Disclaimer: I do not own Legion of Super-Heroes or All That!
Enjoy!
"Lock your doors! Put the children to bed and the women in the cellar! It's Tenzil Kem With Vital Information For Your Everyday Life! Starring... Tenzil Kem!"
Tenzil is on a big Broadway stage dressed in a tuxedo with a big top hat.
"Is everybody happy?!" he yells.
"YES!" the audience cries.
"I'm not!" the off screen voice yells. "Go suck a lemon! But before you do that, come over here and give this bear a root canal." "I don't wanna!"
Tenzil takes off his hat for a moment to address the audience.
"Cyndi Lauper said 'she bop, he bop, we bop. I bop, you bop...' I'm not allowed to bop. Court order."
"My aunt Ruth had a number of words we couldn't say in her home. Words like 'ass', 'crap', 'jerk', and 'intervention'."
"Never yell fire in a retirement home. Really, it's just, sad."
"Ten and twenty black birds baked into a pie. Ewww! Where did this guy learn to cook?!"
"Remember that animals are people too. So if you eat hamburgers, steaks, ribs, and chicken, that makes you a cannibal!"
"They've released the title for the next Quentin Tarantino film. 'Kill Deathproof Bill From Dusk Till Dawn On Planet Terror With Reservior Dogs Vol. 3 1/4. A Pulp Fiction Film'." Tenzil started to ponder the situation. "Hmmm. I think he's starting to repeat himself."
"Y'know, I feel bad for Superman, 'cuz I don't think he can have a meaningful relationship without THIS happening...". Tenzil takes out a piece of paper with a diagram of a lady on it. Then he takes out a BB gun and shoots a hole through the paper. "Get the picture? I sure did!"
"Never burn your candle at both ends. Not unless you own the Two-Edged Candle! Available for only $39.99." Tenzil takes out a box of candles with wicks at both ends.
"Never try to re-gift someone. Especially if it's the gift of lice." Tenzil starts to scratch his head.
"Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to perform brain surgery on this expecting mother." Tenzil puts on surgical gear and walks over to a woman on a flat board.
"Uh, are you sure you're qualified to do this?" the mother asks.
"Don't worry, m'am, I'm a senator." he said as he took the pizza slicer.
"Hey doc, what're you doin' to my legs?!"
"This has been Tenzil Kem with Vital Information for your every day life."