Dinner was…quaint. Most of it was quiet. Aside from the occasional clink of the chopsticks and the whispered wishes of a dish out of reach, no one talked. She assumed it was normal in the Hyuga household. She had never eaten there before because she was a picky eater when she was a kid, and figured that she couldn't even deal with the thin atmosphere she was sure they would have, let alone eat their food.
Unfortunately, her younger self was right about the atmosphere. The silence in the room was deafening, but everyone else—even the kids—seemed used to it. And what's worse, Hinata had her sitting right next to Neji. She couldn't blame her though. She used to be close to Neji, so it would only make since to sit her next to him. But the two were no longer "the best of friends" anymore. And it seemed like neither of them told those closest to them.
"So." Hinata started, she was gathering the dishes after everyone was done eating and Tenten took it upon herself to help for nothing other than getting away from Neji's glaring. "How have you been?"
She smiled warmly and Tenten could feel the stiffness in her shoulders subside gradually. Like her mother, Hinata had a way with easing almost all of her pains. She still didn't want to talk about her whole boyfriend thing with her though, so she just smiled back.
"Fine. I like Kyoto enough to stay I guess…but I was thinking of moving back."
"Are you going to quit?"
She shook her head. "No, they have a branch down here…I was thinking of transferring over. I sent in the paperwork already."
"That's good." Hinata smiled. She was about to say something more when a thought suddenly crossed her mind and she was drying her hands. "Hold on, I forgot to get Himawari her yogurt. I'll be back." She smiled as she left.
Tenten smiled after her then went back to working on the dishes. She sighed and wiped a stray strand of hair out of her face just as Neji came in with a handful of cups. She gasped, surprised from his sudden appearance—and impeccable timing—but managed a strained smile nonetheless. "Y-you scared me."
He eyed her from the entrance before moving past her and putting the cups in the sink beside her. She thought he was just going to leave without saying anything, but he turned the faucet towards his side and started meticulously cleaning the cups. So, confused, she just stood there with soapy hands and glassed over eyes, watching him.
"Are you done with the soap?" he asked as he reached for it.
She stepped out of his way, quickly tucking her hands behind her back so that they didn't touch his, and his hands froze. She didn't dare look at him. She knew him too well despite their lack of interaction with one another, and she was sure that he was glaring at her again.
Sighing, he took the soap and sponge and scrubbed the cups slowly. "You have soap on your head."
She looked up, surprised and embarrassed and frantically whipped her forehead in some attempt to clear it, but she only made it worse since she still had soapy hands. And what's worse, she got some of the soap in her eyes. Flinching, she waved her hands, not knowing what else to do, when she suddenly felt strong hands cup her face and rub slowly at her eyes.
"Wait!" she yelled, jerking herself away from him. "I-I'm fine." She lied before wiping at her eyes with her sleeve. "I got it."
She looked up with that same pained smile, then quickly felt it fall when she noted his expression. With hands still raised, and eyes darkening the more he stared at her. He opened his mouth to say something but quickly closed it and turned to the cups, quickening his pace.
She panicked. "I'm…I'm sorry."
He said nothing and moved to put the cups on the drying rack.
"Neji, I'm sorry. I just —"
"We're on a first name basis again?" He interrupted.
She froze, staring back at him for a moment before shaking her head in disbelief. "Neji I—"
"No, no. I…" he stopped, sighing. "I get it. I don't know what I did to make you…make you hate me…but I get it. I'll leave you alone."
She couldn't breathe. The air was thick, too thick, and she felt hot. She was sure she was sweating through her shirt, adding to her embarrassment. She looked down at her hands, her shaking hands, before frantically whipping them against the apron Hinata leant her, getting Neji's attention. He was going to say something about her vibe but decided against it. That was when she looked up, eyes watering and begging to be freed.
And he watched her with worry dying his features.
"This…" she smiles, laughing nervously as she motions towards the area, waving her hands aimlessly before turning and heading out the kitchen, "this was a mistake. I shouldn't have come here. I shouldn't have…I'm just going to go back to Kyoto."
"Tenten!" Neji called after her loud enough to garner attention from the rest of his family.
Hinata was the first to step up, meeting Tenten by the entrance to the living space. She tried to stop her, held out her hand to grab her arm, but Tenten pushed it away and turned to face her, apologizing profusely in her eyes. She had every intent to say "sorry" but the tears were threatening to spill and Neji was getting closer and…she just really needed to get out of their house—needed to get back home.
"Where are you going? It's freezing outside!" Hinata called.
"I just…I need to go." She croaked as she opened the door, not bothering to look back at them. "Please tell my parents that I came by to…to visit or something…please."
"Tenten!" Hinata called out in vain. No sooner had the words left her, did the door close and Tenten was gone, swallowed by the winter night, leaving everyone standing there in wonder. She teetered on following her or just waiting till she came back—since she left her things—but, against her better judgement, she decided on the later and made way to leave when Neji rushed passed her.
"Neji-nii?" She asked the rest of her questions through her shifting eyes.
He looked back at her as he put on his shoes. "I don't know."
"Well she wouldn't just run out like that without a reason." Hanabi added from behind her sister. Her hands were crossed and stern as she stared down at her cousin, clearly blaming him for her faux-nee-san's unhappiness. "You were the last person she was with before she ran out. What did you do? Because I swear, if you hur–"
"I don't know! Hanabi!" He hollered, slamming his hands on the ground beside him and quieting the room. By now, everyone else had gathered by the entryway. Hanabi had flinched back to his sudden outburst but she stood her ground nonetheless—she just didn't say anything back.
He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "I don't know."
For a moment, no one said anything else. Naruto started ushering the kids back into the living room as well as Hiashi—he grabbed Hanabi and forced her to leave too.
"I have to go." He said as he stood. "I need to go find her."
"Get her shoes." Hinata ordered.
He looked down and saw her dainty shoes, smiling a little at the simplicity of them before he grabbed them and headed out the door.
"Fix this, Neji." He heard Hinata say just as he closed the door.
OooO
It had started snowing long before she ran out of the Hyuga household. The streets were covered heavily in white snow completely untouched by any human save for herself and her frantic trail left by naked feet slamming against the snow-covered ground. She ignored all the signs that told her to just return and apologize for her outburst and just kept running without a destination in mind. She thought about the face he gave her before she left, about the look of worry that she left on Hinata's face and just knew that she couldn't return. Not to give some lame excuse as "her feelings being hurt". Especially when…
She shook those thoughts away again but couldn't stop the way her eyes started watering the moment she remembered everything. Remembered catching her boyfriend triple timing her with her supposed "friends" right on her doorstep. They were all much too busy pleasuring themselves to even notice she was there till she dropped her things. She huffed, turning and wiping at her eyes with her cold hands. She tried to not make a sound, to not be heard, but she was sure no one was around to see her anyways.
"Ten!" He screamed as he rushed to stand up and cover himself from the prying eyes outside the door. The two girls, completely embarrassed, ran further into the living room. One of them was crying, she was so mortified.
She ran through a group of girls huddled under two umbrellas. They screamed and swatted at her as she passed them, but she could hardly register their being there. She was too distracted, too hurt to consider her surrounds.
"Tenten this…this isn't what it looks like. I…w-we, were just –"
"Just. What?" she interrupted. Behind him, her friend—the one who was riding his face—stood shaking. She looked at her momentarily before averting her gave to the ground.
She turned another corner, slipping a little before falling face first into the snow and laying there, letting it suffocate her, letting it freeze her tears in some off chance that the action would, in turn, stop her from making any more of them. But, after some seconds, she was lifting her face gingerly from the ground with tears and snot grabbing whatever—dead grass, leaves, mud…some snow—with it. she stayed there for a moment crying as loudly as she could, knowing that nobody in the world could hear her through the deafening silence of the falling snow.
He sighed and looked at her, completely exposing himself, no longer caring it seems. "What do you want me to say…Yes. I've been messing around with your friends? Is that all?"
She started crying, and he didn't do…anything. Not a damn thing. He didn't even move to comfort her. All he did was turn his back to her and usher the girls in, telling them to get dressed. He only looked back one last time, saying, "Let us get changed…then we'll get out of your way." Before closing the door, locking her out.
"Why!" she screamed, slamming her fist into the ground.
She shrieked and pulled her hand back when she felt a sharp pain rip through her hand and forearm. She sat up, holding her hands at her chest and crying silently for another reason all together. She looked down at her injury, surprised to see a long cut from her pinky knuckle to her wrist.
Laughing, she stared rocking herself back and forth before her tears returned tenfold and her smile contorted to this ugly face of complete and utter distraught as she sat there, gripping at her bleeding hand and bawling alone in the snow.
"Why?" she cried. "Why? Why? Why? Why?!"
She gasped, looking up and, thankfully recognizing the park that she used to play in when she was young. "Why me?" she cried as she shakily stood and limped to the playground for shelter. Her feet, cold and bleeding, reminded her about how stupid it was of her to just up and run out without any thought and her shivering figure second that. She should have grabbed her shoes and coat before leaving. Maybe even her suitcase. At least then she would have the means to go back to Kyoto. Sure, it wasn't a perfect place to call home, but it was away from these struggles at least. All she had to do was move further away from those horrible, horrible people she used to associate herself with.
"'S not like anyone would care." She sighed as she huddled closer to herself. The trails that her tears left were gone now, but their presence was still there in the form of cold streaks that chilled her cheeks even more than usual. Her nails were turning blue, like her toes, but she didn't care. Not anymore.
All she wanted was to not be alone. Even after she moved to Kyoto, she hadn't spent a single holiday alone. Whether she was with friends or a lover, she just wouldn't be alone. She couldn't be alone. Anytime she was, her thoughts floated back to those horrible reminders, the ones that reminded her that she was lonely. The ones that constantly rung that lone key sound over and over again, the one that read out her blank schedule—wake up, go to work, go home, sleep, wake up, go to work, go home, sleep, wake up!
When did she start feeling this way? When did this crater in her chest get so big? Too big for her to handle alone. So much so that she would even relent to filling it with the nearest form of attention she could find in Kyoto?
She huddled closer to herself as she let the question build, felt it dig deeper and deeper, getting closer to the answer when she heard the distinct sound of covered feet crunching through the snow. She froze—both literally and figurately—and waited for the creep that was sure to come around that entrance and either kick her our or worse. She readied herself for a quick escape, unfolding her legs and setting her hands down on either side of herself. She was ready to pounce if needed. But all that changed when she finally saw the face that peaked through the hole.
Silver eyes met her brown ones and instantly melted in that familiar way they did whenever they caught each other staring. He sighed, a sound she had refamiliarized herself with today, but it sounded different this time—more…approachable…if that was possible—then came to a full squat in front of her before he finally spoke again.
"Found you."
She relaxed for only a second before she instantly tensed again and pulled her legs closer to herself.
She remembered. She remembered right then how that hole in her came about…and it had everything to do with him. With his dashingly good looks, his easy-going personality that was especially saved for her, with his soothing voice, the kind that spread and oozed like honey—sticky, sweet and perfect on just about anything—and his very presence. It was all because of Neji Hyuga being the ever-so-attractive person he was…and the fact that she would never be anything more than a friend to him.
She had tried, she remembered, to distance herself from him on a multitude of occasions. It was always when he got a girlfriend, or some girl looked like she was taking her shot at him, but each. And. Every. Time...he would come back to her. He would find her, much like he did now, and make sure to reach his hand out for her to hold…making it that much harder to leave him alone.
And that much harder to let go of those useless feelings.
"I-I guess I should've hid better then." She joked—even at a time like this—refusing to take his hand.
"Tenten, it's cold."
"I'm the one without a coat on," she scoffed, looking away. "Don't you think I know that by now."
He said nothing for a moment and she felt the makings of the wall that she so carefully placed come crumbling down at the mere thought of him hating her and this, admittedly, stupid attitude.
"You know what —" she heard him say before she felt his cold hands grip at her arm and tug with a force she forgot he had. His other hand caught her from kissing the snow again, but also took the opportunity to drag her further out the hole she had made her own.
"No!" she screeched, fighting despite her weakened state. "No! Let me go!"
She put up a fit for sure, kicking and screaming even after he and gotten her out in the open, mainly because she didn't want to deal with him again. Sure, it was wrong of her to do so, but she completely blamed Neji for the way she was now. And, seeing as she had no way of explaining why she was blaming him while actually making enough sense to actually keep him away, screaming and kicking was the only thing she could think to do.
"Te—look…would you just—Stop!" He screamed, grabbing her by the shoulders and forcing her to look at him, to really look at him. There was a different kind of anger that was dying his face, one she hadn't seen in all her years of knowing him—even after this whole "surname" fiasco.
"Damnit! Look, I don't," he paused, letting her go ad throwing his hands up in frustration before burying them in his hair and messing it up completely. "I don't. Give. A. Shit about what happened to us in the past or whatever. Not right now! Okay? All I care about is getting you back to the damn house, preferably clothed in the appropriate clothes, and out of the cold so that you don't get frostbite or some shit like that! Do you understand?!"
She stared at him, breath held and lips pressing into a thin line that only seemed to get thinner. She hadn't heard him curse often, but whenever he did, it had always surprised her into silence. It wasn't until he cocked his head at her, eyes widening ever so slightly, that she finally nodded, giving him an answer that he could work with.
"Thank you." He sighed, pushing his hair back only for it to fall in his face yet again. He pushed her back slightly till she was sitting against the roof of the place she was previously hauled up in, then squatted and lifted her feet off the ground, resting the both of them on one thigh. "What dumbass runs out in the snow, in the middle of winter, without shoes or socks on?"
"…'M sorry." She huffed.
He looked up, looking even more mad. "That's not cutting it, Tenten!"
She flinched. She could feel her tears start to well. "I-I said I'm sorry." She cried. "What more do you want from me?"
He stopped then looked up at her, eyes softening as he looked her over before sighing again and patting her—now—covered feet, even though the shoes didn't quite fit with the socks on. He reached for the bag he had around his shoulder and put a new set of shoes—his shoes—over her feet instead.
After he was done with that, he stood and took off his jacket, then draped it over her shoulders tenderly before speaking again. "Honestly," he started as he fixed the collar around her neck, carefully pulling her lose hair from behind her. "I just want things to go back to the way they were before…this. Before we fell apart. What happened?" He asked. And when he looked at her and she felt her whole being shake.
She had half a mind to tell him, to spill her whole life to this man that she used to entrust her life with every ounce of her problems. Down to the last drop. But, some part of her still held on strong. She felt it's grimy hands cling to the rope, alone, against all other odds. And it hurt, she felt that it hurt, but for some reason, it had enough strength to keep all other reasons to tell him stationary.
"I…" he started, looking away for only a second before facing her head on again, fixing her with a more serious look than the one before. "I miss us, Ten?"
She let out a breath she didn't know she was holding and, with it, her last bit of resistance lost its grip. Or rather, let go. Almost like it had just given up. Like it was tired of fighting against all other reasons with such useless excuses, tired of being the only one on this side of things. Tired of being alone. So, it let go, vanished into the crowd of waiting reasons, and never once looked back, leaving only one final breath, one visible puff of air and the tears that threatened to spill only moments before.
"Me too." She cried, not even bothering to hide her pain anymore. "I miss us too…I-I…I miss you."
OooO
She told him everything. From the sudden crater that she felt when she realized she was alone out in Kyoto to the deafening pain she's felt on more than one occasion dealing with her ex and friends from the very same area and to the start of all her problems—her realization that one day, any day, Neji could up and leave her. And she felt silly saying all of this to the very person she blamed for her dilemmas, but all he did was sit and listen. Not once did he look at her in disgust or move to try and counter anything she said. He just…listened. Whenever it looked like she was about to cry he looked worried and moved only to hand her more tissue, but aside from that, he didn't react much.
When she finally finished, her tea was cold, but the rest of her felt…warmer. Her heart felt lighter, whether that was because it had sunk further into the crater in her or floated high above it, she couldn't tell, but she didn't care. Not anymore. Right now, at this moment, she was just happy that things were finally starting to look good again. She was home. Despite the panic attack she had only moments before, she felt so at peace in Tokyo, where she belonged.
"I," Neji started. He was looking down, hands clasped loosely and laying on the table. He sat up, leaning into his hands then, sighing, and Tenten watched him silently. She didn't dare reach out to touch him, because, even with the touching moment that was built between them, she still felt that she was not allowed to even think of doing that. So, she sat there, watching him warily until he finally looked back at her.
"I'm sorry, Ten."
She laughed and started to fidget. "For what?" she didn't dare face him after that. "I'm the one being unreasonable. There was no need for you to apologize."
"I should have realized that you were struggling." He said. "I should have been paying attention to how you were feeling. I mean, how can I even call myself your friend if I couldn't even do that."
She sunk further into herself. "Friend". It was that exact word that made this crater in her chest. She had realized it years ago, possibly from his first girlfriend ever, that she hated associating the word "friend" with Neji. She had always wanted to be more than, but never had the nerve to do anything about it.
"And who's this asshole of a boyfriend you had in Kyoto? What's his contact?"
She looked up. "Why?"
"I just want to talk with him. 'S All."
She laughed at the lame attempt to mimic her occasional speech style, making him smile, He could tell that her laugh from before was insecure, but this one. This was a real one, a genuine sound that echoed throughout her whole being, warming him up from the sound alone.
"He didn't deserve you." He sighed as he leaned against his hand, watching her gently.
She blushed and looked away. "Stop it."
He smiled at her but stopped nonetheless and looked away, choosing to stare at the tea he barely touched. He was so overwhelmed by what Tenten had told him that he didn't even have the time to drink it. He could barely believe that she was that bothered about not being able to be around him, yet, at the same time, he couldn't help but feel something warm build up in him to just the thought.
"Let's get you home." He sighed as he stood, reaching his hand out for her. "I'm sure everyone's worried."
She looked up at him. Part of her wanted to not accept him. Part of her still wanted to fight, to reach for that rope that the old her let go of and pull up that door, keeping anything else out of her heart. Part of her wanted to hide herself against all of these…these emotions! But a heavier part of her wanted so desperately to be found, to be encased in the warmth she remembered, the warmth that is him. So, she took his hand. She took it and felt his familiarity warm her completely once again.
He smiled at her again and she couldn't help the tears that started to well.
"You're crying again?" he asked, worry evident in his voice as he reached for her. This time though, she didn't flinch back.
"Yeah." She laughed as she whipped at them aimlessly, smiling when his hands took hers so that he could clear her up. "But I'm fine this time." She promised, laughing when he stared at her in disbelief.
"Really, I am."
After some convincing on her part, he finally agreed that she was well enough to leave, granted he didn't let her hand go the whole way back. She tried to take back her hand but he wasn't having any of it, saying something about her running off on her own again. At first, she was embarrassed. She wanted to hide, to crawl back into the abyss that was her heart, but eventually after some taunting on his part and his constant pestering—the kind that only she brought out—she felt almost at home in his hands. Stupid enough, he ran after her without his car, so they were walking back in the cold, but he made the trip back seem a lot less cold than it was.
OooO
She didn't remember when she got home. The rest of the night after being quote-unquote "rescued" was a heavy blur of mixed emotions and that same never-ending feeling of nothingness gripping at her soul to remind her that it was still there. But every time she saw him still there, calling her like he used to, she was reminded to swat it away to deal with some other time. She got an earful from Hinata and Hanabi when she got back, she remembered that, but after that she couldn't remember how she got into her old home.
Downstairs, she could hear her mother cooking breakfast. Possibly something she favored since it's been a while. Her father was sure to be down there with her, watching her but pretending to not take notice from behind the morning paper. After the rice was done she would be called down to eat. She was a light enough sleeper to be waken by the sun that would seep through her small window or the clatter of the dishes below.
Turning, she stared at the window. There was an overcast today, so there was no sun coming through, but she didn't care. She was more focused on the little string that still hung through the window, still and dusty from not being touched in years. Attached to it, there was a cup.
She used to play with that cup. She used to wave goodbye to the boy next door and run upstairs just to speak with him all over again through that cup. Whenever either one of them wanted to talk they would pull on the cup and wait to see if the other would pull back.
She remembered thinking that that was the highlight of her day—aside from seeing him—talking to Neji through that phone. When they were younger, it was something like magic, but after they got phones, the cup phone was obsolete in their lives. Just some part of a fond memory they may forget. Kind of like how her life was now. Her ex friends and ex-boyfriend may just as well be some obsolete memory that she'll gleefully forget, leaving her to live her life almost as if it never happened…Or they could very well be something she never forgets. Something that swims in the back if her mind waiting for the right trigger to spring back into her thoughts, to remind her again of how foolish she was, how desperate she was.
She looked at the cup again. In her minds eye, she could hear his voice vibrating in her ear, hear the way he called her name like he used to, and somewhere deep down—very deep, miles and miles below the pit that sat steadily in her chest—she felt like she may be alright. Despite what could possibly happen; her remembering her life in Kyoto, her being affected again by the negativity that sat inside her, clinging to her desperately, she felt that she would be okay because of him…and that maybe, one day, she won't feel like she was in such dire need of someone—some boy—to be beside her.
…Maybe
She got up, stumbling on her way down to the window where the phone sat. She kneeled in front of it, stared at the cup some more, then sighed and clenched her fists together before grabbing the cup and pulling gently at first then tugging as hard as she would allow. Then she waited. She sat there waiting for a response, a sign of him being there and the cup still hanging through the window for maybe two minutes before final her cup bobbed up and down. Her heart beat quickly matched it.
The phone tugged again, this time with some impatience in its pattern, before falling silent against the frame. She held her breath and grabbed the cup, deciding the stay on the floor since she knew he was there, staring at her window…just as he did when they were young.
"Hello?" she said, voice shaky for some reason. She cleared her throat before speaking again. "Can you hear me?...Neji?"
"You could have just called." He said, sounding barely audible. "I look stupid doing this. Stand up."
She smiled then peaked over the window, laughing at the sight of the man standing in his room with a cup to his ear and his hand on his hip. A small smile played at his lips when he noticed her, and she stood all the way, clearing her throat.
She waved, and he held up his phone before dropping the cup, keeping his eyes trained on hers before putting it up to his ear and waiting. She jumped, still surprised to hear her phone ring before running to it and coming back to the window. She stared at the number for a while then looked back up at Neji gently then answered.