Chapter one
Everything seemed normal for the day. I walked up that same hill from my house to the school like I did every morning. It was only once I got up the hill that I wondered exactly how much muscle in my legs I'd gained since the year began. Carrying my pack weighs me down but there have been days I've forgotten it so does that not count? What about the days when I decide to eat a large lunch? Does that mean I gain a lot of weight so the entire walk up was for nothing? Then that brings up the questions as to what I'm trying to gain in the first place.
It's just a walk to and from school. Sometimes I have to remind myself that not everything is something else. If I walk backwards up the hill it's not going to cause a chain reaction, right?
You never know.
Getting to school was normal for the day also, the usual harassment from Taniguchi and Kunikida. They both were talking about something but to tell you the truth I wasn't paying any attention. I had a strange feeling Haruhi was plotting against me. It was probably because of our strange bond that allowed me to just know when evil was arising in the air.
That, or, the unusual little note shoved in my shoe locker, that read 'meet me after school in the brigade room. Before the others get there! ' signed Haruhi, was a good hint. I just looked at it, flipping it over a couple times, wondering to myself how she even managed to get it in my locker in the first place (wasn't the school closed at night?). Then again, this was Haruhi Suzumiya.
"Looks like Kyon's finally snatching himself a girlfriend," Taniguchi said nudging lightly. He was one of my side friends; kind of annoying but I've known him for a while which makes me immune.
"Suzumiya is finally going to ask you out?" Kunikida asked with his usual clueless smile. Another friend I'd known for a while; Taniguchi and him were a package. Don't ask. "Good for you Kyon," he added.
Now the thing with Haruhi Suzumiya, that these two idiots don't understand, is that when she means to meet alone, it means trouble for anyone she's referring to. I could only imagine what she had in store for me; a lot came to mind, and lot ended badly.
"It's not what you guys are thinking," I tried to reason.
They both just laughed as Taniguchi put his arm around my shoulders. It kind of freaked me out, but again I was use to it by now. "Of course it's not," he said, "a really crazy pretty girl wants to hang out with you after school. Alone. By yourself. None of the others there. Sure, it sounds normal doesn't it?" Sarcasm was Taniguchi's middle name.
"Normal isn't Suzumiya's way of doing anything," Kunikida said hitting Haruhi to a tee.
"Either way, I think our good buddy Kyon here should go and possibly watch his back. If she does want to ask you out, I say go for it. If she starts to take her clothes off though, you might want to run." Taniguchi was probably joking about that last part; but if he only knew that horrors that transpire in that room…
"Well Kyon, what are you going to do?" Kunikida asked eagerly awaiting some kind of answer.
"I'll just ask her about it before class starts," I shrugged, it seemed simple enough. "If she needs to tell me something in private, she can tell me when ever. No need to inconvenience the others."
I shut my locker and headed to class, not caring if the other two followed or not. It goes back to that whole knowing someone thing; they were friends but I think I consider the brigade my closer friends, though not by choice.
Have I mentioned the brigade yet? The brigade refers to the club starts by Haruhi months before. What is it? What does it do? So many questions and so little answers. The brigade's full name is the Spreading Excitement All Over The World With Haruhi Suzumiya Brigade. Quite the mouthful, so she shortened it to the SOS brigade. Following so far?
Basically it's made up of the group I told you about before. The alien, time traveler, esper, 'god' and the normal human chore boy (AKA me). We meet up after school and spend countless hours doing nothing at all. Haruhi thinks we're there to solve mysteries but we've only done random acts of time wasting. I guess some days are more eventful than others and I have grown fond of going so it's not the obligation it use to be. Either way, that's our daily ritual.
Entering the classroom, pack slung over my shoulder, I made my way to my usual desk in the corner of the class next to the window overlooking the track field. That was when I realized Haruhi wasn't there. I sighed and sat down looking around, noticing everything else seemed normal. She was probably just running late, it happens.
I just got my work out and waited for the classic Haruhi entrance.
I waited and waited and waited some more until class started. That was when I figured she wouldn't show up all. This has happened a few times before but this time felt different; what was the notorious Haruhi Suzumiya up to now? Now I was eager to get to the brigade room just to see if she was there or not.
Needless to say, class was slow and boring without Haruhi there. Once it was lunch time, Kunikida and Taniguchi came over with their homemade lunches asking the usual questions with a side of 'where's Haruhi?'
"How should I know?" I asked, somewhat annoyed, trying to enjoy my own lunch. That whole thing about walking up and down the hill lingered in my mind.
"Well if she wanted to meet you after school, and that note was in in your locker this morning, either she put it in there after school yesterday and forgot, or something happened." Taniguchi logic was always confusing but that did make some sense. She probably slipped it in after I'd gone home for the night. The mystery was solved; wouldn't Haruhi be thrilled?
"Maybe she got sick," Kunikida suggested. It would make sense for normal kids, but again, this was Haruhi and normal wasn't exactly in her system.
"I still think you should go," Taniguchi said taking a bite of some kind of rice patty. "If she doesn't show then you have nothing to lose but a few hours. Go and find out what she wants," he spoke with a mouthful so I only could understand a few parts clearly. What he said did makes sense, but the 'nothing to lose but a few hours' thing didn't sound pleasant one bit.
"I'm going to go," I said matter-of-factly. "I figure it's no different than how I usually spend my afternoons anyway."
"That's the spirit Kyon," Kunikida nodded eating his own lunch (whatever it was).
"Just remember what I told you," Taniguchi said in his 'I think I'm being helpful' voice. If only he knew.
Lunch went smoothly after that and class went the same way. Haruhi not being there I actually learned some things without her usual whispers in my ear. Not only that, but I got most of my homework done for the day which meant little to none for the night. Normally that would be good thing but if the brigade wasn't meeting up then it was kind of a waste. Oh well, I could catch up on reading or something.
As soon as class let out, I grabbed my stuff and headed for the brigade room; located in the abandoned part of the cultures hall. I got there soon enough, no sign of anyone else, starring at the big wooden door. There was a sign posted above it that read 'SOS Brigade', compliments of Haruhi and the wood working club. I sighed reaching out for the handle, but as I did it felt like something was compelling me from actually turning and going inside.
Again, it was probably the fear from being around Haruhi so much and knowing what to expect.
I didn't let my nerves get to me though as I opened it and went inside. The room was clean, like always, but felt surprisingly empty. Usually when I got there, at least Nagato was waiting in her corner reading a book. Today there was a blank table, abandoned costumes on the shelf and no sign of anyone besides myself. I debated between leaving or not, assuming Haruhi was sick for once, but I knew the death penalty would be in store for me if I didn't wait at least an hour.
I set my pack down on the table and sat in my formal seat looking around. Nagato's bookshelf was untouched from the previous day, Miss Asahina's kitchen area was tidy from the afternoon before when she'd cleaned it. Haruhi's computer was on the head desk in front of the room, turned on still since Haruhi didn't believe in shutting it off. She once told me it wasted too much time having to turn it on and reload everything; this way all she did was turn the monitor off to fool the janitors that came in, when we needed to use it, it was just a monitor click away. I tried to reason with her on it, that it wasted electricity, but she countered that the school paid for it all.
In the end, like always, she got her way.
I sat for a good ten minutes before getting up and going over to it, pulling out the chair and sitting, I turned on the monitor and waited for the computer to wake up. The desktop was boring, and if I had my way, it would display a picture of Miss Asahina in one of her various outfits. Maybe I sound like a pervert right now, but you would do the same thing if you saw her in all her bunny girl glory. I logged onto the brigade home website page, looking it over. It, like the desktop, was so plain it made my eyes burn.
Haruhi's killer logo was on the front page with a short introduction to the site and under that rested the counter. Haruhi would be happy to see we gained a whole two views from the day before; though one was from me just now and the other was probably the computer club president trying to spread viruses (again). I sighed and exited off the site looking through all the folders Haruhi had set up in the computer. Every now and then I cleaned it up, keeping it organized since she didn't.
There was one folder labeled MIKURU ASAHINA which, like the name suggests, was a folder of just Miss Asahina in her costumes. They were all pictures Haruhi had forced her into taking, and were probably illegal to have, but I kept them in a locked folder for (ahem) future use and documentation of the brigade's activities. Sound believable enough? Haruhi didn't think so either…
After making sure everything was working properly, I went back to my seat at the empty table and waited. It was so eerie quiet without the others there. Nagato never spoke anyway, but her fingers would leaf through the pages of her books every couples seconds so it kept a steady rhythm. Miss Asahina would be making tea and delivering it to each one of us with a cute 'here you go' after she did. I would smile, and drink it thinking I was the luckiest guy alive to be around an adorable house wife like her. Koizumi, had he been there, would no doubt play a game with me, be it cards or othello, and up the occasional chat about 'Miss Suzumiya'.
Too bad that wasn't the case today.
I waited a while longer, listening to the clock tick until it annoyed me; then I got up and headed for the door. As soon as I reached for the handle though, the door opened and there was none other than Haruhi Suzumiya herself.
"And just where do you think you're going?" Was her snappy greeting. 'Why yes, Haruhi, it's nice to see you too.'
"What do you mean?" I asked waving a hand in the air casually, "no one was here and I've been waiting almost an hour, so I was going to go home." I explained knowing she wouldn't care. I was right, of course, as she marched past me and to her computer sitting down angrily.
"What were you doing?" She asked, still in an intolerant mood, "the computer's turned on so you were messing with something." She accused looking over at me suspiciously.
"How do you know it wasn't on when I arrived?" I tried as he headed back to my seat; might as well since there was no way of getting out of this one.
"Because I turned it off before I left," she said matter-of-factly, which I knew was a lie. "Which means someone had to turn it on and since you were the only one in here today, it had to have been you."
"Okay, first of all, you never turn it off you just put it on sleep mode and turn off the monitor. Second, you don't know I was the only one here all day," emphasis on 'all', "what if Nagato was in here during her lunch or something?"
"Yuki would have no need to use the computer," Haruhi said clicking something angrily. I could practically hear the mouse scream in agony.
"What if she wanted to buy an online book?" I suggested. True, I knew Nagato wouldn't be using the computer for anything like that, but Haruhi didn't. I must have gotten her with it though because she didn't say anything more on the subject.
"Where are the others?" She asked keeping her eyes focused on the computer, and I could tell she was checking the website.
"How should I know, you're the one who sent them away." I said rolling my eyes. The thing with Haruhi is that nothing is ever what it's suppose to be. I knew Haruhi's hand writing and I knew she put that note in my locker (who would want to forge her signature anyway?). She knew it too, and yet she would sit and pretend nothing ever happened and that she had no idea what I was talking about.
"I have no idea what you're talking about," she said bitterly. See what I mean?
I just sighed, "look, if there's nothing you want to talk about then I'm going home. You missed class today anyway, so I know you have work to do." I pointed out standing up, snatching my bag again.
"Oh no you don't," she said glaring over at me. There were those piercing brown eyes I was talking about. "The others are going to be here soon and we have important matters to discuss." It was sometimes frustrating to be around Haruhi, since everything had to have an ulterior motive. I still was curious about the note in my locker…
"Like what?" I asked sitting back down; it was like musical chairs.
"We have a case," Haruhi said, and though you think this would make her happy, she seemed quite the opposite. "Once the others get here I can tell you all the details."
I just sat there trying to think of what it could be. Nothing good, I was sure. Nothing difficult though either. I'd just have to wait and find out.
Five minutes… Ten minutes… Fifteen minutes…
Haruhi just kept clicking on the computer, typing now and then which made me curious as to what she was doing. I opened my mouth, about to ask, but she beat me to it. "Well?" She asked sounding pissed off.
"Well what?" I asked glancing over at her. I could see her face scrunch up, fueling the fire.
"Well don't you have something to say?" She asked like I'd done something.
"Not really," I replied confused, and she just got even more mad. Her face changed again though, from pissed off to kind of strained. Like she was upset over something and it had been my fault. Haruhi is hard to read sometimes and even harder to understand. If you couldn't read her good enough, bad things could happen. I was going to ask, but again, someone beat me to it.
"Ah, good afternoon Miss Suzumiya," Itsuki Koizumi said with a half bow as he walked into the room, taking the seat across from me. I eyed him suspiciously, but he just smiled like usual. "How is everyone today?"
"Fine thanks," I replied flatly, waiting for Haruhi to answer. No surprise when she didn't.
"That's good then," Koizumi said as Nagato and Miss Asahina came into the room. Nagato was holding a book with the same blank stare she usually had on; like she'd just been reading and was relocating before picking right back up where she left off. That's probably how it happened anyway.
"Good afternoon," Miss Asahina gave her usual bow and warm greeting (much nicer than Haruhi's for sure). She always knew just how to make the mood in the room lighter.
"Good afternoon to you too," I said in my own polite way. Haruhi was practically steaming with anger at that, but it served her right. She always got so jealous when I spoke to Miss Asahina. I had to be careful, according to the three of them, because whenever Haruhi got upset the world had a chance to explode. I had to be warned of this a lot, as you can tell.
"Enough small talk," Haruhi snapped standing up. I figured that would get her going; not that I wanted to provoke her wrath. "It's time to tell all about our newest mission!" Mission? "The lame school dance is coming up, and this will be the perfect chance to show the world what the SOS brigade can do!" Her anger had almost melted away but now she was plotting against the school dance. What did it ever do to her?
"The dance?" I asked somewhat curious. Even though I knew Haruhi's plans were always poorly drawn out, I couldn't help but wonder what it actually was.
"Yes, that's right," she said looking at me like I was the dumbest person in the world. Her rage had come back, "don't tell me you forgot about the school dance!" Why would I need to remember? I wasn't going to go. Maybe that was what she was pissed about…
"I'm sure Kyon was just thinking of other things," Koizumi tried to cover. That surprised me. "Finals are coming up, after all, and maybe he's getting behind on his school work." After listening to him, I picked up that what he was saying was code for 'don't make her any more angry or we're all dead'.
"Right," I agreed with half a nod. I could tell she didn't buy it for a second, but she didn't add more, just went on with whatever she was going on about before hand.
"At any rate, I volunteered the SOS brigade to be the ones to decorate the whole thing! We even get to pick the theme!" She was practically glowing with excitement, but again, she was hard to read. "I was thinking paranormal dates! We could have green punch and alien shaped cookies or something! What do you guys think?"
"I think it sounds like a great idea," Koizumi said, agreeing with Haruhi like always.
"I don't know Miss Suzumiya…" Miss Asahina said passing out the tea (like I said she'd do). "What if it's too scary for a dance?"
"Miss Asahina is right," I decided to put my two-cents in. "Shouldn't you talk to the student body first? Ask them what they think or what they might want? Are you even going to the dance?"
"Of course I'm going to the dance!" She snapped at me, "as for the answer to your other questions, I'm not going to ask them what they want at all. Since I signed up for it, we're going to do it our way. We're taking time out of our very busy schedule to do this for them, so they should appreciate whatever we come up with."
Haruhi logic.
The best kind of logic.
"I think we should explore our options first. Why don't we do something a bit more fun like a beach theme? Movie star night, we could get spot lights and a red carpet and everything." I must say, for not wanting to do it, it could be fun if we did it right.
"That sounds like fun," Miss Asahina smiled with a hint of blush on her cheeks. It only added to her cuteness.
"There see, we can have a vote," I said with a smile of my own. Too bad nothing is ever so easy with Haruhi.
"No," she said instantly, "I'm the brigade leader and I say we do a paranormal theme. Besides, no one invited you, Kyon."
That kind of annoyed me, "what do you mean I'm not invited?"
"No one invited you to go," she repeated slightly louder. "You have finals to study for anyway. You don't have time to go to some stupid school dance, right? Besides, this is a couples thing. We're all suppose to be going in pairs."
"Then who is everyone going with?" I asked, kind of taken back by that bit of information.
"Koizumi will be going with Yuki to keep the brigade together. Neither one of them mind going with each other, but only as friends."
"Right," Koizumi nodded, "I don't mind taking Miss Nagato to the dance. I think it would be fun." Of course he would. He'd go with anyone Haruhi coupled him with.
"I'm going to ask Tsuruya to go with me as friends," Miss Asahina chimed in. That made me feel a little better; it meant some guy wouldn't have his hands all over her, like I knew so many wanted (me included).
"Alright, that's most of the brigade," I said looking between all of them, stopping my gaze on our intelligent leader. "What about you? Who are you going with?" I asked curiously. This should be good.
"I'm not going," she said crossing her arms stubbornly. It did, and didn't, surprise me.
"Then why are you making a big deal about something you're not even going to go to?"
"Because it matters to me," she said with a 'humph' and turned away.
"You're not making any sense," I said rubbing my temples, starting to get frustrated with her. All day she'd been screwing with my head, and she hadn't even been there for most of it. "What's your problem?"
Big mistake.
Koizumi, Nagato and Miss Asahina each stopped anything they were doing and looked among us, almost in terror. I think I triggered something; and judging by the look on Haruhi's face, that sounded about right.
"I don't have a problem, Kyon," she said glaring at me. I was use to it, but for some reason this time felt different. I wasn't sure what set her off so much, what had made her mad in the first place, but I wasn't going to sit back and just listen to her yell at me. Not this time.
"Then why are you being so unreasonable?" I countered.
"I'm not being unreasonable!"
"Yes you are!" I was surprised I'd raised my voice so much. "It's just a school dance and you're acting like it's a matter of life or death."
"I am not!" She screamed back at me. The others were getting fidgety, staring at me like I was dooming us all. I probably was.
"Yes you are," I said shaking my head. "Why don't you just go and have fun like a normal high school girl? Find a guy, let him take you, dress up and just have fun."
Normal. Haruhi hated that word.
"I'm not interested in having a relationship with any normal human beings!"
"Then why did you bother with the dance in the first place?" By this point, I'd figured most of it out. Haruhi placed the note and left us alone in the brigade room together because she no doubt wanted to go to the dance with me. It wasn't a secret she liked me anymore (thanks to a certain event that happened weeks before). She just wouldn't admit it. "If you want to go so bad, and it's a couple thing, then let's just go together."
Not quite the best timing to ask a girl out, for all you guys out there. Bad things will happen if you try to sugar coat any fight like this. Take notes on all of this, it will come in handy later on.
The face Haruhi made was a look of pure hatred, to where I thought she was going to kill me. Yes, another event in my life that has almost lead to my death. You think I would be use to it by now (like everything else). Little did I know that this fight was going to change everything.
"I hate you!" She screamed and out of the corner of my eyes I saw the others go pale. "I wish I'd never even met you!"
I can't even remember what happened after that.
It just all went black.