This chapter is mainly in Bella's POV (because I find it the easiest to write in), but there are a couple of very small portions in Edward's POV. I hope it doesn't feel as choppy to you guys as it does to me. I typically hate it when people go back and forth between POVs throughout a chapter, but it seemed necessary for this one. So sorry if you don't like it.

Disclaimer: Twilight is most definitely not mine in any way shape or form. My fantasies about Edward, however, are all mine.

Chapter 8

BPOV

Like a virgin…touched for the very first time…Like a virrrrginnnn…when your heart beats…next to mine…Come on…vogue…Let your body move to the music…hey hey hey…

Uh oh…not good. I'm singing old school Madonna songs in my head. Fucking Madonna! This can only mean one of two things. I am either so drunk that I can't speak, so I have reverted to only thinking or…

"Bella! Bella! Open your eyes love!" Well, shit. Looks like option two it is. I fucking fainted. How damn stupid am I that I forget to breath? Isn't it supposed to be an involuntary thing my body just does? Maybe I should learn Tai Chi. That's supposed to help with breathing. Ooh! I can go to China and do Tai Chi with all of the old people in the morning in Tiananmen Square. Hells yeah! China here I come.

Oh god! I think I am flying. I'm not very good at it, though. There seems to be a lot of turbulence. Maybe it's from me being on my back, I must not be good a t flying backwards. Oh yay! I've landed!

EPOV

Shit! I finally tell Bella I love her and she faints. Good job, fuckface! But, seriously. How does she always forget to breath?

I scooped her up in my arms as I tried to tell her to open her eyes. I rushed her out into the bar to find Emmett and Jasper. Jake happened to see me and threw some people off one of the couches so I could set Bella down.

"What the fuck did you do to her Edward?" Jake was not too pleased with me, looking at my disheveled appearance and Bella's sleeping form.

"Nothing. We were talking and she just passed out." I didn't feel like mentioning the part where we fucked in his office. He'll figure that part out later when he sees the mess.

I saw him wave over to Emmett and Jasper, who came rushing to the couch with Rosalie and Alice. Both girls gasped when they saw Bella, but the boys were not phased by the sight.

"Did she forget to breath again?" I nodded at Emmett's question. "We need to get her some type of device that will beep every few seconds to remind her she needs to take a breathe." He kneeled down by Bella and shook his head. He was always the best at getting her to wake up from her little fainting spells.

"Belly Bean. This is going to hurt you more than it hurts me." He got an evil grin on his face, bent down close to her and yelled in her ear. "WAKE THE FUCK UP BELLY ACHE!" All the people in the bar around us gave sent strange looks in our direction as Jasper and I laughed at Emmett's tactics.

Bella's eyes flew open and she turned to glare at Emmett for a second. She looked at all of us before frowning. "So, I guess I can't fly after all."

We all looked at each other in confusion before just shrugging. Typical Bella.

"Come on love. Let's get you home. Seems you have had a rough night." I went to pick her up from the couch, but she stopped me.

"I can walk Eddie." I rolled my eyes and allowed her to get up, but kept my arm around her waist for support.

I told everyone to stay while I took Bella home. I knew they were not done with their evening and didn't think they were really needed. I walked Bella out to an awaiting cab and we made our way home. Bella kept looking over at me with a strange expression.

"What?" I wanted to know what she was thinking. Probably trying to figure out what the fuck is wrong with me for telling her I love her.

"Nothing. I'm just trying to figure something out." She looked down to her hands, which were fidgeting in her lap.

"Do you want me to help you figure it out?" Please let me help. Please tell me what is going on in that mind of your's.

"Well, I feel like we were talking about something before I decided I needed a nap, but I am trying to remember what was said." She looked up at me as if trying to find the answer in my eyes.

"It was nothing. Don't worry about." I decided it would be best to wait until a later time to confess my love to her. I blurted it out in that moment in Jake's office and I took Bella's fainting as a sign that I should not have said it yet.

"Oh." She said in almost a whisper before she turned away from me and stared out the window. Well shit. I need to say something. "Listen, Bella, I…" Before I could finish my thought, she cut me off.

"We're home. Pay the man." She was out of the car and almost to the door before I realized what she said. I threw some bills at the driver and walked up to the house. She had left the door open, so I walked in and closed it.

I saw the kitchen light on, so I walked over to see what she was doing and found her grabbing a bottle of vodka out of the freezer. She turned and saw me, but didn't say a thing as she walked by me to her room, holding the bottle.

"Bella?" I called after her, but the only response was the door slamming.

BPOV

I opened the bottle of vodka and took a big gulp from it. I knew exactly what Edward said before I passed out, but I wanted to hear him say it again and then he pussies out. Fuck! Another pull from the bottle and I sat down on my bed. What's wrong with me? I wasn't sure if he meant what he said and I wanted him to repeat it. And really, I don't know if I wanted him to mean what he said.

If he did mean to say he loved me, I didn't know how I would have responded. Do I love him? Of course. He's my best friend. Am I in love with him? I don't know. I don't know how that feels.

But, the fact that he basically blew it off when I asked him about it showed that he said it in the moment. He probably just meant he loves me as a friend. Or maybe he was more drunk than I thought and was doing his drunk I love you's.

I tipped the bottle back and took a huge gulp while I decided I was going to just wallow in self-pity for the night. So, if he doesn't love me, why was he so jealous of me dancing with Jake? Maybe I should just tell him to piss on my leg and mark his territory. Or maybe I should tell him to fuck off. It's obvious he's toying with me. He doesn't love me, but he doesn't want me to be with anyone else.

I continued with my internal monologue and self-loathing. How could I let it get like this? One drunk night turns into me locking myself in my room and getting myself drunk. All because of Edward. He wants a fuck buddy, but he doesn't see how he's throwing such horribly confusing mixed signals my way. I need to stop this. I need to go back to meaningless sex with Jake and James. Oh god. James. I pawned him off on that chick. Shit! Edward's fault!

I laid back on my pillows to finish off my questions to myself, along with the bottle. Vodka…you can be my new best friend. You love me, don't you? Come here. Give me a kiss!

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Oh god. Oh god. Oh god. What the fuck is wrong with me? Shhhh…even my thoughts are too loud. I attempted to roll over in my bed, but couldn't move one bit. I wonder if I died. Maybe I am having some sort of out-of-body experience and that's why I can't move my body. I was able to move enough to turn my head toward my clock and open my eyes to see what time it was.

3:00am? That's it?

I looked over to see the empty bottle of vodka next to me and realized I was super thirsty and in desperate need of some water. After at least 10 minutes trying to get my body to move off of the bed, I stumbled my way to my door and exited my bedroom. I held onto the wall as I tripped through the hallway to the kitchen.

I felt my way to the refrigerator and opened it to get a bottle of water. I leaned onto a nearby counter to try to keep myself slightly upright as I chugged the water. I felt so off. My head was already pounding, I couldn't move well, and I just felt like I wasn't really in my body. It was just so strange and slightly disconcerting. I decided I just needed to take something for my headache and go lay down. I reached into the cabinet where we keep all of our prescriptions and found my bottle of pills for headaches. I took a double dose and set the bottle back on the counter. I'll put that away tomorrow. Too tired to do it now.

I grabbed another bottle of water and drank a little before working up the courage to head back to my room. I used the wall to keep myself steady, but things began to get too shaky. I stopped right outside Edward's door to clear my head and focus on the task of taking a few more steps to my bedroom.

I took a deep breathe and everything began to spin before going black.

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Very slowly I became aware that I was laying back in bed, but was unable to open my eyes. I tried and tried, but my eyelids were too heavy to get them to budge even slightly. I could feel the presence of people around me, so I figured it was early morning and the boys were coming in to wake me up. I tried to speak, but my mouth would not cooperate with my brain.

"How the fuck could you let this happen, Edward?" I heard Jasper whispering on my right.

"Don't bother yelling at me. I have done it enough for all of us." Edward sounded so sad. I wonder what they are talking about.

"What happened?" Emmett's usually boisterous voice sounded strained. Yeah. What happened?

"She was acting strange in the cab on the way home and didn't talk to me when we got inside. She grabbed a bottle of vodka from the freezer and went to her room. I stayed up for a while watching TV and scolding myself for being such an idiot." Jasper cut Edward off before he could continue.

"Why wouldn't she talk to you and why are you an idiot?" Someone sighed before I heard Edward speak again.

"I'll get to that later." Another sigh. "So, I finally got to bed a little after 2:30 am and laid there staring at the ceiling trying to fall asleep. I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I know I hear a huge a strange sound outside my room like someone bumped into my door, but it was slightly different. I got up to check it out, thinking Emmett forgot his way to his room again, but there was Bella, laying on the floor by my door.

I grabbed her and tried to wake her up, but I got absolutely no response from her. Her breathing was way off and I panicked. Without thinking, I picked her up and carried her to my car to come to the hospital." Wait. I'm in the hospital?

I felt a big hand grab mine and knew it was Emmett. "But, Edward. They said she almost overdosed along with the alcohol poisoning. Did you see her taking any pills?" Huh?

"No. Maybe that's why she was outside my room. I don't know what is going on." I heard Edward's voice crack and felt the bed next to my legs shift slightly. "Guys. I can't lose her." Jasper's calming voice spoke after a few seconds of silence.

"Edward. None of us can bare the thought of losing her. But, the doctors say we don't have to. Your quick thinking to get her here saved her life." I felt someone's hand on my knee, and from the electric current that came from the touch even through the thin fabric of my sheet, I knew it was Edward.

"It's my fault, though." Edward's voice was barely audible as he spoke this sentence.

I heard a knock at the door and all three guys said 'come in'.

"Hi guys. How's our little patient doing?" The voice sounded like Edward's dad, which made since as he is a doctor at the local hospital. Emmett seemed to be the only one capable of answering him.

"Hi Dr Cullen. She hasn't changed. No sign of waking up at all." Uh. Guys. I'm awake. Well, I'm alert. I just can't move or speak or see…

"Well, that's to be expected. We have her on some strong meds at the moment. She had a rough night and we want to keep her sedated for now. We will be decreasing the dosage slowly, so she should be waking up in the near future." Dr Cullen was all business, but there was a hint of sadness in his voice.

"Edward, can I have a moment?" I felt the bed shift again as the body by my legs left my side. "Yes, dad. Let's go outside." The door clicked and I immediately felt the absence of Edward's presence in the room.

Emmett was still holding my hand and I felt another hand grab my other one - must be Jasper. "Jasper, when do you think Edward will just admit he's in love with her?" As if.

"I don't know Em. I don't know." I could tell they were still talking, but my mind began shutting down again and I didn't feel like fighting it. I allowed myself to drift out of consciousness.

EPOV

I left Bella's side to talk to my dad outside her room. He seemed to be deep in thought and I was worried about what he was going to tell me.

"Edward. Do you know what was going on with Bella tonight?" I shook my head, not sure what he meant by his question. "Listen. We had to pump her stomach and the blood tests show that she took some pain pills along with the ridiculous amount of alcohol she consumed." Pain pills. Why would she take those?

"Honestly dad. We were at the bar earlier and had very little to drink. She fainted, so I took her home. She was acting a little strange, but it really just seemed like how she normally handles herself when she is upset about something." I ran my hand threw my hair in an effort to try to compose my thoughts.

"What was she upset about?" My father was teetering on the line between doctor and father. But, not MY father, he was acting on behalf of Bella's father.

"I think we had a misunderstanding tonight. I don't even know." I was so confused by Bella's actions, but she didn't tell me what was going on, so I had no clue how to answer him.

"Listen son. I know you love her. Whatever happened tonight. You guys need to work through it. You could have lost her without ever having her in the way you truly want." Okay, NOW he is being MY father.

"I know. Trust me. I know." I leaned my back against the wall next to Bella's door. I let out a heavy sigh. "I'm just afraid of her rejecting me."

"Grow a pair son. If you love her, you have to tell her." He put his hand on my shoulder before he began to walk away. "Oh, and I expect you to stay with her every minute she is in here."

"Already planned on it." I watched him leave before going back into Bella's room. I found Jasper and Emmett each holding Bella's hands as she laid there motionless. They looked up at me and we all had a silent exchange to tell each other everything would be fine. Bella is a fighter and we would all pull out of this together.

We stayed there for a few hours before I talked Emmett and Jasper into going to get some lunch so I could spend some time alone with Bella. I needed to clear my head and think of all the things I wanted to tell her once she was awake and home.

After they left I stared at her sleeping form for what seemed like hours. She was just so beautiful and seemed so peaceful laying in the bed. I sat down on the bed next to her, grabbed her hand, and began to rub soothing circles on the back with my thumb. In that moment, I couldn't help myself. I began speaking to her and couldn't stop the words spilling from my mouth as I laid everything out to her unconscious mind.

"My beautiful Bella. This is all my fault. If I had not screwed things up by blurting out my feelings, you wouldn't have fainted and I wouldn't have taken you home. What were you thinking? Please tell me you were not really trying to hurt yourself. I don't think you understand what would become of me if I were to lose you.

You are my everything. I know it is strange for me to say that. I mean, you are my best friend. But, I have to tell you a secret. I have been in love with you since the moment we met. Pretty sad, huh. I have been such a huge idiot all these years and suppressed my feelings. I always told myself that it was just better to be able to be your friend and at least be in your presence than to tell you my feelings for you and have you laugh in my face.

I know I am no where close to good enough for you. So, being your friend and always being there for you no matter what became my life's goal. You are my life. Wow. It is so freeing to be able to say it out loud to you. I just wish you felt the same way about me. I don't know what happened tonight to make you do what you did, but I am going to be here for you and we will get through this. I'm never leaving your side. You are going to have to be the one to tell me to leave. Otherwise, I am here for the long haul, so get used to me."

I sat in silence for a little while longer, trying to think of all the other things I have wanted to tell Bella all these years. It's strange to have to get all of your emotions and feelings about one person out on the table in just a few minutes after bottling them up for so long.

What am I thinking? I did this to her. She probably doesn't want to ever see me again. This is so stupid of me. I have probably lost my best friend.

I began to pull my hand away from hers, thinking she probably wouldn't want to see me as soon as she wakes up…if she wakes up any time soon. But, I was stopped when her hand tightened on mine. "Edward……" I leaned in closer to her face thinking I imagined her saying my name. "Don't……..go……."

I smiled and squeezed her hand. "Never."

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A/N: Okay. She'll get out of the hospital and we'll go back to the funny for the next chapter. I just felt they needed some serious time for this chapter. Loves ya.

BTW - Thank you to everyone who reviews each chapter. I really appreciate it and it helps me know whether you are enjoying the story or if it is going to crap. I'm not good about replying to the reviews and I do apologize for that. I do appreciate them, though.