Disclaimer: I do not own Legion of Super-Heroes, Monty Python, or All That!

Because you wanted more, here it is. But it was done in a hurry.

"On tonight's news, parrots declare civil war on pirates. And now for something completely different. It's Tenzil Kem with Vital Information For Your Everyday Life".

Tenzil is sitting outside on the porch of a British mansion. He's again wearing a robe and his specs as a man plays a violin in the background.

"Hi there. So nice to see you again. I'm Tenzil Kem of Bismoll. I'm also called Matter-Eater Lad. I'm here with vital information for your daily routine."

"You're advice is lame and ridiculous!" the off camera voice yelled. "You face is lame! Now come over here and cut open this Thanksgiving turkey!" "I don't wanna!"

Tenzil recomposes himself.

"They say an apple a day, keeps the doctor away. Especially when you have THIS." Tenzil pulls out an apple bazooka. "PULL!" A doctor is launched into the air. "I regret nothing!" BAM. "PULL!" "Tell my wife I love her!" BAM. "PULL!" "Viva Quebec!" BAM.

"They say that a man's virility can be judged by the size of his feet." Tenzil reaches down and pulls a giant glass jar with a huge foot in formaldehyde. "Check it out, ladies. Pretty big, huh?"

"Hickory dickory dock. The mouse ran up the clock. And if he knows what's good for him he better stay up there."

"If you like helping the elderly, you're a good person. If you like playing tricks on the elderly, you're a bad person. And if you think the elderly are a cheap work force, you're a Republican."

"They say you can't judge a book by it's cover. Not until you've read my new book 'Judging Books By Their Cover'. For only 29.99." Tenzil pulls out a book with him on the cover, as the Mona Lisa.

"If it's late at night and you hear banging noises coming out of your walls, you've got ghosts. If you here them coming from you're parents' bedroom, you've got a baby brother." Tenzil raised his eyebrow.

"If you're having trouble in Math Class, it doesn't mean you can point at your teacher and say 'What the hell are you talking about you moron?!'"

"Little Jack Horner sat in his corner eating his Christmas pie. Christmas pie? It's October! How old is that pie?!"

"Everyone will tell you in Little Red Riding Hood the wolf was the big guy. But the real bad guy was Red's mom. Why? She wanted the brat and the old lady outta the way so she could get the old broad's money, so she hired the wolf to do a little job, see? Didn't count on that huntsman to get in the way, see?"

"Abraham Lincoln said 'I cannot tell a lie.' My Aunt Mitzi said 'I can't take it anymore!' I miss Aunt Mitzi." Tenzil's eyes start to tear.

"People have always wondered, 'what is the sound of one hand clapping?' I have always wondered 'who cares?'"

"Fe fi fo fum. I smell the blood of an Englishman." *Sniff sniff*. "Oh, wait, that was me." Tenzil blushes.

"If you get fired from your job, and you want to leave your boss a little 'surprise' on his desk, you should wait until he leaves the room. Found that out the hard way."

"Roses are red, and violets are violet. You got a problem with that? KISS MY SHORTS!"

"People say that children are the future. Keep telling yourself that when you see that little freak from across the street burning ants with a magnifying glass."

"Well that's all for tonight. If you'll excuse you me I have to go take a squirrel out a man's head. Good night."

"This has been Tenzil Kem with Vital Information For Your Everyday Life."