Joker's POV

I was overwhelmed with so many thoughts. She might be pregnant. She threw up yesterday morning and then was fine the rest of the day. That thought alone had me going back and forth. Then there was the story about her brother. Oh I was so freaking angry. I knew I had heard it before. I had called Johnny in for a meeting this morning, just me and him.

He came in and I assessed him. He looked nothing like her. He was tall and stocky, she was small and curvy. They both had dark hair but his was clearly lighter and he lacked her vibrant green eyes. He had brown eyes. He started to get nervous under my watch.

"Why did you not say anything?" I asked him.

"It wasn't my place to say anything boss." He said keeping emotions off his face and voice.

"I am fucking your baby sister and you say nothing?" Honestly I lost a bit of respect for him.

"She hasn't been my sister in years. Plus we both know you two are about much more than that." I could hear a bit of anger in his voice.

"She thinks you are dead. That you killed yourself at thirteen. What do you mean it's more than that?" I wanted to see what part made him angry.

"I know what she thinks" he said. Oh so it wasn't that part. "You love her and she loves you. Its obvious." He said bitterly.

"What's your problem with it? Shouldn't you be happy for your best friend and sister?" I ask with genuine curiosity. He stayed quiet. "I won't retaliate in any way, I genuinely want to know." I made of show of putting my weapons closer to him and further from me.

He sighed. "You are going to fire me for this."

"No, I'm not. If I get angry, just take me to her. You have seen what she does." I saw him in awe over it.

"I gave up the life I had to protect her. I regret every day that I left her knowing what she had to endure without me. I want her to have the most amazing and carefree life one deserves, because she has earned it. J, you saw what she looked like. She is amazing for you. I have never seen you happier or healthier since I have known you. Harley was toxic and Addy is absolute healing. J, I have never seen you so sane. At first I resented that thinking it would hurt business, but business is better than ever." So far everything sounded positive, but he continued. "I know you love her. I know you never want to hurt her. But one day you will, you will hurt her so bad one day that it will destroy her. I have nightmares of Harley coming back and you breaking her heart, I have nightmares of the mob catching up to us and killing her. You make her so incredibly happy and you have the power to destroy that. I can't even beg you to end things now because that would destroy her too." He looked defeated. "No matter what happens, I just don't think she will have the happily ever after she deserves."

He had spoke of all my worst fears. I knew I was foolish to think what we had would last forever, but now we are too far gone. "Do you know why she is so special to Falcone?"

He looked confused "Just that he put a lot of money into her development."

So I filled him in on everything in regards to it. To say he was in shock was an understatement.

"So she could be pregnant right now?" He asked as if still taking in the information.

"She threw up yesterday morning and then was just fine. I don't know about this morning. I texted her asking how she was feeling but she hasn't replied yet." Just then I got a text 'not good, threw up again :('. I slid my phone to Johnny and he read it.

"We have to protect her. If people found out she is carrying your child, she will be dead in no time." He told me.

We tried to plan all day. It was driving us bonkers. We couldn't find a way to keep her safe without having her handcuffed to one of us at all times. When her dress arrived, we personally checked it for anything. It's only bad luck to see the bride IN it before the wedding, right?

I had to promise Johnny I wouldn't say anything to Addy, he wanted to tell her himself but I had a bad feeling it was ME she was going to be mad at.

We decide we need to go out and let out some steam. Johnny and a few of my men accompany me to the club. They are at the bar getting hammered and I am in my office. I had drank way too much and it had me in a dark place. I did not have Addy to bring me out of my funk, so I started getting worse. I was going to destroy the woman I loved one way or another. One of the waitresses came in asking me if I needed anything. It was strange how she locked the door. She looked like a Harley wannabe with her light blonde hair and styled in pigtails. She wore a short skirt and a short shirt that was more like a decorative bar.

She screamed dirty and I started thinking dirty thoughts about her. What did it matter? I didn't agree to the marriage tomorrow out of love. No, but I love Addy now. You are going to hurt her anyways, might as well have fun now.

The Harley Wannabe was on my lap and started kissing me. I kissed back. She grabbed my crotch and said "Please fuck me daddy." That is when it felt like ice water had been dumped on me. I punched her and knocked her out. I left the club without speaking to any of my men.

I am speeding along Gotham in my purple lamborghini trying to blow off steam when I see that bat mobile behind me. I expertly navigating but he is getting closer, I see the river. I drive the car into it while opening my door ready to swim out, I active the bomb I have in there for emergency getaways. A piece of metal it's me in the ribcage when it explodes. No sign of batman. I rush and hotwire a car and take off. I make it home, hiding the car in the back. I'm still drunk and the blood loss is making it worse. I try to steady myself with the dining room chair but it tumbles out of my grasp and I fall down with it.

I hear soft feet pattering towards me, "Mr. J! What is going on?" SHe asks and her eyes widen at my wound when I gesture to it. "Oh my god, let's get you seated." She takes me to the living room couch and runs away only to come back with the medical kit and a big bottle of whiskey. She surprising takes a swig. I pout hoping it was for me. Shit what about the baby? That can't be good for it. "I think you had enough." She says.
That makes me really angry with her. I slap her "I will tell you when I have had enough." I say menacingly. She looks at me like I have betrayed her. " I told you I was allowed to hurt you, and I will." I emphasized each time I said 'I'. I remind her of our original agreement. What has come over me? She stays quiet and I can't see her face. She is pulling the metal out. "Fucking hell!" I yell and punch her as she yanked the piece out. Part of me feels absolutely nauseous. You asshole she is helping you and yet you abuse her, yet she still helps you. You are a sick fuck, J. You don't deserve her heart. You don't deserve any of her.

"Shut up! Shut the fuck up before I fucking kill you!" I yell to the voices in my head, but apparently Adelina was talking so she thinks I directed it to her. She bites her lip. She stitches me up while I drink more. She takes me up to bed. I try to kiss her, I want to make it better. I do. Why am I ruining everything? I am breaking the one person who actually makes me happy, the one person I love more than anything. She lets me kiss her but I can tell her heart isn't in it. She pulls away when I try to go farther.

"You are injured and drunk, you need sleep." She says. One voice says hurt her, the other is saying she is just protecting you. Guess which one I listen to?
"Fine, I already fucked a different whore tonight anyways." I tell her. Then I make it even worse "She even looked like Harley." I look at her and finally see the evil that I am. She is utterly heartbroken. Tears streaming down her face. Johnny said you would hurt her, I proved him right by doing it on the same exact day he called it.

"And here I was a fool, actually falling for you." She whispers. Her eyes are not fear or hate but acceptance. I fell into a nightmare filled sleep...nightmares of the girl I love and our child dying.