So, here is the long awaited chapter. A lot of you wanted flashbacks to the miscarriage, so I tired my best to make it realistic. Enjoy :)
"When were you going to tell me that you are pregnant?" Nathan quickly asks in a serious tone.
"I don't know, honestly." I whisper.
"You're pregnant."
"Well not anymore..." I look to the floor, not wanting to see the hurt in his eyes.
"Not anymore? Is that what you said?" He questions.
"Y-yes." Is all I can say, considering I still couldn't believe that it had happened again.
"YOU GOT RID OF IT? YOU GOT RID OF IT WITHOUT EVEN TALKING TO ME FIRST?" He screamed, causing me to jump a little. I was fighting back the tears, seeing as I had never seen that side of him. I look up to say something, but he pushed past me before the words could come out of my mouth. I stood there for a couple seconds, unsure what to do.
I basically ran to the door of the attending's lounge, and started yelling his name down the hallway. But he ignored it, and kept going. I didn't have the energy to chase after him. What happened the other day had drained all my energy.
"You are going to fine Mer."
"I've already lost too blood for the baby to survive."
I go back into the attending's lounge and plop down on the couch, and call Alex.
"Hey Mer. What's up?" He answers cheerfully, making me want to punch him since I was currently holding back tears.
"Alex, I need you."
"Meredith, where are you?"
"Attending's lounge." I feel a tear fall down my cheek.
"I'm on my way." Is all I hear before the line disconnects.
I sit back against the back of the couch, and try to figure out where I went wrong. Not telling him? Letting him find out the way he did? Or was it the way I said I wasn't pregnant anymore? I wouldn't know till he cools down enough to talk to me. That's if he would talk to me. I had never seen that side of him, nor did I want to see it again. All I can hope for, is that he would forgive me for not telling him.
I am still holding the ultrasound picture. I look at what could have been. I feel another tear fall down my face just as Alex comes running through the door.
"Meredith, what's wrong?" He immediately noticed I was crying.
"I-I..." I trail off.
He sits next to me and pulls me into a comforting hug. "Shh, Mer. There was nothing you could do."
"I'm sorry ma'am, there is nothing I can do at this point."
"I know, it just feels like I could have prevented it."
"I know if you could have, you would have. You will be alright Mer. Just let the tears out." He tried to comfort me.
"That's not the really the reason why I am so upset," I pause, and Alex pulls away from me and gives me a questioning glance. "He found out. Riggs found out. I didn't even tell him he saw this picture and the date..."
"Where is he? I will kill him for making you this upset!" Alex states as he gets up.
"Alex, no."
"He doesn't deserve you if he isn't here to help you through the pain."
"Alex, listen to me! He saw the picture and the date on it and knew I was pregnant. When he asked, I told him I wasn't. He assumed that I got rid of it, and stormed away before I could explain." I explain, and Alex sits back down.
"Oh, I'm sorry Mer. Still, I could kick his ass for not letting you explain."
"It's fine, really. I'm going to let him be for a while, and then I will explain what happened." I sigh, unsure if he would even try to talk to me again.
"How am I supposed to tell Nathan now?"
"Do you know where he went?" Alex asks.
"No. I don't know if I could talk to him now. I have seen a whole different side of him that I didn't want to see." I bit my bottom lip, trying to figure out what exactly am I supposed to say.
"You will figure it out Mer. You always do." Alex says as he pulls me into another hug.
"Alex, I don't think I can survive this." I barely whisper.
"Meredith, you'll survive. I don't know how, but you always do."
"It's just hard. Ugh, why did this have to happen?"
"Because the world is seriously freaking messed up. That's why." Alex looks at me, and I can tell he feels seriously bad for me right now. No one ever wants to be in a situation like this.
"Would you trade places with me if you could?"
"I don't think I could survive it. Most of the time I don't know how you are still standing, or even smiling, when you do. You are one of the strongest people I have met, and I don't freaking know how you do it. I know I wouldn't be able to." Alex's little encouragement speech makes me smile.
"Thank you. I needed that." I whisper. We sat in silence for a while, until my stomach started to make some weird noises. I tried to hold on my laughter, hoping Alex hadn't heard it. As soon as we look at each other, we burst out laughing.
"Well damn, someone is hungry." He says while nudging me with his elbow.
"I haven't eaten today, so of course I'm hungry." I laugh.
"Come on, let's go get some wonderful hospital food." He says sarcastically as he gets up.
"Shut up." I joke as we walk out of the attending's lounge.
I was laughing but it quickly stopped when Alex put his hand on my back and made us walk faster. I turned to look at his face and it was full of something I couldn't quite read. I follow along, speed walking beside him hoping he would tell me what's going on. It's not till we pass a group of nurses that hits me what was going on. The hushed whispers and stares I was getting, wasn't a good thing. The gossip mill in this hospital is ridiculous, and I bet someone overheard Nathan when he was yelling at me. I bite my lip and try to hold back the tears that were threatening to spill. I keep my head down until Alex pulls me into a supply closet.
"Meredith, are you okay?" He grabbed my shoulder and gave it a squeeze, but I didn't respond. The whole hospital knows now. It won't be long before I get an earful from Maggie and Amelia about not telling them. "Meredith!" He shook me a little harder this time.
"I don't want anyone to know."
"Y-yeah?" I choke out.
"Don't listen to them. All they do is gossip. It's not the truth, only you know the truth." Alex tried to comfort me.
"I know. I know. Can't I just not be talked about for once?" A tear falls down my cheek. I haven't even talked to Nathan about the truth yet, but the hospital thinks they know exactly what happened.
"Ignore them Mer."
"I know." This time it's Alex's stomach that growls, causing me to smile a little. "We should still go get some food. I'll just ignore whatever ignorant person decides to talk about me."
"Alright, let's go."
We made to the cafeteria with only a few people staring at us, well at me. Word obviously travels fast, because barley a minute after I sit down and start to eat I notice Amelia and Maggie whispering and walking my way. Maggie plops down with her food on the chair next to me, and Amelia next to her. I continue to eat my food, ignoring the elephant in the room. I could see them out of the corner of my eye just watching me, like they would figure something out.
"What?" I say, getting frustrated.
"Well, Amelia and I heard the rumors and were wondering if they were true?" Maggie asks softly.
"You literally just called them rumors, so they are more than likely not true." I snap.
"More than likely?" Amelia chimes in.
"Well, what have you heard?" I ask, and gave them a look.
"We heard from some of the nurses that you and Nathan had a little bit of a fight." Maggie started, and looked to me to see if I would continue.
"Wrong. We didn't have a fight. It was a misunderstanding, and he yelled, then stomped away." I paused, to see if they would elaborate on what our supposed fight was about. "Hear anything else?"
"Meredith, we heard you..." Amelia trailed off.
Maggie continued with, "had an abortion."
I took a deep breath, I tried to think of the fastest way to explain this whole thing. "Once again, a rumor that is not true."
"So, you were never pregnant or you still are?" Maggie asked, and took a glance at my stomach.
"Look, Nathan found out because an ultrasound picture fell out of my purse. When he asked me about it, I told him that I wasn't pregnant anymore, and he assumed that I had an abortion. He ran off before I could tell him..." I trailed off, not wanting to say this part. I bit my bottom lip, and tried to stop the tears from even forming. "He ran off before I could tell him..." I just couldn't say it.
"before she could tell him that she had miscarried." Alex helped me out, and I just looked to my hands in my lap.
"Oh Meredith." I heard Maggie whisper. "Are you okay?"
"Not really. He still thinks I got rid of it. I need to tell him that I miscarried, but this whole hospital thinks I had an abortion." I tried to stop it, but a tear fell down my cheek. Within a couple seconds I felt Maggie's arms wrap around me.
"It's okay Mer. We can tell him if you want us too." Maggie said softly.
"It's fine, I can handle it. I just don't know where he went or when he'll be back."
"Mer, just give him some time, and he'll come back. I swear he is in love with you." Amelia states, and I smile a little. I know it's not true, he has Megan, but it was a little comforting anyways.
"Was it those two days you missed a couple days ago, and you wouldn't leave your room till we left?" Maggie said with a hint of curiosity in her voice. I nodded my head in response.
"You could have told us. We would have helped you." Amelia adds.
"I know. Just this one, I wanted to be alone for. I didn't know how to tell you that I was pregnant, when some days I still feel like I belong to your brother. I thought you would be mad at me for moving on, even though I wasn't sure I was ready. When I found out, I wasn't sure I would keep it, so what was the point of telling you?" I ramble.
"It's fine Mer, it's your decision anyways." Maggie said, hugging me again. "Alex?"
"Yeah?" He said, finally joining the conversation.
"Let me guess, you knew." Maggie said in her knowingly way.
"Yep." He replied, not wanting to mix in with the sister drama.
"Okay, I'm ready to go home honestly." I say, to avoid and feuds between Alex and my sisters.
"Ooooh! We should have a girl's night!" Maggie says out of nowhere.
"Uh sure. Alex, can you watch the kids tonight?" I ask him, so I know I can easily get out of this girl's night if I need too. He just nods in response.
"Alright, good. I'll see the two of you later, I have one more surgery." Maggie says before getting up and rushing off to her surgery.
I get up to go grab my stuff, seeing as my soft was almost over. I would find Nathan later, right now I just wanted to go home and see my kids before Amelia, Maggie and I's girl's night.
The Next Day
I walk in to the hospital exhausted. Maggie, Amelia and I stayed out late last night, and I was the only one with an early shift. I have a big cup of coffee in my hand to hopefully help me through the next hour or so. I barely get changed into my scrubs before I'm paged down to the ER.
I enter the trauma room, and of course it's going to be awkward. I've got Nathan, who is trying his hardest to avoid me. Owen, who is still mad about Nathan and his sister's situation, and Amelia who was obviously trying to get me to tell him. As we assess the patient, it's just dead silent besides the heart monitor. Nathan leaves the room for some reason, and Amelia uses that time to jump on me about telling him.
"Meredith, you have to tell him." Owen raised his eyebrow at me, so I assume Amelia hadn't told him what had actually happened.
"I will, I swear. I just need to get him alone, when we aren't working on a patient."
"I'm paging Webber and Pierce to take over for you guys." Amelia smiles.
I give her a fake smile, and snap my gloves off, running into Nathan as I was walking out.
"Can we uh, talk please?"
"Doctor Grey, we have a patient." He blankly says back, and tries to push past me.
"No, they paged someone else for us. I need to talk to you." I say, and grab his arm pulling him to the nearest on call room.
He crosses his arms as soon as he closes the door. "What is there to talk about? You killed our baby without talking to me first."
I bite my lip, waiting for anything else he has to say. "If you would listen to me, I would tell you that I didn't have an abortion."
His mood immediately changes, he looks more relaxed and less pissed. "You didn't?" He asks, wanting to confirm it.
"No, Nathan, I didn't." I say and look to floor, not ready to say the next part.
"But you said you weren't pregnant anymore, unless you were lying..." He trails off.
"Nathan, I had a miscarriage." I take in a deep breath, not wanting to cry.
"Mer, let's go. I'm taking you to the hospital now!" He grabbed my purse and helped me into his car after putting a towel down. He quickly backed up out of the driveway, and started toward the hospital.
"Mer, you and Peanut are going to be fine. We caught it this time." He told my hand and gave it a light squeeze.
"No, no." I barley choked out.
"No what, Mer?" He looked between me and the road several times.
"Go to Seattle Pres." I replied sharply, as a wave of pain came over me.
"Mer, Grey-Sloan is closer." He said softly.
"I don't care! I don't want people to know my business! We all know that Grey-Sloan is a gossip mill!" I yell, becoming even more upset. Alex just glances at me, and he is also very upset. "Sorry. Can we please go Seattle Pres?"
"If that's what you want, then yes."
"Thank you." I barley whisper.
I flinch a little when more pain comes over me. Alex notices it. "You are going to be fine Mer."
"I've already lost to much blood for the baby to survive."
We pull into the emergency area, seeing as it was the closest and easiest to get to. He parks as close as he can get, and comes around to help me out. He is basically holding me up and walking for me, as I just can't.
Once we are through the doors, several doctors coming flying our way and one with a gurney. "Ma'am, how were you injured?" One of them asked, and I just nodded my head no.
"Ma'am I'm going to put you on this gurney and exam your injury okay?" Another tells me.
I just lay back on the gurney, wanting to fall asleep and wake up from this dream. I hear Alex say something to them. I only caught some of it. "She isn't injured."
"Then why is she bleeding?" One of the doctors snap back like he was an idiot and didn't know I was bleeding.
"Well if you would listen, I was going to tell you that she is pregnant, and very obviously having a miscarriage. If there is any way to..." That's all I hear him say before I just lose consciousness.
I awake a few moments later to Alex shaking me awake. I am now in a room, hooked up to a bunch of wires and have an IV in.
"Alex, I don't think I'll survive this." I barley whisper.
"Meredith, you'll survive. I don't know how, but you always do." Alex says to try to comfort me.
"Ma'am, this is going to be uncomfortable but I need to see if there is a heartbeat, and this way is more reliable than a regular ultrasound." I nod my head, now noticing I was in the stirrups. I wince a little as she starts, but keep my eyes locked in the monitor. Alex gives my hand a really tight squeeze as we wait to see what she says.
"I've stopped the bleeding."
"Okay, so that's good, right?" I ask.
"I'm sorry ma'am, there is nothing we can do at this point."
I put a hand over my face as the tears threaten to spill. I look to Alex for help.
"I'm going to get your regular OB, and give you some time to process." She states before leaving the two of us alone.
We sit in silence for a while, just listening to the beat of my heart over the monitor.
I break the silence. "How am I supposed to tell Nathan now?"
"Honestly Mer, I don't know. Do you even have to?" He asks.
"I don't think so. Alex, I don't want anyone to know." I say softly.
"Whatever you want Mer."
"Ms. Grey, just take it easy for the next few days. You went through a miscarriage, and I would suggest you take a couple days off and rest." My OB said.
"I'll call the hospital and get us the next two days off. I'm not leaving you alone for this." Alex said in a comforting way.
It had been a few hours since I got here, I was going home. I couldn't wait to get out of here, seeing as the whole thing was bringing up flashbacks of my first miscarriage. I shuddered at the thought, remembering how horrible that one was.
I finished up signing some papers, and Alex helped me to the car. "So, we have two days off. Are we gonna sit and cry, watch movies, or drink the whole time?"
I let out a little laugh at him. Figures he would be the one to make me laugh in a situation like this.
"Umm, no drinking. How about lots of ice cream and other junk food and movies?" Anything to get my mind off what happened today would be great.
"Sounds great. We'll have to stop and get some ice cream."
We pulled up to the nearby Publix, and I stayed in the car while he ran in and got our junk food. I pulled out my phone, deciding now was the best time to tell Nathan about the whole thing. If I didn't do it now, I wouldn't do it all. I dialed his number, but he never answered. So, I never told him.
"You had a miscarriage?" He asks softly, and reaches out to touch my arm.
"Yeah, I-uh, I did." A tear fell down my cheek, but Nathan wiped it away.
"Meredith, I'm so sorry."
"It's okay, really." I whisper.
"No, no it's not. Come here." Next thing I know, his muscular arms are wrapped securely around me. My head is resting on his chest, and I feel his chin resting on the top of my head. I've missed his warm embrace. Oh, how I have missed it.
Finally a chapter ending a good note! But there is till more drama to come :)
I was wondering how long you guys want me to keep this story going? I have an end in mind where they may or may not end up together, but I just want to know how much longer should I keep this going?
+ You guys can always send me prompts for other stories if would like, and I might write them :)