Arturia felt heavy as she opened her eyes. The first thing within her view was stone walls. No longer was she lying in the soft flower bed of a field, instead it was hard wooden floors. The bright light was gone in favor of dim candles and soft light from windows. She slowly pulled herself up as she scanned her surroundings.

'Where am I?'

Arturia dusted her dress off and continued to walk through the hallway. There was a sense of urgency with her graceful and steady movements, so she made sure to keep a fast pace. She felt like she was late for a very important event.

Loud footfalls came from down the hall, a long stride that was hurrying towards her. She turned herself around at the waist to see who it was. Arturia knew the man before her that dressed in fancy armor but she could not recall his name.

'Is this a dream? Or have I lost my memory? I should know him, I DO know him but I can't remember…'

Either way it was most unsettling. She didn't know what to do so she just turned around fully and smiled.

"My King! I heard you fall and came as fast as I could, are you alright? Do you need any assistance?"

"No, I'm quite alright. It was just a tumble is all. Nothing more. Besides I think I just tripped on an upraised nail."

The tall man before nodded his head. He must have been one of her loyal knights of the round. His long hair hanging down and his concerned face made her smile. Yes this one was a very sweet man to be so worried.

"An upraised nail? I must have the servants inspect these floors then! I, Bevidere, will see to it that this will not happen again, my king"

The name shot through her mind. She knew him now and all her memories were fond.

Bedivere's tall form leaned down into a bow and his head was eyelevel to her. Her smile grew wide on her form as she leaned forward to lay a hand on his shoulder.

"Come now, you said we have somewhere to be right? So, why don't we get there?"

The loyal knight simply smiled and offered his arm to her. She wrapped hers around it with a small smile as well.

They came to a massive set of double doors. There looked familiar to her. She knew this castle, lived in this castle and it felt like home. She could see bits in pieces of her past within its walls but it was just fuzzy. Bedivere knocked on the carved wooden doors softly. In response they began to open, behind them she could hear people. A lot of people. Another knight greeted the pair and held his hand out to her. His armor, his stature. She knew this knight extremely well. Arturia could feel it.

"Happy Birthday my king"

His deep voice laced with care. Did she love this knight? Did he love her? More than just as his king? She smiled against her confusion and thanked him. Today would run smoothly she hoped.

"Lancelot, you should announce her highness to the court of guests."

Lancelot.

That name hit two separate emotions within her. Happiness and Sorrow. Some how she felt as if she had caused a great tragedy to happen to him. She shook this off when she heard him speak.

"All rise, announcing the arrival of our king, Arturia pendragon. All hail her majesty the king!"

Every one of the people that were in attendance cried out with cheers. She felt as if she knew them but no names came to her. She almost sighed at this fact. With both Bedievere and Lancelot by her side she entered the great hall. She was escorted down the center of the room and passed by many people that stood out. Plenty of them greeted her with fervor. All she could do was to nod and wave at them. She could not show any emotion that might give away her confusion.

When she made it to the high table at the front of the room she saw two seats. They were on either side of the largest and most detailed chair. A chair she knew was hers. The seat that was to be on her left was empty while the seat on her right was occupied by a woman. She looked older than Arturia and they seemed to share a vague resemblance.

This woman gave Arturia a sinking feeling but she didn't look daunting or sinister. She was taken straight to her seat without greeting the standing woman. Both Lancelot and Bedievere held her hands while they brought her to the high chair.

She rounded the chair from the left side and stood in front of it. She held her hand high and motioned that everyone could be seated. She remained standing though.

"I would like to thank each and everyone one of you for attending this celebration of my birthday. Now, let us begin our feast!"

She may not have known what was going on but she knew that instinct would take over. As a king she had mannerisms that came natural to her. Public speaking was one of them.

After the hall had quieted to a dull roar, she sat in her seat. Servants were bustling about beginning to bring out the food. While a few were setting her table the woman to her right leaned over to her.

"You are late my dearest sister. Was there something the matter on your way here?"

Sister. So this woman was her sister? Arturia could not recall any family besides her departed mother and father.

"I tripped in the hall before Bedivere showed up. He retrieved me and brought me here."

She decided to leave out the part in which she had no memory of beforehand.

"Well that is unfortunate, but I am glad that you were only a little late instead of completely absent. I almost got worried that someone had snatched you away before you even got a chance to choose your husband."

"What?"

Arturia scolded herself internally, she had not meant to say that out loud. For all she knew this was some sort of common thing spoken between them.

"Well today is when the time would be right for someone to steal your heart. I'm sure you will catch the eye of several men here. I would not doubt that more than a few are here for that express reason.

The woman gave Arturia a sly smile. It unsettled her but she did not show it.

"They would have to prove worthy of course, no simple man is good enough for my dearest sister. No, they would have to be truly spectacular."

She didn't know what to think on the matter. Did she even need to marry? Was she even interested in men? Something in her memory told her she was married. But she could not recall anything about it. If she was married on the outside then what else was there? Children? A girl... one that looked just like her came into mind. She shook her head slightly to get her mind off the weird side thoughts. Right now there was information to get out of her. She needed to know who these people are.

"Is there anyone that stands out right now? Any guesses on who might try?"

The dark haired woman looked out among the crowd and scanned through them.

Arturia followed her gaze and saw men and women all enjoying the feast. There were a few that glanced in their direction but none staring outright.

"Ah, there's one. Diarmuid Ua Duibhne, the first spear of Fionn."

Arturia was unsure of which man she was speaking of. Her sister noticed that she was looking in the wrong direction and tapped her arm.

"Look there, you see that mole under his eye? They say it's a cursed 'love spot' it bewitches people that look upon him. They fall madly in love with him just by simply locking eyes on him. Quite interesting isn't it? Though, this will not work in this castle. Between Merlin and myself there is no such thing as curses or poisons. No. There is a very strong magical barrier around us."

When she looked upon his face she did note that he was quite handsome. But her mind caught on the name she said.

Merlin? The name filled her with recognition. He was the reason she was king, and for some reason, she felt it was behind much more than that in her life.

She shook herself back onto the conversation that was at hand. Her eyes still looking to the handsome knight that looked to back to her. He was pleasing to the eye but she could not let go of the hurt that he seemed to hold. In her memory those amber eyes were lined with blood. Blood of betrayal and a curse upon all that took place in it. She had to look away.

"I'm not so sure that he would be suitable."

Her sister looked to her with narrowed eyes. It was almost as if she was upset at her statement.

"Come now, of course he would be a worthy man. He's such a loyal knight…"

"Who else stands out?"

She didn't want to hear any more about that man. His loyalty is what killed him. Killed? She was confused greatly.

However, her mind was put back on track when the woman pointed out another person.

"Over there, at that table we have Irisviel's son. Shirou."

Irisviel…Shirou… a hollow feeling of pain flooded her. Those people that were mentioned. When Arturia looked to them she almost wanted to cry. A woman with snow white hair and a boy with unruly auburn hair. Both smiling and laughing with others at the table. She had to will away the tears that stung her eyes. She couldn't cry here and she could obviously see that they weren't dead.

Dead.

"Arturia?"

She snapped her head back over to her sister.

"Are you alright?"

"I am fine. Sorry, I didn't figure Shirou would be interested in someone like me."

Her sister's eyes looked into her but she accepted her lie.

"I believe for a long time now that Shirou has had a cute little crush on you. He always was one to inquire about your health. Don't you remember? Every time Irisviel and Kiritsugu would come to visit both him and his sister would be right behind you. Lancelot was upset with your lenient behavior with the boy though. He thought the boy was looking for trouble."

There was no memory of any of this. It didn't sound at all familiar, it was like it never even happened to her.

Before her sister could go on there was a creaking heard. A door had been opened. The whole of the room quieted when the man emerged. Hushed whispers were spoken throughout the hall and the lady that was sitting next to her released a sigh.

When the man got closer to their table, Arturia realized. This was the man that was to sit to her left. This was Merlin. He did not look up to the table until he was right at the edge of it walking behind the woman's seat.

"Merlin you are late. You might as well have insulted your king with this rude interruption."

The man looked up to her seat. His eyes widened in what looked to be shock. Arturia did not understand what he would have to be shocked about. He then looked over to her sister and nodded.

"I'm sure the king would have a punishment for me. I do not answer to you, Morgan."

Morgan. It was her turn to be shocked. The bad feeling she had when she looked to this woman was suddenly justified. Arturia had a strong feeling that her sister had a hand in a great tragedy for her and her country.

She did her best not to show it on her face but the look in Merlin's eyes told her that she reacted. Something was going on. Merlin was shocked to see her and now she suspected that he knew that she did not know her sister's name. That she had no memories of this place.

When he came around to sit in his own chair, she would get an answer. Merlin leaned over to her, he demanded her full attention when he called to her.

"Arturia, whatever you see here is not real. None of this ever happened in your lifetime and it is all just some fantasy. I know not if this is a nightmare or some pleasant dream for you but it is just that, a dream. The people within here are real and their lives lived to their fullest, but not all that are here are dead. You, are not dead. Not anymore."

Arturia's heart dropped. A dream, it was something that she thought this was ever since she awoke in this place. But to say that she used to be dead? What sense did that make? Her eyes looked out to the people that surrounded her. They weren't all dead… but many of them were. Then it made sense as to why she had horrible thoughts about some of the people. Diarmuid, Lancelot, Irisviel, Shirou… They were among the dead and she knew that for fact.

"Thank you for telling me this Merlin. But how do I escape from here?"

She had to know how to get out, if there was a way out.

"I don't know how to wake you, but something will trigger it. Something will happen here that will force your mind to wake up."

She turned back to the food before her. It was tasteless and now cold but she ate it anyway. She felt no hunger and now she had little enthusiasm to pretend. This was noted by Morgan but Arturia ignored what she was saying.

She needed to wake up. But how?

The sound of a chuckle made her snap out of it.

"You should be happy on this day, little king."

That voice? She remembered hearing that exact voice before, but where?

Behind a stone column a man appeared. His body half exposed with his odd manner of dress. He wore what looked to be silky cloth that was wrapped around his left shoulder and gathered at his waist with a golden cord. The amount of jewelry that adorned him was more than what she'd expect a lady of her court would wear. What struck her odd was that it was all gold too. His skin was foreign in color as well, it was much too tan to be from this country of sparse sun.

But what made her unsettled was his eyes. Red like blood and he had sharp pupils. Like those of a demon.

"Who are you and why have you come to my table just to mock me?"

Morgan let out a soft gasp at her words. It was almost as if she was afraid for me.

"Arturia, this is one of our greatest allies and one of the most powerful threats to our country. You should remember his grace, King Gilgamesh. He was very gracious as to lend his hand in freeing our country."

She should have felt a sense of gratitude but she couldn't. He radiated a dark and foreboding aura and she did not like it. She had not liked even looking upon him. Which confused her as he was fairly handsome in his own right.

"Have you forgotten me? I would think you would remember my face and name. After all we were so…close…during our time together."

Morgan, Merlin and Arturia were equally shocked by his insinuation. They looked to her as if she was a part of this. Her eyes narrowed at the arrogant man in front of her.

"Stop this nonsense, either speak as to why you're here or leave. I will not tolerate your lies."

"As to why I'm here? You are as fiery as always, Arturia. I came over to give my gift to you. Something to quench your thirst instead of the swill you're drinking."

A servant, not one of hers, approached her table. From the sides she could see her knights begin to move. Her hand flew up to stop them from interfering. Arturia was quite capable of dealing with any threat. Not that she thought this man would be so bold.

The foreign servant held a golden ornate vat. It no doubt contained wine, but she failed to see why he would call her country's wine distasteful. Though it wasn't as if she had tasted it for herself, everything was without flavor in this dream.

There was another servant just then that had brought her a golden goblet. It was all so lavish and it only made her more upset. When the jug was tipped and began to pour the liquid into her cup, Morgan spoke.

"I demand that we drink of this wine as well. It is for the safety of our king."

The king known as Gilgamesh, scowled. His smile that he used for her was gone and his eyes settled onto her sister.

"I will allow it."

There was some unspoken word that he conveyed with his stare. It was like her sister's worry was an insult to his very being. He was a proud man and he was not used to being commanded to do something. Just like a king. The kind of king that did not take others speaking their mind too well.

The cups of both Merlin and Morgan were emptied back into the simple carafe that was placed on the table. The poor servant then filled their cups as well. Both of them inspected the wine and each had stuck their fingers in it. They tested it for poison but found that there was nothing that they could detect.

Arturia then looked to Gilgamesh with a challenge in her eye. She knew for fact that he would be disappointed in her tasting. She couldn't tell if anything in this world was good or not. So, it would make her happy to see his face fall.

He on the other hand, smirked at her resolve.

The smell hit her nose, it was a light and fruity aroma. She then tipped the cup to her lips and took a sip. The taste, it was delicious. Her eyes looked down to it in wonder. She could feel the blush warm her face.

'She could smell and taste this. But not with the food?'

The shock that displayed on her face made the King opposite of her crack a genuine smile. He had a triumphant look about him.

She placed the wine down and looked to him. She wanted to know what kind of trick was being played here. Out of everything in this dream, this was the only thing to feel absolutely real.

Merlin rested a hand on her shoulder and whispered to her.

"Reality is breaking through isn't it?"

She didn't answer him, at least not before Gilgamesh spoke to her.

"I knew you would enjoy my gift to you. To see that blush upon your cheeks as the wine of the heavens slid down your throat. It was a beautiful sight to witness."

He seemed to have a talent for making lewd comments. She made sure to bring her face back to being as neutral as possible.

"Indeed and now that you have given your gift you may return to the feast. I will not be taking any more guests at this time."

Reality. She thought about Merlin's question. So, Gilgamesh was real and he must have been alive. His presence annoyed her and spread hate through her body. Just who was this man to inspire such feeling within her? She didn't want to trust those emotions but if she felt like this while in the waking world, then that must mean he was a bad person. Did it not? Maybe her perception was skewed? He seemed rude but that could only have been because of his status as a king? She could not tell.

"I will be back to see you little King, and I will have the honor of your first dance."

Her patience with him ended but she refused to acknowledge his statement. She was extremely grateful when he left her.

Arturia felt like she could breathe again.

After a few more hours of mindless chattering and useless attempts to recreate that moment of reality, Morgan stood from her seat to announce to the hall.

"I propose that we conclude this feast with a dance! I would like everyone to join us in the ballroom."

Dance? Not once could Arturia even imagine herself dancing. But did she know how to dance? That was the important thing. Perhaps it was like muscle memory? Something that no matter what one could not forget. She hoped it would be like that. Elsewise she'd make a fool of herself and a king should not be counted a fool.

Morgan urged Arturia to follow her through the door that Merlin had come through earlier. She had to prepare herself for dancing.

The hand maidens busied themselves with removing her light dinner dress. They brought a heavier more elegant dress in for her. She was shocked at how it looked. It was far too elaborate for her. Not something she would have really worn.

The dress was blue and white in color. It was slim, form fitting at the top but it fanned out towards the bottom. Despite how it looked she knew it wasn't something she would fight in. The belt of fabric around the waist and elbows was golden. It was an eye catcher as it clashed with the blue. The long blue sleeves looked like they would drag on the ground. It was highly impractical. She noted that they were trimmed with the same gold. The inner sleeves were white but the edges had a hint of silver to them. The bodice itself was the most intricate. In the white space, between the dark blue, pearls and sapphires formed a design. It was the same design that she had on her armor. Though this one had more of a floral influence at play to it as well.

Once they had fitted the dress on her, they gave her a matching pair of slippers. One servant placed a different crown on her head. This one was more delicate than the true crown of her station. More gems adorned this one.

Everything was in place now.

Arturia was lead from her dressing room back into a hall. Her stride was shorter than normal as this manner of dress did not suit her. Never in her memory could she remember wearing something like this. Sure she had seen it before, known of the style, but never had she worn it.

Memory of a sad looking woman wearing regal dresses came to her mind. The look of longing that she wore. The heavy crown that she bore. Arturia felt nothing but pity.

Morgan broke her from this memory.

"You look most lovely! I wish to see you like this more often, but alas the duty of a king means that one must wear less constricting clothes."

Arturia sighed.

"How else would a king fight for her country? I must be prepared for attack at a moment's notice. I am not some fancy woman of court."

The room that they now entered was extremely familiar to her. This was her throne room.

The people in attendance were dancing across the floor. Music played loudly as it echoed through the halls.

It struck her as odd when they all looked like they wore different clothes as well. It couldn't have been too long between the feast and this, could it? She noticed that all her knights were not in their armor now, they all wore very little but held their swords with them. It was as if everyone became very casually, yet formally dressed.

When they were noticed the whole room stilled. The sea of people parted to let her and Morgan through. Everyone bowing low and not meeting their eyes.

Arturia looked to her throne. At the top of the stairs she saw her seat of power. A beautifully crafted throne of oak. But then her eyes drifted to the one that sat next to it. The eyesore. It was not something that she would have ever had built. It was of similar size to hers but the back was wider. It looked to be carved of limestone or sandstone, something foreign. There were designs in it that looked to be inlaid with gold. The shapes were just lines and angles. A red cloth draped across its back and a large cushion was placed on the seat.

It was curious.

Was it Morgan's? There was no other seat there for her to sit upon.

When they finally made it to the top, and Arturia to her throne, the hall resumed play. The people began to dance once more and Morgan slipped from her side.

Arturia stole glances at the seat next to hers. Something was wrong.

Before she could ponder on the subject further there was a light cough. Her eyes snapped to the person before her. Red hair… amber eyes… She smiled softly.

"Hello Lord Shirou"

The goy before her bowed his head and reached a hand out to her. His voice somewhat shaky.

"My king, would you… would you do me the honor of having this dance?"

She could see the flush to his cheeks. Her first instinct was to say yes and to get up. But there was a gnawing at her that told her no. To spare the boy from being near her. She only would cause him pain.

Arturia almost gasped at her own thoughts.

This was nonsense. It was just a dream, nothing would happen to him and he was not really here.

"I will accept this."

She stood from her throne and gave him her hand. He led her down to the floor. The guests and the musicians stopping in their tracks. The world moved in slow motion as the band began to play once more. The song was slowly paced as Shirou and her started to dance.

For some reason she felt as if the room was appalled at the sight of her dancing with the young lord. The stares she attracted and the whispers she heard muffled by the music. It was as if she was doing something wrong. This was not the feeling of cute rumors that she might choose him to marry. No. They seemed to be chattering something more akin to treason.

Then it all stopped.

The music halted, the people hushed, silence filled the room. Shirou stilled and broke away from her. She was confused. This whole dream was confusing. Nothing made sense and right now it mounted.

The pitter-patter of small feet rushing across the floor was the only sound. The cute laugh of a child ringing through. Arturia slowly turned around to see her. A child with loose blonde curls running straight for her.

"Mommy!"

The small child latched onto her dress, rubbing her face into the fabric. Arturia did not know what to do or how to react. She could feel the eyes of the people on her. They would expect her to show some form of affection. She had to do something. So, she placed her hands on the child's shoulders and pulled her slightly away.

Then she stopped when the little girl looked up at her.

Her face. Arturia felt as if she was looking into a mirror. The features were more rounded but it was her. A small version of herself. But that shock bloomed into something more. Horror.

Red eyes.

The throne that was next to hers.

The way the people looked at her while she was dancing with Shirou.

It was him.

The little girl's face turned into worry.

"What's the matter mommy?"

Arturia didn't know what to say, she was at a total loss.

The room began to fade. The people were all gone. Nothing was there except the girl and her. Arturia felt the dress was gone, instead she wore armor. The girl's eyes pierced her soul.

Then she too vanished right before her very eyes.

Arturia stood suddenly. She was all alone. In a frenzy she scanned through every bit of the room with her eyes. Until a voice stopped her.

"Arturia, what's the matter my precious wife?"

Gilgamesh was there. This time he wore golden armor and stood with all the grace of his station. He approached her stunned form slowly.

Not even stopping to think about her actions she flew forward and tried to slash at him with her sword. Not even noticing that it suddenly appeared in her hands.

Chains flew out of thin air and bound her sword. She let go of it to instead throw a punch but he caught her hand before it could land. His eyes held amusement at her actions.

"Now, now, I thought we were passed all this? We've been married for years and you act just like you did when we first met. My love, I tolerate your willfulness. I will not tolerate this hostility though."

His hands pulled Arturia's body close, taking her into a hug. She was frozen to his touch. The shock stilling her being. Married. It echoed with distaste through her mind.

How could she have married this monster?

Memories of blood, pain and sorrow came from seeing him. Fear and agony came from hearing him. She had nearly died to him, beaten and broken down. All because of him.

So, how could she have let him touch her so lovingly? How could she have a child by him? There was some kind of mistake.

Why would she dream of this?

Arturia's mind was brought back from her inner thoughts. He was looking into her with those same red eyes. His hand placed on her jaw, thumb stroking her cheek.

"Don't be afraid of me, my love."

The whisper was not something that reassured her.

Gilgamesh's face grew closer to her own. Had he not had a strong grip on her face she would have pulled away. But she was stuck. Soon, his lips were upon her own. Sucking the life from her soul.

Her body felt heavy and her mind detached. The feeling of his tongue on hers sickened her. Her eyes slipped shut as the pain flowed.

Pain.

She sat up gasping.

Arturia gripped at the pain that bloomed from her side. Blood. Hot and sticky. She moaned as she pressed down on the wound. Her eyes shut tight.

When she opened them she was horrified.

A sea of corpses lay scattered across the battlefield. At the top of the hill she knelt, her sword buried into the ground with one hand grasping it. She was alive. Barely.

Her eyes scanned through the dead to see if any below were survivors. She saw no movement but she did see sights that struck her heart.

There was a knight with a yellow spear in a limp hand, the other gripping the red spear that was buried in his own chest. He looked as if he committed suicide instead of falling victim to another's blade.

Then she spied a maiden. A woman that had no place on the battlefield. Her silver hair was bloodstained as she laid there on the ground. In her arms was a child that favored her looks. Both looked like dolls that were beaten and broken.

In a cage of swords she saw a boy. His body pierced through several times with blades. This sight caused her the most anguish as it felt dearer to her heart.

And finally, at her side was a knight in red armor. Impaled through the stomach by her own lance. Arturia had dealt the killing blow to this one. The knight's helmet was gone, exposing the truth as to who it was. The knight was her. Arturia's only child. Mordred. The battle all caused by not accepting her.

She closed her eyes as tears fell.

None of this was supposed to happen. Everything was her fault. If she had never been king, if she had never become a servant. These people would all be alive. Every one of her subjects. She was a terrible king.

With all her strength she pulled herself up her knees. Leaning fully on Excalibur. The only light was that of the setting sun in the distance.

She took no notice of the blood that spilled from her. The pain was leaving her as it poured from her wound. The stream of blood pooled down in the field. It soaked with her blood. The hill bled with it flowing around her, the bodies covered.

Soon the hill was like an island as waves of crimson surrounded her.

Arturia sunk beneath the sea of blood.

No sound of her crying out could be heard as she drowned in it.

AN: No excuse really. Work blah blah blah. Working on Saber Cosplay (wigs are a jerk). Playing WoW (I have a paladin named Arturia...go figure). It also doesn't help that I've been working on the next two chapters while I was writing this one... going back and forth kinda sucks and it kills my mind. Also I still have no clue on how to write Gil anymore... I've lost my ability to think in his mind... without being cheesy. Ugh. This isn't dead... I just really suck at keeping my mind on one thing at a time. Sorry for the inconvenience