This chapter was not originally going to happen but I felt it needed to be done. I felt that as much as I personally don't like Hollis she is not the villian of this piece, I don't actually see anyone as the villian although Gibbs's behaviour has been pretty awful so far lol.
Shifting restlessly in the bed Gibbs looked over at his sleeping wife and let out a massive sigh. He pushed the covers off himself and slowly and carefully, so not to wake Hollis, got up out of the bed, moving first over to the wardrobe, pulling on some clothes and then over to the bedside cabinet. Picking up the pen he quickly wrote a note for Hollis in case she did wake up before he got back, he glanced at her once more before swiftly leaving the room.
He made his way barefooted down to the beach, the night air was still warm and slightly cloying, he missed the cool breezes of D.C. still there was only a week until they headed back. Part of him already knew why Hollis had been so insistent they honeymoon in Hawaii, he knew that she was hopeful he would fall in love with the place. She was already hinting about them both retiring to the area in the near future, he had just made some non-committal noises when she brought it up and eventually she would let the issue slide, although she had brought it up a couple of times now. The truth was that he wasn't in anyway ready to retire, he had realised that while he was in Mexico, yes the time he'd had to himself had been nice but his work was part of who he was now, he thought Hollis had known that.
The sand was still warm as he walked along the sand, he'd needed out of that hotel room, he needed time to himself. Gibbs had hated his last three honeymoons and this one was no exception. The first one he had spent comparing it to his and Shannon's honeymoon and since his feelings for his wife were nowhere near as intense as his love for Shannon it was always going to be a disappointment. On his honeymoon with Diane she had spent most of it making eyes at every other guy in the place, he supposed he should be slightly grateful that at that point she had just contented herself by dragging her new husband back to the hotel room, something which didn't last once they had arrived home. Then there had been Stephanie, she had had the toughest break out of his three ex-wives, she had not just one woman to compete with but two. In all honesty Gibbs knew that he hadn't been over Jenny, she had been the first relationship he'd had that he didn't compare with Shannon.
He looked out over the ocean, listening to the soothing sound of the waves lapping out onto the sand, he still wasn't over Jen and he knew it. It had got so bad over the past week and he knew that Hollis had noticed his long silences and there was no way she had failed to noticed the lack of sex that was taking place on this honeymoon. Apart from on their wedding night, he had made his excuses whenever Hollis had tried anything, he just couldn't do it, whenever she touched him all he thought of was Jenny and that was when the guilt kicked in.
Not only did he feel guilty about the fact he had cheated on his now wife, who very definitely deserved better but he was tortured by the look in Jenny's eyes when he had walked away that second time. She had looked desolate, there was no other word for it and for the past few days that look was all he could see, all he could think of. The intensity of his feelings for Jen scared him, he had always loved her and at one point when they had been together in Paris he thought they could've made it work but she had left him and he wasn't sure he fully believed the excuses she had left in her letter. He grimly shook his head, it had all seemed so much simpler then, although it hadn't been really he had secrets and she had been hiding things as well. That being said he missed the Jenny he had fallen in love with, she was funny, clever, witty and vivacious, occasionally she would get a far of look in her eyes where she seemed almost haunted, that look scared him mainly because he had seen it some mornings he had looked in the mirror. Now it was like she had been swallowed up by the darkness and he hadn't seen his Jenny in a while. That was why they couldn't work, they were both broken, both kept too much to themselves and that was in no way conductive to a healthy relationship.
As for Hollis the guilt was crippling him, he had came so close to admitting what had happened but then that wouldn't help anyone but himself. Hollis would most likely be humiliated, furious and hurt, it would almost definitely get out and Jenny would lose her job, he didn't see Sec Nav being happy about her sleeping with one of her lead Agents. Her job was what Jenny thrived on, he could see that was what was keeping her going, although it was ironically what was adding to the pressure that was obviously growing on her, still she wouldn't appreciate losing everything she had worked for because he had felt guilty and needed to absolve himself.
Gibbs wanted to help her, he truly did but whenever he went near her he couldn't control himself, her need for comfort superseded everything else, everything he thought he wanted.
He had thought that marrying Hollis was what was good for him, they had the same morals and values and when he wasn't in one of his black moods then she made him laugh, there had only ever been one person with the ability to pull him out of his bouts of regret and remorse, Jenny though had seemed to recognize when to help him and when to leave him to his thoughts.
Gibbs sighed and looked back towards the hotel, he should probably get back, there was no point in standing here debating what to do, he had made his decision. He had chosen Hollis and had burned any bridges he had with Jenny, she wasn't going to forgive him, maybe it was for the best though, in reality the only person who could save Jenny was herself, just like he had to be the one to decide when he could finally let go of the ghosts of his past.
Stretching out her arm looking for her new husband's warmth, Hollis was perturbed to find that he was no longer there, she blinked her eyes open, taking a few seconds to adjust to the darkness before flicking the bedside lamp on. That was when she saw the hurried note on the pillow, for a second she experienced a feeling of pure dread but then when she read that he had just went for a walk she relaxed slightly. She pushed herself out of the bed and made her way to the balcony, she didn't open the doors, just looked out of the window, she could see a solitary silhouette on the beach making their way back to the hotel, she knew instinctively it was him.
Hollis made her way back to the bed, sitting down rubbing tiredly at her eyes, so far her honeymoon was not going as planned, Jethro seemed distracted and on edge. He hadn't touched her since their wedding night and even then he had seemed distant, his eyes had stayed closed almost the entire time, biting down on his lower lip. Technically it had been good but it had been completely lacking in the emotional intensity she thought would be present the first time they made love as a married couple.
She turned to face the door as it clicked open and Jethro walked in, he looked vaguely surprised to see her awake and voiced theses thoughts,
'I thought you'd still be asleep'
Smiling she answered him, 'No I woke up, I got your note', she got up and wrapped her arms around his neck, 'You know it's not as romantic if you go for the moonlight stroll by yourself'
'Sorry I needed some time to think'
Hollis noted in dismay that his hands stayed rooted at his side, she tried again to get through to him, 'What about?', He just shrugged slightly so she continued, 'It is a beautiful place here, so calm and peaceful it makes a nice change from D.C.'
'Hollis I'm not retiring anytime soon, I told you this and you said you were fine with it'
She finally let her arms drop, 'I know that, I suppose I just thought that maybe, sometime soon you would think that a fresh start would be good for us'
'I like my job and I have no intention of leaving it'
'Ok', she held her hands up in defeat, 'I don't want to argue', she then smirked and ran her hands up his chest, 'Well unless we get to make up afterwards', He didn't answer, just stared past her shoulder and out of the window. Frustrated she guided his face back to his and pleaded with him, 'Jethro whatever is going on with you, please please let it go, give us a chance'
He looked at her for a minute and she could see almost hear his mind whirring, the agonizing silence seemed to last forever before he finally nodded, 'You're right, I'm sorry Hol, let's just start over'
She smiled at him, 'That sounds like a plan', she leaned forward and caught his lips in a kiss, relieved when he returned it and backed her towards the bed.
Gibbs hadn't known what to say at first when Hollis had all but begged him to give them a shot, then it had clicked in his head. They were married, at the end of the day he should at least try to make things work and starting over seemed like a good idea. Gibbs swallowed hard and pushed Jenny out of his mind, he had to accept the reality of the situation, he had made his choice and he would make his marriage work.
Next chapter WILL be set after Gibb's return. Once again thank you for all your alerts and reviews :) Please keep it up! For anyone who is wondering this story has a fair bit to go yet and I'm not really sure how many more chapters, I hope this doesn't bother anyone and I hope you are ok with this. Also I feel compelled to warn that there will be more angst, I hope this doesn't put anyone off and I hope that no one thinks that I am dragging this out too much, although if you think this then let me know and I will try to step things up a bit, although to be honest I would prob have to completely change the plot. Anyway I digress, please review and I will update as quickly as I can, I have uni work to do tonight so it might not be till Sat but I will type as quickly as I can if you review :)
xxxxx