"You have recovered so well!" Dr Reade grinned and set my medical papers that were loosely in a folder on top of her desk. "But through just a simple sky diving activity having impacted your mind is incredible. I'm not even sure if I'm licensed to suggest that to my other clients."

I shrugged with a small smile and kept my gaze on my fingers playing with the stitches of the armrest.

"How did Tom take it when you told him you were going sky diving?"

I chuckled, "I didn't even tell him because I knew he'd stop me or would participate as well. Thought I should do it on my own." That would be a lie. I do not think Tom would have stopped me because we were in that not talking phase – which we still are.

"That's pretty daring of you," she signed a paper. "Well, that's it from me then. I hope you do take my advice and go to the psychologist. Traumas are no good and even though you think you don't need it, sooner or later the problem with not driving a car with arise and, well, it just won't be good for you. Just go and let them help you. I've signed a referral for a really good one in the area. Make sure you go."

"I honestly don't think I have a problem," I told her but still took the referral paper from her. "I just don't like cars."

"That's because you had that car accident. Look, you might not remember the accident but your body does and that memory must be hidden deep inside your brain that is causing you to fear cars. You don't really need a car here, but there are cars everywhere and it will be a constant reminder."

I did not want to visit another doctor for slight problem, let alone a psychologist. I am happy, I do not need anyone to help me feel happy. Fearing cars is not a trauma, simply like fearing heights. No trauma there, I just hate looking down when I am far up high.

Catching the public transport was not a big deal. There were a lot of passenger but that would only occur during peak hours. Thankfully this was not one of them and I had a comfortable journey home with my mind not paying attention to reality but to my inner reality where all my thoughts and fantasies took place. I thought of how it would be like to be back at home with my family. What would have changed if I decided not to take my life to another country? I would not have met Tom; I would not have great friends or great staff at work. Nevertheless though, if I decided to keeping living back at home, my life would have been quite different. It might have been much better than the life I lead now. Even though I have thought of what it would be like to date a celebrity – and I'm sure everyone has at one point thought about it too – it was no big deal really. Tom usually kept me out of the spotlight, which I did not mind too much but it was nothing like what I always imagined. Being the center of every girl's jealousy and being admired by the media. Just thoughts like that occupied my mind and I was absently imagining my life back at home. I guess it did not mean I would go back. London was way too fast-paced and always changing than Sydney ever would be.

It quickened my trip home and before I knew it I was laying in a comfortable position on the sofa watching pointless television. It was currently showing TMZ, a popular celebrity show, about Kim Kardashian's holiday to a place I have never heard of. The two hosts were pointlessly blabbering on about something loosely linked to Kim Kardashian but it was no important information. Soon, that all changed when the show focused on a different celebrity. That celebrity was none other than Tom Hiddleston. I sighed and grabbed the remote to change the channel. I knew the universe was playing with me. Before I pressed the button on the remote control to change the channel, I admit, I was curious about why he was spoken about on the show. Usually it was celebrities involved in drama and I held my breath and promised myself that I will only listen for half a minute.

"Let's talk about Tom Hiddleston. This guy played Loki in the Thor film and The Avengers."

"He is an exceptional actor and has a wide fan base and you can see what I mean by 'wide fan base' in this photo here."

"Yeah, this is a photo taken outside of Hyatt hotel where he is currently staying at in New York."

"All those people you see hanging around there are all there not because they're soaking in the sun, no! They're all there waiting to have a glimpse of Tom Hiddleston himself."

"And can I add that over 80% of the fans there are ladies?"

"Whatever," I sighed in relief and changed the channel.

It would be nice to be in New York. I have never been there before and I was hoping I would visit when I first moved here but that was years ago and have never happened. Maybe that should be my new goal in life.

That small thought shot me out of my comfortable position to fetch the laptop then returning back to the same position searching up for flights to New York. My heart was thudding against my chest in anticipation and excitement. Just the thought of leaving my everyday life for a few days in New York made my whole body shake in eagerness. I bit my bottom lip to contain the feeling of excitement flowing through my body waiting to explode and reminded myself that I will not be buying any ticket, that I was merely just looking. Maybe in a few days I might ask my boss for some leave, but for now I am only looking.

I was unfortunately interrupted by a phone call from my work friend Therese.

"Stop what you're doing, we're going out tonight," she said in a blunt but excited manner.

"Oh really?" I crossed my arms and held the phone to my ear with my shoulder.

"Yes! It will be us and a couple of the girls from work, it will be ladies night," she laughed.

I smiled, "I like the sound of that."

It was early in the evening and I would need all the time I can get to get ready for tonight. Reluctantly closing my laptop on flights but knew it was for the best at this moment in time, I left my comfortable position once more in search for an outfit. I do not remember dressing up nicely for a while except for the last date I had with Tom that it was kind of exciting to find something to wear. We were going to head out to a fancy club where everyone was in formal attire getting tipsy and dancing. It would be my first time in such a long time as a single woman to head out to a club, quite exciting really.

"One piece," I pulled out a shimmering shift dress that was engulfed in beads and placed it neatly on my bed. "Or two piece?" this time pulling out a loose fitting patterned skirt and placed it on the bed beside the dress. Standing in front of a small pile of folded potential tops for the skirt, I began to decide on which one matched the best.

Finally, I decided on a plain white crop singlet that was at the bottom of the clothes. As I reached out to grab the singlet, I felt something hard and flat underneath it and pulled that out along with it. It turned out to be my journal that I forgot that I had. Slowly sitting down on the bed, I started flipping through the pages to see how my days were like and how I perceived them. I started writing in this journal from my last few days in Australia to record my thoughts, feelings and everything else that happened on the big move. Flipping through pages, I saw an entry on when I first met Tom and how excited I was to be close and personal with a celebrity not knowing how things between him and I would progress. I shook my head about how life would surprise us. Flipping through more pages until another entry caught my eye, which I had no recognition of whatsoever. It was dated about a month before the accident. I frowned and licked my bottom lip in fear before I started reading the entry.

'He is so perfect! I woke up this morning expecting another day at work but all that changed! Just a few minutes of lying in bed, waiting for sleep to leave my eyes so I can get out and start the day, my front door knocked. I was not expecting anyone at all. It was this delivery guy and he handed me an envelope saying that they will return in 2 hours. I had no idea what was going on and he did not give me a chance to ask any questions.

I opened the envelope and guess what I found? A ticket to New York! And the best part is that Tom bought the ticket and is expecting me to be there within a few hours! I honestly did not expect this! I mean, yes, Tom is in New York at the moment for work related reasons but I did not think he would want me to join him! He never mentioned it to me! I am so excited!

He has also sent me a short written note saying that we're going to a few fancy places and to make sure I knew beforehand. Oh wow! I am the luckiest girl! This man may be way too busy with his career but he knows how to make it up to me.'

My breathing became shallow and I threw the journal on the floor. Running both my hands through my hair and leaning forward until I reached my knees, I stared at the floor in disbelief. What has just happened? Why could I not remember that event? I have been to New York and I do not remember it! Why was I so convinced that I remembered absolutely everything when I really did not?

No, that was not right. It is perfectly normal to not remember an event, even if it is life changing like going to New York as a surprise present. It is definitely normal. I tried to convince myself by reaching for the journal and flipping through all the entries. I am certain that I would remember most of the entries.

'He makes me so angry! Again he ditched me for his stupid work! Seriously, I have never met someone that devalued their partner! …'

I definitely remembered that entry.

'… Forgot to mention that Tom decided that he could not see me for a few days so he can stay in his character for the casting of this show. I've honestly stopped caring …"

Yep, remembered that too. There was nothing wrong with me.

'Came into my office today and I kid you not, everywhere is covered with flowers! It was so hard to walk to my desk! He is so adorable! I feel horrible for thinking that he stopped caring about me due to his work…'

That's not right. My eyes widened and I read the entry again. Why could I not remember that?

'Today to celebrate our 2nd year anniversary, Tom and I travelled to Florence in Italy. It was magical and such a beautiful weekend away together …"

We went to Italy for our anniversary? I sure could not remember that either. What did we do on our 1st anniversary? Or our monthly anniversaries? I shut my eyes and concentrated on remembering any. My sigh came out jittery. I did not remember any anniversaries we have had together. I continued to read with another entry.

'He said, "Oh, sorry beautiful, but I am just so jetlagged that I cannot make it to this brunch with everyone. Could you please send them my warmest greeting?" he even kissed me. That asshole. It would be just lovely if he told me a few days beforehand that he might be feeling under the weather …'

Oh, I remembered that definitely.

I paused. There was a pattern that I was noticing. I looked back at what I had just read. Of course I remembered it. I was feeling very angry. I flipped back to the previous entry about our anniversary. I did not remember that. I did not remember feeling that excited and happy with him. In fact, as I come to think of it, I do not remember ever being happy with him.

There was something definitely wrong with me and I did not know how to fix it.

You guys are getting impatient. Which I don't mind, really! I hope you like the way the story is heading!