The drive to Jenny's house was silent, as Gibbs didn't want to distract Jenny when she was driving and both were still trying to get their heads around seeing each other again. Jenny pulled into her driveway and wordlessly got out of the car, with Gibbs quickly copying her example and following her into the house. He stayed behind her as she moved into a bright and airy kitchen, he couldn't help but smile slightly, Jenny wasn't exactly a Domestic Goddess but somehow he could picture her in here, reading the morning paper and drinking coffee, although he supposed it would be something else at this moment in time. He gestured slightly with his arm as he broke the silence, 'It's a nice place'

She gave him a small smile, 'Thanks, do you want a drink?'

'It's bit early'

Jenny laughed before replying, 'I was thinking more along the lines of juice, I have orange, apple and cola'

Gibbs wrinkled his nose in distaste, he only ever drank that stuff on rare occasions, 'Um……'

'Or tea', Gibbs's view of Jenny was now obscured by the cupboard as she rummaged around checking the contents.

He rubbed the back of his head, knowing how she felt, he wished it was slightly less awkward but there was a pretty big elephant in the room with them and he wasn't sure of the best way to broach the subject. Gibbs quickly decided just to plunge in with both feet, 'Jen I appreciate the thought but I'm not here to drink tea'

Jenny's movement stalled before she pulled back and shut the cupboard, she shot him a wry grin, 'You know I never thought things would be awkward between us but here we are, I'm playing the perfect hostess and you made a pathetic attempt at small talk', she moved closer to him, 'But you're right, that's not what you came back here for………so how have you been?'

'Pretty sure that still counts as small talk Jen'

She shook her head, 'No it doesn't, I've not seen you in two months, I have no idea what you've been doing…..well', she amended herself, smirking slightly, 'Apart from harassing my family and my estate agent'

Gibbs suddenly found the floor fascinating and stared at his feet shuffling them slightly, the day he had found out Jenny had sold her house he had stormed round to her Estate Agent's and tried to demand a contact number, he knew it hadn't been his finest moment, 'I needed to talk to you'

'Well then talk, answer the question'

'No', He took a moment to take in Jenny's shocked expression before moving closer to her, lowering his head so they were face to face, 'First of all I want to know what on earth possessed you to disappear like that'

To her credit Jenny met his stony gaze head on, the uneasy yet playful banter of a few minutes ago was now gone as she replied, 'You have got to be kidding me?', she let out a small laugh, 'What exactly do you want to know Jethro? Why I resigned? Why I left D.C.? Or why I didn't get in touch?'

'All of the above'

'Right well I resigned for two reasons. Firstly because I lost my credibility when it came out that I had been sleeping with one of my Agents and before you argue and say I didn't we both know it's not true. Yes people would forget and move on but I wouldn't, I would always know that I had broken one of the most basic rules, I couldn't respect myself for that so I don't expect others to.', She sighed and ran a hand through her hair, 'Although it was also because I don't want my baby to be raised by a series of Nanny's and grow up resenting me because I was never there for parent's nights or school plays. I know that if I had wanted to I could have juggled both but I would have screwed one of them up eventually and I didn't want that'

Jenny turned away from him for a minute and poured herself some juice, taking a sip before continuing, 'I left D.C. because I needed to get away, my family didn't want me staying on my own anyway, so it seemed like a chance to start again. Which was why I sold my house, I needed a fresh start'

Gibbs nodded, 'But why did you not get in touch Jen? Why did you shut me out?'

'Because we will never work Jethro, we are both too damaged. I don't know what happened to you Jethro but you shut yourself away. You did it when we were together in Europe and I'll bet every marriage you've had has failed because of it. When I found out you didn't bother to turn up when I actually asked you too…..', she shook her head, 'Do you know how much that hurt? Do you even care?'

'Of course I care!'

'Well you didn't show it, you walked away from me twice and then you married some bimbo and if you think for one second that I'm going to stand idly by and watch you and her play happy families with my child then you are sorely mistaken!'

'Hollis and I are getting divorced'

'Oh……', she looked up at him, the wind having been taking out of her sails and for a minute he thought he saw a flash of sympathy in her eyes, 'Because of what happened between us?'

'Officially yes, but it wasn't working from the start we were just both too stubborn to admit it. I should never have went through with the wedding, not when I knew I loved someone else', Gibbs moved closer towards her, 'I know I screwed up big-time but I love you Jenny, not being able to be with you in the hospital hurt so much and when you left I thought I was going mad, I just couldn't find you and I need you'

For a moment Jenny just looked at him, she knew he meant what he said but as much as she loved him pinning all her hopes on a happy ending on a now four time divorcee seemed insane. Especially when she considered the fact that although she had moved on from the ghosts of her past she was positive that he hadn't. She shook her head, 'I'm sorry Jethro but it's not enough'

He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into him, slightly surprised but relieved when she didn't resist him, instead laying her cheek against his shoulder, they stood in complete silence for a moment before her soft voice broke through it, 'I've been offered a permanent lecturing post at John Hopkins starting in the fall, I'm planning to accept it. Once the baby's born you can visit as much or as little as you like, it's only an hour away, I just think it's better that we don't kid ourselves about where this is going'

Gibbs felt as though his heart was about to shatter, he couldn't lose the women he loved again and he knew he wouldn't survive losing another child, he couldn't just watch from the side-lines, she spoke about wanting to be a proper mum, well he wanted to be a hands on dad, not one who appeared at weekends. It wasn't even just about the baby, he had spent so many days and nights just missing her presence, wishing she was near him, wanting to see her smile or hear her laugh.

She made to pull away from him but he held her fast, burying his head into her hair as he muttered, 'No I can't lose you again, I can't lose another family, please Jenny'

The desperation in his tone made her still, it stopped her from pulling away from him, although it took a moment for his words to sink in, in all honesty she wasn't really sure if he had meant to say it. As soon as the enormity of what he had said hit her though she stepped back and this time he let her go. Jenny leaned against the counter top, breathing deeply as she took him in, for once he looked utterly defeated and there was nothing but pain and anguish in his eyes.

Her heart seemed to pound in her chest as she asked, 'What do you mean another family?', When he stayed silent she pushed him for an answer, 'Jethro?'

He finally answered, his gaze meeting hers, 'I've been married five times, divorced four', he heard her sharply inhale but he was lost in memories of the past, 'I met my first wife Shannon when I was eighteen just as I was leaving to join the core, we sat next to each other on the train out of Stillwater. We had a daughter together, her name was Kelly. Shannon was smart and funny, a few of my rules actually came from her and Kelly was……..', he shook his head, 'I don't even know how to describe her, she was my little girl. I was serving in Desert storm when Shannon witnessed a drug deal being made a Mexican drug lord, NIS placed them under protection, Kelly was eight at the time. A sniper took out the driver of the car they were traveling in and the crash killed them, they were gone and there was nothing I could do, I couldn't save them, I let them down'

Jenny didn't know what to say, she just stood, her hand over her stomach, she didn't want to say she was sorry because it sounded too cliché, she didn't want to ask him why he had never told her because she could understand why he had kept it to himself. So instead she moved slowly forward and put her arms around him, he pulled her as close to him as her bump would allow, she moved her hands soothingly over his back as she heard him whisper, 'I should have told you'

She nodded, 'Probably but I was hiding things as well, we've both made mistakes'

'Jenny I never thought that I would love anyone as much as I loved Shannon, then I met you. I love you Jenny, I know I don't always show it but I will, I can change. We can make this work, we can be a family'

'Jethro……'

Gibbs knew what she was thinking, that she thought he was using this as an opportunity to replace his lost family, he tried to reassure her, 'Jen even if you weren't having this baby I would still have spent the last two months searching for you, this baby is a bonus and to be honest I wouldn't want to have another child with anyone but you'

He looked at her trying to gauge her reaction, her arms were still around him but her bottom lip was pulled between her teeth, she looked up at him, green eyes filled with confusion, 'Jethro I don't know, I love you, I really do but this is all so much. I don't know if I can just jump into a relationship. Let's face it if I wasn't pregnant then you might have tracked me down but you wouldn't be pushing so much. I know I've already had two months but I still need time, especially after everything you've just told me, I promise I won't run away again but I'm not about to rush headlong into things, if we do that things will just crumble and this time our child's going to get caught in the middle'

With that she pulled herself free of his grasp and wrapped her arms around herself, she looked down at her feet, trying to hold back tears, 'Please Jethro I need some space'

Gibbs's voice broke slightly, 'Jenny don't push me out, please we can make this work', she didn't say anything just turned her head to look out of the window, he sighed slightly and left the house.

xxxxx