Disclaimer: I do not own Legion of Super-Heroes or All That! The Twelve Days of Christmas cover written by Tom and Mary Bierbaum. The ending borrowed from Teen Girl Squad #14.
"And now, a very special Christmas Rendition of Tenzil Kem with Vital Information for Your Every Day Life."
Tenzil is sitting out in the snow, dressed in 19th-Century English getup, with a top hat, a corncob pipe, and mutton chops.
"Merry Christmas my loyal couch potatoes. For this special Christmas edition, we have rocks, corncob pipes, top hats, and mutton chops!"
"What about Kwanzaa?!" the off screen voice yelled.
"What about Kwanzaa? Now come over here and pull that menorah out of your ass and dance around this mothaf&*kin' dreidel!"
"I don' wanna!"
"Bah humbug!" Tenzil cried back. "Before we start, I should mention that on my home planet, Bismoll, since we Bismollians can consume matter in all forms, our holiday has a lot to do with rocks."
"Why?!"
"It just does!"
"Bug humbar!"
"But first…" Tenzil started.
A blank screen popped up.
"Vital Info's Christmas Star, by unanimous vote is…" Tenzil started.
"Drura Sehpt!"
DRURA SEHPT!!
A picture of Infectious Lass popped up.
"And now, the Tenzil Choir, singing Bismoll's favorite rendition of the Twelve Days of Christmas…"
Cut to a bunch of guys dressed like Tenzil.
On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: A bunch of pebbles in a quarry!
On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: 2 concrete blocks, and a bunch of pebbles in a quarry!
On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: 3 slag heaps, 2 concrete blocks, and a bunch of pebbles in a quarry!
On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: 4 obsidians, 3 slag heaps, 2 concrete blocks, and a bunch of pebbles in a quarry!
On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: 5 GOLDEN ROCKS, 4 obsidians, 3 slag heaps, 2 concrete blocks, and a bunch of pebbles in a quarry!
On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: 6 flints a-stoning, 5 GOLDEN ROCKS, 4 obsidians, 3 slag heaps, 2 concrete blocks, and a bunch of pebbles in a quarry!
On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: 7 mines a-striping, 6 flints a-stoning, 5 GOLDEN ROCKS, 4 obsidians, 3 slag heaps, 2 concrete blocks, and a bunch of pebbles in a quarry!
On the eight day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: 8 stones a-rolling, 7 mines a-striping, 6 flints a-stoning, 5 GOLDEN ROCKS, 4 obsidians, 3 slag heaps, 2 concrete blocks, and a bunch of pebbles in a quarry!
On the ninth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: 9 quartzes watching, 8 stones a-rolling, 7 mines a-striping, 6 flints a-stoning, 5 GOLDEN ROCKS, 4 obsidians, 3 slag heaps, 2 concrete blocks, and a bunch of pebbles in a quarry!
On the tenth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: 10 lavas flowing, 9 quartzes watching, 8 stones a-rolling, 7 mines a-striping, 6 flints a-stoning, 5 GOLDEN ROCKS, 4 obsidians, 3 slag heaps, 2 concrete blocks, and a bunch of pebbles in a quarry!
On the eleventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: 11 granites crumbling, 10 lavas flowing, 9 quartzes watching, 8 stones a-rolling, 7 mines a-striping, 6 flints a-stoning, 5 GOLDEN ROCKS, 4 obsidians, 3 slag heaps, 2 concrete blocks, and a bunch of pebbles in a quarry!
On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: 12 boulders tumbling, 11 granites crumbling, 10 lavas flowing, 9 quartzes watching, 8 stones a-rolling, 7 mines a-striping, 6 flints a-stoning, 5 GOLDEN ROCKS, 4 obsidians, 3 slag heaps, 2 concrete blocks, and a bunch of pebbles in a quarry!
"Oh boy, I got a rock!" Tenzil cried.
DONK!
"Two rocks!"
DONK! HIT!
"Three rocks."
DONK! HIT! CONCUSSION!
"Four rocks and traumed head." He passed out in the snow.
"Is he dead?" The Choirmen asked.
"WE'RE FREE!" They screamed, and ran off.
IT'S OVER! MERRY CHRISTMAS, ROCK HEADS!
…
IT'S NOT OVER!
"I can't believe I was voted the Christmas star!" Infectious Lass swooned.
"Heh heh heh Christmas prank Christmas prank heh heh heh Christmas prank." Laughed Radiation Roy, Golden Boy, and Earth-Man.
"Oooohh." Infectious Lass sighed.
"Nah, I'm just kidding. You wanna be my girlfriend?" Golden Boy asked.
"I'd love to!"
"Heh heh heh Christmas prank Christmas prank. Christmas prank heh." They laughed at her.
"Oooohh." She sighed.
"You want this diamond ring?" Earth-Man asked.
"Of course!"
"Christmas Prank heh heh heh." They laughed before…
COME UPPENCE!
Three garbage cans got dumped on them.
"Something got dumped on us! We'll never live it down! Our reputations are ruined!" They screamed and ran off, when Jacques Foccart, the second Invisible Kid stepped in.
"Invisibleman!" Infectious Lass screamed in joy.
"Infectious Lass, all zis time I was looking around, and you weren't right there in front of me. But I realized- when I was looking around- that you were right there in front of me- all zis time- Infectious Lass."
"That makes so much sense!"
"Will you accompany me to de end credits?" He extended his arm.
"I'd love to!"
It's over! And you're walking into a parking lot with the hot guy. It's over! And they all make fun of you, but they got stuff dumped on top of them.
IT'S OVER!
For real!