Edited 4/12/2021

Disclaimer: I do not own Digimon or the song "Water Under the Bridge," by Adele.

"And if I'm not the one for you
You've gotta stop holding me the way you do
Oh, honey, if I'm not the one for you
Why have we been through what we have been through?"

I woke up early the next morning, gently sliding my arm from underneath Kari's small frame. I looked at her sleeping form and wished she could always have that look of ease on her face, the way I remembered from when we were kids. It wasn't that we didn't have problems as children, but for a long time we didn't fully understand the gravity of things, and it was just easier to bounce back. I checked my phone and saw a text from Matt asking to meet me before everyone got breakfast. I wrote a note telling Kari where I went and changed my clothes to go meet my brother.

He was sitting in the lobby with a coffee already planted firmly in his hand, thumbing through his phone with the other. I grabbed the coffee out of his hand and took a long drink before sitting down across from him. I took another sip before sliding it back across the table to him.

He waved towards the cup, "That was your coffee, I knew you'd just take mine anyway," he then pulled another cup up from the floor. I, gratefully, grabbed my cup back and settled fully into the seat.

"How was last night?" He questioned, casually. It was almost annoying, his attempt at nonchalance. We both knew I was a nightmare yesterday, he could just point it out already.

"I apologized to her for the way I acted before the show, we are ok, I think." Hope, I thought silently.

"Are you going to be okay?" He paused, choosing his words carefully. "I'm serious TK, I feel like I put you in an awful situation, and you didn't need to find everything out the way you did," I stopped him, realization dawning on me.

"Wait, did you know?" I felt anger building towards my brother for the first time in years, "All this time?"

He placed a hand up to calm me, "I found her at university and confronted her, she lost it, sobbed her story out to me on the steps of her campus. I wanted to tell you but I knew I couldn't do that. We all have our secrets TK and it was the biggest one anyone had ever told me, and you know me and mom already have issues, so I didn't want to be a part of any of that. She wanted to be the one to tell you. She did it to protect you, and while I know it wasn't the decision I wish she had made, I did see her logic behind it. If you went to Tai with something as devastating, I would hope he would be there for you the way I've tried to be there for her. You're my brother, and you'll always come first, but there was something about this that I couldn't get in the middle of, I never even told Sora."

He got quiet as I thought about that last part. He never kept anything from Sora, and yes there were points growing up that I thought his judgment wasn't the best, but he never gave me a reason not to trust him. I don't know how I would have told him had the roles been reversed. I probably forgave too easily, but what happened in the past didn't matter anymore, and I couldn't move forward if I was just holding grudges.

I shifted, staring down at the cup in my hand, "I mean ... I wish I knew sooner. I wish I hadn't spent years wondering, but I can't change any of it now. Mom's the one I'm angry with, she's the one who made the decision to drive an eighteen-year-old girl away from her son because life got too hard for her to deal with."

We both sat back in silence for a bit. I'd almost spit the words out, I was so angry with my mother, trying to figure out how you betray your son like that. I've been, nothing if not, overly mature my whole life. There were certain choices I made that I know made her worry, but it was never typical teenage destructive behavior.

He quickly changed the subject away from our mother, he had a lot of mistrust there but he was always careful not to turn me away from her, even now. "You never answered my first question. Are you going to be okay?"

He looked nervous. He probably thought it was messing up the tour. He wasn't that selfish for it to be his only reason, but I could imagine the thought crossing his mind.

"I mean, it's heavy right now but I think Kari and I will be fine. As I said, I'm most angry at mom for making the decision she did, but that won't really be weighing over us on the tour, and I'll do my best not to make everything awkward." I finished the rest of my coffee and fiddled with the paper cup in my hands.

"I just mean you, I'm not worried about the stupid tour," He said a little exasperated.

I crumpled the cup in my hands, "I don't know what to think Matt, I was almost a father, and I'm trying to process the loss of something that didn't really exist for me." I threw what was left of the cup onto the table between us and ran my hands across my face. "I thought I fucked up somehow, that I did something horrible to drive her away. I walked through those last weeks in my mind over, and over, again looking for an answer, and the one I got was not at all what I expected. I feel guilty that I wasn't there for her. I think of her sitting alone in a hospital bed and it makes my chest hurt all over again. But, I can be here for her now. I can help her now." He silently finished his own coffee, while mulling over what I said.

"You still love her." He said, with a smirk.

"Matt," I said scoldingly. "Can she process all the shit she's been through before you throw us back at each other?"

He got up to walk away. "You didn't say no." He shouted back as he headed over to where the breakfast was being served.

I couldn't say no, regardless of how much I would have liked to.

Over the next few weeks, things started to settle with everyone. The tour was going well, they were selling out their smaller shows and were getting some calls about opening for larger bands on their upcoming tours. Matt was elated, he finally felt like they were hitting their stride. He and Colin spent most of their free time writing together. Kari gave a lot of feedback and worked with them on a few things. John was the group's constant cheerleader, he wasn't a writer, he just really loved to play the drums, and the dynamic worked just fine for them. Sora was constantly sketching and working on what would eventually be her first collection. I spent a lot of time writing and working on their marketing materials. I helped them increase their social media presence in a way that I think boosted their ticket sales, so I felt useful enough.

The only one who was seemingly out of place was Trevor. He seemed disinterested for the most part while we traveled but always played great during the shows. You'd find him and Matt talking alone every once in a while. Matt, no doubt hovering and making sure he wasn't headed in a bad direction. Kari did her best to include him but there was some distance he put between everyone. I felt like it was getting a bit worse but I didn't feel like I knew him enough to be sure.

We were in the bus most of the time, only staying in hotels every other week or so. Kari and I stayed up late most nights, me scribbling away in my notebook, and her fiddling around with her guitar working on arrangements. We talked a lot, finally, truly catching up on the past four years, even about things that may have felt awkward. I talked about failed dates I'd been on, and Kari told me how she and Michael first reunited. We made an agreement back in the beginning, before we left the hotel that morning, that we wouldn't have any more secrets. We thought the best way to move forward with our friendship was to be as open as possible, even if it wasn't easy to hear.

Kari seemed to be easing up as time went on, but she was still a little on edge at their shows, she was sure someone was always watching her. I hated seeing her like that and it worried me that she was so paranoid. I thought about seeing if there was a therapist she could talk to by phone, so she could start to work through some of this, but every time I thought about bringing it up it just felt wrong. I'd always wait until she was feeling good and then I was too afraid to bring her back down.

We went south first, hitting cities in Arizona, Texas, Louisiana, Georgia and now we were in Florida for a few shows. We had five cities to hit over the next two weeks but had a break for a few days so we got a hotel in Jacksonville to relax before our next show. After that, we would drive down the coast and hit a few smaller cities before ending up in Miami. Then, we would work our way back west for a bit. It felt like it was moving fast but we still had so much to go. I was just grateful for a break from the bus, we all needed a real shower and to do laundry.

Matt and I had been coming back from a walk around our hotel, checking for restaurants and such. He planned to grab Sora, and take her off alone for a bit, and I wanted to see who was ready for dinner.

We walked into Kari and Sora's room to find Kari, and Trevor, laying on the floor with their feet up the wall.

"Um, guys?" Matt questioned.

"Oh, hey!" Kari greeted us cheerfully. "It's a yoga pose for stress relief, and it should help with the back pain from the bus," Kari continued, happily, from her spot on the floor.

We shared a look and he shrugged at me before going over, laying on the floor and throwing his legs up the wall too. Our backs were all a mess. It was hard to get comfortable in the small sleeping areas at night. So, I followed suit and did the same taking a spot next to Kari.

"Matt are you almost rea..." We heard Sora drift off as she walked in and saw all of us. "Oh, we did this last week on the bus, Matt shove over," John said as he bounded into the room and laid down next to Matt. Sora simply said, "Welp," and joined in as well and soon everyone was quietly laying on the floor with their feet up the wall.

"So what now?" Matt asked.

"Now you be quiet, and relax!" Trevor snapped.

"You sound really relaxed," Matt quipped back.

"SSSHHH," We all shushed them and they both, quietly, grumbled back into silence.

Kari thumbed around on her phone for a moment before putting on some music. I didn't release how tired I'd been until I started to drift off. I went to stretch my arms out, forgetting Kari was so close, and I ended up landing one of my hands next to hers. I grazed her fingers for a moment before going to pull away, but I felt her reach for my hand, so I relaxed into her light grasp.

I looked towards her, but she was facing away from me. I wasn't sure what I was thinking at that moment but I slid my fingers between hers. I almost regretted it when she turned her head to look at me. I suddenly felt foolish, the two of us staring at each other, neither giving any sign of what the other is thinking. She closed her eyes again but didn't let go.

We had a moment like this years ago.

We were doing homework under our tree by the beach, where we always met back then. For homework, picnics, or in the middle of the night for comfort after a nightmare. It was like our home base.

She fell asleep doing a reading for literature, the paper lay half discarded in her hand, and she had her head on my lap with me acting as her pillow. I gently brushed some hair away that had fallen into her face. I pulled the paper fully out of her hand, and as I did she clasped onto my own. I went still for a moment. I didn't want to look down, afraid of if she had woken up or not.

I realized I had fallen for her a few months earlier, finally caving into what our friends had been telling us for years. I'd been so careful to keep it hidden though.

The last guy she had been with was the only one I was ever threatened by. He was a nice guy, smart, charming, and everything she deserved. For once, everyone in the group actually liked him too. I found myself wanting to be snide, I tried to find anything wrong with him but never came up with anything.

It was actually Davis who finally pointed it out. "Oh my God, you're finally jealous of someone!" He laughed at me for about three minutes straight before he realized I was actually, horribly, conflicted. I'd never had a reason to be jealous of anybody, there was always something wrong with them, and in the back of my head, I knew they wouldn't last.

"Man, just tell her how you feel, you know she will always choose you," Davis said to me, cheerily, as if it was the easiest thing in the world.

Then again, he had told her he had a crush on her about one hundred times so maybe for him it was that easy. "Davis, we are just frie-," He cut me off.

"Dude, knock it off, I'm done listening to you about that. You guys both like each other, hell you are probably in love with each other. It's almost annoying how long this has gone on for. You are gonna lose her if you wait too long." When he finished talking he went right back to the soccer video he was watching and I was left in my own, stunned, silence. He was right, I did like her and I was horrified by the idea of losing her.

Ironically, the very next day she told me they broke up, never giving me a reason, just said things didn't work out. I fell back into the safety of our friendship knowing it was preserved for the moment.

Now, here she was, literally in my lap holding onto my hand, and I was frozen solid. After another minute of her hand awkwardly laying in my own, I bravely slide my fingers between hers. I relaxed a bit and tried to enjoy the moment before she inevitably woke up and I'd have to explain myself.

"You asked me, a while ago, why things didn't work out with Touma," her gentle voice jolted me back to reality. What she said slowly registered, but I was too afraid to look at her.

"I did," I said, softly.

"He asked me what would happen if you and him ever had a disagreement. If he would ever have a chance at me siding with him. I didn't respond right away … but I didn't even have to think for a moment about it. It's always going to be you that I side with. It's always going to be you that I choose over anyone else." She sat up and leaned her head against my chest, still holding onto my hand. "If you don't feel the same way I'll understand. We've always said we were just friends but somewhere along the way that stopped being true for me, and I don't want to lie to you right now, or ever."

She still had her head buried into my chest. I couldn't figure out what to say. She'd just said everything I could have ever wanted to hear. I lifted her chin with my free hand and gazed at her flushed face, her eyes were unsure, which was crazy to me because there was nothing at the moment I was more sure of than how I felt about her. I lowered my face to meet her own and kissed her then.

We weren't each other's first kiss but that short moment with her would always be the best one.

After another minute she started to direct us out of the pose, she had us roll onto our right side, and to do so I had to pull away from her. As we all sat up, rubbing our eyes and yawning, the room broke out into quiet chatter about dinner, and whether or not we were doing anything that night. Everyone agreed on a place to eat and started clearing out of the room to get ready. I was still in a daze, but my memories made me brave.

I waited until the room had cleared before turning back to Kari, "Let's get dinner."

She tilted her head to the side with a confused gaze in her eyes, "We are going to dinner." She said it so sweet like I hadn't been listening to anyone for the last five minutes.

"No, I mean us." I leaned back against the door, forcing myself not to look down, or fidget. I didn't want to look unsure about it.

She looked taken aback for a moment, and I thought maybe I'd read what just happened wrong. But then again, we had gotten food just the two of us numerous times over the last few weeks, but the way I asked now was different, and she understood that.

She looked sad for a moment, but seemed to shake herself out of it, "Tomorrow?" She asked.

I mirrored her head tilt from a minute ago, confusion now evident in my face.

"Everyone just spent five minutes trying to agree on something and I just don't want to be rude … because they went with my suggestion." I didn't recall if that was true, I'd spent the time they were talking debating in my head if this was a good idea.

"It's okay we don't have to, no worries," I turned to leave, feeling foolish. It was too fast and I should have known better. A few weeks ago I was telling Matt to slow down his idea of the two of us getting together again, and now here I was trying for myself.

I felt her grab onto my arm and slide her hand down to mine again, I didn't dare turn around.

"Tomorrow, just us." It was a statement, not a question.

I turned around and ended up closer to her than I expected to be. I looked down searching her eyes, maybe for pity, I didn't want her to feel like we had to do anything. What if I pushed her too quickly? I looked down further to our intertwined hands and rubbed my thumb over the top of her hand, she didn't flinch or jolt.

"Ok, tomorrow," I agreed softly.

I reluctantly released her hand to go get ready for dinner with everyone else. We didn't say anything else as we parted. I left her room and stood in the hallway for a moment.

We had a date.

I think.