I heard my door creak open and tiny footsteps make their way around my bed, just like almost every other night. But now, it was different. My heart felt like it was going to burst out of my chest. The other side of my bed sunk a little as she crawled under my covers.

I had waited all morning for her to come back from the gym. She did, eventually – right as we were leaving to go to the studio. I asked her if we could talk when I got back, and she said okay. And then she winked at me. My misguided love gurus told me that a wink meant she didn't want to talk, she wanted to have sex. I said that we should talk first, right? At which point I was told I needed to get my priorities straight and had ten minutes worth of gay jokes directed towards me. These guys are deep, really.

When we got home, her car wasn't there. There was a note on the counter that said: movie night at Mitchie's with the girls. Be home late! xoxo. The cupid twins said that the emphasis on "late" meant she definitely wanted to have sex.

So when she hadn't gotten home around midnight, I got into bed. I knew I wasn't going to be able to be able to sleep, but at least if I was in bed, it wouldn't look like I had been waiting up for her. My dim-witted matchmakers said that would look desperate. I had been lying there for a couple hours, really bothered by the fact that in between the manicures and the pillow fights, or whatever the hell girls do when they're alone, they were probably talking about me. About what happened. About what Lexi was feeling. Why should they get to know before I do?

"Shane? Are you awake?" she whispered.

I rolled over and touched her cheek gently. "Yeah, babe. I'm awake."

She looked so perfect with the moonlight hitting her fair skin. I loved seeing her in the dark. I pressed my lips against hers. I snaked my arm around her waist and pulled her body closer to mine, right where she belonged. I felt her push against my chest as she broke the kiss and squirm out of my arms.

"What are you doing?" Lexi asked me uncomfortably.

"Isn't that why you came here…?"

"No. God, Shane! I just wanted to talk!" she replied. She got out of my bed and started to leave.

I made a mental note to kill Dumb and Dumber for convincing me that she really wanted to sleep with me tonight.

"Lexi, wait," I said, putting my feet on the floor and following after her. I took her hand and brought her back to my bed to sit down. "Did you want to talk about last night?"

"No," she replied, almost annoyed. "What is there to talk about?"

What was she saying? Was she being serious? Lexi was always the first to want to talk about any little issue we had. She always wanted to talk things out, to get everything out in the open. But she didn't think there was anything to say about the fact that we slept together?

"There's a lot to talk about, Alexa," I replied. I only used her real name when I was really, really serious, and the look on her face told me that she understood that. "Everything is different now."

"No, it's not," she said simply, standing up and walking towards the door.

"Well, Lex, I'm sorry I'm not as good as you at pretending it was no big deal. I'm freaking out, how can you just act like it didn't happen?" I asked, angrier that I had meant to sound.

She spun around and looked at me, and I could see the tears welling in her eyes. "You think I'm not freaking out, Shane? I'm scared to death. I just want everything to go back to normal. I want everything to be like it was before."

"It's can't, Lexi. It can never be the same," I told her. I knew that she knew it. "And I'm not sure that I want it to."

"What are you talking about? Why not?" she asked.

"Because…because I think I'm in love with you, Lexi."

"What?!"

That was about the reaction I expected, I guess. I took her hands and sat her down next to me again. I didn't really know what to say, so I just started talking. "Do you remember sophomore year when you got your first boyfriend?"

"Jesse McPherson? So?" she asked.

"I was so jealous," I admitted.

"You were?"

"Yeah. And at the time, I thought it was because I had been the only guy in your life for so long, and then all of the sudden there was someone else…but I know now it was because I didn't get to kiss you the way he did. I wanted it to be me. Nate said something to me yesterday that really got me thinking, and then I saw you and…you aren't the little girl I used to know. And I can't pretend that you are anymore. Lexi, every time you walk into a room, every time I hear your voice on the phone…everything is perfect. The girls I go out with, even the ones I really like, they don't make me feel half as happy I feel as I do when I'm with you. When I go out with them, I can't help but think about how much more fun I would be having if it was you there with me instead of her. And I guess I didn't realize it for so long because there wasn't a defining moment like with other girls, when I knew I liked them as more than a friend, or that I was falling in love with them…because I've always been in love with you."

"Shane…" Lexi started. I had never seen someone look that terrified. "Everything was perfect before last night. And then you kissed me and it was…even better, for a little while. I felt like everything was falling into place. Like that was how it was supposed to be, and everything was finally right. And then I woke up this morning and everything was so screwed up. And all day I've been thinking about how much I hated all the girls you ever went out with. I thought it was because I didn't think that any of them were good enough for you, but…it was because it should have been me. It always…it always should have been me."

There are no words to describe how amazing it was to hear her say that. I leaned in to kiss her, but she ducked it again.

"Shane, don't. It doesn't matter if I like you, or love you, or whatever…"

"Do you?" I interrupted her. "Love me?"

Her eyes saddened and she sighed. "Yes, Shane, but I don't want to. You're my best friend. I don't know where I would be without you, and…I don't want to lose that. I can't."

"You won't, Lex. I'm not going anywhere," I promised her, and I meant it. "But if we both feel this way about each other, we should be together. I'll still be your best friend."

"What if it didn't work out?" Lexi asked quietly.

"It will. Look at everything we've already been through together. We can get through anything. And if it doesn't…we have too much history not to be friends. No matter what."

She smiled a little, so I guess she believed me. She didn't say anything, so I figured I would try to kiss her again, and this time she let me. At least, she let me for a minute. When I put my hand on her thigh, she pulled away from me.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, and then she stood up and left.

I think I could hear God laughing at me somewhere. This had to be some kind of "the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away" trick he was playing on me. What the hell did I do to deserve this? I've been a decent human being for the past twenty years. Give me a break.

I went to her room. She was throwing some clothes into her backpack.

"Lexi, where are you going?" I asked and took the bag from her hands. "Talk to me."

She sighed. "Shane, this is just too weird. I mean…it's you and me. We don't make out, we don't have sex, we don't…"

"Relationships change, babe. They evolve. You can't stop it…so just let it happen, okay?" I begged her.

I cupped her face in my hands and she was quiet for a minute. I was usually pretty decent at reading her mind, but I had no idea what she was thinking. I just didn't understand how she could love me but not want to be with me. Doesn't that kind of defeat the purpose of being in love?

"I need to think," she finally said. She picked up her backpack again and threw it over her shoulder. "I'm going to stay with Caitlin for a few days. Please don't call me."

She kissed me quickly and started to walk towards the door.

"Lexi…" I said desperately. She looked over her shoulder at me, and I guess I don't really know what heartbreak feels like, but I'm pretty sure I was feeling it. She was walking away from me. "But Lex…we were made for each other."

And then she disappeared and left me standing in her room. Alone.