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Chapter 7

"Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." Alfred Lord Tennyson

Enjoying a cup of tea, Ginny realized she missed his letters. It had been three weeks since she last received that specific letter. After she had sent her reply, she did not hear from him again. Not even in the tabloids, where his presence was most popular. It looked like Draco had vanished into thin air. She even tried to send him another letter, just to taunt him, hoping he would come and make his apologies soon. But he didn't. It saddened Ginny, because she hoped that he would know or see that they were losing their friendship for ever this way, something she wasn't going to let happen that easily. With a slam Ginny put down her cup and stood up. It was frustrating her that Draco wouldn't even apologize for coming on to her, even if it was a joke. But apparently he decided to move on with his life, without even caring about her. One part of her didn't want to believe that, but the other, infuriated part of her was so freaking angry that she was willing to believe anything at this moment.

She looked down at the stack of work she still had to do that day and decided that kicking Draco's sorry ass would a much more suiting plan to spend her day. Somehow she couldn't concentrate on her work for days now and decided that this would be a much better way of dealing with it, instead of looking at her work and doing nothing. But before she could walk out the door, someone knocked on it. Impatiently she opened the door only to find her boss there, holding what seemed to be dozens of letters. "These are all yours. The intern doesn't seem to know the alphabet, so now I'm suddenly a delivery girl or something like." The sarcasm was not lost on Ginny and she giggled. "Thanks anyway" While her supervisor was walking away, Ginny could still hear her mutter things like "That incompetent cow, like I haven't got enough work to do" Ginny grinned at her boss' antics, before she closed the door behind her again.

Quickly she flipped through all the messages. Almost every one seemed to be from Draco. Defeated she sat down and looked at them. She opened the oldest. The tone of his first letter was still playful and Ginny was getting angry again. Dismissing her letter like that as if it were nothing. He did ask for her forgiveness and he wrote to her that he hoped that she of all people would understand that he wouldn't make a move on her if he wasn't serious. Ginny however wasn't convinced. The next letter she opened was a letter he apparently send a week later. The more letters she opened, the more the tone of his letters changed. In his first few letters he still sounded playful as if he didn't knew why she was so angry but his last letters sounded so desperate. Reading the last letter, something caught her eye and involuntarily she started to cry when she read it.

Dear Ginny,

I know I didn't handle this all that well, telling you that this time you were the one who was bothering me. But there never was anyone else. You were always the one that was bothering me and the fool I am never told you so. Too scared to share my feeling, too afraid that one of the few persons in my life that are important to me, would reject me.

I might not have shown it, but the first time you spoke to me after the war even if everybody else shunned me, that was the first day of my life something good had happened. That faithful day in Diagon alley, I never knew how much you actually heard. If you really understood why I joined the light. Later when our friendship developed I realized that you knew and understood everything I went through. I started clinging on our friendship in my own way. I came to realize so much more. What everything meant. Like picturing how you looked, when I thought I couldn't go on spying anymore. Holding on to an image of a frightened girl I had teased all my school years, that was standing in an alley watching me and my father.

I came to understand how I felt about you. But I never dared to tell you. I couldn't stand losing you over silly little feelings. But lately I realized that they aren't just silly little feelings. They never were. I love you. They always say that it's better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved before. Whoever made that up never loved someone before, because the pain of losing you kills me inside. I will not send you letters anymore. I guess it would be even more painful if I kept on trying, hoping for a reply that will never come.

For always yours,

Draco.

The letter softly cascaded to the floor, while Ginny buried her face in her hands and cried even harder. Never before had he opened up his heart that much to show her enough of his feelings. And now that he did she didn't even know what to do with it. How was she supposed to react all this. Run to his mansion and drag him out of there to tell him she loved him back. Why didn't he tell her this to her face, maybe then she wouldn't have had a choice about what to do and it would have been so much simpler. But at the same time did she realize that she was the one who ripped up his attempt to come in contact with him at home and the intern pretty much blew it for him at work. Ginny was so lost in her thoughts, that she didn't hear someone coming in.

"Ginny? Are you okay? What happened? Don't tell me that the prick still hasn't apologized." Ginny looked up and saw Pansy standing in the doorway with a worried face. She tried to tell her what happened, but the words just wouldn't come out, so she just pointed at the letter that was on the ground. It didn't take long for Pansy to catch up and she picked up the letter and looked through it. After she had quickly read the letter, her head shot up in the direction of Ginny. "Oh my God, Ginny. I don't know what to say. What are you going to do?" Ginny looked at her and said "I don't know, Pansy. I really don't know." Pansy gave the letter back to Ginny. "Gin, do you love him, the way he loves you?" For a moment Ginny didn't say anything, but finally she nodded. Ginny knew there wasn't any avoiding the matter right now. "Well, let me fix you up a bit and go to him."

After gathering every ounce of courage Ginny could muster and a few extra pushes from Pansy, she Apparated to the Malfoy mansion. Knocking on the door Ginny waited for someone to answer it. It took a few minutes before a nervous little house elf answered the door. "Master is out of country for work, Misses Weazy. Missy doesn't know when master is coming back. Missy heard Master say he is gone for 3 weeks." Defeated Ginny went back to her apartment. Not knowing if she should send him an owl or that she would only disturb him while working. Grabbing a bottle of elderflower wine she got from her parents a few weeks ago, she went to bed and decided to drown her sorrows for that evening.