"There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness." Friedrich Nietzsche
"I never expected to be here with you. Not like this. I hoped to be with you, but differently. And now I still wonder. Wonder about things locked up inside of you." Luna Lovegood never expected to be in St Mungo's like this. She could have imagined she would be a patient herself, after all that has happened in the past decade. But she wasn't. Instead she was looking at someone she dearly loved. She loved him for years now and she didn't even know if he loved her back and would never know either. The ruffled jetblack mop of hair was still the same. The colour of his eyes were still green, but there wasn't any recognition in his eyes anymore. He wasn't familiar with her face, nor that of others. Harry wasn't Harry anymore. What was left behind, was merely an empty shell, drowned in madness.
"Harry, do you want to play a game?" He didn't even look at her. So she sat down and took a colorful bal, which was lying next to her and rolled it towards him, hoping he would pick up the game. He did. He rolled it back and gave her a lobsided smile. A single tear rolled down her face. "I wish it could have been different. Especially for you. I wish I knew how you felt. If you are happy now. You don't talk to me any more, not like you used to. I wish I knew how you felt about me, back then. Nowadays everything is different. People move on, they continue with their lives, like nothing is going on. Living their lives in a world you helped saving and now here you lie, forgotten most of the time. I've changed as well. You wouldn't even recognise me anymore if you would wake up out of this world of crazyness."
Voices seemed to call her over and over again. 'Come to us, Luna.. Stay with us..'
Staring at her with a blanc look, Harry looked different. More innocent then the first day he came to school. He looked like he didn't have a care in the world. Probably he didn't anymore, she thought. "With every day that passes, I feel myself slipping away. I'm drowning in madness and it doesn't feel right. I'm hearing things, voices from the past and from the future, all telling me I should end it all. It frightens me. I guess I rightfully deserve my nickname. Loony Lovegood. Sounds quite righte for a fruitbasket such as myself. But normally, people call me Loony, because they don't have the same faith or beliefs as I did. Nowadays it pinpoints my current situation. To be completly thruthful, I even start seeing things. People, who are dead. People no one else sees. Not like the ghosts in Hogwarts. The people I see, seem so real. Like they're alive again. And when I try to make other people aware of their presence, they call me a loony, because no one is there. How can I explain that to myself, if I can't even make other people see? Tell me, Harry. Please be there for me. Please wake up."
Tears started rolling down her cheeks and Harry poked with his finger in her cheek, before trying to snatch her wand, which was as usual residing behind her ear. Taking his hand, before he could grab hold of it, and softly stroking it, she started to laugh coldly. "I know you're not the Harry anymore, that everyone knew. Not even the Harry I knew, but I still love you. I think. I sometimes question my reason to love, like I question the depths of my mind. I'm a wealthy heiress of the Lovegood Estate and I'm now the new owner of the Quibbler, you would think I should go on with my life like any other girl of my age would do? And here I am, still here pining for you. Because everytime I try to stay at home and try to ban you from my mind, it backfires. Images of you and me, of what it could've been, keeps popping up in my mind. Your memory still makes me tingle, when I remember how you talked to me. How we had endless conversations about Nargles, the war, about our futures, what we wanted for ourselfes in life. I still regret the fact, I never told you back then, that you were the one I needed in my future. Normally I would have told you, but you always made me feel so comfortable and uncomfortable at the same time. I didn't want to lose that feeling. Something so wonderful I just wanted to cherish for a moment more . I always knew you were going to survive. How was I to know, only your heart would keep on beating?"
Harry turned away from her and started playing with the bal himself. Fate was cruel, Luna decided. She looked up, only to see Dean again. To hear his rasping voice calling to her "Luna... Luna.. Come here.. Harry is here too.." She shut her eyes for a moment and opened them again. Dean was gone. She remembered it well, when Dean died. He died like a true hero on the battlefield. Trying to protect Seamus and Lavender. When he died, he took three Deatheaters with him at the same time. Seamus said his last words were "You're gonna make it, here's three less for ya mates!" Perhaps Seamus overreacted when he told the rest of them those last words, but Luna thought it suited Dean. Harry was devastated when he saw Dean fall, but he fought more viciously after that.
"I still blame myself" She continued in a soft voice "Hermione, Draco, Ginny, everybody... They all tell me I was not to blame, but I can't help wondering. What if I was there sooner, what if I had have watched you, like I promised myself, before it started. Could I have been on time? Could I have rescued you from this? These questions drive me to the edge. And the only solace I find, is when I'm here with you. Waiting for just an inkling of recognition, even though I know it's not there anymore. Perhaps I should give up. But I'm just not ready yet. Not ready to let you go. Or what it could've been. Were you in love with me too? Did we have a future?
Her eyes drifted off, while shereminded herself of Harry's smile at her, just moments after he defeated Voldemort. There was a huge silence all over the battelefield, as if everybody had been frozen by some unknown power. The moment seemed to go forever in her memory and she wanted to scream happily at him, that he should watch out for any Nixies, that would crawl out of the lifeless body of Voldemort. But before she had a chance, everyone around her started to fight again. After stunning her opponent, she looked at Harry again. Behind Harry she saw Lucius Malfoy sneaking up to him. Her warnings dissolved in the noise of battle and she viciously tried to make way to Harry. As she tried, she saw how Lucius struck her Harry in the back, with what she now knew was Cruciatus. She pushed people over and stumbling tried to get there. But by the time she got there and looked into Harry's eyes, she knew she was to late. The vacant look in his eyes betrayed his faith. Taken over by a blind fury, Luna took on Lucius and even though she had killed before, he became her first real victim. The first she killed out of pure hate and on which she used Avada Kedavra with succes.
Luna sighed at the memory and looked at Harry again. She was tired of it all. So tired. She couldn't remember the last day she smiled. The last day where she cared for Blibbering Humdinger or other creatures nobody but her seemed to care about. It was all getting to much for her. She decided to get up. Before she could go, Harry poked at her leg with his finger and she looked at him. He held his hand toward her. In his outstretched hand was a butterbeercap. She took it from him and gave him a hug. And as fast as she could she ran out of the room. Trying to hide the tears that were coming up again.