Chapter 13

Shepard came up behind Joker's pilot chair. Four and a half years, nearly five since she'd stood on the first Normandy, Captain Anderson's XO. That was the first time she knew she had found her place: Commander of the Normandy. Things were finally becoming right again.

"All right, Joker. Let's move out."

Lieutenant Commander Anchor waited a step behind in her peripheral vision. He stood tall, feet apart, hands behind his back. He probably pictured himself as the hero of a real-life space adventure vid. He'd never served on a ship before, at least, not for any real length. Earth's atmosphere blued the cockpit windows before darkening into an expanse of space. Joker's wide grin reflected in the glass.

"We're out," he said.

"Good," Shepherd said.

She turned on her heel to the CIC. Anchor followed. Servicemen glanced up as she passed. There were so many new faces. It would take a while. But here they were: on their way. Shepard leaned against the railing stared down over the galaxy map. Elliom. It was a long way off for FTL.

x

Shepard blinked awake and sat upright. She stared around in the dim light and fumbled for the clock by her bed. It was still early, probably too early, and too little sleep. With so many days of sunrises and sunsets, it was going to take a while settling back to normal again. She craned her neck up and smiled at the window. Comforting to see the stars again, though. They did look closer from here. The empty fish tank cast a glow over the room as Shepard dressed. She scooped cold water up in her face, and she was felt ready and invigorated. Everything could be right again.

Shepard took the elevator to the shuttle bay. Cortez and James stood with their backs to the elevator going over something on a console. Cortez seemed to catch her in the edge of his vision. He turned.

"Commander Shepard."

"Cortez. Glad to see you aboard."

"Couldn't say no, Commander."

The bay bulged with rows of towering crates packed tightly with supplies. A couple of service men squeezed between the rows to reach something in the back of the bay.

"They loaded more stuff than I thought," Shepard said.

"Glad you're saying it first, Lola. You know, I used to work on stuff down here."

"Guess you'll be cramped or find another nook."

"This?" James waved at the crates. "Cramped? That ain't nothin' compared to the crew quarters. What are we carrying, like fifteen extra engineers for the relay?"

"Seventeen. I know, close quarters. We'll drop them off on the way. We're unload some of these supplies too. It's just a few days."

"Sure, Lola. Hope you're thinking about us from your penthouse."

"Hey," Cortez said. "This quarian technology. It really stretches our fuel reserves, but all this piping, that coolant accelerator over by the shuttle. Flammable stuff."

"Right." Shepard twisted her head around following the pipework. It was an extensive system. "I know about it. Just be safe down here."

"And this shuttle?" Cortez waved at it. Shepard peered at it with a frown. "You know our other shuttle crashed in London before the Normandy evac'ed me? This replacement? Old, old, old. Had to dust off a paperback to figure it out."

"Yeah." Shepard eyed the shuttle. "Guess resources are short. Still should have caught that before we left. You can make it work?"

"Oh, it works. Works fine. It's just between the quarian fuel recirculatory down here and that antique shuttle, it's a lot of volatile stuff."

"Tell her about the warm up," James said.

"Yeah, and the warm up on these types. Pretty damn easy to overload. Then it'll just take off."

"Take off?"

"Take off. Straight ahead right into the bulkhead at the end. Boom."

"Let's be conscientious then," Shepard said.

The elevator doors slid open behind her. James bumped Cortez's shoulder and pointed off with his chin.

"Later, Commander." James stalked off. "I'm gonna find something to fix."

Shepard turned around. Anchor stood at a parade rest waiting for her.

"A moment, Commander?" he asked.

"Lieutenant Commander. What is it?"

Anchor glanced at Cortez, who picked up a tool kit. Anchor's eyes followed him on his way to the shuttle.

"Did you have something to say?" Shepard asked.

"Yes, ma'am."

Shepard waited.

"About that day in headquarters a while back. I think we got off on the wrong foot. I know the chain of command. I only want to collaborate here."

Shepard frowned. "We don't collaborate here, Lieutenant Commander. I'm in charge. You're my XO. What I say goes. Long as you understand that, I'm open to input, but there's no collaboration per se. I'm the final word."

Anchor's mouth twisted up in one corner with a smile. "Understood. Of course. That's what I meant, ma'am."

"I hope you did."

She moved past him to the elevator. He was still smiling with that crooked look as the elevator doors closed between them.

X

"You had a break yet?" Shepard came up behind Joker.

Joker twisted his head enough to see her. "I've seen sardines less crowded than this, Commander. Where'm I to go?"

"You still have a bunk, right?"

"Yeah, every twelve hours. Have to get my own sheets out each time. Thank you."

Shepard let out a slow breath and walked over to the copilot's chair. She sank down. Joker's face hardened. He busily flipped through screens on the dashboard. He moved them back and forth so fast there was no way he was actually looking at any of it.

"I don't want it like this, Joker."

"'Like this'?" Joker asked. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"You know exactly what it means. I've hardly seen you the last few months, and when I do, it's like this."

He scrolled over to another screen. He punched a button then unpunched it then flipped to a new screen.

"Fine." She stood up and started out the cockpit.

"You want to talk? Share feelings and braid each other's hair?" Joker twisted around in his seat.

Shepard turned back. "Doesn't have to be feelings. I just want you to shoot straight with me, Joker."

"Off the record?"

"You're seriously asking me to go off the record? Say you want something on the record, I'll pay more attention."

"Funny," Joker said flatly.

"Go ahead." Shepard nodded.

"Whatever you did on the crucible something about it killed EDI. I know it doesn't make sense to blame you or whatever. That's why I didn't say anything. It just sucks knowing you're here and she's not. She wasn't a machine to me."

Shepard swallowed. "She wasn't a machine to me either, Joker. I'm not saying she didn't mean more to you, but I lost a friend too."

"Yeah, but you got all your other friends back. You'll probably want to haul my ass to some Alliance shrink or something to work my feelings out, but you want the truth?"

Shepard took a step closer. "Yeah. I do."

"When we found out you were alive, I hated it. For months, we're all feeling bad. Together. Then you're alive and everyone's all happy. Everyone's like, 'It's okay after all. Smiles all around, folks.'"

"It was a hard time on everyone, Joker. They needed good news. Something to celebrate."

"Us beating the hell out of the Reapers wasn't enough?"

"It was a long time under a lot of strain. Every piece of good news probably gave a little more hope in reaching the finish line."

"They didn't seem to be trying to find this 'hope' while I was searching through the circuit boards and pulling hard drives apart. No one was crawling inside the ship with me to find EDI. If EDI had been the one that came back instead of you, it would have been a completely different reaction. All I'm saying." He swiveled back to the pilot controls. "Commander."

Shepard's stared at the back of Joker's head with a dry throat.

"Later, Joker," she said finally and left.