There was too much white in this room. White walls with nothing except medical procedures in case of an emergency and room numbers, white bed with white blankets and white gown that my body was swimming in. Hospitals are such cold places that make you start thinking of how much you wanted to change your life from being so ordinary and routine based. It was what I was thinking about as I laid on the uncomfortable bed in the empty hospital room. It was time for change. Yes, I loved my job and am content with where I am living but there was an aspect in my life that I needed to change. The events that took place while skydiving has triggered this decision.
That article that I came across advising that carrying out something dangerous can possibly trigger to retrieve the lost memories which brought me to take part in sky diving that I was both stupid and courageous to do. In retrieving my memories of Tom, it would be my chance to speak to him and hopefully mend our relationship in the end. As a result the article was right; skydiving somehow helped me retrieve all my memories. Every single one of them. A series of memories flash through my mind before I blacked out mid fall around the same time the skydiving expert failed to pull out the parachute in his first few attempts. Thankfully though, he managed to pull out the parachute to have us land safely.
My journey was finally over and I was somewhat relieved that everything will go back to normal with slight adjustments.
I sat up when my doctor entered with a folder under his arm.
"Miss Riley, I'll have you know that I have contacted Dr Reade about your amnesia. She wants you to call in to make an appointment with her as soon as possible," he said while scribbling notes on the folder. "You're good to go. Just be thankful that it wasn't anything other than a fainting spell."
"Thanks," he handed me several pages regarding my hospital visit. "When can I leave?"
"In about half an hour, I called your emergency contact, Tom Hiddleston. He has been informed of your situation."
It was a huge effort to keep my face blank with no signs of emotion as I nodded and thanked him again.
As soon as the doctor left, I slid off the bed silently and leaned onto the bed for a moment. My head felt like it was carrying a tonne of cement causing it to feel heavy and fuzzy. Just to be cautious, I ran my hand over the hospital bed as I walked to the other side of the bed to retrieve my clothes that was placed in a light blue plastic bag. Trying to be really quick and discreet with a heavy head that started pounding due to being on my feet, I slid into my jeans and knitted jumper. The nurses were kind enough to leave my bra and underwear on. As soon as I collapsed back into bed and under the blanket, the nurse entered with food on the tray. To my displeasure, it was quite healthy with nothing sweet to soothe my tastebuds except for the apple juice.
Even with my stomach growling, I could not eat much due to the thoughts of how to break it to Tom that I remembered everything about us. It felt like such a long time since I've spoken to him that the fear that he changed and would react differently put my anxiety levels on high. If he's the Tom I know from before I lied to him about my amnesia, then I assumed that he would take it okay and create no drama. However, if the whole event of my lies has caught up with him and has made him bitter, well, then I have a problem.
I'm a person that strictly believes that being optimistic brings good turns into your life and for now I was battling those thoughts involving worries about things that have not yet occurred and probably – well, hopefully – won't occur. I feel like I've changed to be a better person and even better than who I was before the accident that caused me losing my memories. Things happen for a reason and I'm weirdly glad enough that these events have occurred so I can do what the old me could not do.
In the midst of my sigh while aimlessly poking at the marinated Mongolian beef that was in pieces, the one that I have been pondering about entered my hospital room. He was not dressed in a suit and tie as his images all over the internet showed but still looked really good in his casual t-shirt and dark denim jeans. I noted the rush of excited and love I felt when I saw him. It has maximised ever since I have gained all the memories back.
He stood in front of me with a concerned look on his face. "I hurried here as soon as I got a call. I'm glad you're okay," he placed a hand on my cheek. "But I've been dying to ask this question on my drive here," he said as he backed away and sat on the edge of the bed. "What in the hell made you want to sky dive in the first place? You're afraid of heights! Something worse might have happened to you, your arm just recently healed! Did you want to break again or something?"
"Well, I uh, sort of," I looked back at him. He looked worked up with his frowning yet concerning eyes. "I sort of wanted a change of something exciting." I couldn't bear to tell him now.
"You could have called me about it," he looked dead straight into my eyes.
"Well," I avoided eyes contact as I slowly peeled the blanket off me. "I want to go home and away from hospital food."
"Right," he muttered and silently stood up waiting for me to do the same.
After gathering all my things, we headed out to go to his car which was parked right near the entrance of the hospital. The whole journey which took only five minutes felt like five hours due to my pounding head and the continuous chant playing in my mind, 'walk straight, don't fall'. Those agonising minutes almost came to an end and I was mentally cheering as we walked out the entrance. Though somehow my vision began to partially darken and I slowed my pace while still trying to walk straight except I was not. Tom was obviously aware of my doings and grabbed my arm and wrapped his other arm around me.
"You don't seem well, you okay?"
"Yes, you can get off me now," I told him bitterly.
"Let's just get to the car first," he ignored me and we made our way to the car.
"You don't need to hold my hand as if I'm a child. It's fine; it was just a head spin."
He frustratingly looked at me in disbelief and let go. I tried to look as if I wanted to casually touch his car while I tried to keep myself upright.
"Okay. Think the hospital made the wrong call. They should have just called a taxi," he grunted then opened the passenger door.
I looked at him in disgust. "You're right, I'm going to catch a taxi instead."
"Are you serious?"
"Damn right I'm serious," I replied already walking back to the entrance of the hospital while trying to walk a straight line with no trips or falls with all my gathered strength.
He caught up with me but this time did not look frustrated. "I was joking. Let me just get you home safely, okay?"
"No it's okay, I can get home with the taxi."
"Just let me do what I promised to your parents and take you home, please?"
He looked really cute begging me like that but I am as stubborn as they can get. "But I can go home my-,"
"Okay, I'm not asking you to get into the car, I'm telling you to get into the car and if you refuse again, my last resort is to carry you to the car."
"I can always scream for help if you do, there's going to be cops around here somewhere."
He did what he did best and ignored me. "I warned you," and with that, he swooped me into his arms and carried me back to the car. I looked at him in anger and amusement the whole way home.
"Okay," I shut the half empty pizza box and placed it onto the coffee table. We ordered pizza on the way and had it delivered to my apartment. The pizza delivery guy made it to our door just a moment before we did. Tom was currently sitting on the other two seater sofa adjacent to me. He had already finished eating and was slowly sipping his lemonade. "I need to tell you a few things."
He sat up and placed his soda on the table. All of his attention was on me.
"I decided to skydive because apparently extreme sports that involve danger can help with amnesia," I raised my hand to tell him to stop what he was about to say. "And it worked."
"So," he shut his eyes for a long second. "Are you saying you can remember?"
"Yeah."
"Really?" he started to grin. "Everything?"
"Yeah, everything. I think that's why I blacked out, I'm not too sure."
"Wow," he looked like he was lost for words. He gaze was on the coffee table but it looked like he was staring into empty space for a moment before his gaze glided back up at me. He smiled with that glint in his eyes and started to get up from his spot on the sofa.
I raised my hand up again. "But wait, I'm not done yet," he nodded absently; still looking thrilled with the news, and sat back down. "I've made a decision after remembering everything."
"Yeah?" he was still smiling and sitting impatiently.
I felt horrible for being responsible to ruining his mood. "I don't think we should see each other anymore."
The colour drained from his face that was all smiles just a second before. "What?"
"I don't like what I know now. I don't think we're good for each other. You're a successful actor and I'm an editor. We live completely different lives and, well, you care about your career more than you care about me."
"But... I..." he licked his lips and looked back at me in disbelief. "What about the good times we had?"
"It doesn't make up for the time you spent with your career. I mean, I love you. I know that now and it feels so great to love someone so much but I think it's best for the two of us to go our separate ways."
"But there were times where I use to take you to the sets with me. Like how you spent a whole week while I filmed for Thor and the other time we went to Australia together to promote films. I tried to make it up to you as much as I could," his eyes were glassy and they were almost begging me to take back what I said.
I could not remember those times due to the overwhelming mix of emotions that was bubbling in my chest. "It doesn't make up for it."
I have never seen another man other than my father cry when his mother died years ago but Tom was not afraid of hiding his emotions. He muttered something about giving him a minute so he can compose himself. He looked crumbled and in pieces and I wanted to hug him. I wanted to help him piece himself back together but I couldn't and when I brought the courage to do so, he stood up and left.
Thank you to that review that said "When are you going to update", I made sure to finish off the chapter that I have been writing for a week now. Also thank you for the other reviews as well. They were lovely and patient even with my lack of updates. Sorry about that and sorry about this chapter.
As always, please review and give me your feedback!