Edited 4/30/21
I don't own Digimon or A Piece of Your Heart, by Mayday Parade.
"And I don't know, I just can feel it in the atmosphere
If I'm wandering, I've wandered into just the right spot
You are the fire in my sleep, you are the reason I dream
And just for when we're apart I've got a piece of your heart"
I was warm, from the two drinks I'd had since arriving, and the strong arms that circled my waist. The venue smelled like the various foods that covered tables we had set up and sticky spilled drinks, but it was the scent of him, his warm earthiness, that grounded me in the crowd. Davis's eyes bugged out of his head as he got to the climax of a story he was telling, talking enthusiastically with his hands, while Yolei interjected taunts, and sighs, in all the appropriate places.
Around us were more friends, and family, we'd planned a huge get-together between Christmas and the New Year with everyone. The band was setting up, Colin and John had come with us, and they were staying with Matt and his dad while they were here. We'd rented out a bar for the night so we could hold everyone. I looked across the room and watched my mother and father chatting with TK's father, while his mother seemed to be avoiding my parents, still feeling guilty and awkward. Yolei poked me in the side, stealing me out of my thoughts, and started telling a story about the store.
I had been so afraid they wouldn't welcome me back, but it wasn't like that at all, coming home was almost like waking up from a long nightmare.
I took in the familiar buildings, the way the late afternoon light would gleam off the glass, and the children giggling as they ran by with treats from the store. This was the reunion I'd been dreading the most, so I planned to do it first. I figured ripping the band-aid off quickly was the best.
The bell chimed as I walked through the Inoue's shop door, "Hey there," came a disembodied voice from behind an aisle. I felt my heart start to beat too quickly and forced myself to take a deep breath. One of Yolei's older sisters came out of the aisle with a crate of apples in her arm.
"Well I'll be damned," She stared at me with an open mouth, surprised, yet amusement glimmered in her eyes, "Hey Yolei, get out here." She shouted behind her, and before I could issue a greeting, headed past me to stock the produce.
"Whaaaat!" Her trademark screech echoed through the store. "You know I'm working back here, the schedule isn't going to write itself." She grumbled out the last bit as she turned down the same aisle her sister came out of and stopped dead when she saw me.
I tried to open my mouth, but felt frozen, like nothing I could possibly come up with would ever articulate the sorry I felt.
Her hair was the same, lovely, lavender color, it had been since we were children, pulled back haphazardly onto her head. Her glasses were still round, but a little thicker, and more trendy. Her face, as always was clean of makeup, never needing to cover her clear complexion. Five years had allowed her to grow into her height, she was still slim, but filled out in all the places a woman wished to be.
She placed her hands on her hips, "You know I'm mad at you."
My heart started to race again. I knew this wouldn't be easy, maybe I wasn't prepared for this after all. I started to say sorry but I couldn't finish. She closed the space between us and pulled me into a bone-crushing hug.
"Tell me everything, and no more hiding, okay?" Her voice hitched a bit, but it was uncharacteristic and soft, motherly in a way.
I nodded into her shoulder, knowing if I said anything I would start crying, and I didn't want to fall apart in the middle of the store.
"I'm going out for a bit. I'll be back before you need to leave," she told her sister, as she pulled me towards the exit.
We were gone before her sister could respond. Yolei lead us down to a small park around the block and plopped us down on a bench, and then there was silence. Neither of us quite knowing what to say, I dug my foot into the ground below us, internally kicking myself for my inability to say anything.
"You're different," She said, taking in my appearance. After traveling all day I was in black leggings, combat boots, a cropped pale pink sweatshirt, and a black leather jacket. My hair was a bit messy from travel, and my face clean except for eyeliner and mascara. I'd started adding back some softness into my wardrobe, but there was something I enjoyed about the moodiness that had entered into my closet after leaving Japan.
"We're both different," I tried to reason.
"No one said you'd be home," She kept her voice soft.
"I just wanted to take my time seeing people, and I didn't want it to become a thing about me. I thought this might be better." My hands were clasped in my lap, it was taking all my mental energy not to fidget.
"How long have you been home?"
"I just got in about an hour ago. You were the first person I came to see."
"Really?"
"Mmhmm," I nodded, turning towards her and pulling one of my legs up on the bench.
She sat forward, looking down at the ground underneath us, tapping her foot quickly against the pavement.
"So," She left it in the air for a second but looked up towards me before I could start, "What the hell happened?" Her voice broke my heart, betrayal, and a desperate desire to understand woven into her words.
I started from the beginning, telling her about TK and me. I never even told her we slept together, it was my secret to keep, and I didn't want anyone into the most intimate part of our relationship back then. She grabbed my hands as I told her about the baby, about what we lost, we both cried silent tears as I spoke. I moved on, and into meeting Michael at school, what those four years were like, and how he changed and became more abusive as time went on. Finally, I got to the last few months and the whirlwind it had been.
After Michael was apprehended, his family forced him to settle, unwilling to help him with legal fees on a case that would drag his family through the tabloids. Several of the other women were suing him in civil court, but I wasn't following those cases. I understand why they were choosing that route and was supportive if they reached out, but I wasn't looking for financial compensation.
His mother reached out to me personally, apologizing for her son. She'd been mortified to find out the kind of person he turned out to be. She told me she had seen signs of it when he was young, a temper that could flare quickly, but it dissipated as he got older, at least with family. I believe she was genuine, she'd always been kind to me, and never defended him in the press as everything fell apart.
After the call, about a month went by, and I was going through the mail one day when I opened an envelope from her with an extremely large check inside of it. I called her, telling her I couldn't take it, that I didn't want it. She cried, begging me, saying it was the only thing she could do, the only thing she knew how to do. I sat with it for a few days, trying to figure out what to do. Eventually, I put some aside for therapy bills that were starting to pile up. The medical bills I could justify, but anything else felt dirty. I didn't want to build a life based on blood money. So I spent some time researching, and found a shelter for women who were escaping abusive relationships, and quietly donated the rest there. I felt lighter with it gone.
Since then, we've just been trying to get back to normal. TK got hired as a bartender where I performed, and they brought me on to waitress on my free nights. My friend was worried about having the two of us there together, he was sure no one would want to spend that much time with their significant other, so he made sure we each worked one day when the other had off. He was surprised to find that we never argued, or bickered as he expected us to, we were just happy to have more time together.
When he wasn't working he spent most days writing, hold up in the bedroom, only leaving to grab coffee, and snacks, throughout the day. He was powering through something he wouldn't let me near, he just kept saying it wasn't ready for other eyes yet. I spent my free time looking for auditions or going on them. I had a few callbacks but nothing worked out yet, and some days it was so discouraging that I wanted to stop. I knew this was how it worked though, you get told no six thousand times but all you need is one yes to make it, so I kept going.
Sora had several interviews with different clothing companies for assistant designer positions, she was still waiting to hear from a few, in the meantime, she continued to work on her own designs.
Matt and Colin continued to work on new music, Colin took DJ gigs on the side, and John was bouncing at a few different bars. We committed to doing one show a month in the city to keep momentum. Matt was hoping to work on an album after the new year, and maybe try touring again the following year.
Trevor was a wildcard. He decided to stay in rehab longer, Matt said he was worried if he came out too soon he'd fall back into it, and he wanted this time to be the last.
Trevor's sister's death had been officially ruled a homicide, ensuring Michael would probably never see the light of day again. Between that, and all the charges from me and the other girls, he was given thirty years to life, with the possibility of parole after twenty-five years. I didn't have to worry about him for a very, very, long time, and he couldn't hurt anyone anymore.
By the time I caught Yolei up on everything she had to get back, but we agreed to have everyone get together the following night.
She held me tight before I left her outside of the store.
"Thank you for not hating me," I squeezed her tightly.
"Don't leave for another five years, okay?" She pulled back, shooting me a wink.
I nodded, afraid if I said anything I would cry again. I continued to hold back tears as I headed home, amazed at how understanding the friends I had were, so grateful that they allowed me back into their lives. I knew I'd never let them down again.
I walked across the city to my next destination, home.
Unlike Yolei, my parents did know I was coming and would be waiting for me. Tai was working but would be home to have dinner with us later. I stood in front of my door, trying to decide if I should knock or not. I still had my old key, never able to get rid of it, but it felt like an intrusion if I just walked in. I gently knocked on the door and waited.
The door opened to my mother, wiping her hands on the apron wrapped around her waist, but once she saw it was me she moved so fast I couldn't even get a good look at her.
She pulled me in close, running her hands through my tangled hair, "I always knew you'd come back." She pulled back, "I mean, look at you. You're an adult now."
While she took in my appearance I got a chance to really see her. She was still beautiful without even trying, minimal makeup on her face, and her hair pulled back into a low ponytail while wearing a simple T-shirt and loose cuffed jeans. She looked older, but not aged. Her skin was still smooth, and clear, she just had more lines around her mouth, and eyes, and was starting to get a few on her forehead.
"Come in, I can't believe you knocked, don't do that again." She jokingly scolded me. Ushering me into the house, and into the kitchen, where she was concocting something, probably horrifying, for dinner.
"Where is dad?" I asked, cautiously. I knew how my mother would react but was still wary about my father. I wasn't sure how much my mother had told him. My mom and I were caught up and had been talking about once a week, but my father never seemed to be home when I called.
"He should be home soon he just had to run out," she said, turning around and tending to the food.
We caught up on little things while I helped her in the kitchen. She told me about extended family, how Tai seemed to be doing, and gossip from a few friends.
It was about half an hour later when the door opened and my brother came barreling into the apartment. He ran over and lifted me out of the chair, spinning me a bit as I exploded into a fit of giggles, hugging my brother tightly. He set me down, and I saw my father standing behind him. Tai saw my gaze and stepped out of the way.
He looked tired, and had circles under his eyes from a long day at work, but also age. The top two buttons of his shirt were undone and his tie sat loosely around his neck. He looked at me for a moment like I was a stranger, there was a sadness in his eyes that I couldn't stand, knowing I had put it there. I moved quickly towards him, and he dropped his briefcase as I launched myself into his arms.
"I missed you, dad," I buried my face in his shoulder.
"Missed you too, little girl," He said, fondly.
I backed away but he held onto my arms gently, "You aren't so little anymore though, huh?" He ruffled my hair before stepping back.
"We have a lot to catch up on," I said, before turning to see my mother wiping her eyes, while Tai's face held a lopsided smile.
We spent the next few hours, catching up, crying, and sort of eating my mom's weird ramen. I thought my father would be angry when I told him why I left, what caused it, but I was surprised by his reaction. He wished we'd have waited, but pointed out how old my mother was when she had Tai, she was only 19-years-old. I felt stupid then, I never even thought about where my parents would have been coming from. My mother never went to college, she was happy to be a wife and mother at home, and had only been a year out of high school when she got pregnant with Tai.
I accepted their, semi lecture, on coming home and talking to them instead of hiding secrets. I couldn't tell them TK's mother's part in it, it just didn't feel right. While her words were part of what made me decide to go, I also didn't blame her. I could have chosen differently and I didn't want to create unnecessary tension between our families.
We'd moved into the living room, relaxing, listening to my parents tell stories from the last few years when we heard a knock at the door. I got up, knowing it was TK, my parents had told him to stop by after dinner.
My mother had gotten up to greet him, she hugged him tightly and whispered something I couldn't hear. She pulled him back and looked over him. "You look different, lighter?"
"I could say the same about you," he smiled brightly.
"Can I borrow you?" My father asked from across the room.
I furrowed my brow, confused.
"Sure," he said, a bit weary, looking towards me with question in his eyes but all I could do was shrug.
I started to follow them but my father stopped me and said he just wanted to talk to TK so I watched them walk into my father's office, hoping he wasn't about to lecture him, or worse.
Her father walked into the room before me, facing away, and picking up a photo frame with a picture I couldn't make out before putting it back down and straightening it out on his desk.
"You're the only boy Tai never ran off? Why do you think that is?" His voice was calm, he turned to face me, leaning against the desk with his expression unreadable.
I cleared my throat, "I'm not sure, Sir."
"It's because I knew he'd never baby her, or let her wallow in her misery," Tai, had snuck into the room and was leaning against the door, smirking, but I was lost.
I eyed him curiously, I hadn't expected that answer, to be honest, I assumed it was just the length of time he'd known me.
"When Kari was little she was always up in her head, lost in her own little world, and being so sickly she spent a lot of time home alone with just mom. One year, We thought she'd end up back a grade after being so sick. She got used to being on her own and didn't make a lot of friends, even though she was extremely kind. For years, I was her best friend, and I was happy to be, but I also wanted her to have her own people." Tai strode over to the love seat across the room, plopping himself down. "She hid a lot from us, never wanting to worry anyone, and sometimes looked so lonely it was crushing." He looked back up at me, a smile spreading across his face, "Then there was you. You were scared a lot that first summer and I just wanted to help watch over you, but the second my sister showed up you did a 180, you stood your ground and wanted to be brave for her, for all of us. You made her smile, and laugh, and accepted the quiet, thoughtful, way about her. She started coming out of her shell after that summer and started making more friends in school, and once you showed up again things changed even more. You didn't let her get lost inside herself, you challenged her, while still keeping her safe every step of the way. I always knew you'd not only protect her but help her to grow. What more could I ask for?"
"And what more could I ask for?" Mr. Kamiya said.
Warmth swelled in my chest, I knew Tai approved, but knowing their father did as well, even after everything that happened made me feel so lucky. I didn't have bad parents, I just had absent parents, both working long hours to take care of my brother and me, plus having us be separate made growing up really lonely sometimes. I always thought it was this family who gave something to me, I never thought it could have worked the other way around. I always assumed she was as popular as the day I transferred.
"Just one favor TK?" I nodded towards Mr. Kamiya.
"Maybe make sure she comes home a bit more often?"
"I'll do my best," I said with a small laugh.
He stood up and walked towards me, holding out his hand, which I shook gratefully, "Thank you." He released my hand, and patted me on the shoulder, before opening the door and heading back out into the living room.
"Why do you look stunned?" Tai asked.
"I'm just," I stopped, searching for the right word, or right feeling to convey my gratitude. "I'm just happy." I had nothing profound, just a simple truth.
"Everyone alive in there?" Kari's voice was a mix of humor and frantic horror.
"What do you think I did to him?" Her father chuckled, his voice getting further away.
I watched as she peaked her head into the room, letting out a sigh at the sight of everyone in one piece.
"Really though, what did you think we were going to do to him?" Tai was laughing now, ruffling her hair.
She smoothed it down, before grumbling, "No one tells me anything they just whisk you away."
"It was nothing," I took her hands and wrapped her arms around me, "Everything's perfect."
Tai was on his way out of the room when Kari stopped him.
"Wait," She motioned for him to shut the door.
"What's up," he leaned against it, worry etched onto his features.
"Oh, sorry," She saw him become grim, "Nothings wrong, I just wanted to ask how the job is going?"
His shoulders relaxed, "Oh, I mean, it's weird. They will be in the middle of explaining something and I'll have to correct them, it's weird knowing the most in the room."
"Must be after spending all these years with Izzy," I joked.
"Seriously," Tai chuckled, "but so far it's just a lot of training on the systems they use, and I'm still not totally sure what I'll be doing. I'll keep everyone posted though."
We quickly headed back out into her living room, not wanting her parents to be suspicious. Tai told them he was taking a research position at the university he'd attended. None of us wanted to worry them with the possibility of us still being wrapped up in the digital world. He said once he got settled and saw that all was quiet and safe, he'd tell them.
I guess there were still some secrets we couldn't let go of.
It was chaos.
We'd forced the restaurant to pull two tables together to fit all of us. Yolei, Ken, Davis, Cody, TK, and I sat around the table, sharing stories from the past few years, exploding into fits of laughter, occasionally shushing each other after getting annoyed looks from around the restaurant. We ate quickly and moved down the street to a bar where we could be a little louder without terrorizing everyone around us.
Ken had grown into himself, more confident and outspoken, probably from being around Yolei for all these years, but there was still a softness to him. His features had matured, and sharpened, which only made him more attractive than he'd already been. His jet black hair still hung straight, right to his chin, like a curtain hiding his face, keeping up the mysterious facade he had growing up. When he finished university he joined the academy to become an officer, he wanted to work his way up to detective eventually, noble as ever.
There was more ease to their relationship. Yolei didn't cling to him as she had growing up, they were still attached, but it was more light touches and looks.
Cody had grown quite handsome, the cleanest cut of the group, he already looked like the lawyer he was studying to become. His green eyes gave his, often serious expressions, a gentleness that kept him from looking standoffish. As we entered the bar I watched some girls turn and send long looks in his direction. He seemed to notice, his face turning red as he hurried towards two bar tops in the corner.
"Ohh Cody, you have some admirers," Yolei teased him, sending a wink in his direction.
"Oh, cut it out," He chastised her, "You know I don't have time for that."
She stirred her drink around before pulling out the tiny straw and tossing it, playfully, in his direction. "Lawyers have families too, ya know?"
He dodged the straw, and picked up his drink, taking a sip while grumbling, "This is why I don't go out." There was humor under his annoyance though. It was nice to see their relationship never changed. As an only child, the sibling companionship was something Cody seemed to treasure, even if he didn't always act like it.
"I can go talk to them for you," Davis chimed in with a toothy grin and a gleam in his eyes.
The reply was a jumbled mix of, "Oh, no, please don't do that," from everyone.
"You guys are harsh," He pouted into his drink.
I felt my phone buzz in my pocket, I pulled it out and clicked over to my e-mail, and when I saw the notification I thought I might pass out. "Holy shit!"
"Um, that was aggressive," Yolei sent me a curious glance.
I squealed, and started shaking TK, "ohmygodohmygodohmygod."
"I'm gonna need more than that," He laughed as I jostled him, trying to grab my phone so he could see what was so exciting.
"They want me to come in for Jenna!"
"Wait, what?!" His eyes lit up.
"Read, read!" I handed him my phone.
"Someone please explain what this means to the rest of us," Yolei whined, wanting to be in on the excitement.
"The team at Waitress, a musical back in the states, reached out to me to come audition for a specific role. They only do that when they are seriously considering you."
"Is it a big role?" Ken asked.
"It's the lead, it's the freaking lead." I jumped up and down, unable to contain myself.
"That's amazing!" Yolei, threw her hands up and came around the table to hug me.
"It's happening," T.K. said, setting my phone down.
"It might actually be." I turned from Yolei, to face him again, and I went up onto my tiptoes to give him a kiss.
He settled his forehead against mine, "I'm so proud of you."
"Ken why don't we look like that," Yolei sighed, motioning to the two of us.
"Well, you see TK is half french and Kari never dyed her hair, among other physical differences," Ken said, plainly.
"Ha, dear, haha." Yolei poked him in the side.
As we fell apart into a fit of laughter I looked around at the joyful faces I was surrounded by, the glitter in their eyes from the bar lights, the gentle touches full of love that were spread around this table, and I felt full for the first time in years. These people, this family, who'd I'd been through hell and back with, were people I'd never lock away again.
We spent the rest of the night celebrating. Toasting to anything, and everything, my audition, Davis's cart, TK's extreme secrecy over his book, Cody's admirers, and whatever else came to mind.
Second chances were never guaranteed, so I took mine, held on, and never planned on letting go.
I picked up my drink from the bar and turned, relaxing my back against it. I couldn't help but smile, the sight of everyone in one place when nothing was falling to shit. Matt and the guys were setting up on stage while Kari mingled back and forth, between them, and our friends.
Her gentle laughter floated through the venue, there was a lightness to her, that a few months ago I wasn't sure she'd ever find again. Coming home was good for all of us that way. I was happy to be in the States for now, but Odaiba would always be home.
I stopped to see Davis before going home when we first got back, wasting time listening to him ramble about this, and that. Laughing at more of his failed attempts to figure things out with his girl. I felt bad though, zoning out in spots, but thankfully he didn't notice. We parted with plans for the following night to get everyone together. I wandered around for a bit, stopped by the beach, walked by the school until I had nowhere else to go except for home.
My mother and I had talked on the phone, and we were okay, but I wasn't sure how seeing her would go. There was still this seed of betrayal I felt in the pit of my stomach when it came back to everything. I paced in front of the apartment for a few minutes, going to open the door but stopping short until I finally grasped the handle and headed in. I was greeted by silence, save for the water running from the sink in the bathroom. It was the same, save for a new throw blanket over the couch, untouched as they always were when I wasn't around. I wondered how much time she even spent here with me gone, always wrapped up in work, always chasing the next story.
I heard the water turn off and her quiet footprints heading my way, she jumped a bit at the sight of me.
"I'm sorry, I should have said hello," I said sheepishly, feeling foolish now for entering in silence.
She shook her head and moved towards me, pulling me tightly into a hug, "I'm just happy you're home."
It took me a second to respond, but I gently hugged her back. She gave me a once-over, "You look good, sweetie."
She headed into the kitchen and starting pulling out things to make tea. I wasn't sure what else to do so I sat at the counter, waiting in silence, trying to think of something to say, but falling short.
Her back was to me, waiting for the water to boil, pulling out tea bags and setting them in mugs, when the water finished I watched her hands shake as she tried to pour the water.
"Mom?" I got up to go help her, but she put up her hand and placed the kettle down. When she turned around I saw that her face was red, and her eyes glistened, as she tried to keep herself from crying.
"I'm so sorry, for everything. I'm so sorry." She stood there shaking, and I realized then that I was over being upset, being sad, being angry. I was tired of watching people I cared about sobbing for past mistakes. I just wanted to move on.
"Mom," I placed my hands gently on her arms, "It's over. Let's just move forward."
She nodded, sniffling, and wiping her face of the few tears that fell.
I told her to sit while I finished our tea. I went back to my seat across the counter and handed her a cup. We caught up on life since the last time we talked.
I watched her now, chatting with Davis's mom and sister, cooing over the baby. Kari was running by, but Davis's sister stopped her and started talking to her. Our mothers walked over to grab some food. I saw out of the corner of my eye as his sister kind of plopped the baby, who had started crying, into Kari's arms and ran out with her keys in her hand, "I'll be right back," she shouted back.
Her face was a mix of emotions. I headed over, probably quicker than I should have, she seemed stunned for a moment before she started to bounce the baby around a bit.
I placed my hand on her low back, "You good?"
A gentle smile crossed her face as the baby stopped crying, and started gurgling, and cooing, "Yea, I'm good."
June scurried back in with a diaper bag over her shoulder, "Oh man, you're a natural. Thank you for hanging onto her," June said.
Kari handed her back, and June bounded back over to her mother who had taken a seat and started eating.
"That was only slightly horrifying," Kari said, still slightly stunned.
"She's right though," I whispered, placing a kiss on her head.
"Hmmh?"
"You're a natural."
She smiled sadly, "Do you think?"
"Next time we'll be ready," I said, knowing what she was asking. I brushed a few stray hairs back behind her ear, and watched the tension in her jaw ease, her brown eyes looking to mine, and finally, a calm smile appeared.
My eyes lit up seeing a familiar face walk into the bar, I turned Kari around to see, "No way," I said.
"He actually brought her! She's real," She said, with humor laced through her voice.
We headed over to see our friend Joe, and finally meet his girlfriend. He'd been telling us about her for years but we'd never managed to actually meet her. The trip home felt complete, and we still had surprises to go.
Matt came out onto the stage, he looked more nervous than normal, and the guys were sharing amused glances behind him like they were all in on a secret we'd missed.
"Kari, I'm gonna ask that you sit this one out while I bring out a special guest."
I raised my brow, curious, as I clearly wasn't in on said secret. I headed off and went to go stand with Sora and Mimi.
A guitar started to play and I saw TK head out onto the stage, "We just wanted to do something special for our girls," Matt said.
He headed off stage and towards us and he reached his hand out to Sora. She took it, and he pulled her close and started dancing with her. It was sweet, and outrageously out of character. All of this while TK started singing from stage. My jaw dropped. Number one, I did not expect this. Number two, this guy does not sing in front of people. I could tell he was trying to concentrate on playing, but he still managed to be charming on stage. Matt twirled Sora back to us and made his way back onto the stage to join TK in the song.
Five years ago, you couldn't have convinced me that this would be my life. TK sent me sweet little looks through the song like it was just for me. When they neared the end Matt left TK on stage once more, pushing his guitar onto his back and heading again towards Sora. He took both of her hands in his own and pulled her a little away from the crowd.
I had to stop Mimi from squealing, seeing what was probably about to happen, as a few other people around us let out separate gasps.
"Sora, I spent the first part of my life, sure that I'd be alone forever, that I wanted it that way. I saw what pain could come from letting anyone get too close and I didn't want to be on the giving, or receiving, end of that." He paused, taking a shaky breath, "Then I met you, someone who gave their love, and care, so easily to others. Someone who helped me open up and let people in again. Then we had to grow up, we had to be complicated and messy at points, and had to learn how to grow with each other each step of the way. You're my first and only love, and I wouldn't have it any other way. So, Sora, if you'll continue to have me, nothing would make me happier than marrying you. I wouldn't want to spend my life with anyone else."
He turned to TK on stage, releasing Sora's hands for a moment as TK tossed him a little back box. He took it into his hands, got down onto one knee, and opened the box to her. He didn't have to say anything else, she was nodding her head, whispering yes. She had happy tears streaming down her face as he got up and pulled her to him for a kiss. Our friends, and families, started clapping and shouting various congratulations. He pulled back and slipped the ring onto her finger. Everyone started to crowd around them, but I made my way to the stage, hopping on the edge and watching from a short distance. TK took off the guitar and came to sit beside me.
"How long did you spend on that?" I nudged into him playfully as we watched the scene unfold before us.
"Three months."
"You kept that a secret for three months?" I was shocked, he never kept anything from me for long.
"It was an important surprise and I didn't want to totally suck."
"You were okay." I looked down at my nails, feigning boredom.
"Just okay?!" He put his hand against his chest, in mock shock.
"It was very good," I turned to give him a quick kiss.
"Thank you," he said, still against my mouth, before pulling back. "I'm glad he finally did it."
"Yea, it was sweet, he's so private, that probably meant a lot to her."
"I know, I was surprised when he told me his whole plan, but he wanted her to know how serious he was about it."
We fell silent, he slipped his hand into mine and wove our fingers together.
"Alone," I said quietly.
"What was that?" He leaned forward to hear me better.
"I want to be alone." I looked towards him seriously. While I was surprised Matt did something so public, I would not be shocked for TK to do something like that. He was outgoing, and showy, in his love.
For a moment I felt foolish, I was being a bit presumptuous even after our moment earlier, but whatever moment we could eventually have, I wanted it to be ours alone.
"Alone," he repeated thoughtfully, putting his arm around me and pulling me closer. We left it there, not needing anything else. Happy to watch everyone indulge in Matt and Sora's moment.
We left a few days later, needing to get back to New York sooner because of my audition.
Now, I stood in front of a table of eight women, the director, musical director, casting director, accompanist, book writer, and three producers. I'd never been this close to being cast before. Normally I met with a few assistants and a casting director. I'd met this, particular, casting director once before, she was kind, and had been the one to reach out to me about today. It was strange, normally it was almost all men, so today felt more calm, like the air in the room was warmer than most auditions. They paid attention while I introduced myself and actually listened while I sang, instead of thumbing through my resume. I finished the last notes of the song and prepared to say, "thank you," and be let out.
The director put her pen down and sat back in her seat, "Ya know, I wasn't sure about bringing you in but she convinced me otherwise." She pointed to the casting director. "And I'm glad she did." She smiled sitting forward again before looking through my resume.
"I am too, thank you," I replied back, relaxing a bit in my stance.
"So what makes you think you're a good fit for Jenna?"
I thought for a moment, I hadn't expected any sort of interview today, but it wasn't hard for me to zero in on it.
"I understand her. I've held back on dreams because of toxic relationships in my life, because of the crippling fear of being alone, because I thought I wasn't good enough. I've been broken down and built back up. I know her because I've lived in her shoes and come out the other side."
"And very publicly," she looked up from my resume, stating the thing I feared would keep me out.
"I don't want to be a distraction. I just want to work, and tell stories I'm passionate about," I kept my voice even, I didn't want to sound as desperate as I felt.
"Do you think it would be painful to retell this story each and every night?" The book writer spoke up, it was a genuine question, her eyes were soft and kind.
"I'm in therapy," I said honestly, "I'm surrounded by people who love me, and even though there is pain in the story, the ending is happy and if I can end every night like that, with the hope the end brings, I can't think of anything more therapeutic."
"Alright, Kari," She looked around the table for a moment, to see if anyone else had a question. "We'll be in touch."
I thanked them and headed out. I didn't know where I stood, I knew I nailed my song, but if they were worried I'd be a distraction it would be a deal-breaker. I went home and sat down in front of my computer to look for more auditions, made dinner, and went to bed.
Two days later, TK and I were walking through central park. He dragged me out of the house on our day off, because I'd been checking my phone incessantly, and he said I needed to get some air and try to relax. It was a decent day in early January, sunny and clear, not so cold that you couldn't walk around. We were trying to decide on dinner. If we would cook or eat out that night, and we needed to clean the apartment before Matt and Sora got back that weekend.
I felt my phone buzz in my pocket, forgetting for the first time in days that it had even been with me I stopped walking and pulled it out.
"No phone," he playfully scolded me.
"It's ringing," I stared at it, immobile.
"Answer it!" He shook me a bit.
I clicked the answer button, "Hello? Yes, this is her."
TK was mouthing questions. Who is it? Is it the show? I waved him off and turned around.
"Yes, okay. No problem. Monday morning works. Thank you, very much."
I hung up and stood there for a moment.
"Well?!" TK's voice came from behind me.
I turned around and couldn't hide the smile that had broken out across my face.
"I got it," I looked up, his eyes glittered from the midday sun, as his smile grew to match my own.
"I actually got it!" I wrapped my arms around his neck and he picked me up, spinning me around.
We stood there in the park celebrating, uncaring of the world around us. A family walked by us and he shouted, 'she's gonna be a star,' to the unsuspecting family. They walked away quickly, startled, as I started laughing and pushing him along towards home.
A year ago my life felt hopeless. I was broken and living in fear every single day. Now, here I was, living out my dreams in this amazing city. I was reunited with my friends and family, and with the greatest love, I could ever know.
Now, all I had was hope.