A/N : So it been a year since I started this story, a year! I can't believe how far it came. I remember writing the first chapter after the season 13 finale, just because I couldn't get the idea of what would happen if Nathan was in an accident out of my head! I definitely didn't plan on continuing the story, I thought I would just write a chapter or two. But here I am, a year later, on chapter 18 and starting more stories.
Here comes the sappy part of the authors note: This story has changed me. It made me realize how much I enjoy writing. It has also helped me improve as a writer, in many ways. I really don't know where I would be if I hadn't started this story, and I have you guys to thank for that. Thanks for sticking with me through all plot twists, and me just being flat out mean to the characters. I hope you continue to enjoy this story as much as I have. :)
P.S. I have started another story, and I have a few more in mind that I will start shortly!
*I did notice that on my phone it says I started this story on the 29th, but on my laptop it says the the 28th so I decided just to post it today :)
I hadn't even opened my eyes yet, but I can feel my head pounding. Definitely need some Advil.
I notice I am cuddling something warm, so I doubt it's my pillow. I open my eyes to see his chest, rising and falling in a steady pattern. Immediately I jump up out of the bed and back myself into the wall, but at the same time I have woken Nathan.
He jumps out of the bed, and stands in front of me, facing the doorway, with a knife in his hands. After a few seconds, he relaxes, and turns to face me. "You scared the hell out of me, I thought someone had broken in or something."
"I'm, I'm sorry."
"It's okay, really." He smiles, and tosses the knife onto the dresser. "That's one hell of a way to wake me up though."
Now I notice that I am in one of his t-shirts, and my underwear, and he is just wearing his boxers. I take a moment to let my eyes travel up and down his toned body, but quickly find his eyes again.
"So, do you like what you see, or do you just randomly eyeball guys who are half naked?"
A million things are going through my mind at once. More specifically, trying to piece together what happened last night. I can't help but notice how close he is standing, and how I'm up against the wall. I swallow roughly, and hope he doesn't notice.
"Meredith, are you okay?"
"Just confused, I don't remember much from last night."
"Babe-" He stops mid-sentence, but not fast enough to stop himself from saying that. His eye widens, and he bites his lower lip. "I, I didn't, I didn't mean to say that, it just slipped out." He steps away from me.
"It's okay, really." I don't move from the wall, and he just scratches the back of his head. That's when I notice a little pink mark on his neck, and I cringe a little, knowing that had to have been me. "Can I get some Advil? And maybe some coffee?"
"Yeah, let's go to the kitchen and I can make you breakfast if you'd like."
I nod, and follow him into the kitchen, and take a seat at the table while he gets the Advil and starts on the coffee. I just watch as he moves around the kitchen, until there is coffees sitting in front of both of us.
I take a sip, but my eyes never leave him. "I'm afraid to ask, but what happened last night?"
"Meredith, I didn't let anything happen, I promise." He assures me, but I don't feel convinced. He gets up to start on breakfast, so now his back is to me.
"So was something going to happen?" I ask.
"No." He responds blankly.
"But there's a hickey on your neck. I know for damn sure Megan didn't give that to you and I was with you last night so I would assume it was me unless something happened at the bar that I don't remember?"
He lets out a little bit of a chuckle. "Well, you were right about the Megan part, but that hickey was most definitely you. I didn't even think to look for one, but it's funny that you think I'd get a hickey from some random girl at the bar, while I had you with me."
I clear my throat. "So, I gave you that hickey? And you swear nothing else happened?"
"I swear." He turns to face me. "Do you want to know how it happened at least?"
"Uh, yes, because I have trouble believing nothing happened."
He laughs a little before turning back to the stove. "Meredith, I was driving us here because I didn't want to let you go home like that with a house full of kids. You decided that you wanted to give me road head." I cringe at his words. "While you were trying to convince me, you were kissing on my neck. I didn't think you would have left a hickey, but then again I was trying to focus on the road and not you."
"That's a bit relieving." I sigh, but can't help but laugh at my drunk self for offering that. "Anything else?"
"Not much." He sets a plate of pancakes and bacon in front of me, and sits across from me with his own plate.
"By not much you mean..." I trail off, hoping he would tell me the rest.
"You took off your shirt the minute you got into my apartment. It was hot, really," I can't help but smile at the hot comment. "But restrained myself from doing anything since I knew you were drunk. Then the puking started, and you were exhausted. So, I helped you into one of my t-shirts, and put you to bed."
I watch him for a moment, and pick up on the fact that he won't look at me. That's when I get the feeling that he isn't telling me everything. "Nathan, what else happened?"
"Nothing, that was it." He stares at his plate.
"You are lying." I stand, getting frustrated. "Tell me what else happened."
"Meredith..." He trailed off.
"Nathan, tell me right now or I won't talk to you ever again." I slam my hand down on the table, getting frustrated.
He stands, and his eyes finally find mine. He grabs ahold of my hand, and I just furrow my eyebrows. "Meredith, before you went to sleep..." He pauses, and breaks eye contact.
"Spit it out already." It can't be that big of a deal, if we had sex, it's fine. If we kissed, it's fine, it's not like it's going to change our current relationship.
"Meredith, you said you loved me."
I inhale sharply, and pull my hand from his. "I was drunk; it didn't mean anything." I cross my arms across my chest.
"Meredith, you wouldn't have said it if you weren't feeling that way." He speaks softly, as if that will calm me down.
"Nathan, I don't feel that way about you." I fire back.
"What if I feel that way about you?" He asks gently, and I already know he feels this way. I overheard him at that dinner when he told Owen, I've just wondered when he would actually tell me, and I guess that time is now.
"So? I don't feel the same way." I fold my arms across my chest. "Just because you feel that way doesn't mean I should."
"Meredith, do you have any feelings for me? Or is it just the sex? Are you really that cold hearted?" He raises his voice.
That one stings a little. "I'm not cold hearted, you are just an ass." I hiss back.
"I'm the ass? That's big coming from the person who hated me for months because of what one person said." He fumed.
"Yeah, you are the ass. You should have taken me home last night, and I wish I had never slept with you that night in my car. Maybe I would have some normalcy in my life if I hadn't." I watch as he balls his fists, and squeezes them to control his anger.
He lets of huff of air. "I wish I hadn't fallen for you. Out of everyone, I fall for the cold hearted bitch that doesn't have feelings. My luck. I'm definitely going back to Megan, at least she'd admit that she had feelings for me."
I bite my bottom lip, and fight back the tears. He wasn't wrong, ever since Derek died, I haven't been able to let anyone else in, in that's all my fault. "I'm sorry." I mumble, my eyes finding the ground.
"Meredith, you don't get it." He softens. "I am in love with you. I have fallen for you; damn it I fell hard. I love you."
My eyes slowly wonder back up to find his. The icy blue eyes are unreadable. "So, you are going back to Megan?" I say softly.
"Meredith." He says, reaching out to me but I just jerk back away from him.
"That's what you said did you not? You said it to hurt me, and well you did. Maybe I'm just not read to admit my feelings yet, or I don't know how but I do have feelings for you. But since you are going back to Megan, I guess I can just continue to ignore them like the cold hearted bitch I am." I find myself staring back at the ground again, unsure of what to say or do.
"Meredith, I didn't mean it."
"Then why the hell did you say it? You wouldn't have said it if you hadn't thought about it before." I bite the inside of my lip, hoping he doesn't realize what I just said is the same thing he said about me.
"Because... because..." He runs a hand furiously through his hair. "It's what I used to think about you, before I got to know you."
"And now the truth comes out." I laugh sarcastically. "So that night when I jumped you, what did you think of the cold hearted bitch jumping you? And pulling you into her car for sex? What did you think of that night?"
"I thought you just wanted sex. You were so angry that day, and I figured you used sex to channel that anger." He sits back down, resting his head in his hands.
I stay standing, unmoving. "So when I was trying to protect Maggie's feelings, was I still cold hearted then?" I raise an eyebrow, waiting on this answer.
"That's when I realized that you did have a heart. I watched as you pushed me away, to protect her. Then you told me about your other sister, and I knew once I got close you'd be protective of me too. And that's when it clicked why you were protective over Owen. Anyone you are close to, you try to protect will all of your might, whether you realize it or not. You're afraid of losing them, like you did your sister and husband." He finally looks up at me, and I don't see any more anger in his features.
"So I'm not a cold hearted bitch then, am I?" I ask, putting a hand on my hip.
"No, you're not. I thought you were for the longest time, but once I got to know you I realized how loving and sweet natured you are. You are just hard to get to know, that's all." He stands back up and stares into my eyes. "I have a temper Meredith, so I tend to say things I don't mean when I'm mad, but I'm serous when I say I am in love with you."
"But you love Megan too." I add, breaking the eye contact.
"Meredith..." He trails off.
"Exactly why we can't be more than friends till you figure out who you want to be with. I don't do love triangles, okay?"
"Okay. As long as we are friends." He gives in.
"Okay, that's good." I sigh, finally relaxing from the heat of the argument.
"Meredith, I don't think I can just be friends with you." I look at him quizzically before he stands up and walks towards me. Next thing I know, his lips are on mine and I'm up against a wall.
I don't kiss him back right away, or at least not until my back is against the wall. I give into my strong feelings for him. One of my hands tangle in his hair, and the other is on the side of his face, keeping him from leaving. I never touched my breakfast that he made, but he tastes like a mix of coffee and pancakes. Sweet, and I can't seem to get enough.
He has one hand on my hip pulling me close and the other tangled in my hair. He moves to my jawline, and traces it with soft kisses. Slowly, and teasingly he moves down to my neck, and back up to my lips.
He pulls away, but rests his forehead against mine. "I just can't stay away from you." He says breathlessly while caressing my cheek. "That's why we can't be just friends."
"But we have been for weeks."
"Meredith, I don't think you understand how badly I've wanted to kiss you every time I see you." His lips brush mine quickly. "It's just so complicated with Megan, I know it's best not to do what we are doing right now."
"Oh." I run my hands through his hair again, trying to figure out what to say. I giggle, and he just gives me a questioning glance. "You do realize, like two minutes ago we were fighting, and now we are making out?"
"Now we a just talking, but we can be making out if you want to?" He jokes.
"I mean, I would love too but I doubt we could keep it PG." I smile, happy that we aren't arguing anymore.
"True, true." He moves away from the wall, letting me free.
"What time is it?" I ask, as a scan the room for a clock.
"I have no idea, why?"
"I was thinking we should visit Megan today before we go help your friend." I stand on my tippy toes and kiss his check, before heading back to where I sat at the table before. "You go get dressed, while I actually eat some of this breakfast. I'll throw on my clothes from yesterday, but we are stopping by my house so I can get some clean ones."
"Bossy."
"Okay, so I grabbed my makeup bag in case you wanted to cover up that hickey before we see Megan." I slide into the passenger seat of his car, feeling better that I had freshened up.
"Uh, yeah, that probably would be a good idea."
"I though so." I open my makeup bag, and look for the various thing I might need. I pull out concealer and some foundation. "Alright, so I don't have my setting spray, so try not to touch your neck to much or the makeup might rub off."
"Okay, how long will this take?" He glances over at me.
I shrug my shoulders. "Just a couple minutes. You can start driving; I do my own makeup while driving sometimes."
"Isn't that a little dangerous?" He asks, pulling out of the driveway.
"Well, I don't really wear makeup anymore except for special occasions, and I was pretty skilled at it." I open my stick concealer, and lightly apply it over the hickey. "Most times I just put concealer under my eyes to cover the dark circles, but honestly, I'd rather sleep in the extra few minutes than do my makeup."
"You would look gorgeous either way."
I pull away to laugh at him, but then continue what I was doing. "Whatever you say."
I attempt to blend it with the rest of his neck, but if you look close enough, you can see the lighter strip of skin. He turns to look at me once he reaches a stoplight, and our faces are inches apart. My eyes fall to his lips, and he inches a little closer. I can feel his breath on face, but then someone honking their horn behind us causes us to split. I sit back in my seat, facing out the window.
The rest of the ride is silent. We walk into the hospital together, but continue stay quiet. It's not until we are in the elevator that I decide to speak up.
"So, what are we telling Megan? I don't think we should both go in there. I'm fine with staying in the waiting room or something, plus my car is here. I could just meet you at the coffee shop later." I ramble.
"If that's what you want to do, then that's what we will do." He stays facing the doors, and doesn't turn to look at me, so I do the same.
"Okay."
"Okay." The elevator doors open, and we head down the hall to her room. I stop before the door and windows, so she won't see me.
"If Amelia is in there, can you tell her to come to the waiting room? I've got something to ask her." I ask, avoiding eye contact with him.
"I can do that, yeah."
"Thank you." I mumble, before turning to head to the family waiting area.
I take a seat in one of the comfier chairs while I wait for Amelia. It doesn't take long for to round the corner and take a seat next to me.
"Nathan said you wanted to see me, what's up?"
I glance at her stomach, and she just looks a little chubby. "How's have you been feeling?"
"Pretty good." She puts a hand on her lower abdomen. "The morning sickness is slowly starting to wear down, thank goodness."
"That's good."
"Is that all you wanted to see me about?" She asks, with an eyebrow raised.
I shake my head. "No, remember at the dinner when Nathan said he loved me?"
"Yeah, why?"
"He actually said it to me this morning."
Her eyes widen. "He did? What did you say back?"
"That I didn't feel the same way." I say softly, now avoiding eye contact with her.
"Meredith! Okay, well what prompted him to say it?" She questions, and tries to get me to look at her.
"I guess I drunkenly said 'I love you' to home last night. I don't remember doing it or even why I would say that."
"Well, you wouldn't have said it if you didn't feel that way, right?"
"I don't feel that way!" I raise my voice a little, and get some stares from people around the room.
"Mhm. Sure." She crosses her arms across her chest. "Just keep lying to yourself."
"Why did I want to talk to you again?" I ask, unsure why I picked Amelia for this conversation.
"Uh, because I'm awesome, that's why." She boasted.
"Yeah, you keep telling yourself that." We both laugh.
"Meredith?" This causes us both to stop laughing and to look Nathan's way.
"Yeah?"
"Megan wants to see you. She wants to talk to you alone."
Ooooh, what does Megan want to talk to Meredith about?
*There might be a longer break between this chapter and the next, as my summer classes have started, and they are my priority, but I'll get it out as soon as I can! + I just started another story, so I will try to alternate between the two!