Disclaimer: I do not own Legion of Super-Heroes, All That!, Aflac, Fat Albert

No, Vital Information is not dead, yet. That trump card is to show how badly TV can have an effect on your lives. I hope Bill Cosby doesn't sue me. Enjoy! And GreenSun, please don't kill me.

"Hey hey hey! It's Tenzil Kem With Vital Information For Your Everyday Life!"

Tenzil is sitting in a junkyard.

"Well hey there! I'm Tenzil Kem, with vital information for your everyday lives. What with the info and the sitting and the telling and the listening and oh y'all know what I'm talkin' 'bout!"

"SHUT UP!" the off screen voice yelled. "No you shut up! And while you're at it, get over here and milk this duck!" "I don't wanna!"

"Well it looks like I won't be able to enjoy a nice cold glass of duck milk, loaded with Vitamin Q. You dodged a bullet there, ducky." Tenzil turns to the duck beside him.

"AFLAC!" the duck screechs.

"Okay settle down there, quacky."

Tenzil clears his throat.

"Most of you know my fellow Legionnaire, Phantom Girl, can make herself disappear. The same cannot be said for those extra inches on her waist. It's okay, she looks good for a big girl."

"Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers. A peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked. If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers, how long before I pop a pipe over Peter Piper's head?"

"Never hand in your math homework late and say, 'my dog ate my homework, LIVE WITH IT!'"

"My uncle Max used to say 'do onto others as you would have others do onto you.' Uncle Max also thought Marilyn Monroe was living inside his toybox. Man my family's messed up."

"People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. They also shouldn't wake around naked. 5 in the morning, no one wants to see that!"

"Every Groundhog's Day, people wait expectantly for the groundhog to come out of his hole and see if he has a shadow or not to judge how long winter will last. These people are called morons."

"Ah, here's something new. We have one of our fans sending in some vital information of their own. Don'tcha just love audience participation? This comes from 1000GreenSun, and it reads..."

"If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, then Chuck Norris has more money then you! And if I have five dollars, I've got more money than the four of you combined!"

"Chuck. Norris. I DESPISE Chuck Norris. He knows what he did! But thank you anyway, GreenSun, and please enjoy the complementary gift basket of oranges our studio is sent."

A studio hand appears on screen and says "Uh, Tenzil, you got a letter from Big Vinny thanking you for the oranges you sent. Says he didn't know you cared." Tenzil is confused. "He got the oranges? But I sent him the-"

"We interrupt this program for an urgent new bulletin."

"We've just got this report of an attack by vicious wildebeests, that were sent through the mail to some poor unsuspecting fangirl. Luckily she was able to beat them off without gaining any serious injuries. Although it's a different story for the mailman. And now back to our program."

Tenzil has deadpanned.

"Well if you'll excuse me I'll be in Mexico till this blows up. Hasta!"

"This has been Tenzil Kem with Vital Information for your every day life."

Meanwhile, in Mexico...

"Ah, this is the life." Tenzil is lounging on a beach with the duck and Ms. Peabody, until a shadow steps in front of him. "HEY! MOVE I-" he stops short when he sees who it is.

"Oh, hey T-Tinya. H-How's it-"

"I look good for a BIG GIRL?" she said as she took out the aluminium baseball bat.

"Well maybe not THAT big."

And they never saw Tenzil again.