Let's introduce two major antagonists. What? TWO? ANTAGONISTS? Am I mad, you say? Yeah, kind of. This is what happens when you have NO idea what you're doing. Which is always me. You thought I knew what I was doing with String Theory, and that's why it's everyone's favorite story? You fools.

Fuck… my… life.

What is this? I feel like I have so lost track of definitions at this point. Hypocrisy? Coincidence? Karma? Who had I pissed off? Christ? Jehovah? Ganesh? My sadistic puppetmaster?

Ok, so you know how people say, "We can still be friends" after a break-up? Yeah, that's not really a thing. At least not with Ferb. Ferb was the "love 'em, leave 'em" type, Ferb only had ONE girl friend, err, friend who was a girl. ME. I'd see him with all these ridiculously gorgeous girls, and tease him, sometimes with Phineas, sometimes straight up with his mom, when was he going to let me find him a nice real girlfriend?

Ferb had four "real" girlfriends. Gretchen… the high school one that you actually could stay friends with. Vanessa. No comment. Me. (Hearts appear). And… the British one.

Sandra Smith. It was about the most boring, vanilla, BRITISH, name I had ever heard. Alliterative too. Whatever images I had seen of her before, they weren't coming to mind. She had the look of a plain-Jane who had definitely had work done – wasn't content with being just pretty. Blonde and slightly curvy. She definitely wasn't ugly. Somehow I just couldn't tell if English honey & vanilla was the farthest thing from Ferb's taste, or right on the money.

He was so sweet about it too. I felt like absolutely murdering him, or her, or the whole world, at first. He had NO idea she was going to be here, he hadn't invited her, he was showing no interest, and really, neither was she. She had some "on-and-off" thing or whatever… she wasn't single. She just heard he lived here and was in town. And he was completely honest about it. Plus, the girl was a little… boring. It was like a reverse Mishti.

So, like the bigmouth I am, I invited her to hang out with us later. I guess I wanted to engineer that Mishti and get myself fucking dumped like Ginger?

Oohhh, the last thing I needed was another ex to add to the pot right when I got rid of Vanessa. Granted, Vanessa is Vanessa, Ferb's first love, there's nothing Sandra could have that she didn't. But, I can just picture Ginger's cat-eyes on me every day in the group now, analyzing me in the same situation she was in. Yeah, I blame her for the whole karma thing.

"So now you this is officially EVERYONE; You obviously know Ferb, and me, Baljeet, Buford, Django, Irving, Kyle, Wynne, Gretchen, Adyson, Ginger, Katie, Milly, Holly, and Isabella."

"Right, right, Isabella." She scared me a little. She was sweet, but not Mishti-sweet. And not the same way Vanessa did with, like everyone, in all black. Sandra scared me like a British schoolmistress that would hit your knuckles with a ruler if you got out of line. Everyone else seemed to like her. Not Mishti-levels but…

I must be fucking paranoid. This must have been EXACTLY what Ginger was feeling. Honestly, I couldn't bring myself to like Sandra for a few reasons. One, I missed Mishti. I did. I didn't want to replace her. Especially with a girl who was 50 times more boring, though probably a lot less ditzy. Two, Ferb's ex-girlfriend, ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!? Three, she gave me the creeps, just the way she said my name, she had an agenda, I swear. Me and the girls would have to do some digging.

"Ferb's ex-girlfriend!" I exclaimed.

"Relax, Izzy." Adyson said calmly.

"Ferb's ex-girlfriend!" I think my voice went up higher.

"I think now would be a good time for an I-told-you-so," Ginger remarked.

"But she's not Mishti." Holly said sadly.

"I miss Mishti!" Milly wailed.

"Oh DON'T tell me you're going to try to set up Phineas with Sandra!" Adyson exclaimed.

"NO!" I could not have Phineas and Ferb fight like Phineas and Baljeet. That was just not allowed. Plus, Phineas was still nursing a recent heartbreak. And Sandra wasn't single. And creepy.

"Ohmigosh, is that a gray hair?" Adyson was clearly ignoring me.

"Just… isn't this… weird?" I commented.

"Well, who would you ask about this?" Katie responded.

"Someone from… England…?"

"We'll get on it, Chief." Gretchen stated reassuringly. That name somewhat calmed me down. "I had an idea earlier. I don't think it would relieve stress, but…"

"Tell me!" I said hurriedly.

"You've 'met' Ferb's parents. Why not let him meet yours?"

The idea of Ferb "meeting" my parents was so stupid. I was totally doing it.

"So…" I glanced at the two of them eating. "Do you guys want to come and see my new apartment soon? Maybe this Saturday? I don't think you've been there yet." I said. "And maybe… have dinner with me and my boyfriend?"

"Oh Isa." My mom smiled. "Of course, we would love to. How is Ferb, anyway?"

I smiled. "He's good, Mami."

"What kind of name is Ferb, anyway?" My dad asked.

"Daddy…" I said, irritated.

"I'm just asking! So, you've stopped going after that other boy… Phoebus?"

"Phineas, Daddy." I said. "Yes. Like, a year ago."

"Good. That boy was a loser."

"Daddy!" I cried.

"What? Any boy who takes twenty years and still doesn't like my pumpkin is a loser. Fact."

"Uggh. Daddy." I rolled my eyes.

"Well, Isa… I hope you won't take another twenty years with this one." My mother laughed. "I want some grandchildren eventually."

"Mom!" I exclaimed.

"Look, Viv…" My dad pointed at her. "Isabella isn't doing anything with anyone. Especially not with a 'Ferb'."

"Dad," I turned to him. "I love Ferb." I said firmly.

"Uh-huh. Like you 'loved' Phineas. Viv, I warned you not to let her spend so much time with those boys."

"GAH!" I screamed. "Are you guys coming to dinner or not?"

"Of course we are, mija."

I had mentioned before I was an only child. I have all the girls. I have all the boys. I have all my neighbors and cousins and friends and Mexican-Jews. But at the end of the day, I went home to just my parents. Everyone knows Vivian Garcia. She had been the chirpiest person and brightest face in the community since she moved from Mexico. Ruben Shapiro was a whole different ballgame.

I was closer to my daddy than anyone; he would bring me something from every business trip, I would sit up with him gabbing away about anything from cartoons to politics, he would take my side in all the arguments against my mom and in return I would put up with the dad jokes. Daddy was a business-type; if I got my outgoingness from my mom, I got my leadership skills from him. He was never the type to stick around for all we did though. Projects to just barbeques. Linda might have been my mom's best friend, but my dad strongly disliked Phineas and Ferb… mainly for the whole "unrequited love" thing Phineas and I had, but also he thought all the boys were stupid and "stifled my potential".

This was such a bad idea.

"Ferb, what's your favorite dessert?" I asked, pushing the cart down the aisles with one hand and holding my phone with the other.

"Isabella." He said, seductively.

"Stop it! Be serious!" I reprimanded.

"I'm serious. I could really use a nice helping of Isabella right now."

"Ferb!" I pulled at my hair. "You know this is the first time you're having dinner with my parents, don't you?"

"Relax, Isabella. Your mother loves me and Phineas."

"Oh yeah." I tapped my foot. "Ferb, how many times have you met my dad?"

"Um, once or twice, I suppose…"

"My dad, you know the super stern Jewish guy who looks like he can totally destroy tiny British men, and thinks playing in the backyard is stupid!" I practically shouted.

"Relax, Isabella…"

"No, tonight has to go perfectly!" I squealed. "Um," I covered my face. "There's another thing I forgot… and by forgot, I mean avoided… to tell you. Daddy… Daddy thinks I'm a virgin." There was silence. "Ferb?"

"So he doesn't know…?"

"You've been riding his baby girl every night?" I said quietly. "No."

"What about our bedroom?"

"Well, the house has two rooms…" I said guiltily.

He groaned. "How dense do you think your father is? Isabella, you expect him to believe that we live in the same apartment, and we've never, EVER, spent the night in the same bed?"

"I don't know!" I stomped my foot. "Just… pick a flavor of ice cream. And if you say Isabella again, I will kill you."

Does the name "Emily Kinney" mean anything to anybody out there? (Not my character, don't sue). Sandra is not the same, AT ALL, as you'll see later, but you can really use her as your basis for everything, image, backstory, if you want, it was probably even in my head back like 5 years ago when I gave Ferb two exes, Gretchen and a Brit.

Also, if the level of OC is giving you guys chest pains, please review, I am so winging it. I sometimes hate fan fiction with too many OCs, that's not why I read it. But as a writer, I am enjoying giving roles to basically non-existent characters like Mishti and Mr. Shapiro (DIVERSITY YEAH!) because that's just how I have fun. Input matters. Do you like Mr. Shapiro? Hate him? Hate him, but in a good way, like he's a great Meet the Parents villain? Do you miss Mishti and want her back? Do you want the Indian hore to stay away from our sweet Phin or are they soulmates? Is Sandra a threat? Do Baljeet and Ginger need to get back together or is it a toxic relationship? REVIEW! I DESPERATELY NEED OPINIONS!

Next chapter Ferb impresses his... potential in-laws?