I was stuck in a war between my parents. I laid in my bed, tears flowing down my cheeks. My grieve for Jason had never disappeared, alternatively, it went by incomparably worse. It's solely because of my parent's endless abuse they had presented me in a way.
I tried running away once; it definitely earned me broken bones. Everybody didn't care. They didn't care that I got injured, even, Ginger and Tina. Only Jason would care and protect me.
But he wasn't here.
And my neck had been aching for days, begging for care, that I couldn't do myself nor my abusive parents.
It's like I'm completely paralyzed.
"Mommy, can I stay home today?" I asked mother in the stairwell.
"Certainly not. Your neck is all fixed up." Mother ordered. "Now, now. You're Father and I have business to attend to."
Tears shuffled my eyes and I ran upstairs.
This year is filled with tears, tears, and infinite tears.
I can't stop sobbing or even simply tearing up.
...
I skipped school today—even though mommy told me to drown in schoolwork and die in frustration. I rather stay in Pop's diner where I secretly felt protected. I sat at the stool swirling the food in the plate in a moody habit.
"Why so glum?" The familiar voice from last night echoed my ears.
"I'm fascinated that you even know that word." I commented with no emotion following.
She sat beside me.
"I know you're hurting." Toni softly said. "I can see it even if you try to hide it with your defense mechanisms."
I study through her, my eyes blazing with fire.
"You don't know me!" I yelled and walked away with tears rushing wild.
I ran home. Jason's death had reshaped my life, moreover, I loathe how people give me the sympathy look—just like Toni over there—They don't understand what I've been too. I don't need the look hence it reminds me that my beloved twin is really gone.
I dipped through my bed, tears staining the red velvet sheet. The door disposed creaky vibrant noise from the knob. I enlarged my eyes. The door pushed opened and father entered.
"Dear, what possible reason you must've to skip school?" Father spoke amidst a torturous voice ringing.
"I was ill, daddy." I truthfully explained.
Daddy walks towards me with his footstep thumping.
"You don't skip school without our consent!" He yelled sneaking his hands on my neck.
"Please, daddy, no." I begged, tears slipping and had rested in my daddy's huge hand.
"Clifford, that's enough." The voice of my mother hindered him. "You did it once, it will obtain you fairly guilty."
He extracted his hands away. "We must punish her, therefore, she will learn."
"Not in that way." Mother smirks. "You'll be departing to Sister of Quiet Mercy, if, you progress to behave this way."
I gulped.
The Sister of Quiet Mercy was my list of horrors and my mother knows that I'm quite vulnerable about that place.
"Please mommy. Don't send me away."
"You must obey our directions." Mother smiled. "Let's go, Clifford. She has finally learned her lesson."
I wept the whole evening.
Toni's face had illustrated the back of my mind.
"I know you're hurting." Toni softly said. "I can see it even if you try to hide it with your defense mechanisms."
I fell asleep—after hours of weeping, I do not actually believe that Toni's peaceful voice had cured me to sleep. How in the world it that possible?
...
I strapped the seatbelts on my body. After the evening of weeping and casting vulnerable tears—I've finally managed to calm down like my mantra layers.
"Mommy?" I asked. "I have a question."
"What?" Mother responds.
"Why do we keep daddy? He murdered Jason."
She screeched the car stop.
"Dear, stop asking such question. Do you want to live on the curb?"
"If it's worth daddy in prison, yes." I whispered.
"What was that?" She glared.
"Nothing mommy." I sigh.
I glance at the car window; father was there waving...
It's like a routine.
But I don't want to stay in that routine.
It's ballistic.
Soon, I would place Father in jail. Whatever it takes. I can't handle the abuse, the remainder of Jason's death, and the remarks. I truly loathed him as much as Mother and everyone around me.
yep.