Chapter seven

Have you ever said the same word so many times it lost its meaning? Saying it, writing it, typing it or just thinking it so many times until it becomes nothing. It a way, it's kind of obnoxious don't you think? If you're trying to use the word but for some reason start to repeat it, the word becomes empty. If you don't believe me, look at the word 'Fork' for example. Fork, fork, fork, fork, fork, fork, fork, fork, fork. Does it look strange to you? Does it seemed misspelled or useless? If it doesn't, get out a piece of paper and write your name at least a dozen times. I'm serious, do it.

See what I mean? Annoying isn't it? Even staring at the word for so long it can lose its meaning. For those of you who actually did the exercise, how do you feel now? Your name lost it's meaning. If we say something so many times, it leaves it powerless. Powerless. Kind of eerie how anyone can do something like that. If you're starting to develop a complex because you've sucked the energy out of a word, or your name, don't worry. The meaning always come back, the glow always returns. It's a temporary thing that can often leave us in a daze, or pass by us as though it never happened.

I had started going through Nagato's riddle so many times, my head hurt and the words were all beginning to appear jumbled and distorted. 'The looking glass'. Another fairy tale metaphor like Sleeping Beauty or Snow White. This one pertained to the book written by a crazy drug-addict. No, I'm not just being mean about it either. Read the book.

Maybe the clue was suppose to be a way for me to find a symbol. There was a white rabbit in the story. Haruhi use to dress the others and herself up as bunny girls. Maybe that was what I was suppose to be looking for? I hoped not. The last thing I needed was to be dubbed as the school pervert for doing research on bunny girls; or even ask Haruhi if she'd ever thought to be one.

There was a cheshire cat in the story that pointed the way. Maybe I was suppose to look for a talking cat? We had a cat back home in my world, yes my world, that my little sister named Shamisen. Perhaps I was to speak to that cat and pick up more clues on how to get home. Then again, the whole time I'd been living in this world I hadn't seen the cat.

Things were starting to appear powerless as I spoke the words over and over again. "The looking glass," I muttered as he walked up the hill to school. I wasn't even paying attention to the rain lightly falling on my head. "The looking glass," I said again only this time a bit slower. It didn't seem to matter how many times I said it, they wouldn't spit out any more clues or hints.

When I entered the locker room to put my shoes away, I said the words one more time. "The looking glass," I muttered just barely audible under my breath as I replaced my shoes. I was staring off into space, I realized, but didn't care so much. Taniguchi and Kunikida weren't around, probably in class already. I was running a little behind; staying out late had caused me to sleep in. Too bad my teachers wouldn't buy any legitimate excuse I would offer. I wasn't late yet, but I had a feeling I would be.

Then it happened.

"Are you aware you're soaking wet?" Came Haruhi's ever-so-cheerful voice. I turned around to see her standing there beside me, a red umbrella over her head. She was glaring at me, but not in an angry way. If I knew Haruhi as well as I did, and I can with full confidence I know her well; that look was more of disappointment if anything.

"It wasn't raining that hard," I managed to shrug. I wasn't sure why, but I leaned against the lockers as I watched Haruhi change her own shoes. She probably expected me to head to class. "Besides, it's just water right? Nothing wrong with it."

"I guess so," she said in a more dismal voice. She swapped shoes, shook off her umbrella, then folded it and shoved it in her locker. It wasn't a school umbrella this time, I noticed.

"You sound disappointed?" I said simply, wondering why she was leaning against the lockers too. Did she actually want to talk to me? Or was she just not wanting to go to class like I was.

"No, I'm just bored." I knew that emotion around Haruhi. "It's like there's nothing to do around here. All the clubs seem so normal, and all the students are just average. Besides you, no one has even caught my interest." Did she just admit I was interesting? Maybe she was Haruhi after all. "I mean, what's the point in school if it's all so boring?"

"I always thought the point was to learn things and get a better education," I quoted.

"Well yeah, there's that. I just don't see the point in it all if there isn't a fun side. An interesting side. High school is suppose to be the best years of our life right? Then if this is the best, the worst must be awful." I couldn't help but stifle a laugh at that. "Maybe it's just me," she said with a sigh, grabbing a few books and walking.

I followed after her, "you sound more melancholic than bored."

"Maybe I am," she said staring on ahead. I'd seen Haruhi act this way only a few times. It was almost scary the way she talked about life not being worth it. She talked like there was no point in living; and even if Haruhi was or wasn't a god-like being able to destroy the world, no one should ever talk like that.

Haruhi had once used the same tone when she spoke about why she wanted life more interesting in the first place. She brought up looking in a huge baseball field stadium. Filled with thousands of people, she felt so small and helpless. Like if she disappeared, no one would be effected. I guess everyone feels that way sometimes.

"Why are you telling me all this?" I asked as we walked through the halls. There were very few students if any at all. Some were running to class, knowing the last few seconds were going by slower or faster; depending on if you were having fun or not I guessed. Haruhi didn't seem to be in any hurry, and I wasn't thinking about class anyway.

"I'm not sure," she said stopping altogether. She turned her head enough to look back at me, I could see the glaze in her eyes. "Want to know something strange?" Did I? No, but for Haruhi's sake I'd go along with it.

"Sure," I shrugged, not sounding too eager.

"I had a weird dream last night," she said simply enough. I waited for her to explain the strange part of it. "It's probably the third night in a row I've had the dream. It always starts out the same, but changes towards the end. It's always me in this dark place, I can't see anything. Then a little light appears. I go to follow it but something usually happens and I never catch it.

"The first night, I started walking to it and it was just a light. The second night, I started walking to it but it started saying something I couldn't understand. Then last night when I walked for it, the voice became more clear. It was saying a weird poem, and since I woke right away I wrote it down so I wouldn't forget it.

"It was saying 'don't let him know she liked them best, for this must ever be. A secret, kept from all the rest, between yourself and me.' Not only that, but for some reason, I knew it was you saying it. I couldn't hear your voice or see you, but I felt it was you. That's really strange right?"

I knew the poem she was talking about well. It was the end to a famous poem by Lewis Carrol. We'd studied it a long time ago for a literature course, going through it's meanings bit by bit until the words meant nothing to me. We had to stand in front of the class and each say a verse from the poem, and that particular verse had been the one I was given. The fact Haruhi dreamt the poem I said wasn't the strange part though; the poem was from Alice in Wonderland. The looking glass.

"That is strange," I agreed as I ran the entire poem through my mind. Maybe this was the clue I was looking for. She started walking again, and as always I followed. "You know, there are a lot of philosopher's who look into the meaning of dreams. They say dreams are actually linked to our physical bodies while our subconscious drifts."

"If you're trying to impress me, it's not working," Haruhi said, dismal once more. What was I trying to say? Reassuring myself perhaps. "Anyway, it was just a dream. It doesn't mean anything." Then the bell rang and Haruhi let out an annoyed groan, "now I'm late." She said rushing to class. Never mind making me late too, I thought.

The classroom wasn't far so I figured I'd take my time. As I walked, slowly, I tried to think of what Koizumi had said before he left. 'It may look and feel the same, but it's very different.' What kind of looking glass was I suppose to be looking at anyway?

My punishment for being late was to stay after class and clean the board. It wasn't an awful punishment so I didn't mind that much; especially since Haruhi had to do the same. The day had gone by easily enough with little human contact besides Taniguchi and Kunikida at lunch after Haruhi vanished, like always. They came over and went on about this and that. I really wasn't paying attention.

About halfway through lunch I'd gotten up and left for our library. It was small and to tell the truth, I'd seen bigger libraries in elementary schools. I couldn't help but wonder if Nagato got her books here or at the public library. Maybe she didn't check books out at all; maybe they just appeared.

I scanned through the few book titles and authors until I found what I was looking for. Alice in Wonderland. A wave of nostalgia washed over me as I turned through the pages of the old first edition book. There were black and white outline drawings every so many pages with author notes to understanding what it all meant. I didn't care for the things in it aside from the poem Haruhi had dreamt.

'They told me you had been to her, and mentioned me to him: She gave me a good character, but said I could not swim. He sent them word I had not gone (we know it to be true): If she should push the matter on, what would become of you? I gave her one, they gave him two, you gave us three or more; they all returned from him to you, though they were mine before. If I or she should chance to be, involved in this affair, he trusts to you to set them free, exactly as we were. My notion was that you had been (before she had this fit); an obstacle that came between him, and ourselves, and it; don't let him know she liked them best, for this must ever be; a secret, kept from all the rest, between yourself and me.'

I sat down at one of the library tables and read it so many times the words began to blur to nothing. In the story, the poem had been given during Alice's trial, a stall in a way. Before the meaning was figured out, Alice awoke back in her world. A chill ran down my spine and I wondered if this had been the clue I was suppose to find.

I whispered the words, trying to find their meaning but it was difficult. I was never a good poem analyzer and even in class our teacher said the poem was only written out of substance influence. I would refuse to believe that right now. Nagato wouldn't give a clue unless it was actually going to help. The fact the clue had been broken into two parts made me curious though. Why tell me one thing and then give Haruhi another?

I turned my head away from the paper and looked to the wall instead. Haruhi said she'd had the dream three nights now. Three nights? Four days ago was when I kissed her, not counting today; I know we both tried to block out the faded memory. Three nights would mean she started having them after that fateful day. I just shook it off as I tried to figure out the poem again. The bell rang though, and I was out of time.

I grabbed my library card, dusty and out of use as it was, going to check the book out. The lady at the counter gave me an odd look but entered it into her computer before handing it back. I took the book and headed back for class. Taniguchi and Kunikida were back in their assigned seats, lunch stuff gone. Haruhi was back also, staring out the window like always. I managed to ghost my way in, stuffing the book in my bag pouch.

The bell rang again and class proceeded.

"I checked out Alice in Wonderland," I said as I wiped the board, cleaning it of that days math equations. The room had been quiet for too long and I thought I'd down the silence by speaking what was on my mind.

"Did you want a medal?" Haruhi's sarcasm was almost as gracious as her logic.

"No," I retorted bitterly before continuing, "that poem you had a dream about is from the story. I thought we could look it over and try to figure out your dream."

"It was just a dream," she said bored. She was sprawled out over a circle of desks she'd clanked together. We were suppose to clean the room for punishment. I cleaned the board and teacher's desk, and Haruhi was to wash the students' desks and line them back up nicely. Instead, being Haruhi, she made some weird patterns with them and lay on top, hanging her head off the side so I was forced to talk to her upside down.

"Aren't you curious at all?" I asked as I looked over at her, tilting my head slightly.

"Not really," she replied. I could tell she was lying.

"Well, if you are, I have the book here." I said as I went over to my back pack and pulled out the copy. I had book marked the page of the poem, opening it I began to read it aloud. When I was finished, I waited for a Haruhi remark. Nothing came though. "Sounds kind of cryptic," I commented on my own accord.

She shifted around so instead of laying on her back, she was on her stomach. She kicked her feet in the air behind her, and I couldn't help but stare. Had Haruhi always been so…?

"It's a poem," Haruhi said with a shrug before shifting again so her skirt wasn't ruffled up as much as it had been. "Read it again, but in fragments," she nodded her head as if giving me permission.

I did either way, "'They told me you had been to her, and mentioned me to him: She gave me a good character, but said I could not swim'." I recited.

Haruhi stared for a while then shrugged yet again, "simple. There are five people in the poem, and they're all introduced at the beginning." When I said nothing she went on. "They, me, you, her and him. They're the characters to the poem."

"Alright, that makes sense," I said looking back at the page a moment before looking over at Haruhi. "The character for They told Me, You had been to her."

"Use the class for example," Haruhi shifted yet again so she was now sitting cross-legged. "They can be the class. Me, is me. You, is you. Her can be…"

"Haruhi," I muttered to myself while Haruhi said some other name.

"Him can be…"

"Another me," I said again to myself. Looking at it that way was much easier.

"Right," Haruhi nodded, "so use those characters and plug them in." She hopped off the desks and started to rearrange them, wiping them with some cleaning cloth as she did. In no time at all, she'd finished her task. "I'm not very good at poem stuff," she said as she grabbed her bag and slung it over her shoulder.

"Me neither," I said, half defeated as I put the book back and headed out.

"It was just a dream," Haruhi said again as she turned down one hallway.

I frowned as I watched her, "the exit is this way," I pointed.

She just grinned back at me, reminding me of the old Haruhi. "I know," she said, "I wanted to check something at the office. I'll see you tomorrow," had she actually given me a decent goodbye? She waved and vanished around one corner, leaving me awestruck. Maybe this Haruhi wasn't so bad after all.

Haruhi had been useful to me finding the key to unlocking my clue; I discovered, when I got home that evening. I didn't bother with my homework, some things were more important anyway. I opened the Alice in Wonderland book to the poem and read it over once more. I almost had it all memorized by now. The words kept losing their power when I read them too much.

So I decided to change them.

Haruhi had given good advise in the classroom about plugging in names. I decided to relate them to all of the strange things back home. The character for They wouldn't be the class, I would use the organization; Nagato's organization to be exact. Me, would be me. You, I thought, could be some other supernatural worldly being. Her would be Haruhi, that was for certain. Him, for the sake of time, would be Koizumi. I had my cast, now to use them.

"The organization told me, you had been to Haruhi; and mentioned me to Koizumi." Okay, that made sense. Whoever You was had been to Haruhi and spoken about me to Koizumi. Easy. "Haruhi gave me a good character but said I could not swim. So in other words, Haruhi gave me a compliment but also insulted me." Figured.

I moved on, "Koizumi sent the organization word I had not gone, we know this to be true. Hm, so now he's talking to his organization I suppose. If Haruhi would push the matter on, what would become of you?" I had to pause a moment. Basically, it sounded like it was saying that if Haruhi kept her compliments and insults going, something would happen to me. That hit close to home on its own.

Moving down the poem, "I gave Haruhi one, but the organization gave Koizumi two. You gave us three or more." By this point I felt You was becoming a bigger character. I decided to plus Nagato into the mix. "I gave Haruhi one, but the organization gave Koizumi two. Nagato gave us three or more. The organization returned from Koizumi to Nagato." That didn't sound right. I think this They was talking about the one and two or more spoken of earlier. "They returned from Koizumi to Nagato, though they were mine before." What was mine before?

"If Nagato or Haruhi should chance to be involved in this affair, Koizumi trusts to Nagato to set them free, exactly as we were." I listened to the line a few more times. Koizumi trusts Nagato to set them free? Was Them the same as They? Or was Them a different being? Maybe in this case, the You was meant to be me. "Koizumi trusts me to set them free, exactly as we were." Now that made more sense aside from who or what Them was.

"My notion was that Nagato had been, before Haruhi had this fit, an obstacle that came between Koizumi, and ourselves and it." I thought the He in this one was talking about me again so I re-read it. "My notion was that Nagato had been, before Haruhi had this fit, an obstacle that came between me, and ourselves and it." I listened to it now. Nagato? An obstacle? What could that imply? Was Ourselves the brigade? If so, what was it? Life?

The last line, "don't let Koizumi know Haruhi liked him best, for this must ever be, a secret kept from all the rest, between Nagato's self and me." I thought that one was completely off so I switched them again so the He was me. "Don't let Kyon know Haruhi liked him best, for this must ever be, a secret kept from all the rest, between yourself and me."

I stared for a long time now at the poem before clearing my throat and reading the whole thing anew.

"The organization told Kyon, Nagato had been to Haruhi; and mentioned Kyon to Koizumi. Haruhi gave Kyon a compliment, but then insulted him. Koizumi sent the organization word, Kyon had not gone, we know this to be true. If Haruhi would push the matter on, what would become of Kyon? Kyon gave Haruhi one, but the organization gave Koizumi two. Nagato gave us three or more. They, the numbers, returned from Koizumi to Nagato, though they were Kyon's before. If Nagato or Haruhi should chance to be involved in this affair, Koizumi trusts Kyon to set them free, exactly as we were. Kyon's notion was that Nagato had been, before Haruhi had this fit, an obstacle that came between Kyon, and the brigade and it, being life. Don't let Kyon know Haruhi liked him best, for this must ever be, a secret kept from all the rest, between yourself and me."

Upon reading it, I couldn't believe how much sense it actually made. My whole situation was wrapped up in this poem, and not only that, there was something else. Something that had to do with Nagato.

And it appeared I'd have to speak to the organization if I wanted answers.