Edited 4/29/21

Disclaimer: I do not own Digimon or the Song Look What You Made Me Do, by Taylor Swift.

"I don't like your little games
Don't like your tilted stage
The role you made me play
Of the fool, no, I don't like you
I don't like your perfect crime
How you laugh when you lie
You said the gun was mine
Isn't cool, no, I don't like you"

I stood on stage and held Matt's guitar tightly in my hands, my nails grazed over the guitar strings, going from the rough, ridged, large ones, to the smooth, sharpness of the skinny strings. It was just me alone on the stage now. I looked out across the crowd, it was smaller than most of the shows we'd played that summer, probably around 100 people. We wanted to keep the show intimate considering what I was about to do. We did have the whole thing being live-streamed, so even though the crowd was small, I felt like I was on stage in front of the entire world. I took a breath, started playing, and let everything fall away until it was just me and the music.

I woke up in a cold sweat, breathing heavy, trying to wipe the horrible images from my mind. The closer we got to the show the more nightmares I was having. I felt the bed shift behind me and heard a groggy yawn from TK.

"Hey, you okay?" He sat up and wrapped his arms around my waist. I felt him shift when he realized I was breathing erratically. "Hey, it's okay, follow my breath."

I did, I felt the rise and fall of his chest against my back, and tried to match my hurried breaths to his own, much calmer, ones. I felt myself start to relax, knowing I was safe in this room here with him, instead of the room in my nightmare with Michael.

"I'm sorry." My voice was weak and tired.

"Don't apologize, did you have another nightmare?"

I nodded, and he wrapped his arms tighter around my waist.

"You know, you don't have to do this, you can pull back and we can come up with something else." His breath was warm against my neck. I leaned back into him accepting the comfort he gave, as I shook my head, no.

"I need to do this. The only way this all stops is if he's away in jail where he can't hurt anyone else."

He pulled me, gently, back towards the bed to lay back down, his hands moved across my head and through my hair. I closed my eyes and begged sleep to come. I was safe. I'd be okay.

"Promise you'll call the therapist tomorrow? I know you've been putting it off. Him being gone may give you peace of mind, in the short term, but these nightmares may not stop." His voice was quiet, and soothing, the way a parent would talk to a small child, but it wasn't patronizing.

I knew he was right, and I had been avoiding it. I knew therapy meant rehashing everything to work through it, and that to me was almost as scary as releasing the video. He was right though, I couldn't keep doing this to myself, and he shouldn't have to wake up four nights a week to help lull me back to bed.

"Okay," I said. I meant it, I just hoped I'd have the courage to actually do it when morning came.

"What about these?" Sora held up a pair of, faux leather, pants.

"Way too hot for the stage."

Her face scrunched up, disappointed. She'd been trying to help me find an outfit for the show tomorrow, and we were on our second store, but not having much luck. She said, it should be edgy. I should look like a rock star, but also an assassin, it was all a bit aggressive if you ask me.

"Sorrrrra!" Both our heads turned as we saw Mimi barge through the doors. The sales clerk stopped in her tracks, as Mimi ran past her and hugged us both fiercely.

"Sorry I'm late, our plane was delayed and you know what a nightmare JFK is this time of year," She blew a strand of hair out of her face and it managed to land perfectly against the rest of her head.

She and Izzy had come into the city for moral support, I was thankful, I'd take everything I could get at this point.

"That's okay, this is only our second stop." Sora thumbed through the racks before turning around with a dejected look across her face. "Let's try another store, it's just not here."

"What's the look?" Mimi looked into the shop windows as we walked by.

"Apparently, rock star assassin." I shrugged.

"Not apparently, it is," Sora said, firmly.

"Ohhh, I love that," said Mimi.

"Can't I be Stevie Nicks instead?" My voice was whinier than I'd planned, but I wasn't really femme fatale material.

"Not for this one. You can't be all, 'look at me in this flowery dress, I'm so approachable and sweet.' It needs to be, 'I'm out for blood. So, don't fuck with me." Sora pumped a fist in the air for emphasis.

Mimi enthusiastically agreed. They threw ideas back and forth while I followed from behind, mumbling to myself about just wearing a sweatshirt, and shorts, and forgetting 'looks' altogether.

We ended up leaving Soho and heading down to the financial district to comb the racks in Century 21. I tried on several crop tops, with high-waisted shorts, but everything was almost impossible to move in. We'd separated about forty-five minutes ago to cover more ground in the multi-level store. I was about to give up when I passed by a dress on one of the crammed clearance racks. The top part of the dress was see-through, covered in lace, and sequins, while the skirt part of the dress was feathered, and looked like it would hit mid-thigh. I backtracked and grabbed one of the crop tops while texting Sora to have them meet me in the fitting room. I was gentle with the dress, afraid of ripping the top, I zipped up the back and smoothed it down before looking at myself in the mirror.

"Hey, you in there?" Mimi shouted from outside the room.

I opened up the door and stepped out, with a triumphant gleam in my eyes, and their mouths dropped.

"That's it," they said together.

I turned around and looked back at the mirror, I understood now. I felt like I could probably kick a door in or something. It was powerful looking, like armor.

"Now we need shoes!" It was Mimi, who was throwing her fist in the air this time.

I sighed but smiled, if the shoes made me feel like the dress, then maybe I'd convince myself I was ready for this after all.

The black leather heels I was wearing stuck to the floor as I paced, back and forth, around the small room. I'd been hold up in the back room of the club, trying to calm myself down for the past ten minutes. While the guys left to go mingle with our friends, I'd banished myself back here to keep from hyperventilating. I told them to leave me, give me some time, but being alone with just me and my thoughts was turning out to be a mistake.

What if no one believed me? What if they thought we faked the photos? What if Michael was out in the audience? What if he came for me? What if I got destroyed in the press? What if one of the other women gets destroyed by the press? What if I never work again? What if it's all for nothing? My head spiraled in circles until I was dizzy.

I was startled by blonde hair, so wrapped up inside my head that I didn't see him walk in, his blue eyes piercing through me while the rest of his features were softened with concern.

"You're gonna wear a hole into the floor." He nodded towards the couch for me to sit, I complied, crossed my legs, and watched my foot twitch back and forth, all of my anxiety filtering itself there.

He sat across from me and grabbed my foot, "You have to relax. You're going to give yourself a heart attack."

I tried to take a breath and focus on not fidgeting.

"Are you sure you still want to do this?" His voice was softer and his eyes warmed to match.

"I need to do this." My voice was a little shaky, I swallowed and took another deep breath. "I need to do this," I said, more firmly.

He let go of my foot, as he sat back into the couch, "When you showed up at the apartment a few months ago I almost immediately went after him." His voice was quiet, his eyes slanted, and fists clenched. "I could see it in your weight, the way you hunched, and in the circles under your eyes. I knew he'd hurt you in some way worse than a breakup, but I knew I needed to wait, knew I needed to give you time. Over the past few months, I watched you get your life back. You clawed yourself out of a hole to be standing here right now, and you're going to keep going after this. This isn't it. So, when you go out there tonight, know that we are behind you and we have your back in every way. You're part of this group now, and we aren't going anywhere."

I felt tears brim in my eyes and I reached out to wrap my arms around him. I could probably count, on one hand, the number of times Matt and I had hugged. I could feel his surprise and almost pulled back, but he gently wrapped his arms around me and held me tight.

"Thank you," I pulled back, and blinked a few times to stop any tears from falling.

"Don't thank me, this is what family does, so don't forget that." He placed a hand on my shoulder as he stood. "Take five and then head out. Breathe. You're going to be great."

I waited for the door to click shut as he left the room. I stood up and shook myself out, jumping up and down, trying to release the rest of my nervous energy. I stopped, took three deep breaths, and headed out to the stage.

He was right, I had so many people behind me. I had the most amazing friends I could ever ask for, and someone I loved fiercely, who loved me just as fiercely back. I could do this.

As I walked down the hall I paused at the brightly colored flyers for other shows that lined the wall, and it took me back to the start of all of this.

I had five neon fliers, my class list, and a map of school in my hand. I was finding it difficult to maneuver around campus to find the building I'd have most of my classes in. Every hundred feet or so there was another group handing out their club fliers, be it meetings or parties, all trying to talk up why their activity was the best. That, muddled with my trying to decipher the English was getting me all turned around. I'd always been better at speaking English than reading it, and it's not that I couldn't, because I was proficient in the language, it was just jarring trying to get used to everything being in a foreign language.

I should have stopped walking to try and decipher the map, but I was lost in the page and ended up running into something hard. I stumbled back and felt a hand grab my upper arm. When I was steadied I saw that I was still attached to someone else and I was shocked to see a familiar face.

"Michael?" I questioned, to be sure. I took in his more mature face, it had been years since I'd seen him in person. He was handsome with striking, sharp features, and dark blue eyes. His hair was a bit shorter, cropped to his neck, his soft curls perfectly placed.

"Kari." He said my name confidently. I was surprised he'd recognized me because we hadn't kept in touch over the years. TK, and Izzy, were much better at maintaining communication with our friends overseas.

I noticed a stinging in my arm and realized he was still holding onto me, he saw me glance and slowly let go.

"Sorry, I wanted to make sure you were okay, you ran into me pretty hard."

"I'm so sorry," I felt my face heat up. "I'm trying to make my way around and wasn't paying attention."

I'd only been here a few days and here I was, already making bad impressions.

"It's okay it's a big campus, and it must be a big adjustment."

"Yea, I just got in a few days ago." I shuffled my papers around and felt some of them leaving my hands. I looked up to find him smirking and turning over the brightly colored papers in his hands.

"Just walk right by all these guys or you'll end up with enough to fill a book." He crumpled the papers up, making a little multicolored ball, and threw them in a nearby trash can. I remember finding it strange that he didn't ask if I wanted any of them, but I was still so out of sorts that it didn't register as weird, neither did the stinging in my arm where his hand had been.

"What are you looking for?" He pointed to the map.

I pulled out my class list and showed it to him.

"You're in the music department?" His eyes widened a bit, surprised.

"Musical theater, yeah." I heard my voice get higher in that way it would if I was getting nervous. I felt happy to see someone I knew, but also had this, weird, underlying feeling of weariness.

He looked me over again like he was searching for something in my appearance that would make me look like a singer. "I'm in the theater department so I can show you where it all is."

He didn't wait for me to respond, he took my hand and pulled me along through the courtyard in the right direction. I noticed people staring, and whispering, as we walked by. I must have looked a bit too long at one of the groups, and I heard him scoff.

"It's so annoying, I've been here a year now and people still talk when I go by, there's Colin Keating's kid." He shook his head but looked proud all the same.

I'd almost forgotten that his father was a famous actor here in the states, so it must be normal to get whispered about constantly.

He took me around the part of the campus I'd be spending the most amount of time in, told me that he was in his second year, and was trying to be a television actor. He said, "That's where the real money is."

I remember being charmed when he told me he'd take me to dinner that night. He told me all about the school, the people he hung around with, the ones I should avoid. I was so happy there was someone here that I had some sort of connection to, even if it was small.

I didn't focus on how little say I had in anything that day, in how he dominated the conversation and asked so little about me and my plans. I was just happy to have been noticed. I was foolish. I was young.

Those flyers on the wall were so similar to the ones in my hands back in school, the ones he'd thrown out without asking. What had I missed out on back then? What people could I have met instead?

Every day I tried to have less regret, to try and move forward, and every day there was a reminder of something I lost.

I had a lot of fear, but no guilt about what I was going to do. My body felt like it was vibrating. I grabbed the drink Colin held out for me as I walked on stage and downed it quickly, the burn cleared my throat and calmed my nerves. The venue was roaring, I heard people in the crowd cheering for us individually from across the bar. I turned towards the crowd, placing my friends, and my eyes landed on TK, he nodded towards me with a determined look covering his face. I turned to Matt as he started playing the first few chords of our opening number. I grabbed the microphone and started to sing the first few lines. I let myself get lost in the music, I wanted to enjoy the beginning of this, because who knew what would happen once it was over.

They were like electricity tonight. There was no fumbling, no mistakes, not that there were ever many, but tonight everyone was nailing it. The bassist they found to replace Trevor for the night was a friend of theirs, so he meshed right into the group. Kari looked lighter as the show went on, deep into the music in a way that made her so engaging to watch. She moved around the stage in a way that enticed everyone in the audience to move with her.

They'd kept the show really light tonight, the songs were upbeat, and they skipped anything acoustic in the middle. The crowd had been full of gossip before the show, they advertised a special performance from Kari tonight, and everyone had been curious about what that meant. The group of us stuck pretty close together, every once in a while April would go take a look at the comments on the live stream and check to see what the viewership was like, and every time she came back it had grown, she was pleased with how everything was turning out.

The song they were playing ended and the crowd erupted.

"Alright everyone, that was it for us tonight, but Kari has one more for you." Matt turned around and picked up his acoustic guitar handing it to her, and whispering something away from the mic, before making his way off the stage with the rest of the guys.

She ran her hands over the strings and took a deep breath before heading towards the microphone.

"Before I play this last one for you all tonight, I want to thank you all for coming out and supporting us, it's always special to play at home, and you guys have been great." She left a pause for the inevitable cheer that always comes after thanking a crowd. There was a genuine smile on her face, a calm that crossed over her for a moment.

"And second, I want to thank you for standing by us as fans over the past few weeks. Sometimes people are going to come into your life with the intention of creating chaos, with the intention of causing you harm, and you might not be able to see it. You might be hurt, you might feel alone, and you might be scared, but please reach out to your friends and family. People show up for you when you need them to. I forgot that for a long time, but I won't anymore. So this one is for anyone who's ever been broken down, for everyone who's ever felt stuck and alone, and who's ever felt like people who harmed you never get what's coming to them, because sometimes, sometimes they just might."

She stepped back, as people in the crowd threw around jeers in Michael's name, and shouted support for her and the band. She didn't acknowledge any of it though, she just stepped forward and started playing. The venue went quiet for her.

As she approached the end of the song I looked towards April, who had her phone in her hand, waiting to send the message that would release everything.

As Kari said her final word, April sent the message and pocketed her phone. When Kari stepped back from the mic it was like being surrounded by white noise, that's how loud everyone around us was and then came the phone pings, and the buzzing. I saw her quietly make her way off stage as people around us started pulling out their phones. I headed for the entrance, but not before I started to hear the video, the echo of 100 phones playing it at different times, and the horrible sound of her scream.

They'd worked with two publications and a popular online social media site. The publications would release everything, and at the same time, the site would create a "moment" that would shoot out an update to anyone who had the app.

There would be an attached press release with the videos and photos, it read:

"Too often in our society, powerful men are allowed to get away with crimes because of money, and fame. We allow them to slide by because we assume we know who these people are, based on their public persona, but the reality is often very different in private. We came together because we've been on the receiving end of abuse from the same individual, a person who's paid for our silence, or used fear to obtain it. We've chosen to release photos and videos that prove our claims, images that are painful to relive, and may be triggering for some individuals. We did not make this decision lightly, several attempts to go to certain authorities had proven ineffective, and traumatizing, for more than one of us, and we felt there was no choice but to take this into our own hands and distribute our, painful, proof to the public so there could be no question about what we've endured. This is a step towards justice for the women who have been harmed by this individual's actions, and towards hope that he will not be able to cause anyone else the kind of pain, and suffering, we have endured."

I exited the building trying to shake it away, turned the corner, and saw the outline of a figure in the dark standing against the side of the club. As I walked past her, I took her hand and we started for home, quickly maneuvering our way through the city before the press could descend on the club. She said what she needed to, for now, the videos and the pictures could say the rest.

As we entered the apartment she looked dazed, she unzipped her hoodie and carefully placed it on one of the kitchen stools, before grabbing a glass from the shelf and pouring herself water. I stood, uselessly, by the door unsure of what to do. She pulled out her phone, which was off, and stared at the blank screen.

"Don't," I said, finally breaking my own trance and headed into the kitchen with her. I gently pulled her phone away and placed it on the counter before pulling her close to me.

"What's happening in your head?" My voice was gentle, if not pleading.

"What if I made the wrong choice? What if he tries to hurt one of the other girls? What if he comes for me?" I felt her arms wrap tightly around me as her hands grasped my shirt tightly.

I ran one of my hands through her hair, trying to soothe her. "You made the choice you felt was right, and everyone supported you, all you can do now is keep going. If you keep questioning yourself you'll go crazy."

She took a deep, shaky, breath as she nodded against me. We separated and she headed into the bathroom to get ready for bed.

I heard the shower turn on before I slid onto the floor in the kitchen. I pulled my phone out and clicked on the link. The photos of the other girls were just as bad as Kari's, one after another, covered in bruises, dead-looking eyes stared back at me. Then there was the video, the one I'd so specifically avoided until hearing pieces tonight as I left the bar. I watched as he threw her down, kicked her in the ribs, crouching down, grabbed her hair, and shouting in her face. He screamed at her to stand up, calling her a slew of names, until he dragged her up and pushed her onto the bed. This, all while she begged him to stop. The screen went black before it went further, but the worst was implied.

My hand was shaking. I wanted to scream or hit something, but all I could do was sit on the floor and let tears stream down my face. I pushed my palms against my eyes to try to stop it, to stop the most useless thing I could do, but the only thing I could manage. I was an adult now but still felt like an absolute, fucking, cry baby.

I felt my phone vibrate in my hand and picked it up without thinking, assuming it would be my brother checking on us. "Hello," my voice betrayed me, quivering and pathetic.

"You sound like shit TK, she dragging you down with her, or just having a rough night?" The male voice happily chirped through the phone, mocking me.

"Michael?" My voice was like venom.

"Releasing those videos was a mistake."

"You son of a bit-."

He cut me off, his voice was calm. "That's sweet, but I'm going to stop you right there. This is not going to end well for any of you, you have a chance to step back from this, go back to Japan. Forget about her. She left you once-"

"Screw you," I was screaming into the phone. I wanted to be calm, to prove he wasn't getting to me, to us, but again I was failing. "I'm not going anywhere, and you're going to jail, you piece of shit."

"That's cute, but by the time I'm finished with her. I'll be long gone." He taunted.

"You won't get close enough to touch her." My entire body was shaking, I was holding my phone in a vice grip, I knew he was just trying to get to me, and it was working.

"We'll see. If you really love her you may want to commit her to memory, it will all be over soon."

"If you come near her I'll fucking kill you!" The phone went dead with the sound of his laughter, and a click.

"TK?" Kari was standing in the hallway, hair still wet, wearing one of my shirts.

She flinched when she saw me. I must have looked crazed. I tried to relax, the last thing I wanted to be was someone who scared her.

"We have." I stopped, hearing my voice shake. "We have to call them."

"He called you?" She walked towards me, reaching out for my hands that were still shaking. "What did he say?"

"We need to call them," I said, again. She looked scared, but I didn't want to have to replay it more than once.

She quickly went into the bedroom to get the number we needed to call, we'd been prepared for him to contact us but we thought it would be her he reached out to, not me. I started to play it over in my head, wishing I had recorded it, something we were supposed to do if he reached out, and how I should have been calmer. How I shouldn't have made threats. My head spiraled around, and around, but I shoved it down as she put the paper into my hands.

He should have been in custody that night, but we should have known it wouldn't have been that easy, life is never that easy, is it?