Author's Note: Quick thing I wanted to say before the story started. Some of you might be wondering where the idea for this fic came from. The truth is, I've had several ideas for how to execute the Alive!Tadashi fic. The stories I read where Tadashi is revealed to be alive are, for lack of a better word, sappy. Hiro becomes a sobbing wreck and while he rages for like two seconds, it is happy ending for all, wrapped up in a cute little bow.
That is not how trauma works. Bringing someone back from the dead doesn't heal the wounds, it just reopens them. For a while, I had been wondering how Hiro would actually, honestly, realistically react if Tadashi was suddenly alive and treated his apparent death like it was nothing.
In a word, shock. That is the word to describe what Hiro should be going through in that situation, because Tadashi's death nearly destroyed him and turned him either into Callaghan or a kid with a death wish.
Big Hero 6 is, in my opinion, one of Disney's most mature movies not because of the danger and drama, but because of the theme of grief. How it can become toxic if it isn't handled and how it is alright to mourn. The problem with this moral is that out of the three characters in which grief is a part of their narratives – two of which kickstarted the birth of our hero and villain – is that it doesn't really make sense.
Callaghan lost Abigail? No worries, she was in cryosleep the whole time. Baymax lost in the portal dimension? No big deal, he slipped his Healthcare chip – his heart – into his rocket fist somehow and Hiro rebuilt him. For a mature movie, it has one of the most obvious cases of an Aesop that doesn't hold up.
This story explores what many other fics with Alive!Tadashi don't: the theme of grief and healing. This isn't a story about happy reunions, this is a story about pain and recovery. And it will have a happy ending.
Sorry for the long notes, more at the end about my research. Enjoy!
(0-0)
Hiro tried sitting up a few times, but his body – and Baymax – would have none of it. His mind felt less fuzzy and he struggled to remember what had happened. But it was as if Baymax had suddenly decided that now would be the perfect time to continually talk. No time to think about much, not even the tubes going up his nose.
"I will contact your doctor," Baymax's chest lit up and Hiro could make out a set of numbers with the picture of – he was going to have to trust Baymax's judgement at the moment – his doctor. Hoffman. It reminded him of someone he heard of, from a movie back in the 2010s. Twenty or so years ago.
"Your doctor has been contacted. I will now ask you a preliminary of questions regarding your: diet."
Hiro closed his eyes and let his head sink deeper into his pillow, "Baymax, I'm really not in the mood for –"
"Do you suffer from allergies regarding: shellfish?"
"…no," Hiro sighed.
"On average, what percentage of: vegetables make up your: daily meals?"
Hiro looked up at the ceiling, pushing against the mattress again before Baymax placed a hand over his chest and gently pushed him down. He scowled, but it was hard to stay mad at Baymax for long.
"Would you like me to repeat the question, Hiro?"
"No," Hiro said, "I dunno. Uhhhh…I'd say maybe…ten percent?"
"Is that a question?"
"I'm gonna go with ten to fifteen percent of my meals, I guess," Hiro rolled his eyes. He was starting to think that Baymax was deliberately keeping him from thinking. There was no quiet, all Hiro wanted to know is what on Earth was going on. Was…was Baymax trying to keep him distracted on purpose?
"On average, how much sugar do you –"
"Thank you, Baymax, I'll take it from here," a man with curly brown hair opened the door. Hiro saw the white coat and tensed a little. He couldn't remember the last time he went to the hospital. It must have been at least six or seven years ago. He always connected hospitals to something dreadful happening.
"You are welcome," Baymax waddled – Hiro smiled a little, he couldn't help but think of Baymax walking like a penguin – out of the man's way and stood at the front of Hiro's hospital bed.
Beep!
"Hello, Hiro," the man smiled and held out his hand. Hiro looked at it for a moment before reaching out and clasping it in his own. One shake. Release. The man pulled a chair from the nearest wall on Hiro's right and brought it closer to the bed, sitting down on it a moment later, "My name is Doctor Phillip Hoffman and I just wanted to check on you and see how you're doing. Baymax said you just woke up."
"Uh, yeah," Hiro nodded. He tried to ignore the beeping! in the background, monitoring his heartrate. He placed his hands on the mattress again, but looked at Doctor Hoffman with uncertainty, "Am I supposed to stay lying down? Is the thing up my nose supposed to stay or something?"
"To answer your second question; yes, you'll have to keep it in to allow oxygen to run through. And if you want to sit up, there's a control panel on your left," Doctor Hoffman smiled. Hiro thought it made him look younger, "Where your hand is – no, on the armrest – good, now you need to –"
Hiro yelped when the mattress sank a little further down.
"– not panic, just press the button in the opposite direction – there we go – and you can sit up."
"Why can't I just sit up by myself?" Hiro raised an eyebrow as he felt himself rise to Doctor Hoffman's eye level. There was something about the expression that felt familiar. Like talking to an old friend.
"It's just a precaution for our patients," Doctor Hoffman shrugged, "Besides, isn't this more comfortable?"
"Yeah…" Hiro sighed. He blinked a few times and looked at Doctor Hoffman, "What happened?"
Doctor Hoffman's smile stayed on, but Hiro could see it was a little forced, now.
Beep! Beep!
"Am…am I hurt?" Hiro asked quietly.
"No," Doctor Hoffman said quickly, "you've…just had a panic attack. You were brought to the hospital about three hours ago and your Aunt had to go home."
"Aunt Cass isn't here?" Hiro felt his chest become cold.
Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep!
"Hiro," Hiro looked towards Baymax, "Aunt Cass needed to return home to collect your: clothes and: personal belongings. This was approximately: thirty-three minutes and 43.005 seconds ago. She will return shortly."
"Oh…" Hiro sighed in relief.
Beep!
"So…what…what exactly caused my panic attack?" Hiro looked at Doctor Hoffman, biting his lower lip.
"I wouldn't want you to have a relapse so soon after you woke up," Doctor Hoffman said.
Hiro looked down at his covers, "I just got back from SFITI, greeted Aunt Cass, and went to my room and –"
And…
And…
'That was his mistake!'
The cold returned, but he could feel the fire to quench it.
Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep!
He wasn't here. Not physically. Not in the room. There wasn't anything to worry about. Baymax was with him. He was safe. He was safe and secure and Tad –
BeepBeepBeepBeepBeepBeepBeepBeepBeepBeep –
"Hiro, are you alright?" The warm hand on his shoulder brought him back, centering him. Breathe. Center himself. Do whatever it was Wasabi's yoga recordings told him to do.
"I…I don't want to talk about it…" Hiro said lamely. Oh, great response, Hamada! He asks you how you're doing and you're acting like the First Month was still going on. And he knows it!
"Alright," Doctor Hoffman nodded. He stood up, "Now, due to the circumstances that brought you here, I would recommend you get an EKG."
"A w-what?" Hiro stammered.
"An electrocardiogram," Doctor Hoffman explained, "Because you had a panic attack, we need to check on your vitals just to be sure there's nothing else wrong. It's nothing painful, just a quick procedure we'd do a few times before letting you go home."
"When you say, 'something else wrong'…" Hiro started.
"Sometimes, a panic attack might actually be something worse. With an EKG, you'd –"
"It would be used to detect symptoms that may lead to: other ailments," Baymax said, his chest lighting up again, "An EKG may be used to detect: a heart attack, Broken Heart Disease, abnormalities within the –"
"Baymax, I told you that he's my patient right now, let me handle this," Doctor Hoffman sighed, his voice resigned like it was an old argument and a tired refrain.
"He tried helping you out earlier?" Hiro asked with a smirk.
"Emphasis on tried," Doctor Hoffman smiled.
"– low blood flow, ischemia –" Baymax continued as if he wasn't interrupted.
Hiro sighed, "Maybe he should take a break for a bit – Baymax, I am satisfied with my care. Proceed to stand-by mode."
Baymax looked at Hiro in the middle of his speech, then Hiro heard a vrrrrrr! from where Baymax was standing. He watched Baymax inflate a little, then close his eyes. Did Baymax have the charger placed in that exact spot or was it just a coincidence?
Doctor Hoffman sighed in a way that Hiro thought he was relieved, "Thank goodness, he was being a little too helpful."
He stood up, "I'll be right back, Hiro, just sit tight for a few minutes."
Hiro shrugged, "Only thing I can do."
He reached over to the remote on his left and grabbed it, pointing it at the television position on the left-hand corner of the room and turning it on.
Right now, his best friend at the moment would have to be in the many misadventures of Dusty: The Supernatural Bunny. The reruns. From the 80's.
Great…
Two minutes in, Hiro decided that it wasn't necessary for him watch Dusty look for the Smoky Bubble when it was right above his body and flipped through the channels.
He stumbled on a news update when Dr. Hoffman came back with a small, bulky-looking computer on a rolling table with electrode patches dangling to the side.
Hiro blushed when he was told to pull off the blanket and remove his hospital gown, leaving him in his underwear. It wasn't cold, but he still wanted to cover his chest. No matter how old he was, Hiro still couldn't disconnect the idea of nudity from being intertwined with shame. It didn't matter that Doctor Hoffman looked away when he peeled off the gown, it didn't matter that this was necessary, it didn't matter that he wasn't completely naked. Hiro felt like he was going to burst into flames and burn until he was nothing but a pile of warm ashes.
"Hiro?" He couldn't see Doctor Hoffman's face, he was too busy covering his own, "Hiro, are you alright?"
"No," Hiro muttered without thinking, his face burning against his hands, "I hate these kinds of check-ups."
"It'll only take ten minutes, don't worry about it."
"This is more humiliating than the festival last year…"
"Festival?" Doctor Hoffman pressed a button on Hiro's bed and the mattress began to even itself out again. It reminded Hiro of an operation table, "What happened last year?"
Hiro bit his lip and a nervous giggle rumbled through his throat. Was he really going to talk about it while he had electrodes taped to his body?
"Well…you know how SanFransokyo has lots of events throughout the year, the ones from Japan?"
"I've been to a few of them," Doctor Hoffman answered.
"Well, last year, my family was getting ready because Aunt Cass wanting to advertise her café…"
A pink kimono with a cherry blossom adorning her hair…
"…and we had these haori – and I wore the black one – and I was getting ready when Tada –"
His throat caught in his mouth, the cold returning. Hiro clenched his fists while another patch was taped onto his chest. A warm hand on his shoulder.
"Are you still with me, Hiro?"
"Y-yeah," Hiro forced out the words. He remembered the story, "Anyways, I was getting ready when…he held up this really long roll of bandages and said I had to wear it underneath the haori. And I didn't know what it was until…until he told me and said I was old enough to start wearing it. Then I realized he was wearing one right in front of me and nothing else and then…"
Beep! Beep!
"…and I just started…laughing, but I was really nervous 'cause…'cause he just looked so dorky. And I didn't want to wear it, because I was pretty much going to be wearing bandages as underwear and look like an idiot. And…"
'No one's going to see these, Little Brother. Dad used to wear this, too!'
'There is no way I'm gonna prance around in that!'
'You're not! Look, I'll help you put it on and then you can get dressed.'
'…I…I…'
A warm hand on his shoulder. Hiro felt so small, he didn't want to do anything embarrassing. He was drawn into a hug.
'We're both going to look like idiots. I'm not gonna let anyone hurt you. You hear me?'
Hiro smiled, 'Yeah. I hear you, Tada –'
"Hiro?"
Hiro yelped and realized where he was.
Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep!
"How long was I out?" He asked nervously.
"You were just staring at nothing," Doctor Hoffman said. He frowned, "Hiro, if you don't feel comfortable telling me, we can drop the discussion."
"I was almost finished," Hiro said weakly, "I was talked into wearing it and then I put everything else on. It was…different. I didn't want anyone knowing about it because it was so stupid, but I had a good time. Then I was told it made me 'a manly man' when I was getting changed."
Doctor Hoffman raised an eyebrow as he added the last electrode patch onto his body, "What article of clothing was it?"
Hiro smirked, "Japanese underwear. The ancient kind."
"Oh," Doctor Hoffman's eyes widened, "Oh…"
His mouth twitched a few times before Doctor Hoffman covered it. It did little to stop the giggling, however. After a few moments, Doctor Hoffman must have found some form of control, because he was still smiling, but Hiro could see he was biting the lower lip.
"That…" Doctor Hoffman began before stopping and looking away, taking a deep breath before looking back, "that does sound embarrassing."
"It was," Hiro grumbled. He didn't care that his dad used to do it, it didn't make him feel any less nervous. At least he knew which side of the family the kookiness came from, even if Hiro was certain he didn't have any odd behaviors.
He refused to consider being friends with Baymax an odd thing, thank you very much.
"Anyways," Hiro forgot why he brought it up until he remembered all the patches on his skin, "This is worse than back then."
"How is it different from this?"
"Nobody else could see it," Hiro shrugged, "I wasn't prancing around half-naked and wasn't planning on it."
"Do you think I would cause you any harm, Hiro?" Doctor Hoffman asked gently.
Hiro winced. Ouch! Wasn't trying to imply anything, I just don't like anyone seeing me without clothes. He probably thinks that I think he's a creep!
"Trust me, Doc," he managed to get out, "I would've been a little more edgy. Probably kicked you in the groin by now."
"And upset some of the equipment that Baymax didn't try getting his hands on, yet," Doctor Hoffman smirked, "Is Baymax typically that…"
He looked at Baymax with a look of uncertainty.
"Overbearing?" Hiro suggested. Doctor Hoffman nodded. Hiro continued, "Not all the time, I mean, the second time I woke him up was an accident. I stubbed my toe but he wouldn't leave me alone and –"
Megabot in his hands, cold to the touch. What was the point of going to Nerd School if Tada –
Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep!
"Hiro?" Doctor Hoffman's hand on his shoulder again. Hiro blinked, the noise bringing him back.
"Sorry about that," Hiro muttered. He remembered that he had patches all over his body and covered himself.
"This will take ten minutes, Hiro, I promise," Doctor Hoffman said reassuringly.
"I believe you," Hiro smiled.
"This won't hurt at all, I promise," Doctor Hoffman smiled back.
0-0
Honey Lemon nodded to Wasabi as he drove off in the rental car, leaving her in front of the Lucky Cat Café. The sign on the front door said CLOSED and pushing at the door was met with resistance. Honey Lemon adjusted her Chem-Purse on her shoulder and stepped back. She sighed and pulled out her phone, quick-dialing Cass's number.
After a few rings, she heard someone on the other line,
"Hello?" Cass sounded tired when she answered.
"Cass, it's Honey, can you let me in?"
"I'll be down in a sec."
"See you in a minute," Honey said before the connection ended. She sighed and looked through the windows; chairs not placed on top of tables, leftovers remaining half-eaten, belongings left behind from patrons.
Cass came into view, her head looking to the floor as she made her way towards Honey Lemon. A key gripped limply in one hand as she pushed it through the lock, gears clicking! and the door opened. Honey Lemon's arms were around Cass in an instant. Arms wrapped around her, but they felt cold and lifeless.
"I wanted to make sure you were alright," Honey Lemon pulled Cass closer.
"I'm fine, sweetie," Cass whispered, "I just…just needed to get something here."
Honey Lemon pulled away and saw Hiro's backpack; a fuzzy, blue arm sticking out of it, dangling from Cass's right arm.
"I... had to call a taxi," Cass said lamely, "Everyone was gone already. But, hey –"
She shrugged, smiling weakly.
"At least I can get there with the truck, now. No more asking people for now."
"We're very sorry, Cass," Honey Lemon gently took Hiro's backpack and pushed the stuffed animal's leg into the back completely before zipping it up, "We needed to have a discussion ASAP and, well, Go Go proved that shouting in the hospital wasn't allowed."
"Is anyone else hurt?" Cass's eyes widened.
"No, no," Honey Lemon said hurriedly, "Fred got everyone to calm down a little. He actually got us organized for the time being. Tadashi's going to stay at his place in the meantime."
"That's…good, I guess," Cass's shoulders slumped, Honey Lemon thought she looked like she wanted to shrink away, "I don't want to see him right now, I still need time to process this."
"We all do, Cass," Honey Lemon said sympathetically. A thought came to her, "Want to stop by my place, first? I can make tea."
Cass shook her head, "Tea later. Hiro might need a few things in that bag and I'd rather get him his things before visiting hours are over."
Honey Lemon looked up at the sky, realizing that it was become redder and redder by the minute. Sooner or later, the light posts would be on. No time for pleasantries, then.
"Well," Honey Lemon paused, trying to word herself carefully. Positive outlooks didn't always require smiles. Harm had been caused in the past because of smiles or the wrong wording, "If we hurry, I'd bet we would bump into Go Go and Wasabi. They volunteered to check on him first. So, if he wakes up, they'll let us know."
"That's good," Cass nodded, but nothing about her posture changed. It reminded Honey Lemon a bit of Hiro, from the brief glimpses she saw of him during that first painful month. She was worried that he wasn't eating enough, his face looked so pale.
'Check up on her, talk to her, anything! She can't be left alone!'
If Fred was capable of getting everyone organized when he wasn't goofing off in about a minute, would he be capable of more under the right circumstances? Would he be more like his father?
"I'll drive," Honey Lemon offered, "We can head to the hospital, then I can help with dinner."
"Thank you, dear," Cass said as Honey Lemon shepherded her towards the truck parked several feet away from the café, "I think…I think it wouldn't be a good idea for me to drive right now."
Honey Lemon envisioned Cass speeding down the highway, drawing police cars towards her, all because she was in a hurry.
"I'm sure Hiro will be happy to see you," Honey Lemon smiled, taking the car keys offered and unlocked the truck, waiting until Cass opened the passenger's side and buckled in before she put the keys into the ignition. The truck rumbled a few seconds later, and Honey Lemon checked the rear-view mirrors and from behind before setting the D-stick to drive.
"Do you think Hiro's awake right now?" Cass asked a few moments later. After losing Tadashi, Honey Lemon thought that Cass might have been struggling to keep herself together. The pain of losing someone that she felt was like a son to her was nothing compared to the fear of losing her youngest.
Was it actually a good thing that Tadashi was alive? Honey Lemon shuddered, she didn't think she would like the answer to that question, if she thought too hard about it.
"Well," Honey Lemon bit her lower lip, "I think he is, now. A little intuition, that's what its telling me. Go Go and Wasabi might be texting us in the next few minutes to let us know. They were on their way to the hospital when they dropped me off."
"I hope so," Cass muttered under her breath.
Should I talk to her more or just stop the conversation? Honey Lemon thought. I can't be patronizing, I can't be overbearing or insensitive like when Go Go and I started out as roommates.
She thought of the stuffed animal in Hiro's backpack and smiled.
"I couldn't help but notice Hiro has a friend in his bag," Honey Lemon crossed an intersection and took a right. It was feeling a little warm, so she decided to open up a window, letting the wind blow past her face.
"Oh," Cass's voice sounder a little lighter, more alive, "that's Shiro, his stuffed rabbit. He hasn't slept with it in years. I actually kept it in my room because I didn't want to throw it away."
"Aw," Honey Lemon smiled, "Any special memories with Shiro the Rabbit?"
"He's had it since he was a baby," Cass continued, her voice stronger, "Igot it for him when he was born. Then, when he turned ten, he didn't want it anymore. Said that 'big boys don't sleep with toys,' and just thrusted it into my hands."
Cass chuckled lightly.
"I think that was when he also developed the 'Fist Bump' with Tada – Tadashi..."
Honey Lemon winced. Turn the conversation towards something else…anything else. She looked at Cass, "You know, I had a stuffed iguana when I was a kid. His name was Roberto and I –"
"HONEY LEMON, THE ROAD!" Cass shouted.
"Wha –?" Honey Lemon barely had time to look when she felt something sliiiiide under the truck. She didn't hear any crunch! or slam! or any indication of collision. All she could hear was a screeeeeeeeech! as the truck spun out of control. Honey Lemon closed her eyes, bracing for impact, when the truck suddenly came to a stop. She opened one eye, then the other. She looked over to Cass, thankful that there were no scrapes or bruises. Although covering her eyes and ranting wasn't much of an improvement…
"Arewedeadarewedeadarewedeadarewedead?!"
"No, Cass, we're not," Honey Lemon said reassuringly, trying to catch her breath and get her heart to stop pounding, "We got lucky."
"The truck's okay?"
"Yes, as far as I can see."
"Anybody got hurt?"
"We didn't hit anyone, I swear," Honey Lemon answered.
As much as she wanted to pull Cass into a hug, Honey Lemon couldn't get herself to stop looking at the front of the truck with wide eyes. They had hit something, not someone, and her hands twitched towards the back of her seat, where her Chem-Purse was sitting, as if it would disappear.
"Jeez! Crazy driver! I had the right of way!"
"He just swung out of nowhere and he thinks it's our fault?!" Cass sounded agitated, "The nerve of some people these days and – wait a minute! Did he say that we hit him?!"
Big Hero 6's last fight with him had been a disaster, and a reminder of how dangerous chemicals were in the hands of the wrong person. A reminder that even jokes can become threats overtime. Fred compared him to a villain from one of his comics, not from Captain Fancy, this time. Go Go admitted that the similarities were pretty shocking and asked to borrow it, believing that it would be helpful the next time. Honey Lemon looked over the comic, too, and even looked online for any answers that might be useful in the future.
"Hold on, I think something got into your van. It's mine. Let me just take it and we can forget this whole mess."
Honey Lemon looked down at her lap, purple gel covering a wooden box.
"Cass," she whispered, "We're going to have to take a detour."
"Hey, Honey? Isn't that purple guy someone on the news?" Cass looked over her shoulder, still buckled in.
"Cass?" Honey Lemon looked at her, Cass looked back, "Promise you'll keep your eyes closed for the next few minutes? I don't think that guy is going to leave us alone if we give him what he wants."
"Who is it?" Cass asked.
"Globby…" Honey Lemon whispered.
(0-0)
Author's Note: Little did I realize as I was writing Hoffman, I was channeling my counselor's voice and warmth into the OC. It's the little things in life that give you inspiration.
Once again, I must thank a kind doctor for giving me the information I needed for research on Hiro's treatment and recovery. This is mostly psychological – Hiro's condition, I mean. I encourage you all to spread the word to as many people as you can. I think that this cliché needs to be addressed with care – and research – in order to get the desired outcome that we all want. And that is a happy ending.
The little story Hiro was telling was more of me wanting to build the world of Big Hero 6 a little more, then realized that it should also connect to the plot in some ways. Like, how even happy and silly memories could be possible triggers as well.
And Globby is meant to keep you guys on your toes, especially since his second episode (which isn't in the U.S. still). Don't forget to review, I appreciate them!