Disclaimer: I do not own Legion of Super-Heroes or All That!
I'm glad you guys like this stuff, but I'm doing the best I can. Enjoy anyway. Not sure if I made up the Santa one though.
"Well kiss my grits! It's Tenzil Kem With Vital Information For Your Everyday Life."
Tenzil is wearing a cardigan sweater and is sitting on the porch of a suburban home.
"Hello neighbor. I'm glad we could see each other again."
"I want my MTV!" The off screen voice yells. "And I want you to stop groaning about it! Now come here and stuff this weasel!" "I don't wanna!
Tenzil clears his throat.
"Momma had a chicken. Momma had a cow. Dad put a padlock on the barn."
"See Spot. See Spot run. See Spot run into traffic. That was the last we saw of Spot."
"They say laughter is the best medicine." Tenzil watches a girl walk into a pole and starts laughing loudly. "I feel better already!"
"Hey diddle diddle, the cat and the fiddle, the cow jumped over the moon. Holy crap a cow jumped over the moon?!"
"When girls wanna have fun it's okay. When I wanna have fun I'm put on probation and get banned from K-Mart."
"If you get caught stealing a car, it's best if you didn't say to the policeman 'What are you gonna do about it SLAPPY PANTS?!'"
"If you have pink hair, a Hulk Hogan tattoo on your fanny, and a duck in your pants... you have pink hair, a Hulk Hogan tattoo on your fanny and a duck in your pants!"
"There's no such thing as the perfect crime. That's why I have to be in court tomorrow."
"My parents use to tell me there was nothing hiding the closet, until my brother Pat came out."
"If you have a friend with a wooden leg, two glass eyes, and a tube sticking out of her neck, can I have her number?"
"When your teacher is calling attendance, you should avoid saying stuff like 'Where do you think I am, STUPID?!'"
"Richard Nixon said 'I am not a crook.' My Grandpa said 'I'm a pretty little girl!' We had to send Grandpa away."
"If you're parents have fur, fanged teeth, yellow eyes, and howl at the moon, there's a pretty good chance you're adopted."
"You say tonight's the night when two becomes one. I say, you're a moron."
"If you're looking around your room, and you see this guy in a window, and he looks exactly like you and does everything you do, you're parents dropped you on your head."
"On Christmas Eve, be sure to put a big pot of boiling water on your fireplace. The next morning, help yourself to a big bowl of Santa Stew!"
"Well this has been fun, but I have to go shave the Queen of England."
"This has been Tenzil Kem with Vital Information for your Everyday Life."