Her Past Catches Up With her

I don't own Criminal Minds, Higher Ground or Crossing Jordan. But I wish I did.

Chapter 23

"What is it John?" JJ asks, confused and anxious.

"We need to talk about where to bury Ashley. I'd like to take her back to Michigan and bury her there. And I was wondering if you'd like to come for a visit. See where your sister lived. Maybe go through some scrapbooks and photo albums. Of course, when you're feeling better. If you need any help, you let me know. We're family. Scott needs his aunt who looks an awful lot like his mommy." John says, smiling.

"I think that it's only right to take her back to Michigan. She needs to be close to you guys. I honestly didn't get the chance to know her as an adult. But I have my special memories of her. When I come to visit, I can visit her grave." JJ says, tears escaping her eyes and she quickly wipes them away. John sees the sadness in her eyes and body language. He hugs her, but JJ winces in pain. Her bruises and stitches a little tender.

"Sorry. Do you want me to get a nurse?" John says, pulling away gently.

"No. I've had enough drugs. They have some in this thing." JJ says, pointing to the IV bag.

"Well, I'll let you rest. Scott and I will be in town for another day or so. But we'll come and see you soon. Call if you need or want anything." John says, leaning in and kissing JJ on the forehead. This confuses JJ. John leaves the room.

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While JJ lays there, hovering between sleep and consciousness, she starts to remember seeing Derek in the house. The moment he tells her that Jess was dead. JJ's breathing increases and she thrashes about. The moment passes and she becomes emotionless and remembers the questions she asked. Josh handing her the bottled water. Then she remembers feeling weird, then she feels the guys move her to the bed where her dead sister was, moments earlier. She couldn't move. Then it gets blotchy. She believes that she's remembering Walt and one of the nights at home. Then she hears two men arguing. Then she sees Josh's face above her. Then she feels cold liquid on her hands. She looks down and sees red. This freaks her out. She wakes up screaming. Or so she thought. She felt like she was screaming, but no sound escaped her mouth. She's trying to catch her breath. To her surprise, Shawn comes in to deliver some flowers and balloons. He looks over and sees JJ in distress. He rushes to her side.

"Jennifer, what's wrong?" Shawn asks, concerned. JJ's shaking and still breathing heavily. "Calm down. Slow your breathing down." Shawn presses the nurses call button. JJ tries to stop him. She doesn't want to be sedated again. Too afraid of the memories or dreams. The nurse rushes in.

"What can I do for you?" The short, dark hair nurse asks.

"I came in and she seems to be having trouble. She can't even talk." Shawn says, worried. He didn't even realize that he was holding her hand.

"Ok, let me go get the vitals cart." The nurse leaves the room. JJ's calmed down some.

"Night…mare. Don't…want…to…sleep." JJ says, with a tear dropping out of her eye.

"Shh! It's ok sweetheart. I won't leave you. I'll try to keep you unsedated. But if it will help you, then you should take it. I won't leave you. Don't you worry." Shawn says, rubbing the hand he was unknowingly holding.

"No…sleep. I.. think.. I.. might.. Be.. Remembering." JJ says, pulling Shawn closer and burying her face in Shawn's chest.

"It's ok JJ. Do you want to tell me what you remember?" Shawn asks, pulling her closer and rubbing her back.

"I.. heard.. fighting. Josh.. and.. Walt. Then.. blood. My hands.. A knife." JJ mumbles into his chest, pulling his shirt into her fists. Afraid to let go of her only means of safety.

"It's ok. You don't have all the information. Just stay calm." Shawn says. He's thinking that the more she talks, the more she sounds like one of his units' victims. The nurse comes back in with the cart.

"Ok. Let's get your vitals. Sir, can you step back for a moment?" The nurse waits.

"JJ, you have to let go. I won't be more than arms length away. Let's get your vitals fast and then I'll climb up into bed next to you. I'll hold you until you tell me to leave." Shawn says, getting her to release her hold. The nurse gets her temp, blood pressure, blood oxygen level and her pulse. Didn't take more than ten minutes tops.

"I'll talk to the doctor and see if he wants to sedate you again. You seem to be ok, except for your blood pressure." The nurse states, then leaves. Shawn climbs up into bed next to JJ and holds her. She drifts off to sleep before the nurse comes back. She injects the sedative into her IV.

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Later that day, at the hotel, Hotch and the team try to piece together what exactly happened at the Beachman home. So far the info they have is that Walt died first. Josh second. They died one and a half hour apart. They think that Josh killed Walt because of the angle of the stab wounds were too tall for JJ to have inflected. But Josh looked to be killed by JJ. The angle fit. Jordan and Nigel test both men for any signs of sexual stimulation before death. Both Jordan and Nigel are shocked at the results. So Jordan calls Hotch.

"Hotchner." He answers his phone.

"Agent Hotchner, it medical examiner, Jordan Cavanaugh. We have some info to relay to you. This might come as a shock, but both men have had sex within hours of death. Plus, we did a rape kit on Ashley Bowers. It came back positive. The semen we collected match that of Walt Anderson. Also another interesting fact is Walt Anderson was a sterile man. But the fluids we got off Walt were from TWO different women. One, Ashley Bowers and an unknown woman. Two and two make four. So with that process of elimination, the other woman's Agent Jennifer Jearau. The fluids from Josh Beachman, match the unknown from Walt Anderson. So it looks as if Agent Jearau was raped by both men. The way our theory goes is Walt must have raped Agent Jearau. Josh came in on it and stabbed Walt. Then Josh raped Agent Jearau and she must have stabbed him. Does this sound logical and plausible?" Jordan asks.

"It sounds like it fits. But JJ would had to have killed Josh in self-defense. Yes, she hated him a lot, but she would've sent him back to prison. Is there any way you can prove that it was self-defense?" Hotch asks.

"Well, we have the cloths that were cut off Agent Jearau. We'll look into this and get back with you. Call you ASAP." Jordan says, hanging up. "Nigel, we have more work to do."

"We have to see if he was on top of her when he was stabbed. Where was Agent Jearau found?" Nigel asks. Jordan reads from the report.

"She was found on the first floor gym. That place was huge. I could see getting lost if she was in shock." Jordan says.

"That poor woman. Let's see if she killed during her assault." Nigel says, dressing a mannequin in the cut clothing that was once Jennifer Jearau's. It only took Nigel moments to align everything correctly. He write his report.

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Early the next morning, JJ wakes up with Shawn holding her hand, but sitting in a chair next to her bed. Shawn's still asleep with his head laying on the bed. JJ smiles at the cute Agent that was now her own personal protector. She sits up and leans forward to place a light kiss on his head. It wasn't soft enough because this wake Shawn.

"What's wrong?" Shawn says in defense mode.

"Shawn, calm down. Nothings wrong. Thank you for staying with me." JJ says, smiling.

"Any dreams?"

"No. No dreams, nightmares or memories. Just restful sleep. You can go back to the hotel. I'm fine now." JJ says.

"Well, not until we talk about last night. You said you remembered fighting. Then you saw red, blood and a knife in your hand. Do you remember anything more?" Shawn asks.

"No. I barely remember that. Thank god!" JJ says. Before the conversation can continue, there's a knock on the door. "Come in!" Hotch walks in and he doesn't look happy. At least no happier then normal. "Hey Hotch. What's up?"

"Shawn, I need to speak with JJ alone. Can you please wait outside. I'll let you know when it's ok to enter." Hotch says, looking at JJ and not Shawn.

"JJ, are you ok with me leaving?" Shawn asks, keeping his word to JJ.

"I'll be fine. Thank you Shawn." JJ says, smiling an ok to him. He gets up and walks out, shutting the door behind him. "What's up Hotch?"

"We need to talk about a few things. Like some things that were revealed yesterday. JJ, do you remember telling Emily that you were raped by Josh back at Horizon? And that you were pregnant?" Hotch asks, watching JJ's reaction.

"No. I don't recall saying that. What else did I say?" JJ asks, not looking Hotch in the eyes.

"Well, you talked about giving your baby to Peter and Sophie. JJ, do you remember ANY of what went down at the house?"

"I don't know if they were memories or just nightmares. But I do recall feeling cold liquid on my hands. Blood and a bloody knife. But it was like a flash. I was hoping it was just a nightmare. Is there any new info?" JJ asks.

"Well, Jess was raped before she died. It was Walt. We've pieced together some more info, but I don't know if I should tell you. With your psyche in jeopardy, I think it can wait. Was there ANYTHING you want to tell me?" Hotch asks, looking directly at JJ's eyes, she knows he means business.

"Can we talk about this later? I really would love to visit with my friends I haven't seen in ten plus years." JJ asks, nervously.

"I'll let this one slide. But we need to get to the bottom of this to clear your name. I know that you went through a lot in the last few days. I know that you're trying to hold it together, but JJ, you have to deal with this." Hotch says, stepping closer to her bed and patting her hand. Trying to show some comfort without over stepping certain boundaries.

"Are you trying to get me to say that what happened to Jess happened to me too?" JJ asks, not looking at Hotch.

"I don't want to MAKE you remember anything that your mind can't handle. But, I do have to say that I have proof that there was an assault." Hotch says, squeezing her hand this time. JJ looks up to the tall, dark haired man.

"I know Josh raped me, again. There, are you happy!" JJ says, crying. She hated crying, knowing it's a sign of weakness. But she hated it more when she had to cry in front of Hotch.

"No, I'm not happy! Why would you think that would make me happy?" Hotch asked stunned.

"Because I admitted it! Oh god!" JJ remembers that she didn't take the second pill to prevent pregnancy. "I don't remember the rape. The nurse that was here the first time told me that my rape kit came back positive." JJ looks straight ahead.

"Why didn't you tell me? Didn't you think I had a right to know?" Hotch asks, placing a hand under her chin and forcing her to meet his gaze.

"NO! It wasn't your body! It wasn't your daughter, wife, mother or SISTER! It was my body and myself respect that I was trying to protect! I don't want to be looked at as broken! But I think I am!" JJ says, crying harder. Hotch didn't like to see her cry. He pulled her into a hug.

"I'm sorry JJ. I know it's not my body. But I do look at you as a daughter. One I had VERY young." Hotch smiles and JJ giggles.

"Good one, sir." JJ smiles and wipes away the tears that have flooded her rosy cheeks. "Thank you. Can I ask a favor?"

"Depends." Hotch had a feeling he knew what the favor was.

"Can we keep this between you and I? I don't want to be treated differently by the team."

"We will keep it between us for as long as we can. The M.E knows. But there's more. Can you handle anymore?" Hotch watches her reaction.

"Yes. What? Did Walt rape me too?" JJ asks in a mocking tone.

"I'm sorry JJ, but yes he did." Hotch waits for a scream or yelling. But she just sat there letting it sink in.

"Well, I guess it's a good thing I can't recall it. That would be a bitch. But how will I really know if it was a memory of that night or a memory from long ago?" JJ asks, light enough like she was asking for him to pass the salt and pepper.

"I don't know. We'll have to cross that bridge when we get to it. If you need to talk, let me know. You know I listen pretty well. When we get home, you need to get some counseling." Hotch says, matter of fact.

"Thanks Hotch. Could you send Shawn back in?" JJ says, not really looking happy or sad.

"Sure. Just remember, I'm here." Hotch squeezes her hand and she smiles at him. He lets go of her delicate hand and vacates the room. Shawn re-enters the room and rushes over to JJ.

"Hey, you ok? What happened?" Shawn asks, brushing a few blonde locks out of her eyes.

"Hotch just had a few details to discuss with me. I'm fine. Will you sit here and hold me? For some strange reason you make me feel so safe in your arms." JJ smiles at him.

"Sure. But can I say something first?" Shawn asks, nervously.

"Yeah. Go ahead." JJ says, looking at him and waits for his statement. She isn't expecting what's about to happen.

"I don't want to scare you by saying this," Before he can even finish his sentence, JJ cuts in.

"I already know. How many people know?" JJ asked, annoyed. She believes that he's referring to the rapes.

"Just me. Why would anyone else know? This effects just you and I." Shawn says, trying to get the horrified look off JJ's face.

"Ok. Sorry. Continue."

"What did you think I was talking about?" Shawn asks, intrigued.

"It's nothing. Please, tell me what you were going to say." JJ focuses on him and what he's about to say.

"I was just going to say…" Shawn gets cold feet and can't gather the courage to tell her, so he makes something up. "I forgot to tell you that the plant in your office got knocked over. I managed to get as much soil back into the pot and made sure the roots were completely covered. I vacuumed up the remaining soil. I just wanted to tell you that before I forgot." Shawn says, thinking covered up nicely.

"That's it? I thought it was something important. That's fine. Now come up here and hold me please." JJ says, patting her bed next to her. She scoots over to make room. Shawn climbs up and wraps his arms around her and pulls her in close to his body. "Shawn, thank you for coming with me to Boston, so I wouldn't be alone. Thank you for caring about my well-being. And thank you for holding me. I don't know why, but I feel SO safe in your arms." JJ says, cozying up to Shawn and letting out a comfort sigh. Not long after they stopped talking, they fell asleep.

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Thanks to all who have read and reviewed. I hope you liked this chapter. Sorry if it seems a little too choppy. Have been going through a family crisis. I'll try to be a little more focused when writing. Let me know what you think of the story and/or chapter. I'd love to hear from you.