to Isabella before, I could see it from Baljeet's point-of-view. I was the first one to notice his feelings for Mishti, and he finally burst when she slept with another man… who happened to be his best friend. I know how that would make me feel, even if I was with Vanessa… I mean, Ginger. But, now… he was being, as Phineas put it, a jerk. Baljeet was very clearly still in love with Ginger, as their passionate, out-of-character fights indicated. It bothered him a lot that they had broken up. But, he was pulling a very misogynistic and possessive move by trying to "block" Ginger and Mishti from Phineas, as if he of all people would try and do something with them. And… if any other reason was necessary to take Phineas' side, then… I think maybe Isabella was right. Phineas liked Mishti. I had never seen my brother so attracted to a girl, and I didn't want a stupid fight ruining it for him.
"Stupid Baljeet!" Phineas exclaimed, as we walked back into our apartment.
"Phineas," Isabella sighed. "Stop fighting with him. I can't believe this is happening! Our group has never, ever, fought so much, EVER! I should have known something like romance would have caused this; too many of us are unlucky in love, but still! This never happened with any other couple! This never happened before!"
"Of course it happened before, Isabella!" Phineas suddenly cried loudly.
"What?" We both stared at him. "What are you talking about?" I asked.
"It happened before. With you two." He declared.
"What?!" Isabella said. "What do you mean?"
"Buford and Baljeet were ganging up on me. The girls were giggling over how 'hot' Ferb was. You two were locked in your rooms crying over each other, or you couldn't make eye contact with each other in the group. Everyone was fighting over whether and/or when Ferb and Isabella will just admit they love each other!"
Oh my god. We both stared. It had happened before. While we had both been so wrapped up in our own love story, and only rarely getting advice from friends, we hadn't realized it had been bothering them as much as well… "Balinger" was bothering us now. I felt so blind. There was so much I hadn't been paying attention to recently.
"Oh Phineas." Isabella whimpered.
"I don't like fighting." He said weakly.
"I know." She sighed. "I'm going to call Ginger." She kissed my cheek. "Bye."
We both sat down, exhausted on the couch. "Oh, Mishti will go back to India soon, anyway." He said weakly.
I stared at him again, and slowly raised an eyebrow. "Is that a good thing or a bad thing?" I asked.
"It's NOTHING, FERB." He said, suddenly testy.
"O…K…" I said slowly.
"I mean… it's not like… I CARE… or anything…" He was really talking to himself. "Ha… it doesn't matter… what difference does it make, right? Right? Ohhh… God…"
"Phineas…" There was something bothering him. "Are you ok?"
"I…" He ran his hand down his face. He was actually starting to twitch a little, as if he was desperately fighting something inside, and losing. "I… I'm going to fix this, Ferb. Don't worry. I'm going to talk to Baljeet, and Ginger, and… Mishti, and… I… I have to get out of here!" He grabbed his coat and almost ran out of the apartment. "Don't worry! I'll fix it!"