Edited 4/29/2021

I don't own Digimon or Wasted by Cartel

"Twenty three now, got his life in his hands
He's looking all around and he doesn't understand
Cause life's too busy, things get in the way
We all feel alone every single day

Eighteen couldn't wait to move out
It's been five years and now he's starting to doubt
Whether all my dreams are just aimless stares
Looking out to someplace that isn't there"

Why am I still alive?

I pulled at the threads in the blanket that covered my body, a body I'd attempted to destroy over, and over, again for the last ten years of my life. I wasn't trying to die. There was no intent there. I just never expected to wake up this time. It felt different when I was going out, it felt final.

Matt was there when I woke up, sitting forward, fidgeting. He looked a mess, dark circles under his bloodshot eyes from his refusal to sleep. His anger and disappointment could always fuel him in a way nothing else could. He called a nurse once I started to sit up, they came in and checked my vitals, asked me if I knew what happened, and explained everything they'd had to do to keep me alive. It was a familiar situation that I'd hoped to never end up in again. I was such a stupid prick for doing this to myself.

When I saw Lexi there that night something snapped in me. All the resolve I'd built up, after all the stress of the tour, and Michael, I was just so desperate for anything to numb the world. After all, I'd helped create the chaos we were stuck in.

When Matt finally came back and sat down, he said nothing. We stayed like that, in silence for a while, him patiently waiting for some sort of explanation, while I tried to figure out where to even start. I knew I needed to wait though because I didn't think this was a story I could tell more than once.

"Call Kari?" My voice betrayed me. I sounded weak, young, and scared. I'd done everything I could over the past few years to avoid feeling any of that, but here I was now, feeling buried in it.

His brow furrowed, confused, shaking his head. "It's seven in the morning. They only left around two, it's too early."

"Please," I sounded like a child begging their parent, small, and desperate. "I can only do this once and she needs to be here for it."

His interest peaked, he nodded and left the room with his phone in his hand. I wasn't going to ask for forgiveness, I couldn't, all I could do was finally give them the truth.

I was jolted awake by the buzz of my phone under my pillow.

"Mhhmello," I attempted to answer. I heard Matt's tired voice on the other end. Trevor was awake and he wanted to talk to us. I mumbled back enough to relate that I'd be there as soon as possible, but when I asked if the guys should come he said no, just me. It was weird, being singled out, but maybe they'd told him that I was who found him. I was too tired to try to figure it out. I quietly slipped out of bed, a smile appeared across my face as I looked back at TK's sleeping form, images of the night before flooded my mind and my face got hot. I hurried into the bathroom to wash up. It was like we'd never been apart, I'd forgotten what it was like for someone to touch you in a way that wasn't just about them.

I pulled my thoughts away, remembering where I was going, and the place we all found ourselves. I scrubbed last night's makeup from my face and tried to brush my hair until it was acceptable, but there were still bumps and kinks, so I found a beanie laying on the floor that TK had been wearing a few days earlier and pulled it over my hair. I headed back into the bedroom and started to change, I found a pair of leggings and a T-shirt of his to throw on. I was smoothing out the shirt when I heard him stirring.

"It's still early, where are you going?" He spoke gently, but there was a weariness in his eyes.

"Your brother called, Trevor is awake and was asking for me," he visibly relaxed.

I wanted to kick myself. I wasn't even going to leave a note. It pained me that there was still this sliver of distrust between us, but I was just going to have to keep working at it, prove that I wouldn't disappear again.

"Did he say why?" He said, with a yawn.

"It's weird," I paused, struggling to put on a sock. "Apparently his words were, I can only tell it once and she needs to be here."

He started to shift himself out of bed, "I want to hear this too."

I thought about telling him to stay, it was still so early and Matt had said not to get the others, but I wanted him there. I was so sick of doing everything on my own the last few years, I wanted his support and I wasn't going to push it off now.

I watched him wander around the room, grabbing his clothes off the floor, rubbing his eyes, trying to wake himself up as he went. He looked around before his eyes settled on me, he pointed like he was going to say something but then shook it off with a smile, before heading into the bathroom.

"What?"

He peaked out with my brush in his hands and a hair tie in his mouth, "You took my hat," He dropped the brush and threw his hair up. "And my shirt."

"That's my hair tie," I replied flatly.

"One of us had to brush their hair," he smirked, heading out of the bathroom. He pulled off the hat and, playfully, tossed it back at me.

"Hey! I was trying to rush." I pouted, throwing the hat back on and crossing my arms moving towards the door.

He pulled me toward him and gave me a quick kiss, "Just teasing. You can take whatever you want."

I smiled as we headed out, things felt light for a moment, but just like any other day, it seems it wasn't meant to stay that way. We ran into Izzy as we were heading down the stairs.

"Good, you're both up early. I need to talk to you and it's probably better that it's done with just the two of you first."

TK and I looked between each other, "We were on our way to go see Trevor. Matt said he was asking for me.

"Well, going in with the information I have might help, what I assume, is going to be an uncomfortable conversation."

We shared another look before I pulled out my phone to text Matt, telling him that Izzy needed to talk to us first.

He led us into his office and shut the door behind us. My stomach was turning into knots. If he didn't want anyone else in here it couldn't be good. He motioned for us to take a seat on the couch. He brought his laptop over, set it on the coffee table in front of us, and sat across from us on the floor. He started typing away as we sat in silence, waiting for him to break it and give us some sort of hint about what he'd found. We learned long ago that questions before his information came, weren't helpful and could lead down to long side stories. He huffed, before looking up at the both of us.

"I'd have asked Kari in here alone, but I know that's not an option with the two of you." He paused and made a few clicks with his mouse. "I was able to hack into Michael's computer files, he's-" He looked up like he was searching for words in the ceiling. "Bold," was what he settled on.

"How easy was it to hack into his computer?" I shouldn't have been surprised, Izzy had always been ridiculously good at this kind of thing, but I'd have thought Michael would have more protection with his things.

"I said he was bold, not smart. He made it extremely easy. His passwords are," He took a drink. "Amateur. The good news is, I'm pretty sure you'll have what you need to convict him," he paused again careful to choose his words. "Several things." He stopped again, his eyes drifting back up, and it was making me nervous. It wasn't like Izzy to be careful with his words, he tended to be blunt to the point of rudeness, not that he ever meant it.

"Kari, there is video and photographic proof of physical abuse, and not just of you, but of several other women as well."

As much as this information sickened me, I wasn't surprised, after finding out he had bugged our rooms.

"Wait, he saved evidence of all of it?" Disbelief crossed TK's face.

"It would appear to me he keeps them like a trophy, it's common among criminals who commit serial crimes, which seems like an accurate way to describe what he's done."

"How many are there?" I asked.

"Altogether, sixty-three videos and one hundred and thirty-seven photos, there are five different women including yourself. There are thirteen videos of you and sixty-six photos. The photos look to be stills of the videos that he took."

I felt my stomach crawling up into my throat, TK put his arm around me, but nothing eased. I pushed my nausea down and clenched my fists trying to calm myself.

"The videos are not sexual in nature, they all stop before anything like that happens, the part of it he seems to want to save is the physical abuse."

I nodded, feeling only slightly better. "I need to see it." The words tumbled out before I could stop myself. It felt sick, but I needed to know what he watched, what he needed to see himself do to me over and over again.

"Would you like us to leave?" Izzy asked.

"You said the photos are stills from the videos right?"

"That's correct."

"Just open that file."

I did want to see. I wanted so badly to know, but the idea of TK watching what he did to me made me just look at the photos. I didn't want him to see me like that.

Izzy handed his computer to me. I scrolled through quickly, remembering the way his hands felt on me as I clicked through the images. I remembered each night, all of them burned into my memory, and there were others, but he'd saved the worst. I closed the file and handed it back to him. Izzy was right though, there was enough there to put him away, at least I thought so.

"Now, about Trevor,"

"What?" TK and I both interrupted him.

Izzy clicked around once again before turning the computer to us and pressed play. It was Lexi, standing there with Michael. He handed her a baggy, "Don't forget this one is for him or you'll end up fucking killing yourself." She nodded to him.

"I don't understand your shit with him Michael, but your lawyers better be able to get me out of this if things go south." She was fiddling with the bags in her hands, scratching the back of her neck, looking uneasy.

"They will, you know they will."

"They've kept you're ass out of jail."

"Money helps."

"Speaking of-"

"It's already in your account."

She shifted uncomfortably, "Why him, after all this time?"

"He got in my way." He said it darkly, it didn't leave room for questions, he walked away leaving her alone in the room before the screen went blank.

I stared, my mouth hanging open at the screen.

"This was taken two days ago, he hadn't edited or deleted anything as of last night so I was able to get the whole thing."

"He tried to kill Trevor?" TK questioned, with horrified amazement in his voice.

"My assumption is once her toxicology report comes back it will show that the heroin was combined with another drug, she must have accidentally taken the drugs meant for him."

"I don't understand why he would go after Trevor though if he wanted to mess with Kari wouldn't he have gone after one Matt or me?"

TK had a point, sure I cared about Trevor but going after TK would have been the most obvious choice.

"I have an answer for that as well." Izzy once again turned his computer towards us. I could have screamed when it all came together. Michael wouldn't just go away for my abuse or a single murder, but at least two.

We hurried out and to the hospital, and when we got inside we were both practically running to get to his room. We saw Matt standing outside, "What took so long," He said, tiredly rubbing his hand across his face.

"Inside," I said, pushing past him into the room. Trevor sat up when he saw us come in. I had to stop and catch my breath for a moment.

"Kari I,"

"Wait," I said, hands on my knees still breathing heavily. "Wait," I said again, before sitting down in the chair next to his bed.

"Michael sent her for you. He tried to kill you." Trevor's eyes were wide.

"Wait, what? That's a stretch even for this summer." Matt threw his hands up waiting for answers instead of more theories.

"Izzy got into his computer, he has proof, we have proof," TK said, still trying to catch his breath.

"Why him?" Matt asked, gesturing towards Trevor.

"Because of Cassandra," I said, grabbing onto Trevor's hand. "Because of your sister."

"How?" Trevor's voice quivered, gone the careless attitude, as tears collected in his eyes.

"He kept photos, and videos, like mementos. Trevor, there's a video of what he did. We got him."

The tears fell down his face, and his body wracked with sobs. He brought his hands to his eyes, clenching his fists tight trying to stop the flood that started. We let him go, who knows how long he had held everything in. Once he started to calm I grabbed his hand again, and squeezed, "The truth Trevor, please?"

His face scrunched up, brow furrowed like he was trying to find a place to start.

"My last name isn't Levinson, it's Steigler. I changed it after." He stopped, balling up his fists. "After she died."

He took another breath, and released his grip before continuing, "We went to different academies, I started to get into a bit of trouble in middle school, so they shipped me off to an all-boys school before ninth grade. Cassandra was just like you Kari. Kind, self-sacrificing, and gentle. She kept me out of trouble, made me want to be better, and then Michael came along. He was a little prick even back then. I hated him immediately, and my insistence that she drop him drove a wedge between us.

Suddenly, it was her sneaking out at night, I'd wait up and lecture her, telling her not to make my mistakes. She'd laugh me off and say, 'a boy wasn't a drug,' but she was addicted to him. She wanted to be everything he desired. She started dressing differently and wearing more makeup, but our parents didn't see anything drastic, just a young girl in love." He took a shaky breath, rubbing his hands over his face. I wasn't sure if he was tired or trying to stop himself from crying again. His eyes were red, and so bruised underneath, you may have assumed he'd been in a fight. He collected himself and kept going.

"One day she snuck in really late, I heard her softly crying in her room, and when I went in and saw her I thought my heart would stop. She had a black eye, and a mark on her arm, she said it was him but that it was over, and to let it go. I'd never seen my sister look so afraid. I told her we could go to the police, but she freaked and begged me not to. I planned on telling my parents the next night, to at least get her to a therapist or something. She was so shaken up I knew she would need some sort of help."

He had been starting to talk faster almost like, if he sped his way through, it wouldn't hurt as much. But he stopped, and his forehead creased as his mouth formed into a thin line.

"I never saw my sister alive again. She stayed home from school that next day, but when we got home she was gone, and had sent a message saying she was at a friend's house. The next day I came home and found her at the bottom of our stairs, a crumpled mess on the floor, with a needle next to her body. I sat on the floor shaking her, staring into her wide-open eyes, but she was already cold. I always knew he did it, that night she came home she was so scared, and there was something she never told me but I'm sure he threatened her. The note they found on her computer was bullshit, it wasn't her voice, but my parents accepted it in their grief. I begged them to get someone to investigate, I started telling anyone who would listen that he'd done it, but no one believed me.

I spiraled, taking whatever I could get my hands on, and that's when I met Lexi. We were a mess together, using anything and everything, for a few weeks until my parents finally sent me away, just shy of my eighteenth birthday, before they'd lose all control. One day, near the end of my program, I was told I had a visitor. Michael stood there in the hallway looking as haughty as he always had. I pushed him against the wall, but he reminded me of all the cameras.

He made me an offer that day, handed me a check for $500,000, and told me to disappear. He said, nothing would bring my sister back, that he was innocent, and his family would rather pay me off to shut me up than deal with false allegations. He handed me an NDA and the check. We were a solid middle class but my parents still struggled from time to time, and I knew I'd never see money like that in my life, especially not with the path I was making for myself. I was lost, angry, and severely depressed. I told him to go fuck himself, and he laughed like I was nothing. He handed me his phone with his lawyer pulled up to show me all the high-profile clients he had, explained defamation cases, and how much they could sue my family for. He threatened to take everything away from us.

So I signed my life away and took the money. When I got out of rehab I left my parents $250,000 and a note saying not to come looking for me. I couldn't go back into that house where I found her, and couldn't look at my parents knowing what I did, so I legally changed my last name and never went back."

"Then you," He looked up at me. "When you walked into our lives, and when I realized you were with Michael, I lost it."

"The cocaine last year?" Matt interrupted, as realization dawn on him.

"Yea, I just felt like I couldn't function. I finally had a life I wasn't ashamed of, I was proud of the music we were making and finally felt like I had people in my life I could trust. Then Michael was back, and that night he met us he pulled me aside and told me, I better keep my mouth shut, and stay away from Kari. I had a fucking meltdown. I saw my sister in you in so many ways, and I just wanted to protect you the way I couldn't protect her. Kari, I-" He put his head in his hands. "I sent the photos to the press. I wanted him to go down. I wanted him to go away, and I selfishly pushed your privacy to the side."

"How did you even get your hands on them?" I mused out loud pulling away from the bed, amazed, and pained from the betrayal I was feeling.

"I know a guy at the station that held your file, he was a dealer, use to go through evidence and sell what he found, but that's a whole different story. He knew we were friends and mentioned that you ended up in the hospital, all beat up, while you were still with Michael. He'd heard rumors and went rummaging around through the files. I paid him to get the photos and I held onto them for months. The way he was stalking us, fucking with us, I wanted him to go down for it, for you, for her, but it just created an even bigger mess.

When I saw Lexi at the bar she slinked over to me just like she had back in high school. She told me we could have fun for the night. She'd seen all the news and knew I was under a lot of stress, and I fucking cracked. I wanted the oblivion, I couldn't take the lying anymore, and I just wanted to be numb for a little while. I'm sorry, I'm just so fucking sorry."

Matt was enraged, his nails biting into his palms, but he stayed silent. I wasn't sure if he was trying to keep it in to stop himself from beating the shit out of Trevor, or because he was waiting for him to continue.

"You released my photos," I said it out loud if only to hear the words again. It hurt so much to know he was the one who did it. He took my life into his hands, my wounds, and he gave it to the world as if it was the only solution. "If you would have told me, if I had known, maybe-" I wanted to say I'd have helped him, I'd have gone after Michael if I knew he was a murder, but that was a lie. I have no idea what I would have done, or if I would have even believed it.

"You saved me. Matt told me, but-" His hands tightened around the blanket that pooled around his waist. "You should have just left me to die."

It happened so fast, I didn't even realize what I'd done until I felt the pain radiate across my palm. He looked at me wide-eyed, his face red with a mark from my hand.

"Don't. Don't you dare." I stood up, backing away.

He looked down, empty, ashamed. I started pacing around the room.

"I can't believe you lied all this time," Matt had this tone of wonder to his voice as if he was amazed by his dedication to hiding himself.

"You guys took me in and it was like having a family again. I thought about telling you a bunch of times, but all I thought about was the inevitable pity, or that you would think I was just as crazy as everyone else did. It didn't seem worth it."

"Was this worth it?" Matt cut him off, gesturing to the room around us. His resolve was faltering.

"Were you ever going to tell me?" I stopped pacing, TK pulled me close trying to calm me down. I looked to Trevor for some sort of explanation.

He looked down into his lap and shook his head, "I don't know."

At least that was honest. I was angry, but at the same time what would I have done if someone had murdered my only sibling. Who would I be in that life? Would I risk other people to get justice for Tai? If I was being honest with myself I knew I couldn't answer. I looked at TK and thought about him, and what I would do if someone hurt him. My mind went to dark places and I knew I couldn't hold this over Trevor. All of this was more than anyone should have to go through.

"Don't talk to the police if they come and ask questions, we need to find you a lawyer." He sent me a look filled with questions.

"Why would the police come? They don't bother with overdoses." He looked between us for an answer.

We shared a look before I turned to TK, his eyes were wide with the realization that Trevor didn't know about Lexi.

I sat back down next to his bed, TK put his hands on my shoulders for support, but before I could say anything Matt stepped forward.

"Lexi's dead. She was gone when the EMTs got to you both." Matt had a note of sympathy in his voice that I wasn't aware was left at this point.

Trevor sank down into the bed, looking more lost than before if that was possible.

"How? Her tolerance had to be lightyears ahead of where I was after not using in so long."

"Izzy think's it was laced, in the video, he told her to be careful to give you the right one or she'd end up dead. She must have given you the wrong one." I relayed the information Izzy had given us.

He thought for a moment, "Or he planned for her to die and me to take the fall. Either, I'm dead, or in jail, both would work for him right?" He rubbed his temple like he was wishing away a headache. "She was in on it?" He asked, sadly, feeling some bit of betrayal at the thought.

"He paid her," I said.

He nodded back and took a deep breath, "I have a lawyer I can call, but what's your plan?"

"I'm still working on it. I have some other people I need to reach out to, but I should know more later in the day. Do you trust this lawyer to tell them what's going on without it getting out to the press?"

Trevor said yes, before there was a knock on the door followed by a nurse, we excused ourselves so she could check in on him. We all agreed Matt needed to get back and get some sleep. John, and Colin, would probably be wanting to head over soon anyway. We decided to let Trevor tell them, he may not have wanted to, but he needed to be the one. I went back in when the nurse was finished and asked if he wanted me to stay, but he said it was fine, he wanted some time alone anyway. He stopped me before I left, and told me again how sorry he was, that he would try to make it up to me. I told him to get clean and stay that way, to make it up to himself.

Even with everything hanging over us at the moment, having answers made things feel a bit less daunting. It seemed like there was finally a possible end to all of this.