Edited 4/23/2021

I don't own Digimon or the song "Still falling for you." by Ellie Goulding

TW: Talk of Suicide and overdose.

"It took us a while
'Cause we were young and unsure
With love on the line
What if we both would need more
But all your flaws and scars are mine
Still falling for you"

The group dwindled down after April left. Matt, Sora, Mimi, Izzy, Kari, and I were down in the living room. The guys had gone up to bed about an hour ago.

"There's something I've been wanting to tell everyone, but I've been worried about making things more dramatic than they already are," Mimi twirled her hair nervously around her finger.

"You're worried about making things more dramatic," Trevor said sarcastically, he had been heading down the stairs with a cigarette in his hand. He stopped and leaned against the wall waiting to hear from Mimi, suddenly interested. He'd been so distant the past few days, I was shocked he even bothered to stop. Not that anyone blamed him, he needed to worry about himself, it was probably better he kept a distance.

"I don't really see how you can make things anymore of anything at this point," Kari said.

I was sitting on the end of the couch with my back against the armrest while she sat in front of me, curled in my lap, leaning against my chest. She sat up a bit, looking towards Mimi, preparing herself for whatever awful thing she might have to add to the saga. She was across from us on an overstuffed chair, she pulled her legs up from the floor, and wrapped her arms around them.

"Okay," she took a deep breath, "Okay, so, you know I was in high school with Michael for a while, obviously. Well, he was dating this girl, younger, he was a senior, I was a junior, and she was a sophomore. So anyway, they were dating and were always together. Back then we thought it was cute but now that I'm older it felt … possessive maybe? She was always attached to him somehow, and he always looked like he was holding onto her a little tighter than he should have. He always had the actor personality, super outgoing, the center of attention and such, you know. The girl-"

"The girl have a name?" Trevor interrupted, from his spot on the wall.

"Oh, yeah, Cassandra. Sorry!" She pulled a strand of her hair back in her hand, twirling it nervously around her finger, and back, around, and back. "She was quiet, polite, more of a shadow than a person, always around but never making an impact. She was a tiny little thing too, skinny, dark deep-set eyes, long black hair, she was pretty in a really dainty way. Well, one day they just weren't together anymore, just like that," she snapped her fingers. "He was suddenly actively on the market again. She was there one day, quiet, eyes shifty, almost like she was on high alert, the next day she was gone, then another, and another. There was an announcement a few days later … she," Mimi paused, biting her lip, as her eyes glazed over. Izzy, who had a spot on the floor in front of her, reached up and took her hand, reassuring her that she was doing okay. She took a shaky breath, and he released her hand before she continued. "She was dead, just gone."

There was a shift in the room. Everyone stiffened, Kari sharply inhaled and leaned further back into me. Sora and Matt were on the other end of the sectional, I saw her grab onto his arm, as her eyes widened, while his face was unreadable.

"First it was an overdose, at least that's what they said, but then there was a note found on her computer and they declared it a suicide. She was found at the bottom of a flight of stairs with heroin in her system. But, that girl never did a drug in her life. All her friends said so, but then everyone said she must have been so devastated from the breakup that she decided it was too much. Apparently, she had a brother who completely lost it and ended up into some hard drugs, had a few stints in rehab, and her family totally fell apart after that. Micheal acted like the grieving boyfriend for a while but it always felt a bit like a part he was playing. Back then though, I never thought to question it."

Matt closed his eyes, rubbing his temples, trying to process the new information, "So, what you're saying, is that you think his girlfriend's suicide has something to do with him being a dumpster fire of a human?"

"Well, no. See, this is where it gets weird, remember the brother I mentioned? So, I had a friend who dated one of his friends, and apparently, before they sent him away to rehab he said he thought Michael killed her, that he pushed her down the stairs and then made it look like an overdose."

"That seems plausible to me considering everything we know," Trevor said quietly, staring intently at his cigarette as if it was suddenly more interesting than what Mimi was saying.

The room fell silent for a moment but it wasn't long before Matt, ignoring Trevor, verbally pounced on Mimi, "You've known all this time and you never thought it would be good to tell Kari that her boyfriend was possibly a murder!" He was visibly charged, his hands balled into fists.

Sora, grabbed onto one, forcing his hand open to take her own. He relaxed a bit and reluctantly sat back.

Mimi continued, "Kari, what did I say to you when I visited you at school that first time?"

I watched her search through her past, eyes crinkled up before realization hit her.

"You asked if he was good to me. I remember thinking it was strange at the time," She said.

"I didn't think I could just share the whispers, because what if they were all wrong? What if you had a great relationship? What if I messed everything up?"

"Weird time to find tact," Matt said under his breath. Sora pinched, and scolded him, but Mimi didn't look offended. She probably felt bad enough not saying something back then.

"Is going from abuse to murder a bit of a stretch?" Sora questioned.

"Based on the escalation patterns of various men who commit murder it's actually not far off. Many family annihilators and mass shooters, just as examples, have a history of domestic violence offenses or charges," Izzy interjected.

"He mentioned her," everyone focused their attention on Kari. "He use to say, she was too ... too weak," I felt her tensing up, I took her hand in mine and held on tightly. "The first time he hit me, I remember being so stunned. He said, 'Get up, I didn't choose you because you were weak. I picked you because you weren't like the rest.'"

"That choice of language seems odd. Saying he choose you makes it sounds like he planned to specifically seek you out." Izzy mused.

The group fell silent again. Trevor headed wordlessly onto the balcony, the light from his cigarette glowing against the night sky.

"I need to get some sleep," Kari said, laying her head back against me, and letting her eyes fall shut.

"Can I take a look at your phone and computer? After hearing about the hotel I would like to make sure all your technology is safe." She nodded, shifted off of me, and got up without question to go get her things.

Once she left the room Matt turned to Mimi, "Can we get a better handle on the kind of person we are dealing with?"

"I'll reach out to some old friends tomorrow."

Kari came back with her phone and computer, "Do you need my passwords?"

"Not necessary." Izzy headed into his office and quietly shut the door.

"I'm not sure if that's comforting or not," Matt said, smirking and shaking his head in the direction of the redhead.

"At least he's on our side," Kari said, heading up the stairs.

We quietly changed, I got into bed while she went into the bathroom to wash up. I was laying on my back staring at the ceiling when she returned. I was afraid of what I would see when I closed my eyes that night, and she didn't seem ready to attempt sleep either. She slid into bed and curled into my side, her head rested on my shoulder, as I ran my fingers through her hair.

"What if he did have a plan to find me all along. What if I fell right into a trap," I felt her shiver against me, from the central air, or the thought of Michael stalking her I wasn't sure. I wrapped the blanket tighter around us.

"Did he ever say anything else that stands out, or was weird, that could add to that theory?"

After a few minutes with no response, I let my hand stop moving, but it rested around her slim waist. I felt my eyes start to get heavy but she pulled me back before I could drift away.

"He said he was jealous."

"Hmm?"

"He said, we were the lucky ones, special because we all got to be together. No one else had a group our size, and no one else was as important as our group. He brought it up a few times. I always ignored it because I never liked to talk about it, it only made me think about how we couldn't see them anymore, and I hated to dwell on it." She curled in closer to me, if that was possible. "This is making my head hurt."

"We should get some sleep. If you search too hard then anything you remember will start to fit into this narrative."

"Probably."

I kissed her forehead and settled my head next to hers. Tomorrow was going to be a long day. They had their first show in Miami and we needed to try and get to the club without being bombarded with photographers. I was thinking about what she said though, that he was jealous of our group, but honestly, I don't know why anyone would be. The responsibility we had, and the friends we lost, who would go searching for that kind of thing? I stopped myself from trying to figure it out, my head was foggy, and I needed to get sleep as much as she did.

"TK?"

I was jolted from the edge of rest once again. "Wha?"

"I'm sorry, it's nothing go back to sleep."

I took a moment to make sure I could properly respond, "No, It's fine. What were you going to say?"

I heard her breathing become less even and she shifted a bit before answering. "On the balcony today you looked like you were ready to lose it, I know that look. Why?"

"It's fine. It's fine."

"You weren't."

I didn't want to get into this right now. It was late, I was exhausted, and still embarrassed. I was supposed to be supporting her, not falling apart and feeling triggered by the past.

"It's not important."

"It's important to me."

I shifted up, so I was sitting, and she readjusted to give me some space. I wasn't going to get any sleep if I didn't talk to her.

"The look you gave me when you took my phone," I remembered the harshness in her eyes, a look I'd never been on the receiving end of before. "I just kind of freaked about it, and went to the worst possible conclusion." I shook my head at my own stupidity. "I shouldn't even be freaking out. We aren't even officially a thing."

I heard her inhale sharply, "I–I didn't realize you felt that way."

I backtracked and started to panic again, "I didn't pick my words right. I'm sorry. I mean I'd like to–I mean we haven't really made any decisions, and you have a lot going on, and I don't want to be an added burden or anything, and I." She grabbed onto my hand.

"Breathe."

I was being ridiculous. The feelings from earlier came rushing back, the tightness in my chest and no way to let it out without making things more complicated.

"What's the worst possible conclusion?"

My panic started to turn into frustration and irritation. How could she ask that? After everything, how could it be this difficult to figure out? I needed to get out of that room before I said something I would regret or before I started fulfilling my own fears. I got up and, gently, pulled away from her.

"I'm sorry, I just need to take a walk or something."

"TK?" I heard the bed shuffle.

"Alone. Please?" I said it gently. I reached the door, and before I could think, I let my stress get the best of me. "You should have done this earlier, instead of mumbling and ignoring it then." I headed out the door before she could protest again.

My brother, Sora, and Mimi were still up downstairs, wine glasses in hand. They seemed to be enjoying a hushed, but animated conversation.

I spoke before they could address me, "Can I borrow your key Mimi? I just wanna walk for a bit, and I don't want to bother anyone if you go to sleep before I get back."

They looked between themselves. Mimi didn't ask any questions, she got up and retrieved her key for me. I thanked her and quickly left the apartment.

I wanted until I heard a door close downstairs before I headed out of the room. I just wanted to get some water while trying to figure out what the hell just happened. I was surprised to see Mimi, Sora, and Matt huddled near each other in the living room.

"Uh, did you guys have an argument or something? TK just bolted out of here." Mimi didn't waste any time. I huffed and headed over to them. Sora handed me her glass which was filled almost to the brim with white wine. I took a decent drink before handing it back and curling into one of the chairs across from them.

I explained his behavior, our conversation earlier, and how he stormed out. Sora and Matt looked between themselves like they knew something the rest of us didn't.

"Maybe he's just tired and stressed. I mean, what's happening is kind of intense, maybe it's just getting to him." Mimi was trying to be positive but Sora's look was telling me different.

"Sora? Matt? What do you two think?" I wasn't going to beat around the bush I needed something to go off of.

"Kari, I mean–isn't it obvious?"

I looked at Sora dumbfounded.

"Apparently not," Matt said. "Kar, look at our family. It was broken as shit. Dad and I left him with mom. I mean, I was older and felt like my father shouldn't have to be alone just because my dad and mom couldn't figure it out, but it was still like I was leaving him too. Mom was never home, and I never really thought about it much, because neither was dad. We essentially raised ourselves. Then he lost his friend, you weren't there for that, you didn't see him get all torn up. He cried all the time when we were young, then you came around and he just stopped, it was like he suddenly needed to be brave all the time. He wears this mask of ease but he's got to have a breaking point. We both have our way of dealing. I sulk, and he puts on this fake facade of sunshine like everything is ok."

"But, what would that have to do with us?" I interrupted him. I knew all of this. I knew his whole life. I knew he tended to put on a brave face, he was always hopeful, it was his core.

"Kari, you left him too! You left him with no explanation. Just like we left him as kids. People leaving is going to kind of fuck him up at this point, don't you think?"

Realization hit me, and I instantly felt like the biggest idiot on the planet. He thought I wouldn't forgive him. Plus I wouldn't confirm we're together earlier. I knew it was too good to be true, that he could just get over everything so easily. I knew he'd need more time. Plus, finding out why I left and what else we lost. I was just so stupid.

"I'm an ass." I let my head fall into my hands

"No, you're just self-involved but it's situational right now. Normally you're just as bad as him, with the self-sacrificing bullshit, but you have some serious stuff happening right now so you're forced to face it." Matt was being blunt but he was right. I was so wrapped up in everything with Michael that I wasn't in any place to see what T.K. could possibly be dealing with. That didn't make me feel like any less of an ass though.

"He was broken when you left Kari. I was with him that day, and the moment Tai left the house he totally lost it. Then, I never saw him lose it again, and anytime someone tried to tear you down he was the first to defend you. He always believed you had your reasons. He's held it in all this time, and now you guys are thrown back together, and he's playing brave face, but he's obviously still dealing with what happened. There's a lot of trust to be rebuilt." Sora said, kindly handing her glass back to me, I quickly finished it.

"I mean, it seems pretty obvious to me that you still love him, and he's obviously never quit loving you, so solidify your relationship. What are you waiting for? This stuff with Michael isn't going away tomorrow. What are you going to do? Keep your life on hold? That's exactly what Michael wants, don't let him continue controlling you."

Mimi was right. I knew she was right but was I ready? Were we ready? The three of them started cleaning up to head to bed, leaving me alone with my thoughts, and the remainder of the wine. I poured myself another glass and curled up in the chair to wait for him to come back. We needed to have this out. I didn't want him tip-toeing around me in his head. I just needed to figure out what to say.

I walked around the beach for about an hour, trying to think of a way to explain myself without sounding pathetic, but no matter what I came up with it all sounded the same. How do you tell someone you're afraid to make a mistake that might make them leave you again? I'd been trying to let everything go. I'd forgiven her, but I still held onto that lingering fear that if we really got back into this that she might run off again.

It's funny, my mother was worried about us making their mistakes and she helped to bring that very anxiety to life by pushing her away in the first place. I guess I didn't realize how much it still scared me until today. Maybe we needed to stop for now. Maybe it was too soon for either of us. The thought of that made my chest hurt all over again, how was I supposed to expect her not to run if I was out here debating the same thing.

I needed a fucking therapist.

I headed back inside hoping that the three of them had gone to bed, I didn't want any questions, I just wanted to pass out. It was close to one in the morning at that point. I quietly opened the door and was surprised to find Kari curled on a chair in the living room. Her hair was a little wild, sticking out slightly from where she had been laying on it earlier. She had a glass of wine hanging in her hand and an empty bottle on the floor, she must have come down while the others were still awake. She had one of my sweatshirts on, the shorts she had gone to bed in, and even though she looked exhausted she was still absolutely gorgeous. How could I think about putting the breaks on this when I wanted to walk through the door every day to her? She turned her head as I closed the door, her eyes sad, and apologetic. I made my way over to her and took a seat on the sectional. I opened my mouth to talk but she stopped me.

"Wait, please before you say anything, can I say what I have to say?"

I sat back a bit, preparing for the worst. She probably didn't want to deal with my crazy crap while she was dealing with her own brand of crazy. I agreed, waiting for her to put a knife in us.

"I've been stupid."

Not what I had been expecting.

"I just believed you when you said everything was okay as if what I did wasn't fucked up and damaging. I was so happy to be forgiven that I didn't even think about the fact that just because we wanted it to be that easy doesn't mean it's going to be. I can never apologize enough for the choice I made and I do regret it, but that doesn't negate what it did to you." Her eyes were glassy. I wanted to respond, wanted to tell her not to feel bad about it anymore, wanted to tell her not to cry anymore, but she put her hand up to stop me again.

"I would love to sit here and tell you, promise you, that I will never hurt you ever again. I want to, but I know how childish that is because we can't tell the future. Who knows what could happen? I can tell you that I would never intentionally hurt you. I can tell you that I will work every single day to build back your trust, and work to be someone you can rely on again.

I have a lot of shit right now, we both know that, and it doesn't make trying to rebuild a relationship easy. I feel selfish because I know putting you in the middle of it isn't really fair, but if you want to do this then I do too." She spoke so quickly her words were almost bleeding into each other. Her voice cracked, and her tear-stained face glistened from the dim light in the room.

I reached out my hand to her, she got up and threaded her fingers through my own. I quickly pulled her to me, my hand left hers and moved to her face, and I met her mouth with mine. It opened to let me in and I willingly took the invitation. I inhaled the scent of the soaps and oils she used, vanilla and sandalwood clouded my senses, her mouth tasted sweet from the wine. When we pulled back, I gently wiped away the remnants of tears that had streaked her face.

I kept waiting for life to be normal. I'd been trying not to push anything, thinking that once things calm down we could really try again, but if I keep waiting that might never happen. The sky was falling when we met the first time, and beginning to fall when I stepped into her classroom a few years later, and again a couple of years after that. Maybe it's not about waiting for the sky to stop falling but realizing that we've always made it through, and maybe it's because we had each other.

I tried to speak but she stopped me again.

"Wait."

I gave her an exasperated look but shut my mouth.

"You stopped me before, at the beach." She playfully glared at me.

"From what? I don't recall us stopping much of anything," I said, as I buried my face into the crook of her neck, trailing my mouth across her collarbone.

She sent her hand flying my way, smacking me lightly against the chest. "Ugh, That's not what I meant."

I chuckled, pulling back, "Okay then what did I stop you from?" I brushed a few stray hairs off her face and watched her struggle with the words once more.

"I," she paused and huffed. "God, why is this so hard for me." She looked at me for help.

"You keep telling me to be quiet. I can't finish your thoughts for you."

"Sure you can't." She stuck her lower lip out, pouting.

I leaned into her, inches from her face, wanting nothing more than to continue where we left off. She responded and started to meet me, but I pulled away at the last second. "I won't stop you this time," I said.

Her eyes were dark, her hand reached for my face, and I leaned into it.

"I still love you, and you said 'me too' but maybe you meant something else that day."

I laced her fingers in my own, "I didn't mean anything else. I never stopped loving you. I'm not sure how I ever could." She pulled me down and kissed me again, we stayed like that for a while, probably too long tangled together in our friend's living room.

We stumbled up to our bedroom at some point. I slid back into the covers pulling her close to me.

"So, does this mean we are tabloid official?" I questioned with the last bit of humor I had left that night.

I felt her nod, "If they want a show let's give them a good one."