Never Take Drugs or Gayness Will Fall Upon You Pt. 1
This is in two parts. This chapter isn't really funny, but it explains a lot about Link and Ness, and has more character development.
Disclaimer: you already know it don't you? I DO NOT OWN SSB!
- - - - -- - -lol - - - - - - - - - - - - - -- -- - - - noob - - -- - - - - - - - - - - -- -
"Uh-oh" both Daisy and Toon Link said in unison, with glares that would wake the dead, on them.
"YO man, you blowin' up our team!" shouted Mario. Right after he said those gangster-ish words, everyone looked at him, surprised he wasn't talking in his usual annoying Italian accent. Especially, one person. Luigi was terrified and shocked to see his beloved brother act like this.
"M-Mario? Um… why-a are you talking like-a that?" shyly asked the younger brother.
"What you mean, bro? Man, I ALWAYS talk like dis." replied the new, transformed Mario. Luigi's eyes were twitching from fear. -What on earth made him act like this?- he thought to himself. He didn't like seeing his brother… being a gangster. It scared him. It terrified him. He wanted the old Mario back, badly! -What if-a he never goes-a back to the old Mario? What will-a happen to me? He always saves my-a behind from-a any dangers! If he doesn't, I'm-a surely going to get killed…- Luigi worryingly said in his mind. The green plumber shook his head in disbelief that Mario is even acting like this. Though, he wasn't afraid that Mario won't save him. Nor if his brother acts this way.
-Mario…
Do you still love me as your brother?-
Meep…
Meep…
Meep…
Meep…
Meep- "HEY! I told you before, STOP saying MEEP!" shouted the annoyed Ganondorf, being pissed off of my awesome meeps. (They are so cool, aren't they?)
"O-k then… well aside from the nonsense going on with Mario, the next challenge will be… kill the zombie! If you haven't noticed by now, there's a zombie amidst you smashers! He is pretending to be one of you guys, and the first team to find out who he is interpreting and kill him, will win!" said Toadette. Then, Sonic raised his hand, as if he was a student, and Toadette was the teacher.
"Yes Sonic?" asked the pink fungi creature… thingy.
"H-How d-do we know wh-which team would b-be se-se-se-se-second cond cond cond plaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-a-a-a-a ce?" asked the hedgehog, twitching as mad as Fox was in the last competition, (who is still twitching as of this moment)
"Oh. Well, the two other teams will just have to pick someone from their teams, and brawl the other person the other team picked." Toadette simply said.
"OK GO!" shouted the host. The whole crowd of smashers quickly separated and assembled into their three teams.
Blue Team-
"Ok guys. We need a good plan to correctly pick out the zombie from everyone here, and the other two teams. So anyone have any ideas?" asked Samus, acting like a confident leader of the team.
"We should cut ourselves." suggested the emo Ness, while actually cutting himself while he was saying it. The two Eskimos nodded in agreement, and cut themselves too.
"WHY MUST WE BE STRANDED HERE!?!?" all three shouted in unison.
"Uh… no. Anyone else?" said Samus, looking at the three young children as if they were mental.
"We should have fun. Just the two of us. If you know what I mean…" said Snake.
Samus kicked him right where a guy would hurt, and he yelled in pain, while rolling on the ground, holding his private area.
"Um… ignoring Snake, what's Link doing over there…" wondered Zelda.
"Oh, he's just humping trees." Zero replied. Zelda appeared shocked by hearing this news. –Link… why are you doing this? I know we're stranded on this treacherous island, though… what's wrong with you lately?- thought Zelda with pity, disappointed in her destined husband.
"Well, what do zombies like? We could lure him out of hiding…" suggested the masked man. (Obviously Meta-Knight) Pikachu agreed to his idea, and so did the rest of the team, except for Snake, who was too much in pain to be even listening, Link, who was humping trees, and Wario, who disagreed to Meta-Knight.
"No no! That-a sounds so stupid!" Wario commented on Meta-Knight's opinion, trying to be all mighty, and smart ass. -Well, he's not smart, but he does a HUGE ass… and not in the good way…- someone thought. And guess who it was? Our dearly loved, benevolent, zombie dropping, Master Hand!
"Master Hand, what are you doing here?" asked Toad.
"Oh, just seeing how you young kids are doing. Boy, my back is so sore. Well, gotta go to my chiropractor!" said Master Hand, while chuckling at how entertaining and childish the fellow survivors were. –I used to be just like those children…- he thought.
Then the two bananas in pajamas dropped on him and sexually harassed him... again
Link-
Link, as you already know, was humping on a giant palm tree, ignoring his teammates and the entire competition. –Awww… right…- he thought. He never humped trees before. In fact, the only reason he was, was because of a fight the other day, and humping on trees just seemed like the right thing to do in that moment of crisis.
Flashback- (If you don't like them, I don't care.)
"Link! What the hell? Why would you destroy my yo-yo?" cried Ness, bawling his eyes out. Link felt so ashamed, guilty, and remorseful. He broke little Ness's toy! What did the little tyke ever do to deserve this? Link just stood there, looking down at the psychic, in pity, while they boy was holding the broken yo-yo, crying while sitting on the ground.
"I… I'm sorry." the elf apologized. He knew those words wouldn't be enough to calm down Ness, but he didn't know what else to say. Those were the only words that could come out of his mouth. Ness cried and cried, and Link was just watching him, having a sad expression on his face, and having trouble swallowing. The Hylian tried to comfort the kid, though instead, it made everything worse. Ness suddenly was furious and enraged, after he was done crying. He wanted to punch the guy. He wanted him to be dead. But instead, he said these only words to him.
"I'm going to go emo 'CAUSE OF YOU!" shouted the boy, still with a few tears flowing out of his eyes, and ran away. By then, Link was so guilt-ridden, he screamed, thinking it was the only thing he could do, without going mental.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH *cough cough* *long pause* *AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"
After that, he didn't know what to do anymore, to get rid of this horrible, sin. He asked himself, -What should I do? What should I do…- repeatedly. Then, two words randomly went in his head.
Hump trees.
End Flashback
Yellow Team-
While everyone else from their team was talking, Jigglypuff and Olimar were conversing by themselves. They were the two of the shyest survivors in their team, and somehow, became friends because of this common trait.
"Um… so Jigglypuff? What would be a good plan be to know who is the zombie?" inquired the captain of pikmin.
"Jiggly Jiggly!" happily shouted the pokemon.
"You know, that's not a bad idea…" complimented Olimar.
Red Team
"AHHHHHH! What the HELL happened to you, LUCAS!?" screamed Daisy and Toon Link, scared half to death frim seeing the decapitated boy. If you read the last chapter, you'd know that his head was eaten from the zombie. So, he just waved around his arms, trying to talk with his fellow teammates with sign language. Unfortunately, no one knew what he was doing, and thought he was high.
"Dude what are you, high or something?" asked Falco, with a disgusted look on his face.
"BWA HA HA HA! That's SO funneh! Falco, you are one MEAN gouda cheese! Why, just the other day, I was making out with this lesbian couch, and she was like-" Sonic rambled, then suddenly interrupted by Falco putting his hand (or wing) over the hedgehog's mouth, to stop him talking.
"Ok, new insult. Sonic is now high, and Lucas is just decapitated." said the rival of Fox. "Now then. What do you losers think we should do to win this competition?"
"I want to make out with Marth." said Pokemon Trainer. Marth had a scared face, and stepped a huge step back away from the guy. Pokemon Trainer reacted, by taking a step closer. They kept doing this until Falco kicked Pokemon Trainer.
"Damn it Red! She's MINE you got that?" the bird said.
"Ok can we get this clear? I'M A BOY. Not a girl. I'M A BOY. And I'm nobody's!" shouted Marth, blushing like mad.
"Aww… babe don't do this to me! You know that I'm the best one from these nerds. Come on! Gimme a chance!" said Falco.
"NO WAY I want her!" defended Red. (Also known as pokemon trainer.) Then, the next thing you knew, the two started fighting. Furious by this useless fight, and the fact that he WASN'T a girl, Marth kicked both of their asses in the fight, and shouted again, that he was, in fact, a guy.
"Marth(a), we know you aren't a guy. Stop being a les and just deal with it and how you are so hot…" said Pokemon Trainer.
Marth kicked both of the two idiots in the ballz.
"OHHHH THE PAIN!!!" they both said.
To be continued… (sorry)
Is Marth a guy or a girl? (girl, obviously) Does Mario hate Luigi? Why isn't Kirby in this chapter? Do you feel bad for Link? Is Link the reason why Ness is emo? TUNE IN NEXT TIME TO FIND OUT!
- -- - -- - -- - - -- - lol- - -- -- - - -- -- - -- lol - -- -- - - - - --- n00b -----
Sorry for ending in the middle of the chapter. I realized I already wrote 4 pages, and didn't want to make it too long. (I hate uber long ones) so yeah I'm dividing this competition into two parts.
Hope you're happy. I know I'm not.
HOOPLAH!