Here comes junior year at Juilliard! Thank you so much for reading…I really appreciate it. Love, Jen

Juilliard Year-3 (Part 1)

The summer before my junior year at Juilliard was crazy. All of my friends back home were thrilled about the musical. Chad even stated that any actor who portrayed him had to have the same hair cut. (I wasn't sure how easy it would be to find someone else who had hair exactly like Chad's, his was…rare.) While Ryan was in Paris with his family, we exchanged numerous e-mails. Some concerning ideas for the musical, but most were filled with accounts of our everyday activities. We were so used to sharing our thoughts in person on a day-to-day basis. Being away from one another became more difficult with each passing month of summer. By the time August rolled around, I was more than ready to be back at school. I missed the daily life I shared with Ryan…and Marissa too.

Once I was back at Juilliard it was easy to get back in the swing of things. Marissa and I celebrated our status as upperclassmen by getting an apartment together close to the Juilliard campus. Ryan's parents were ecstatic when he decided to move out of the dorms and into an apartment. They tried to set him up in a high end condo, but he decided to reside closer to our little vintage walk-up. The musical was a huge focus in Ryan's and my life…but not the most important one. Our weeks were filled with daily potlucks, movie nights and jam sessions. The jam sessions were my favorite. Ryan would come over with his guitar and pizza, while we provided the vocals, piano and beverages. One night we made up the most random song about a platypus. (Don't look at me…apparently they are Marissa's favorite animal.)

Before I knew it we were halfway through the school year. It was mid-February and New York was covered in a fluffy white blanket of snow. It had taken me a while, but I was finally somewhat adjusted to New York winters. Now, don't get me wrong, I loved the snow…I just preferred viewing it from inside my apartment. Ryan and I had spent hours working on the musical, and we had hit a roadblock.

Ryan vacated his seat next to me on the piano bench to pace my tiny apartment.

"I just don't see why it is necessary to stage a musical number in the cafeteria." Ryan stated.

I took off my glasses and rubbed my eyes, stifling a groan in the process.

"Ryan, I understand your hesitancy with staging a dance number in the same place where kids eat lunch, but I don't think we have a choice."

Ryan wasn't ready to give up.

"What about the gym?" He said.

I shook my head and rolled my shoulders. Ryan automatically moved behind me and started massaging my soar limbs. And that was when all thoughts left my body…I honestly couldn't tell you what we were talking about 2 seconds before his warm hands touched my shoulders. I let out a sigh, leaned back and let Ryan support me. And then his hands stopped. Before I could utter any word at all Ryan was grabbing his coat. I looked up in confusion. I took in his heightened color and abrupt movements…Ryan was never abrupt.

"Ry, what just happened? Why are you leaving?"

Whoa…wait a second, did I just confront an issue…I think I'm growing. (Not in stature, just emotional maturity.)

Ryan gazed at me; his blue eyes held alarm and something else…something more.

"Kels, I don't really understand what's going on here. I have these feelings…I can't quite decipher what exactly they are or what they mean. Could you just…be patient with me?"

I could feel my eyes start to water, but in a good way. My butterflies were up and running internally, but externally I kept my body completely still.

"You have feelings…" I pictured Marissa yelling at me to finish my sentence. "For me…you have feelings for me?"

Ryan walked the short distance of the room and caressed my cheek.

"Oh Kels, so many feelings. I just need to get them straightened out before we discuss…us."

I think the butterflies had vacated my body and were flying around the room.

"Us?" I whispered.

I felt Ryan's hand move from my cheek up to my hair. His fingers seemed to be memorizing the texture.

"Ryan?"

Ryan's piercing gaze met my watery one. I prayed for the courage to continue on.

"You are my very best friend, the person who knows me best. I will always be your friend first. Whenever you are ready to talk about more, you don't even have to ask…just know, know I'll be here."

I saw a tear slide unnoticed down Ryan's cheek.

"Kels, you are the most extraordinary woman I could ever know."

I smiled a hopeful smile as I watched Ryan pull his coat on and spare one more meaningful glance in my direction before walking out the door.

When Marissa came home I was still sitting on the piano bench, with the same hopeful smile touching my lips.

I hope that served as an okay appetizer before we hit our main course of Ryelsi goodness.