Oh god, his head hurts. What was he doing here, again? Wait, where the hell is he? This isn't his apartment. It's not Inko's apartment, either, and those are usually the two places he wakes up at. What wa- Oh, god his head hurts. Is he hungover? But he only drank three bottles!

"Ah, did you have a nice rest, Majima-san?" Whose voice was that again? The mouse guy right? Where the hell was he? Okay, everything's coming into focus, and there's Nezu, staring at him. Along with like, 20 other people. Okay seriously, what's going on? "You're in the spectator's booth, waiting for the UA Entrance Exams to begin. Are you alright?"

"Well, that explains a few things." He needed a drink. Water, this time, he's not that crazy as to start drinking on the first day of the job. He leaned forward in his seat, raising his eyebrows. "Wait, the exam's already started? Why didn't ya wake me up earlier?!" Son of a bitch, now he has to use Time Stop to get his shit together, walk around the room and copy the notes from all the other teachers- Oh hey Iwata- and then make his own notes based on whatever the hell is on the screens. By the time he comes out of it, he's got everything together and is one professional-lookin' teacher man. He notices that the other teachers look a little surprised at his quick transition from hungover to ready, but whatever, they're gonna be working together for a while, they'll get used to him and his particular brand of bullshit sooner or later.

"Alright, well what are we- Oh shit, is that Izu-chan?" Iwata jumped at the mention of the green haired kid, which caught Majima by surprise. "What's with you, Iwata-kun?"

The skeletal hero seemed confused with Majima calling him the wrong name, but he pushed on, "How is it you know about young Midoriya? Shouldn't this be the first time you've met the boy?"

"Hardly, I've known the kid for years, got some kind of strength quirk, though I've never seen him use it."

"How do you-?!"

"Saw him with this big-ass list of strength exercises a few months back. Figured I'd put two and two together." He explained, which seemed to appease All Might, as he relaxed back into his seat. What's that about? "Either way, I'm confused why he's not using it. He's just running around like a chicken that's lost its head. C'mon! Punch something already, kid!"

"Majima-san, Yagi-san, need I remind you that you should be making notes on all of the participants?" Both men felt a chill wash over them under Nezu's gaze, and quickly got back to work. Majima only used his Time Stop once more towards the end of the exams, making one more circuit around the room, copying everyone's notes again. He liked the spaceman the most, whoever they were had some great handwriting, despite that suit they wore. Only one minute left in the exam, huh? Wond- What the fuck is that thing?!

Some giant-ass robot just marched its way onto the field, destroying buildings left and right. What the hell is wrong with this school? You're really gonna put you kids up against something like that? Sure, he gets that they need to keep an eye out for the best and brightest, but throwing a giant, smoking, explodi-

The robot just blew up. The fucking robot just blew up. Who the fuck?! Midoriya? Little Izu-chan? Blowing up robots the size of a skyscraper? How strong is this kid, anyway? Iwata looked super happy over somethin', but the rest of the teachers seemed to be freaking out just like he was. Wait, a minute, there were other people on the other side of the arena, weren't there? Okay, snap of a finger, coin flip. Heads is Jin, he goes out there, pulls some people out of the way of the debris. Tails is Akira, he sits pretty in his seat and he doesn't bat a god damn eye. Alright, flip of the coin and- Fuck, damnit! He hates coin flips, he always gets Jin! Oh, he was going to have words with this boy when he's done here.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Majima brought himself out of Time Stop, watching Izuku stumble around and fall to the ground as he tried to used to being moved so far so quickly. Good thing he figured out how to manipulate his quirk like that, let him interact with the frozen world without completely obliterating anything he touched. It's usually pretty ugly when that happens to a person. Ah, that takes him back. That was how he originally met Akira, right? And then he met Jin a week later in the karaoke parlor, with Aimi. Or were they bowling? Didn't Jin hate bowling though? Fuck it, he'll write all this shit down when he gets a chance. Okay, Izuku finally stopped vomiting, back to work.

"You already know what I want to talk to you about, kid. So spit it out, and then we can get on with our day." He has a bottle of Johnnie Walker waiting for him back at his place, and he'd like to drink it as soon as he could.

Of course, Izuku looked terribly nervous and confused, but that should go without saying. "I'm sorry, Majima-san, but I still can't control my q-"

"Oh, I don't give a shit about your quirk, boy!" Oh, wow, he hadn't yelled at anyone in a long time, forgot how that felt. Much angrier about this than he'd thought he was. Not as much fun when the person you're yelling looks close to tears, though. Trying to calm himself down a bit, he lit a cigarette, giving them both a moment to collect themselves. "I get what you were going for, kid, I do. I'd have to be an idiot not to. But you gotta understand that brute force, as great a card it might be, isn't always the best way to go. Sure, ya saved everyone running south of the bot. But what about the people running north?"

There we go, now he's starting to see where he went wrong. "They… They were running away too, right?" Instead of nervous, he was starting to look just a bit scared. Good, making some progress, but we're still not there yet.

"'Course they were. Now, normally you'd be right, and this wouldn't be a problem-"

"But it was a giant robot. It could have still fallen on people!" There we go, this kid is gonna be a treat to teach if he gets in. Now to drive the lesson home with a good ol' guilt trip.

"And it would have, if I hadn't been around. Don't think Iwata could have buffed himself up fast enough to be of any help, which means that quite a number of injuries would have been on your head, kid, and we both know you don't want that." Ah, Akira's methods to get Jin's results. They would have been so proud. Well, Aimi would have, the other two would've probably been fighting over who could take the credit for his choices.

"But… Majima-san…" Ah great, the kid's still got questions. Doesn't he realize that Majima has a life outside of this crap. He still has to make dinner later, for christ sake. Or maybe…

"Tell ya what, Izu-chan. You invite me over for some of your ma's cooking, and I'll answer every question that you have. Just don't go asking about whether or not you got accepted. Don't have the answer to that one myself." With that, he once again throws an arm around Izuku's shoulder and starts leading them down the street, a good, hearty meal awaiting our future hero, and the bored old man who realizes that he seriously needs to find some new friends.

A/N- If there are any artists who would be willing to draw a reference picture of Majima, please leave a message in the comments. This is, of course, a paid position.