EDITED 4/8/2021

Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon I also don't own 'Basket Case' by Sara Bareilles.

TW: Abuse

"I don't want to talk about it to you

I'm not an open book that you can rifle through

The cold hard truth that you'll see right to

I'm just a basket case without you

He's not a magic man or a perfect fit

But had a steady hand and I got used to it

And a glass cage heart and invited me in

And now I'm just a basket case without him"

You know that feeling when you get punched in the gut? Where all the air is removed from your body, and you're left gasping for breath, and then there's that dull ache that remains after. That's what seeing TK was like. I knew he hated me. He must have after what I had done to him. Maybe, he was here to finally have it out with me. I couldn't believe Matt would do this, he knew everything, was he trying to have an all-out meltdown situation in his apartment?

I needed to relax and be realistic, this was his brother, he didn't owe me anything.

If he did confront me, it's not like I wouldn't deserve whatever awful words he would choose to sling at me. After everything over the last few months with Michael, I just wasn't sure I could handle it right now.

If I was being honest, my life hadn't been the same without TK, and if I hadn't been so stubborn, and scared, my life might be very different right now. It didn't feel fair that he was here now, not while I was hanging on by a thread, and when I felt so lost.

No. I couldn't think of any of that now. Michael coming into my mind made me feel sick. I rubbed my arms a bit as Matt and I walked from the stage towards the bar.

I wondered if TK was mad at him for letting me stay at his place, I hoped not. Matt cared for his brother so much. If he was angry with him, I promised myself that I would make it right between them. Then I wondered if he had told him about what happened, and why I left, but the thought quickly vacated my mind. Matt always kept his word.

Sora stole me away from my thoughts for a moment with a showering of compliments. She was always so wonderful. I had longed for a big sister when I was growing up, and for a while, I was really disappointed she hadn't chosen my brother to spend her life with. Getting to see her and Matt grow together over the years though made me understand why they ended up together. They complimented each other well, she had this way of pulling him outside of himself, and he had kept her grounded, and focused. They were like my home away from home and I cared immensely for both of them.

I hoped TK wouldn't ask me to leave.

I downed the rest of my drink, anticipating the need for some extra courage before I turned to face TK who was staring into his glass.

He was as handsome as ever but I didn't get that long to study him before he looked up and right into my eyes. The brightness they used to have was gone. Was that my fault? Maybe, I gave myself too much credit. He was probably just tired.

He hadn't yelled at me yet, which seemed like a victory, but neither of us were saying anything and I could feel the tension in the room getting thicker. I took a deep breath, ready to try and articulate something when he took a few steps to close the space between us and hugged me.

I felt his arms graze mine before wrapping further around my back. I wondered if this was what shock felt like. I didn't dare to move or breathe. I had expected anger, hatred maybe, but here he was holding me in his arms. He loosened his grip and rested his head on mine and that was when I found the ability to move again. I wrapped my arms around his waist and rested my head on his shoulder.

After a few moments, he pulled back and said, "Together again." He had a soft smile on his face. "Just like old times," I replied.

It wasn't. It never could be, but if this was our way of starting over, then I would take it in a heartbeat.

I was getting too ahead of myself. He just didn't want to create a scene in public. Plus, Matt was leaving in a week, and I assumed TK would be leaving to go home at that point.

Everyone fell back into their conversations, but I was only half listening. The alcohol was starting to have its, normally desired effect, but I didn't know how long I could last like that if I was trying to keep secrets. I needed to get out of the bar.

"Hey guys, I'm sorry to be a bummer, but I'm going to head back. I'm totally wiped out." I started to back away to leave but Matt stopped me.

"Kari, why don't you have TK walk back with you? He said, he didn't want to stay out too late, and the guys are planning to meet us out. Plus, we both know the area isn't great around here." Matt looked between the two of us as he spoke.

I can't imagine what my face looked like, I was trying not to glare at him, but I'm not sure it was working. He was half being brotherly, and half pushing us into each other. The area we were in was fine. Didn't he think it was soon for that kind of behavior?

"Are you sure? I wouldn't want to make you miss your first real night out in the city on my account." I looked at TK waiting for his response. I was half being honest and I was half full of shit.

He held up his drink, I was confused.

He saw this and started to chuckle, "I'm a lightweight. I've had this since we got here, so I'm good to go. I'm also jet-lagged. I haven't slept since we landed so I need some sleep."

Looks like TK would be taking me home.

We said our goodbyes and made our way out of the bar. It was a muggy night in the city, the air was thick and heavy with the smell of street food from various vendors. Normally I would prefer a breezier night in May, but I welcomed it. It had been a long winter and I was happy to embrace the seventy-degree night.

It was quiet, not uncomfortable, just a little awkward. I took the silence as an opportunity to take in his appearance. He seemed to have grown taller if that was possible. I could tell he was wearing Matt's shirt because it was a little short for him, Sora must have dressed him before they left. His face was clean of any facial hair, the brothers never could grow any. Speaking of hair, my eyes settled on his. Takeru Takaishi was rocking a man bun, and it honestly looked good on him. I almost chuckled, but he finally noticed I was staring at him, so I sucked it back in.

"What?" He looked at me with a genuinely curious expression on his face. I pointed to the top of my head, and he started laughing. One of those great full belly laughs I used to love hearing growing up. I smirked, picking up speed and walking ahead of him. He pulled himself together and caught back up to me.

"Ya know, Matt isn't the only person in this family that's allowed to have good hair, and I think he's jealous he didn't think to grow his out first," he said with a very determined look on his face.

I laughed back because he was probably right.

"Well, oddly it suits you, so job well done." He smiled and thanked me.

"What about you? I always thought you hated long hair, not that it doesn't look good," he tried to backtrack, "I just remember you not really wanting the trouble." I looked over at him as he rambled.

He was right, I fucking hated it, but I didn't think now was the time to have this conversation.

"I just got lazy," I couldn't believe that's what I decided to come up with as an excuse. It was lame. He knew it. I mean, if I was being lazy I would have shaved my head, not grown my hair to the point that it took an hour to dry. He just kind of nodded as we fell back into a, mostly, comfortable silence.

Matt's place was a decent size, two-bedroom, in one of the nicer parts of the East Village. About two years ago, a friend of his was moving out and he was able to get into the type of place people our age only dreamed of. His apartment before was a closet compared to this place. The kitchen was smaller than he would have liked, given his love of cooking, but besides that, it was a good space.

The door opened into a spacious living and dining room with a wall coming about halfway out, to block off the kitchen. The apartment had hardwood floors that had been partially covered with ornate, oriental rugs, with red and gold stitching. A tan sectional covered the back corner wall, a large dark brown coffee table sat in-between the sectional and matching love seat. The hallway that led to a bathroom across from my bedroom, and further down the hall, was Matt and Sora's room.

Once in the apartment, we had fallen into easy conversation, about school and our friends, carefully avoiding anything too deep. He was helping me tidy up the kitchen. It was the one place in the apartment I always insisted on cleaning since Matt, literally, always cooked for me. I felt like it was a fair trade-off. The guys were out so often that I had a lot of free time in the apartment alone and I had gotten pretty comfortable here over the past few weeks.

I walked over to the sink to do the dishes. I was laughing at a story TK was telling about one of our old high school friends experimenting with noodle recipes, and I unconsciously rolled up my sleeves. TK was walking over to help me dry when I heard him gasp.

I immediately realized my mistake.

I looked up into TK's horrified eyes as he was staring at the dark bruises covering my arms. I couldn't say anything. I backed away, and ran into my bedroom, apparently running from him was all I knew how to do. I closed my door and fell to the floor.

My secret was out.

I just stood there like an idiot as she ran from me. When I heard her door close I was snapped out of my brief paralysis. I had no idea what to do or say, but everything made sense now. Her suddenly moving in with Matt, someone who would ask close to zero questions but would take care of her like family. The song. The dullness in her eyes. The way she seemed to stiffen with the slightest touch from anyone.

Had I hurt her when I hugged her? What do I do now?

I cautiously made my way over to her door. "Kari?" Silence was the only reply I received.

"Kari, please?"

I leaned against the door hoping for a response but another two minutes of silence went by.

"Kar, Please just talk to me. I can't ignore this. You know that. You have to know that. What if it was me that was in trouble? Would you just walk away and go to bed like it was nothing?"

More silence followed. What could I say? I wanted to call someone, Sora maybe? That didn't feel right though. I didn't want to go behind her back.

"Hika, please?" It came out without thinking, softer than my other requests. I was tired. I didn't know what to do and my old nickname for her just stumbled out.

I saw the doorknob start to turn, and I stepped back. The door opened slightly, and when she didn't walk out I took that as my invitation to go in. She was sitting on the floor in front of her bed, she had changed into a pair of shorts, and a long sleeve shirt. I sat down next to her and leaned my head back against her bed.

"Does anyone else know?" I asked. My voice was shaky as I spoke. I needed to try and relax. I didn't want to make this any harder for her.

"I haven't heard anyone call me that in four years," she said quietly. It made me smile for a moment, that she had never shared that with anyone else, it was still ours.

I needed to focus though, "How long?"

She took a deep breath but didn't say anything right away. It was about a minute before she finally responded.

"About a year."

I felt my heart quicken and my hands balled into fists. She must have noticed my hands, because I felt her tense up next to me, and I immediately tried to relax my body. I didn't need to scare her by getting upset.

"Did you press charges?" I asked, as calmly as I could.

She shook her head 'no' again. "I," she stopped talking and looked down.

I couldn't imagine how hard this was. Especially if I was the first person she had told. I didn't know how bad it had been either. I only saw part of her arm, he clearly had grabbed her, but was it worse than that? Did he hit her? I needed to know.

"How bad?"

I didn't know what to say to him. He was being so gentle about everything, and I was thankful for that. I knew if I had told my family, especially Tai, that it would have been loud, and dramatic. He, and my father, would have been calling for Michael's head. I wasn't ready for that. I couldn't handle being yelled at again, even if it wasn't directed at me.

TK was waiting for a response but the words wouldn't come. I didn't know how to say it out loud. I realized though that I wanted him to know. I wanted someone to know. I had been holding onto this for so long, and even after everything, I still knew I could probably trust TK more than anyone.

Even after hurting him four years ago, here he was, sitting with me, and trying to comfort me. At that moment I felt even more awful for walking out of his life, but I tried not to let those thoughts take over. I opened my mouth to talk again, but I still couldn't find the words for what I needed to tell him.

He looked at me with his big clear blue eyes, pleading with me to confess what I had been hiding for so long. I stood up and he reached out to me, his confused eyes staring into mine, asking me not to go again.

At that moment, with no words, I did the only thing I could think of. I couldn't say it. So I would show him. I started to pull my shirt up over my head. I had a sports bra on underneath, living with Matt and a rotating door of male band members meant I always had some sort of bra on. Even if I didn't, it wasn't like he hadn't seen me before, we were intimate in every sense of the word at one point.

When I let go of my shirt and let it fall to the ground, I let my eyes follow the garment as I stared at the floor. I couldn't look at him knowing what he was looking at. Everything felt fuzzy, and I thought I might pass out, standing there in front of him. I saw him move out of the corner of my eye and I felt his fingers gently graze my side where I knew the worst of it was. My broken ribs were starting to heal but the dark, garish, bruise stood out against my skin like a beacon.

I felt the warmth of his hands leave my body before I saw him move to stand. He gently took my chin to make me look at him. Those eyes I had known so well, eyes I had loved to see shine with laughter while we were growing up, were filled with unshed tears.

"Kar." I felt him wipe away my own tears with his thumb as his own started to silently fall.

He pulled me to him and wrapped his arms around me, careful not to hurt me, and gently set us back on the floor. I felt myself fall apart curled in his lap.

He didn't ask me any more questions. He saw everything he needed to know. He saw my torso and arms covered in bruises of various sizes, and colors. He saw where I had been hit, and grabbed, over, and over again, for the past several months.

What he didn't see, were the words that had been hurled at me, things I wouldn't dare to ever repeat. He didn't know I had been franticly packing, what little things I still had before I ran away one night while Michael was gone. He didn't know, that I thought if I stayed he might kill me, that I didn't know if my body could handle one more attack. That I laid awake at night in bed next to him, afraid of what he might do if I closed my eyes. That he made me think I was crazy, that I had done it to myself, that I somehow deserved it.

These were all the things I wished I could say, the same things I'd wished I could have said at the hospital, where I lied and begged the staff to believe the stories I made up. I wanted him to know it all, but I just couldn't form the words I needed, and he was too kind to push me.

After a few minutes, my tears had subsided and I cleared my throat. There was one thing I could manage to say, "I'm not ready to tell anyone else yet, please understand."

I felt him nod. "Tell me the rest when you feel you can, and promise me you will tell your family eventually. I'll be there if you want me to be. Whatever you need."

I looked up at him when he finished talking and he tried to muster a smile, but it was strained.

"Thank you," I quietly responded. "You should probably get some sleep, the guys will be here in the morning, and you'll be happy you didn't stay up all night."

He nodded and helped me off of his lap. I grabbed my discarded shirt from the floor and pulled it over my head.

He yawned as he stood up and I finally saw how tired he looked. I almost forgot that he had been on a plane from Japan just hours ago. I still had trouble accepting that he was even here, let alone in this room with me now.

"TK?" I needed to ask.

He looked at me with those tired eyes.

"Why didn't you yell at me when you saw me? Why did you walk me back? Why are you comforting me? Why don't you scream at me, walk away, ignore me?" When I finished talking, I had gotten so quiet, and I wasn't sure if he had even heard me at the end.

He smiled softly before replying. "None of that matters right now, you have more important things to worry about, and I could never hate you. I obviously have," he paused, his mouth turning into a firm line, "A lot of feelings about what happened, but all of it can wait."

He walked over and gave me one last quick hug. "Goodnight Kari," He whispered into my hair before releasing me and heading to the door.

When it closed I climbed into my bed and plugged my phone into its charger.

2:45 a.m. Matt would be home soon.

I rolled over and tried to think about the week ahead. I drifted off before I could create any real coherent thoughts but, for the first time in months, I slept through the night.