Disclaimer: I do not own Legion of Super-Heroes, All That!, Gotham Girls, or Excel Saga
As a special treat, we get a glimpse at the Harley & Ivy movie. Enjoy. The name of the song is Ai (Chuuseishin), Love (Loyalty), by Milk. It is the opening of Excel Saga. I just thought this song fit those two so well, I couldn't think of anywhere else to include it but this.
"His voice brings joy to children everywhere..."
"Mommy that man scares me!"
"His laughter is the stuff dreams are made of..."
"Oh God what is that awful screeching?!"
"It's Tenzil Kem With Vital Information For Your Everyday Life."
Tenzil is sitting in the front row of a movie theatre.
"Why don't you crawl back into the sewer you were spawned in?" the off screen voice yelled. "Because your mom's fat ass is blocking the way! Now get over here and send these death threats to Chuck Norris!" "Why?" "He knows what he did!" "Well I don't wanna!"
"My Uncle Gene said, 'do onto others has you would have others do onto you.' However, Uncle Gene liked getting his butt kicked."
"In Snow White, the Queen would ask the mirror who the prettiest was, and it would say Snow White. Well they're both wrong! I'm the prettiest, and ain't no magic talking glass sayin' otherwise!"
"If you're in the bathroom and someone has put on too much hot water and the room is filled with steam, you're walking around and you see something fat and hairy, chances are, my Aunt Jean is staying at your place! Stand still, she hunts by sensing movement."
"With the recent rush of Batman fandom, director Joel Schumacher has started to direct another film starring the Dark Knight. It's called 'Holy Ass Grabbers, Batman!'."
Tenzil is handed a memo off-screen.
"This just in, Christian Bale has put Joel Schumacher into a coma. I think I speak for all of us when I say 'PRAISE JEBUS!'"
"You ever get a feeling of deja vu? You ever get a feeling of deja vu?"
"Always tip your waitresses. They've been good to you. And if you don't, it's not my fault you're a cheap bastard."
"There's sick. There's depraved. There's psychotic. There's demonic. And then there's Maude."
"If you try to pass off an old, lost, and forgotten birthday gift as a Christmas gift six months later, you should make sure the box doesn't have air holes in it. Why? Because that's what happened to Fluffy!"
Tenzil pulls out the skeleton of a dead cat with a bow around it's neck with a card that says "For Tenzil". He then nonchalantly chucks the skeleton off screen.
"If you're in chemistry class, and something grey and sobbing with four eyes has just crawled out of a test tube, chances are it's Mystery Meat Monday."
"On Christmas morning, children all over the world wake up expecting to find some wonderful surprises in their stockings. One year my Grandpa drank too much eggnog and left a different kind of surprise."
"And now, because we've been paid lots of money and are being held against our will, here's a sneak peek at the musical number for the upcoming Harley & Ivy film."
3. 2. 1.
Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy are backed up against a brick wall by radioactive panther robot men and women in black leather with barbed whips.
Harley: You think they're mad?
Ivy: You're not getting the Eye of Kanzole, Dimitrikoff! We'd rather die, first!
The leader, Dimitrikoff, steps off a floating panel.
Dimitrikoff: Well girls, after that little stunt you pulled at the Superbowl with Tom Selleck, it was difficult trying to find.
Harley: Don't forget that awseome car chase through Disneyland!
Ivy elbows Harley in the gut to keep her quite.
Dimitrikoff: Ladies, you can keep your lives. But only if...
Ivy: If...?
Dimitrikoff: If you can sing a charming musical number!
Harley and Ivy look at each other with deadpanned expressions. The next scene, they're setting up a karaoke machine to the song Love (Loyalty) from Excel Saga. They've got guns aimed at them.
Harley: For those of you reading, the song we are about to sing is actually in Japanese. But rather than doing any work, the writer has put the lyrics in English so you yutzes can understand it.
Ivy: Harley who are talking to?
Harley: No one, Red.
Harley: This is not love.
Ivy: Love is not this.
Harley & Ivy: I love, but I'm not loved.
Harley: By no means is this love. Sex ain't love. It ain't?
Harley & Ivy: I love, but I don't seek love out.
Ivy: I lift up my body, throw down my life.
Harley: Plainly without hesitatin'...
Ivy: I'll con them, jilt them, and come in from the side.
Harley: I'll knock down other people and kick the snot outta them! And we get the hell out!
Ivy: And we get the hell out!
Harley: And we get the hell out!
Ivy: And we get the hell out!
Harley: And we get the hell out!
Ivy: And we get the hell out!
Harley: And we get the hell out!
Harley & Ivy: Even if we slip on banana peels...
Harley: This is all for his sake.
Harley & Ivy: I must say it, this has gotta be a kind of loyalty you might call love.
Harley motions to the henchmen.
Harley: Now you join along!
Harley: This ain't love. Love ain't never this.
Harley & Ivy: This body of mine just can't take any more love!
Harley: Now's my chance to decipher it! Please tell me how much a gram costs.
Ivy: There could be a revolution of the moronic masses...
Harley: But the newspapers...
Ivy: World remain silent!
Harley & Ivy: And we get the hell out!
Henchmen: And we get the hell out!
Harley & Ivy: And we get the hell out!
Henchmen: And we get the hell out!
Harley & Ivy: And we get the hell out!
Henchmen: And we get the hell out!
Harley & Ivy: And we get the hell out!
Harley & Ivy: People go their own ways.
Harley: This is probably for his sake.
Harley & Ivy: I won't ask for anything in return. 'Cuz my loyalty is deeper than love.
Harley: Ain't talking to each other love?
Ivy: Just talking isn't love, Harl.
Harley: How 'bout dreamin' the same dream?
Ivy: Dreams aren't love at all.
Harley: Ain't lovin' each other love?
Ivy: Not if your the only one doing the loving.
Harley: But ain't tying each other up love?
Ivy: Not if you're the only one who gets tied up!
Harley & Ivy: I might fall down and die, and I might drown...
Harley: But everything's for his sake.
Harley: I might be an idiot...
Ivy: I might be a fool...
Harley & Ivy: But I don't care. This is a loyalty you might call love.
Everyone is cheering.
Dimitrikoff: Ladies, that was wonderful. Maybe I won't kill you after al-
Dimitrikoff is cut off by a large boxing glove to the face. Harley and Ivy look over him in superior satisfaction.
Dimitrikoff: But you said you loved me!
Harley: We had our fingers crossed.
It's over!
Tenzil is sitting in his seat, looking like someone just killed his best friend.
"If you'll escuse me, I have to go kill the directo-"
WHAM!
A truck bursts through the screen. Tenzil cannot believe who it is! It's the Kem Family!
Aunt Jean cried "REVENGE!" as they chased him through the theatre.
"How did they know where I was?!" he screams.
"How should we know?!" Tenzil turns his head to see Harley and Ivy running as well.
"Maybe we can lose them through the disco!" Ivy cries.
"Who could've done this?!"
Meanwhile, at the computer of yours truly.
"Heh. Ain't I a stinker? This has been Tenzil Kem with vital information for your every day life."