Disclaimer: I do not own Legion of Super-Heroes, All That, or Tales from the Crypt.
Again, I hope I do not piss anyone off with these jokes. Enjoy!
"Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, it's Tenzil Kem With Vital Information For Your Every Day Life."
Tenzil is sitting in an old crypt, covered in spiderwebs and ripped clothing.
"Hello boils and ghouls! Your old pal Tenzil here, with vital sinformation for your scaly routine."
"Your voice makes my ears bleed!" the off screen voice yells. "And you're making my heart bleed. Now get over here and come blow up the Deathstar like a good little Jedi!" "I don't wanna!"
Tenzil waves his hand at it in disgust and starts going through a moldy old book.
"Ah, here's a good one. A stitch in time saves nine. A stitch in eight, saves Nate. Who the hell is Nate?"
"They say there's no use crying of spilt milk. Oh yeah? Watch me!" Tenzil spills milk and starts crying like a baby. "WHY?! WHAT DID HE DO TO DESERVE THIS?!"
"The past will always comes back to bite you in the ass. Well that explains those teeth marks. I thought my girlfriend just had boundary issues! Ha cha cha cha chaa!"
"Never trying yodelling in the Swiss Alps with your pants down. Why? Frostbite."
"You know how the White Rabbit is always saying he's late for an important date? Guess what I found out? He's a girl."
"They say the French invented romance. Others say they invented torture. I say 'what's the difference?'"
"If you never use the turn signal when you're driving, you make U-Turns in the middle of a busy intersection, and have absolutely no idea what a brake is, I think you're turning Japanese!"
"I turned on an anime radio station and I heard a song called 'There's A Hurricane Tonight.' It was only after my roof blew off that I learned it was the weather station."
"The perfect idea for a valentine would NOT be 'Be my valentine or I'll blow up your cat! XOXO.' Trust me, I know what I'm talking about."
"They say the war on terror isn't going so well. Here's another shocker. Blue and yellow make green!"
"Always take failure in stride. One guy didn't, and guess what? World War II."
"My brother used to tell me there was a smelly monster hiding under his bed. I looked under, and I found out what happened to Grandpa."
'Chicken Little said 'the sky is falling! The sky is falling!' I said 'holy crap a talking chicken!'"
"Never give out candy on Halloween. Because then kids will egg your house. The next morning, free breakfast!"
'They say there's nothing like life on the open seas. No worries, no cares, and NO WOMEN. Gets pretty old pretty fast. And then the cabin fever sets in..."
"Well, kiddies, it's been fun, but now I've gotta go dig up a date for the weekend. TGIF. Thank God It's Frightday!" Starts laughing again.
"This has been Tenzil Kem with Vital Information for your Every Day Life."