SEPH'S POV

He was in his trance for the first hour and we played cards for 2 hours. It got intense and competitive. I didn't hold back and won the most when we tallied it up in the end. He looked mad but also a look of respect in his eyes. Of course he joked that I cheated.

"So I guess you will get in trouble if you come away with nothing from this session." He prompted as if he was testing the waters.

"Not really, I'm just a lowly resident. Not very high expectations of me. Plus Dr. Leland never gets anything from you, so it's pretty par for the course." I shrug. I'm just in this to survive my residency and get out of here. This place gives me the creeps and not so much for the inpatients but the archaic and barbaric practices here. But I keep this to myself. It already caused a fight between me and Matt last night and an angry whispered conversation in the hallway.

It's one thing to know about these practices but to participate is horrific. I got livid when I found out the unethical dosages of tranquilizers he was signing off on. He claimed he signed off on it trusting the psychiatrists would know best especially since they have medical license as well. He promised to more diligent in the future but it didn't feel right. Felt even worse when I saw the Joker today. He just was a shell. I didn't know how to pull him out of it but somehow I did. I was glad to see him more himself.

"You don't want to crack the mystery of what is the Joker?" He said with a dramatic swoosh of his arm but real curiosity gleamed in his eyes.

"I think it would be interested to know. Sure. But nobody has yet before, you are repeatedly unwilling to delve into that according to your case history. I would rather not press it and come out alive unlike many of your previous doctors." I tell him.

He pouts. "Well you're no fun. Plus who says you will come out alive." He adds with a menacing smile.

My eyes meet his and I give him a hard look. "I do."

I can tell my response has him taken aback but the buzzer goes off and the guards come in. They strap him back up and escort him out.

…..

I finish my notes on my research for the day. I have a major research project I have to present at the end of my residency. My focus for it is childhood trauma and so I'm trying to find patients in past archives and current files who have reported childhood abuse and/or neglect. I have a few lined up and hope to get approval for me to work with those and do case studies once Dr. Leland comes back and takes over her Joker case.

I wonder if he had a rough childhood. I'm a firm believer that no one is inherently evil. They maybe more likely to have violent tendencies but I believe something negative would have had to happen to trigger that.

I wonder who the Joker was before he became who he is. I definitely don't believe his momma popped a pale, green haired murderous and psychopathic baby out of her vagina. Was he a cute kid? Did someone hurt him? Did he grow up okay and snap as an adult? Was he a rebellious teenager?

I find myself wanting to know not for professional reasons but personal and that scares me.

Matt comes into my office pulling me from my thoughts. "Hey honey, are you ready?" he's being extra sweet trying to gauge my mood but I'm too tired to argue and just grab his hand on my way out.

We order take out and sit on the couch in my apartment, I'm in yoga pants and a large t shirt that I stole from my older brother, Hector. He lives across the country from me but I still end up stealing his shirts somehow. Matt is rubbing my ankles as my legs lounge across his legs and some cheesy lifetime movie plays on the TV. He must really be sorry to be sucking up this much.

"Honey, you still want to get married, right?" He takes me by surprise. His dark blue eyes look genuinely concerned. I feel guilty. I know I'm not always the most affectionate. I should tell him I love him more, that he means the world to me, I just get caught up in my head to much. I feel guilty and selfish and awful.

I sit up and straddled him "of course I do. I'm so sorry. I know I get distant, it's just I get so preoccupied and focused and really there is no excuse. I'm so sorry." I have one hand on his cheek and the other gently playing with his perfectly combed blond hair.

He turns his face to my palm and kisses it. "It's okay hun. I just feel like we aren't moving forward. Will you please move in with me? It would be easier to spend time together. There is more space at my place. Plus I could fall asleep and wake up to you everyday." He gives me pleading eyes.

I bite my lip. I'm hesitant. It's easy to say yes to marriage months away. It's harder to say yes to moving right now. I look around. My apartment is cheap. Filled with cheaper stuff that barely works. Matt has a wonderful apartment full of nice things. That 6 years older than me pays off being established plus he grew up being a rich kid and I….well I had a different upbringing. I'd miss this place though. It was solely mine. Something I never had before. But it was a logical step forward.

"Okay, let's do it." I tell him. He lights up and picks me up, smiling and kissing me hard. He carries me to the bedroom. I feel happy making him happy, but I can't help falling asleep dreaming, not of the naked man beside me, but of the green haired man laying alone in a cold cell at Arkham.