Enjoy

Sins Of the Father
Chapter 35
The Heart Wants What it Wants

Christian's POV

"Christian," that Barrington fucker standing behind me calls my name.

"What," I yell, turning my head slightly to look at him.

"He's very fragile."

"How much of this do you know," I ask him. "Do you know what this bastard did to my mother?"

"He told me who your mother was to him."

"And you still defend him?"

"No. What he did is indefensible, but he is our father, Christian."

I nod at the gravity of his words, standing up to give our… father room to breathe.

Father.

The unspoken word is rancid on the edge of my tongue. My face sours as I swallow it down.

All these years- all these fucking years, I wondered about this son of a bitch. I dreaded dredging him up, fearing he was the monster that would rip me from under my mother's bed and burn me with cigarettes. The smell of my own burning flesh invades my nostrils.

The memory comes crashing into my brain before I can stop it.

"Come here, you little piece of shit," I heard him yell as I retreated to my mother's bedroom. I crawled under her bed and curled myself into a ball. I closed my eyes tight. If I can't see him, he can't see me. I thought with my four year old mind. His boots were heavy on the wood floor. I opened my eyes when I felt his on me. He grabbed for me and I scooted away, hugging the far wall.

"Leave me alone," I cried. He got down on his belly and slithered under the small space. He grabbed my arm and pulled me out. "Mommy. Mommy, help me."

"Christian." My breath hitches now. I hear her voice so clear in my head. "Christian baby, I'm coming. Mommy's coming."

I can hear the kitchen table moving. The sound of my mother scrambling to her feet from where he had laid her out on the floor is strong in my mind now. I never heard it before. How could I have not remembered it? Her footsteps sound wobbly, like she is stumbling as she walked. I always thought it was because she was high on drugs. But she is dazed from him hitting her, not high.

I shake the memory out of my head. My mother's voice, pleading for the monster not to hurt me still echos within me.

"You raped her, you sick bastard," I spit out at my father. Anger is coursing through my veins. "She ran from you. She ended up strung out on drugs because of you. She was twenty two years old. Twenty fucking two. She never had a chance-"

"I loved her."

"Love. You killed her. She is dead because of you," I hold up the family portrait. "You were lining her up to prey on even then. Look at you. Look. At. You. What you did destroyed her. "

He shakes his head vigorously.

"I loved her and she loved me."

"She loved you. You were her big brother. She fucking trusted you to protect her."

"She was in love with me. We… we were in love with each other, Son. Ella-"

"Do not call me son. You haven't earned that endearment and you sure as hell haven't earned the right to speak my mother's name."

"Please, forgive me."

"Never going to happen. Now what the hell are you talking about you were in love?"

"We tried to fight it," he says. "We knew it was wrong. It was so very wrong."

He begins to cough uncontrollably. Hunter tries to give him water but he waves it away.

"You're lying or you're delusional. Does this look like a girl in love with you," I ask him of the portrait. "She was how old? Fourteen? Fifteen?"

"Sixteen," he says. His voice is strained and his nostrils are flaring for air. "She was so beautiful. I was head over heels in love with her by that point. She had dressed up for that portrait. She was fretting about looking just so. She kept asking my opinion on different dresses, but I was biased. Everything she wore she looked perfect in to me."

"She was your goddamn sister."

"I know. But I couldn't hide the way I felt. She was better at hiding it back then. I had no idea she felt anything for me until I met, Beatrix, the women that is now my wife."

"What," Hunter says in stunned disbelief. "Mum knew?"

"Not at first," he answers him. "Not back then, but the closer we got, the more she saw- the more she knew. Don't blame your mother for my mistake, Hunt-"

"It pains me to break up this touching family moment, but lets get back to MY mother," I tell them both. "Lets get back to the fact that you are lying there in what hopefully is your death bed smearing my mother's name and memory. Is it not enough for you that she OD'd on her living room floor? She was dead for God only knows how long. I was stuck in that apartment with her rotting corpse. I'm sure with your sick obsession you were aware of it all back then."

"After the fact, I was, but you must understand-"

"Of course you were. So you fucked me over back then after you clearly fucked her over, since I'm standing here as proof. And even after all that, you are lying here with what looks like your last breath using it to fuck us both over again. Jesus, you are a sick piece of work."

"You are wrong about your mother," he says. "You are so very wrong. Your mother…she never would have done drugs. Never. She couldn't."

"My mother became who she was because of you."

"Yes. We were flesh and blood, but our flesh was weak. I couldn't leave her alone. I couldn't grant her the peace she so desperately wanted. I will never forgive myself for not being able to stay away, but the pull was too strong. I didn't have the strength to fight it."

"She ran away from home. She ran away from you."

"She did."

"But you stalked her. You kept showing up in Detroit."

"I was lost without her and she was lost without me. No matter how hard lovers try to fight it, the heart wants what it wants. I think you know that."

What the fuck does that supposed to mean? Is that some slight against my kitten or Ana? How much of my life does this bastard know about?

"All I know is she kept running from you," I deflect back to my mother.

"I couldn't let her go. I needed her. I loved her. I still love her. I only wanted to take care of her. I only wanted her to come back home."

"You weren't in love with her. Thats just what you used to justify your yearnings. You were fixated with her. She was beautiful and you ruined her."

He shakes his head as if to say I don't understand. He looks at me as if he is seeing me for the first time. His troubled eyes give way to adoration.

"So much like your mother. She would be so proud of you. Just as much as I am for the way you are defending her honor. You are a good son to her. From the moment she knew you were growing inside of her, she loved you. She may have been ashamed of us, but never was she ashamed of you. I know you don't believe it, but you were conceived out of love."

"I was conceived out of your sickness and my poor mother had to suffer for it. How could she not have hated me? She must have hated the sight of me."

"NO," he yells. His monitors begin to beep.

"Dad," Hunter, rushes to him. Placing his mask back on, before he yells for the nurse.

"Love," his muffled voice comes through the mask, breathy and weak. "Love…love of my life."

The nurse rushes in with something for his IV. She forces me to the side to administer it.

"Dad, please, calm down," Hunter begs. Our father never takes his eyes off mine.

"Love for you," he says again to me. "Please forgive me. Forgive me...forgive...forgive."

"Never," I tell him before the medication takes effect and he slips into unconsciousness.

The nurse nods reassuringly at us before she leaves the room.

"Christian," The Barrington fucker calls to me before I make my exit. "There's more he wanted to say, but he isn't strong enough. My uncle Henry…our uncle Henry is expecting your call. He can fill in the blanks for you. Dad confided in him I think. Your investigator, Welch, he should be able to access the information on Dad and Ella that he couldn't before now."

He hands me a slip of paper with a number on it.

"He saw me coming a mile away," I say more to myself. Of course the bastard knew I was looking into his past. He was able to block all this shit from me. I suppose he wanted watch the knife go in and twist it himself.

"I think perhaps he's been watching you all along," Hunter says, glancing over at him. "I don't know. All I know for sure is what he told you just now. I'll keep you updated on him."

I glance over at our father. I want to say don't bother. That I wouldn't give a fuck if the bastard died an agonizing death on his way to burning in hell, but enough lies have been abound in my life and I'm tired of adding to the pile. I simply nod my head and walk out.

…..

Grace's POV

I peek in on Teddy and Sophie playing cars in his room. The heart that he made for her is by her side.
She's been excited about it since she first came in and he presented it to her. Its from a simple heart shaped mold and its painted a brilliant red.

It was his first art project in school. He made mine a pretty pink, Jade's an emerald green, and Ana's a blue to match her eyes. Mia and Kate both have yellow to match their hair.

"I cant wait till we can go to the Pier. They have the best ice cream," Sophie says.

"What kind are you gonna get," Teddy asks her.

"Strawberry," she squeals.

I quietly close the door before they can hear my laugh.

"They are both just so adorable," I tell Taylor and Gail, rejoining them in the kitchen. "They get along so well. Thank you for bringing her by. I know its your day off."

"Oh, no. Its fine," Gail assures me.

"Sophie loves coming here to play," Taylor adds.

When Grant informed him that Christian had to make an emergency trip to New York and I was here with Teddy, he and Gail so thoughtfully brought little Sophie over to keep him company. My son is blessed to have such good people in his life. I know it put his mind at ease when I texted him that they were here. He was so worried about leaving Teddy. They haven't spent a night apart since he's been here.
Christian was sure when he first got him that his work would keep him away at all hours, but he has made such big changes for Teddy. I marvel at him as a father. It comes so naturally to him. Even though he can't see it.

I assured him that Teddy would be fine for a day or two. He'll have plenty to do to keep him busy. Mia, Kate, and Elliot are going to take he and Sophie out to the pier and later will have a cook out and a movie.

His reply was abrupt. I could tell that whatever took him to New York is still unresolved, but hopefully he will be able to get it under control soon.

I insist on clearing the breakfast dishes while Gail goes up to get Sophie and Teddy ready to leave. Taylor is off briefing Grant on the days itinerary.

Its just me alone with my thoughts. Like they always do, they drift to Cary.

I know something is going on with him.

He's changed his passwords on his phone as well as his computer and refuses to give me the knew ones. He makes excuse, claiming its because of a high profile case he's working on. He also uses that excuse to explain why his phone is going off at all hours of the night. Its not the first time any of this has happened and I had no reason to question him. Even now, I feel ridiculous for doing so. I almost feel guilty.

When he is involved in an important case, him being called away at all hours is just how its always been, but this time feels different.

He's been so distant with me lately. He doesn't think I've noticed. He tries to hide it and he does hide it well, but I've known that man for most of my life. I know when he is keeping things from me.

He is guarded and tense around me now. I can almost hear him sigh in relief when his phone rings and he is called away.

Ana had asked me about him rather oddly last we spoke right before she went back to New York and then Kate did the same. I know that Ana had spent time with Cary at the office working on helping Christian get Teddy. I can only conclude that something must have made her suspicious enough to confide in Kate and then to have them both question me.

It has to be an affair. Someone at his office has caught his eye. What else could it be?

"Hey foxy lady," Elliot's voice pulls me from my thoughts and startles me. I put on a smile before I turn to face him. "I love a woman in the kitchen."

He kisses my cheek as I scold him for his sexist joke.

"And you want to marry a girl who can't cook to save her life," Kate asks him. Its meant to be a joke, but there is some weight behind it.

"More than anything," Elliot tells her. He has dropped all humor in his answer. Its so not like him to be so serious.

Mia and I look at each other. She's picked up on it as well and Mia, being my beautiful daughter with her nonexistent mouth filter, is about to call them both on it.

"We're ready," Teddy and Sophie come up saving them. They are practically bouncing up and down.

"Lets do the thing then," Elliot tells them, high-fiving them both.

I'm about to give what has become known as my Elliot Behavior Yourself lecture but my phone goes off, preventing me.

"Saved by the bell," Mia says as Elliot makes a break for the elevator.

I see that its Welch so I wait until they are gone to call him back. Even though I'm now alone in the house, I take my phone to the guest room to speak.

"Mr. Welch, I was unable to answer," I tell him.

"Not a problem Ma'am. If you are available to meet today, I have something that will be of interest to you."

….

Ana's POV

I've been worried about Hunter all night. He sent me home a few hours after Christian left yesterday to get some rest. Even though, I didn't want to go, he insisted. I don't know what good it did. I haven't slept a wink. I'm sitting with my eighth cup of tea in four hours watching the sun dance across the the afternoon sky.

My cell phone hasn't left my side, but the last word a heard from Hunter was over two hours ago saying there was no change in his dad's condition.

His dad, who happens to also be Christian's dad.

I look at my phone again, contemplating on if I should call and check on Christian. He left the hospital without a word, but it didn't take him saying anything to see how upset he was. He was able to play it off from the others, but I know him better than they do. I know how life-altering this news is for him. I don't think Taylor is with him this trip and I'm worried about that. Taylor is always a voice of reason for him. I hate the idea of him being so upset and dealing with it alone. At least the Barringtons can lean on each other. Christian doesn't have anyone here for him.

"Nora," I call to her when she crosses the kitchen. "I'm going out for a moment."

"Of course, Miss Steele. Would you like Giles to drive you?"

"No, its fine. Hunter might need him. I'll just drive myself."

I quickly head for the elevators before I can talk myself out of my destination.

He opens the door looking a mess. His hair is sticking up on his head from where his fingers have been pulling at it and his eyes are blood shot. He smells of bourbon and from the looks of him, he's had as much sleep as I've had. I can tell he's tried to sleep because his T-shirt and sweat pants are wrinkled. Most likely from him tossing and turning.

"Hi," I whisper to him. He steps aside, so I can walk in, closing the door behind me.

"You're here."

"I was worried."

"You could have called."

"Would you have told me anything?"

He smirks, shaking his head no.

He escorts me into the kitchen, refilling his coffee before busying himself making me tea. I accept it, not admitting that its my ninth cup.

"You know," he asks.

"That HB is your father," I say, cupping the warm tea cup in my hands. "Yes."

"HB?"

"I know," I smile. "I can't even say it with a straight face."

"How much did they tell you?"

"Only that he's your father. He cheated on Hunter's mother with Ella."

"Is that what he said?"

"Not really. I just… it was said in the heat of the moment right before his heart attack. He and Hunter were arguing. Hunter is furious with him. The family has been… dealing with the revelation."

"I'm sure they have," he sneers.

"Christian, I know its not the best of situations, but at least you know. I mean, he isn't as bad as the pimp. I know that he's no saint, but he's not the pimp that hurt you and Ella-"

"He's Ella's brother, Ana," he tells me so quietly, I'm sure I misunderstood him.

"He's what?"

"My father, HB, he's Ella's older brother."

"No, Christian. I'm sure that's not true."

"Its true. My parents are brother and sister. Its the reason why we were in Detroit. She was running from him. He was her fucking brother. I am their son. Jesus.

"Christian," I call his name when he gets up and leaves the room.

I find him at the windows looking out at the skyline.

"No wonder I'm such a monster. How could I not be?"

"Why would you say a thing like that? You are no such thing, Christian Grey."

"I'm a Barrington. I'm a Barrington by both parents, Ana. Its sick. Its disgusting."

"But that doesn't… thats not who you are."

"No?"

"Not at all."

"I'm the same man you ran away from. You ran all the way to the other end of the country."

"That wasn't because you were a monster. Don't rewrite our history. I don't want to be a part of you hating yourself."

"Elena," he reminds me, turning around to gauge my reaction. "My so called molester. I was attracted to her at fifteen. And women like you. Women who look like my mother. Fuck, I'm just like him, Ana. I'm fucked up and we both know that. Its why you left, isn't it? Its why you refuse to talk to me. You figured it out. I'm beyond fifty shades."

"Christian, that is not true."

He walks past me to fill a glass of bourbon and downs it. I stop him from pouring another, taking the glass out of his hands and putting back down on the silver trivet.

"My son," he whispers, the agony in his voice is breaking my heart. "What chance does he have with me? I should have just left him with you."

"Christian, please stop it. What can I say? What can I do to make you stop doing this to yourself?"

He tenses and turns to me with such intensity, I almost take a step back before he takes me in his arms. I go willing, wanting so much to comfort him.

"You're here," he says again. "Ana, I'm just..."

"You are not a monster," I whisper in his ear. "You are Christian fucking Grey, remember? CEO, mercurial control freak, and the ultimate consumer who has absorbent and singular taste. You are still the same man who helped me up when I went flying through your office door for that interview. This doesn't change who you are fundamentally, Christian. Nothing can change who you are."

He exhales at my words and some of the tension leaves his body.

"I miss you so fucking much, baby."

Baby. My body tingles at the way he says the word.

"I… me too."

"You do," he says, pulling back to look at me. I nod my head, my body admits what my mouth won't.

He rests his forehead on mine. My eyes close at the nearness of him.

Something has changed in his embrace. It is no longer a desperate hold he has on me. Its wanton now, maybe even sensual. Its been so long since I've felt his hands on me this way. My heart is beating out of my chest and my breathing is shallow.

He lifts his head from mine. I can tell he isn't fairing much better than I am right now.

"My heart is racing," I whisper to him.

"Mine too."

My eyes open to look at his chest trying to see, but his T shirt is in the way. He takes my hand and presses my palm there, allowing me to feel it- allowing me to touch his chest. My hand warms. It feels like its been volted by a strong current.

Christian's hand is on top of mine and I wonder if he felt it to.

My eyes shoot up to his as I feel his heartbeat under my fingertips. His heart is keeping perfect time with mine. Just one touch has us completely in sync.

The gray in his eyes is dark- lustful.

I swallow hard when he leans in close to me. I know I should pull away. I should push him away, but I can't seem to bring myself to do it. I have lost all reason. My mind has shut down and my body is now in full control.

Or maybe its my heart. I think when Christian places his hand on my chest. His fingers are splayed across my collar bone.

"The heart wants what it wants," he whispers, stopping just shy of my lips, waiting for me to let him know that I'm feeling it just as much as he is.

My name barely escapes him before I lift my head, pressing my lips to his.

The heart wants what it wants.

Author's Note: Thank You for reading and reviewing