Chapter 18

The glow of the fish tank undulated over the room as Shepard paced next to her bed. What she really wanted was open space, a track or a firing range, anytime to escape this cooped up feeling. The crew deck's little gym just made her feel more caged in. She'd spent too much time on Earth to feel cagey in her own ship.

She marched to the couch and sat down with a thud. She was going to try it. She'd been mulling it over since coming up to bed half an hour ago. It would be a small trial. Nothing big to start. If that went well, then she'd see. Dr. Chakwas's scan earlier in the week hadn't shown anything. Shepard's Cerberus implants were stable and body healed. Dr. Chakwas didn't even need to know. She'd only try to dissuade her and make it into a bigger deal. Shepard scanned the room. The glass cabinet of model ships loomed overhead. The reaper ship seemed fitting.

Her heart beat in her chest as she eyed it in the case. It had been a long time. She raised a hand and a blue veil rose from her skin. The room brightening in an azure glow. The skin tingled her arm as she motioned to the cabinet. The clear door swung open. The jagged crack up the corner grew as the door creaked on the hinge. The reaper ship lifted radiated dark energy and floated down from the case. She settled it onto the table in front of her knees. The blue light faded away from around her, and she picked the reaper ship up in her hands.

She waited several minutes turning the ship over in her hands. She had a vague headachy feeling but, otherwise, felt fine. She stood and pacing with it. She waited with every nerve alert to any warning sign. The headache was swelling but nothing too bad. A sharp pain throbbed behind her eyes. She fumbled for the edge of the bed and dropped down. She pinched the bridge of her nose. Maybe it was getting a little worse, but it was still tolerable. It really wasn't as bad as she'd thought it could be. A ringing burst through her skull and the pain splintered into pulsating crescendo. She drew in a stabbing breath, seeing bright lights, and snagged at her the corner of her bed as she started to spin.

X

Shepard's eyes blinked open. The carpet pressed against her cheek. The reaper ship rested sideways on the floor in front of her face. It was missing one of the claw-like arms from a jagged section at the base. Her head throbbed, neck stiff and achy, and ears still ringing. She tried to rise, and the broken reaper arm rolled under her palm. She swatted it away and put her weight on her arms. Pressure burst behind her eyes, and she collapsed. Her lips pulled back with a panting breath as her vision went in and out of focus. A heat spread across her face as she stared up at the ceiling. She touched her nose and frowned. She lifted her hand over her face to see. Red. She rubbed her fingers. Slippery. A drop fell onto her neck.

She took a deep breath and, gasping, got to her knees. The edge of the bed made a good enough crutch, and she wobbled upright clutching at the covers. She tried to straighten. Instead she tumbled forward and threw up.

X

The cabin's ceiling window framed Dr. Chakwas's face as she leaned over Shepard. Shepard strained to see her like looking at something underwater. Dr. Chakwas's voice sounded muffled and hollow in Shepard's ears. The bright orange light of the doctor's Omni-Tool flared into Shepard's face. Her eyes squeezed closed, but she could still see the light burning in her mind's eye.

"Thanks," Shepard croaked.

"Just stay still."

Shepard would have laughed if she hadn't felt so heavy and drained. For all her boasting to Miranda about having the process down, here she was needing to be told to stay still again.

"Your L3 implant is the problem."

The Omni-Tool turned off. Shepard opened her eyes slowly. The orange light superimposed the rest of the world as she met the doctor's eyes. Dr. Chakwas put a hand on Shepard's forehead.

"Let's go down to the med bay."

Shepard shifted her head but stopped short of shaking it. She grimaced as the pulse in her forehead flared. Motion was bad.

"No?" Dr. Chakwas said. Her eyes narrowed. "You're sick, Commander."

"That's why I called."

Dr. Chakwas lips twisted. "You couldn't make it down there? Calling me up was the only option?"

Shepard closed her eyes and swallowed. Any shifting of pressure made her eyeballs feel like corks on a shaken bottle. She looked up at Dr. Chakwas.

"Please," she said.

Dr. Chakwas gave a long sigh. The bed indented next to Shepard as Dr. Chakwas sat down.

"I could take better care of you down there. But, I know." She squeezed Shepard's shoulder lightly. "I suppose we can see how you do for now. If you're feeling worse or don't improve, you're coming with me to the med bay." She paused with a low chuckle. "Not much you can do to stop me either."

Shepard let out a deep breath and closed her eye again. Light hurt.

"All right." Dr. Chakwas stood up. "I'm going to grab a few things, and you are going to sleep."

Each thought caught in a stream. She couldn't think of any one thing. Shepard tried clearing her head, but everything just drifted away.

X

Shepard woke again with a gasp. She sat up and a wave of nausea rolled over her. Her vision was clear, but the glare of the fish tank made her look sharply away.

"Oh, good." Dr. Chakwas rubbed her eyes and stood up from the couch. "I was thinking I would have to wake you myself to check on you. Any better?"

Shepard leaned forward, and her stiff back popped. Damn she felt weak and shaky.

"How long have I been out?"

"A day."

Shepard's eyes widened.

"I've been checking on you but trying not to ignore everyone. Are you feeling better? You look it."

"Better. What did you do?"

"A few tricks. Nothing as powerful as sleep and time though."

"Oh." Shepard scooted to the edge of the bed.

"Now wait, Commander. Too fast and you'll set yourself back."

Shepard put her feet over the edge and leaned back on her arms.

"Everyone knows I've been sick?"

"Some might have pieced it together. You've been off duty over twenty-four hours. The XO has been—"

"Hell no." Shepard wobbled to her feet.

"Steady. Slow down." Dr. Chakwas put a hand on her shoulder.

"I can't—"

"Just sit back down." Dr. Chakwas applied a steady pressure on her shoulder until Shepard sank back onto the bed. "You may be the captain and a Spectre, but when you're a patient, I outrank you."

Shepard glared up at her. At least, she hoped it looked like a glare. Her head was fuzzy from the movement.

"Don't be unrealistic," Dr. Chakwas said. "You've been out for over a day. You still need to rest. You'll be on bed rest for a little longer." Shepard opened her mouth, but Dr. Chakwas pointed in her face. "If you charge down there now, you'll set yourself back with all the movement, noise, and lights. You're incapable of command decisions, and you'll embarrass yourself in front of the crew. I assume avoiding that was a factor in not going to med bay."

Shepard's head buzzed too much to weigh what she'd said.

"Anchor's in charge?" Shepard asked.

"Yes. He's your XO."

"Damnit." Shepard held her forehead.

"What are you going on about? I'm fairly certain you did this to yourself, you know."

Shepard shook her head still holding her forehead.

"I think you did. You don't remember?" Dr. Chakwas bent down by her.

"I used my biotics."

"It's been a year and half. You shouldn't have started out so big on your first try. It was your first try, wasn't it?" She bent to catch Shepard's eye.

"Big? I made a model ship float."

"A model ship?" Dr. Chakwas squinted behind her at the glass case of ships and turned back with a frown. "That's all?"

Shepard nodded.

"Are you sure? Maybe you don't remember."

"That's all."

Dr. Chakwas motioned around the room. "But everything's a mess. Table turned over, a broken cup, scattered datapads. I found you on the floor."

"I wasn't feeling very good. Had to make it to the comm to call you. That was all after."

Dr. Chakwas searched her face. "You're serious, Shepard? You lifted something that small. That's all?"

"Yes."

"How long before you felt something was wrong."

"I don't know. Maybe quarter of an hour. Headache, vision changes, sick to the stomach, nosebleed. I passed out, I think."

"Sounds like biotic fatigue."

"Worse. Different."

"And way out of proportion to what you were doing. What you can normally handle. This brain activity is different too."

"I've passed out from biotic fatigue before. Few minutes later, I came to. I felt okay. Exhausted, headachy, weak. Nothing like this though."

"Well …" Dr. Chakwas rubbed her chin. She stood and stared at Shepard for a long moment. "I'll let you rest for now. But, Shepard …"

Shepard looked up and held her gaze.

"I think this is serious, Shepard."

A chill cooled her core.

Dr. Chakwas turned to the door. "Get some sleep. Doctor's orders."