Fen walked in a daze away from the Jedi Temple, heartsick and conflicted. The splinters of darkness inside polluted her misery with a satisfaction that twisted her stomach, but she could not deny the feelings entirely. The Jedi had abandoned her, and perhaps they didn't deserve a fate this gruesome, but recompense, of a sort, had been paid.
It was several more blocks before she realized she had taken a wrong turn, or rather, her mind had carried her down a more familiar path than the one back to the turbolift. Instead, her feet were travelling closer and closer to the Senate district and a particular restaurant her master had been partial to once upon a time. The realization, one that had occurred to her several times, that he must be dead, now hit her with a rush. Uninvited, memories pressed upon her soul, Master Tiin testing her in the forms over and over again, lectures about they ways of telepathy and empathy, occasional deep laughter over a bowl of noodles. All of them tainted by his abandonment.
The eternal question pressed upon her mind. Why? And now she would never know. She turned, staring at the Jedi Temple that reached over the skyline. It felt final, like a funeral bell. She would never get answers, she could never go back, she would never be a Jedi Knight. The unfairness of it, the unfinishedness of it, washed through her like a tsunami. How dare this war, this destruction, happen to her; how dare she have to live through it alone, how dare the universe leave her to her fate? There was no answer from the eternal Force, as incomprehensible to the human mind as the distance between stars. Beyond her.
Taking a deep breath, Fen tried to push her darkening thoughts aside, eyes scanning for the familiar neon sign that marked the restaurant, the taste of spicy noodles on her tongue. She almost missed the sudden rush of danger that was not her own. A child, striding out into traffic. She could have been no more than three or four, richly dressed and apparently entirely unaccompanied. She didn't seem to see the oncoming speeder. Fen did.
She didn't pause to think, pulling on the Force as she moved, witnessing destruction before it occurred. She was closing on the child, only a few more steps, she wasn't going to make it. Another breath and Fen used the Force, launching herself out onto the street with unnatural speed. She grabbed the child in a heartbeat and leapt to the side. Another heartbeat and the speeder passed, horn honking, several furry fists flailing in fury. Fen lay on the sidewalk, clutching the child in her arms, her heart pounding wildly. The toddler began to struggle in her grasp and she stood slowly, body aching where she had fallen on it.
Fen stretched looking around, several people staring at her. A thought occurred and she froze, fear in her mind. She had just used the Force, in public, to save someone. The Jedi Temple must have affected her mind more strongly than she had thought. With an attempt at nonchalance, she scanned the uninterested crowd. People seemed to be moving on, this incident nothing more than an interesting slideshow in their ordinary lives. Yet, her heart fluttered nervously, feeling the ghosts of blaster bolts against her back. Eventually, she squatted back down in front of the little girl. "Hello you, where are your parents?" The child stares blankly before gesturing vaguely.
"Daddy." She gestured again, Fen, glancing in the direction of her chubby finger, saw nothing resembling a concerned parent.
"Where?" She tried again "Where is your daddy?" The child gestured more forcefully and Fen sighed, picking up the child awkwardly. She moved slowly in the that direction, child wiggling in her arms. This was yet another aspect of life the Jedi had never prepared her for, although, unlike the finer points of commerce, she wanted no part in this aspect of life. She felt sudden dismay rising off of the human child as she was not released, her face contorting with what Fen thought must be the beginning of a scream.
Quickly, she lowered the child to the ground, maintaining a hold on her sweaty little hand. Immediately, the child began to pull her. As best as she could, Fen followed until they rounded a corner and she finally saw a distressed looking man, skin the same dark shade as she girl she was holding. He looked up as they approached, the countenance of his face changing in an instant, panic washed away with relief. She let go of the girl who immediately took off in a stumbling run. The man scooped his child up in his arms, delight and relief blurring the thin wrinkles on his forehead. For a moment, he simply held her tight to his chest and Fen turned to leave.
"Wait!" She halted, her back straight, fear unnecessarily pumping adrenaline into her veins. Slowly, Fen turned around, bracing for impact as the man ran up to her. How could she have been so stupid as to use the Force in public? "Thank you for finding my daughter, I just looked away for a moment and she was gone!" There was still residual panic in his voice.
"It was no trouble." She ducked her head, turning once again to leave, sensing the eyes of others upon her.
"No, please, how can I repay you?"
"I don't need anything, really." Her stomach growled inconveniently, hunger reminding her of the noodle shop, but her desire to leave was stronger still.
"At least let me buy you lunch." He was not gracious enough to let it pass without comment apparently.
"Please," She held up her hands, trying to ward him off. "I have to go." Moving as quickly as she could, Fen spun around, leaving him sputtering, and half a dozen others staring in her wake, a bright red flush spreading across her cheeks. She kept walking uncomfortably fast, unwilling to break into a run, her legs aching at the unfamiliar gait. She didn't slow down until she reached the turbolift back down to Hera. Every once and a while, she stretched out with the Force to see if anyone was following her. Even then she didn't dare reach out too far. The dark presence in the temple at the forefront of her mind. She felt vulnerable, exposed. Anyone could have seen her, had there been cameras? Fen didn't know. She had just put that man, his child, even Hera in danger. But if she hadn't used the Force, the child would have died. It was the kind of moral calculus she had always shied away from. There was still a chance no one had seen anything unusual, that nothing bad would happen. A twist in her gut told her that was unlikely.
It took her a long time to find her way back to the bar, up above, the sun must have nearly set. Down near the thousandth level, it was always dark, perpetually illuminated lights casting the streets into unending twilight. Large crowds of people shifted through the streets in well worn clothes, some factory must have just had a shift change. Everyone looked slightly dour. Her skin crawled as she walked through the crowd with its many shifting eyes, some of which fell on her, her mind on desperate alert for a threat to herself as she pressed as close to the buildings as possible, trying to stay out of anyone's line of sight. It was a particular torture; she would need to use the Force to defend herself if anything happened, and if she used the Force, she was that much closer to death. If she let something happen to herself, it was just another form of execution, another piece of her soul destroyed.
This train of thought pursued her to the outside of the bar and there it held her. The place had only grown more crowded since she had left, most of the tables filled, several serving girls wandering between tables. Fen felt nauseated just looking at them, fear locking her in place, staring into the window at the greasy interior. You just have to walk through it. She thought fiercy to herself, stalled at the window. This is stupid. No one is going to do anything to you. It was one thing to think it, it was another think to make herself believe it. She stood outside for what felt like an eternity before it occurred to her that there might be a back way in.
Shivering in the damp air, she made her way down an alley littered with broken glass and tattered bags of refuse. The smell of stale urine and rotting food permeated her nostrils but it was better than going through the bar. She crept to the back, nearly crying with relief as she saw the simple black door and the rear, relief overwhelming her as it opened with a groan. The sounds of the bar hit her like a wall and sent her heart scattering, but she pressed past it, seaking up a set of backstairs and towards the room she now shared with Hera, stomach insisting yet again that she eat something. If she would have to go downstairs she would rather starve. It wouldn't be the first time.
She entered their code and the door hissed open sluggishly to reveal Hera pacing back and forth, despite the fact she could manage no more than three or four steps in any direction, Chopper beeping at her in a tone Fen thought indicated irritation. Her head flicked up, relief spreading across her face and mind. "You're back!" Fen nodded, stepping inside. She tensed as Hera wrapped her arms around her, mind too full to relax. Hera seemed to recognize this a moment later as she released Fen. "Are you alright? What did the Empire do with the Temple?"
"They turned it into the Imperial Palace." Her voice was a whisper, the thought sticking in her throat. "It's ruined." Feeble words to describe the magnitude of what the Empire had done, poor words for the wreckage of her childhood.
"Oh Fen," For a moment it looked as though Hera wanted to grab her hand but seemed to think better of it. "I'm so sorry."
"It's okay." It was not okay.
"I have some food for you?" Her voice was hesitant, unsure of the reception of her words. "I thought you might not want to go get it."
Relief and gratitude took her first, and then exhaustion as she slumped onto the bed, hurriedly eating her cold food. "Thank you." She whispered.
Hera watched as Fen ate, trying to slow her racing heart. Fen was back. She hadn't died or been captured or any of the thousand horrible fates she had imagined during Fen's absence. This girl, this creature, who stared at her with a furtive gaze and a gentle smile, she had wormed her way into Hera's heart so completely, her absence had been a chill on the back of her neck. Now she was back and all Hera wanted to do was touch her, hold her, make sure she was real. She caved to her wishes after a moment, sitting down beside her, arms brushing. "I'm sorry. I know a little of what it's like for the Empire to take over your home." Fen looked up from her cold dinner, devastation in her eyes
"I never imagined … it's so corrupted, I don't know what to do." She looked up, beseeching.
"We have to defeat the Empire." Hera pulled on the certentity she could always find in her core. "It's the only way."
Fen bit her lip, nodding. She put down her plate and looking as though she were going to grab a poisonous serpent, she grabbed Hera's hand. Her fingers were cold, lightly calloused. "Together?" Her voice was almost a whisper
"Together." Hera confirmed, delighting in the way happiness dispelled Fen's fear. She had wanted to make plans, to talk things over, but Fen was too close, her presence overwhelming. Instead, Hera did what she had longed to do for some time and reached out slowly. Fen tensed and Hera paused, giving her space, but she didn't pull away. After a heartbeat, Hera continued and pulled Fen's braid forward, untangling it with her fingers. Just as she had imagined, it was silky smooth, strands parting under her hands. Fen watched her, face soft, eyes intense. She was trapped in the moment as Fen's hair came free, falling out of Hera's fingers and spreading around her like a curtain of darkness. She looked up, almost blushing under Fen's gaze, so focused, it was as though Fen was staring into her very soul. Hopefully she liked what she found there because Hera was not about her let her go any time soon.
Carefully, eyes open, as though she were making a study, Fen leaned forward and pressed her forehead against Hera's their eyes at a level. Her face, as it did so often in Hera's mind swelled until it was all she could see, the freckles lightly dotted across the bridge of her nose, the small pale scars that marked her face, the flecks of deep gold in her sea-blue eyes. Slowly, in sync with each other, they both closed their eyes, pressing their lips together and Hera moved her hand to the back of her head.
After what was simultaneously forever and not long enough, Fen went stiff, pulling back. "What?" Panic twined around her heart and she reluctantly allowed Fen to escape her, fear in her eyes.
"It's not fair." Fen closed her eyes, pressing her hands against them, her voice almost a sob. "This isn't like that but …" Her voice trailed off, her body shrinking in on itself. Hera hovered around her, confused, afraid to make a wrong move, wishing she knew what to do.
"Just tell me what's wrong, maybe I can help." She sounded too desperate. Please, let me in. Please let me try.
"I don't think you can."
"I think I can understand more than you think." If only she had the words to convince her.
Fen didn't respond. For several long minutes, they sat in silence. Below them she could hear the sounds of the bar, easily transmitted through the walls, the heater, which didn't seem to be doing anything, nevertheless filled the silence with a ticking sound she wanted to look into. Frustration weighed down on Hera's shoulders. She just wanted to help, she just wanted to make Fen feel safe. It wasn't enough apparently. Fine. The uncharitable voice in her mind pressed her onwards and trying not to be in too much of a huff, she turned and left the damp room. Wrapping a coat around her, she descended the stairs, the sounds of mild drunkenness growing with every step. It was, she had to admit, a little unnerving, as she stepped down onto the main floor and tried to walk out, eyes following her movements.
Unexpected melancholy slammed into her as she recognized the eyes staring at her were human, that she was alone. Biting her lip, she all but ran from the bar and out into the dark street. She was a twi'lek. That had implications here. The sudden knowledge of her own vulnerability almost made her want to run back up to the room, to lock the door, to sit with Fen and never come out. But she crushed the feeling. She wasn't Fen, her own resolve was enough to push past the fear. She had a job to do here, and the sooner they did it, the sooner she could leave. She needed to find rebels, insurgents, anyone fighting the Empire.
Without a fixed direction in mind, Hera started to walk, keeping to the lights that existed, staying out of the deep shadows that seemed to be the main population of this level. How would she find them? Her mind worked while she strolled, gears clicking into place as she shifted through the eternal crowds. They would likely have to be subtle, the Empire was right above their heads, looking for demonstrations of any kind would be foolish. In order to plan, they would need at least a few to be highly placed, to get information from the inside, some of the senators perhaps? Their aides?
She looked around at the refuse blowing around in the streets, the cracked permacrete, the flickering street lights, the state of the people around. This was not where those people would be. But perhaps there would be people on this level trying to stir up sympathy. In that case, the bar might just be her best option. There, under the protection of drunkenness, perhaps someone looking to recruit could put the idea in people's mind. Hera switched her focus to bars, perhaps something a little nicer than the one she would be working in, one a little less devoted to serving people just interested in forgetting their last work day and more interesting in making a good time.
Unprompted, she thought about finding her father, telling him all this. She was planning out how she would phrase it when she remembered. She would not be seeing him again. He hated her. She broke her own rules and slipped into an alleyway, leaning against the wall as grief crashed into her. It was silly that she could forget. Here, under a stone sky, surrounded by people who looked at her and saw a plaything, how she could forget, even for a second, why she was here, what it had cost? She closed her eyes, let out a long breath, trying to remember her reasons for leaving. There was a purpose to all of this and she would prove herself to him. She pulled herself away from the slime-covered wall, forcing herself to relax slightly. She could do this.
Eventually, she found the kind of bar she was looking for, one with music not too loud, with patrons not too drunk and where she found at least a few smiles. From experience, it was a lot easier to suggest things to happy people. The popularity of the bar was such that there were only a few seats left, right in the middle of the room, luckily, that was exactly what she wanted. Nursing a single largish drink she had probably paid too much for, Hera sat and began to listen.
People, she had learned over years of practice, paid little attention to their surroundings, often giving away information without a care who might be listening. As such, she often picked up quite a few tidbits that, while might not be directly related to what she wanted, were at least interesting. Over the course of the next couple of hours, she learned about several affairs, a handful of petty crimes, some of the latest news from higher levels; the Emperor was planning to increase security, a senator had been arrested for tax evasion, the military recruiters were pressing harder than ever. Slowly, she pieced together the political situation. Enough to learn she was going to have to try harder.
Here on Coruscant, the effects of the war were muted, a secondary side show to the political machinations of the elite. The people gossiping around Hera apparently felt that the security, the restored flow of trade and most importantly, the crackdown on politicians sticking their noses where they didn't belong meant a lot to this crowd. It meant enough, apparently, that they were satisfied with the Empire. A few of the non-humans appeared less pleased, but overall, content. Having heard enough, Hera paid her bill and slipped out of the relatively warm bar and out onto the damp streets, off to the next, unnoticed by all.