"Dum da deed um da doo. Ouch. Du duuum. Stupid rock. Ouch. Effing twig. Ouch! Stupid effing sharp rock-twig hybrid!"
Trust me, that hill was sharp. Any other person would have been swearing like a drunken sailor who's been denied his ale. I, on the other hand, had the grace and the wit to… frack! I stumbled on someone, and fell over. Shit… I mean, oops. I sat up, rubbing my head. Entangled in my legs was an odd little man, wearing a multitude of rags and swearing like aforementioned sailor.
"Excuse me?" I ventured tentatively. The small man looked up at me and scowled.
"Oh no, no, no. Excuse me." He snarled.
"Um… I'm sorry I tripped over you…?" I said hesitantly.
"You should be! You runners think you could watch where you're going, but no!" He shouted, drawing out the last vowel. He turned to stalk off. I scrambled up after him.
"But I am sorry, truly, I am, sir."
"Hoggle."
"Beg pardon?"
"The name's Hoggle!"
"Oh. Sorry, Mr. Hoggle."
"Just Hoggle!"
"Oh." I paused, watching his retreating back grow farther away, when a thought struck me.
"Can you help me get through the Labyrinth?" I shouted after him.
"Hmph!" He made a rude hand gesture.
I took that to mean 'no'.
"Could you at least show me where the door to the Labyrinth is?" I called again, more desperately. Hoggle stopped and turned around.
"Maybe… what's in it for me if I do?"
"The good feeling you get when you assist someone in need…?" I guessed, shrugging helplessly.
Hoggle rolled his eyes, looking unconvinced, and yanked a tree branch up from the ground. I shrieked as the ground beneath me immediately gave way, and dropping me into a giant underground tunnel. I landed with a thud on the floor.
"Ouch. That hurt." I muttered, wincing as a particularly large rock landed on my foot.
"Now, would you go left or right?" A voice called from above.
"Huh?" I looked up, squinting.
Hoggle leered down at me as he leaned over the top of the hole.
"I said, would you go left, or right?" His voice echoed eerily in the shaft.
"Um…" I glanced down the passage. Aside from the recently formed hole, which let a small portion of sunlight in, the only other luminosity in the tunnel came from the flickering torches which hung crookedly on the walls. The corridors were lined with large, uneven stones, and an occasional tree root jutted out from the ceiling. Both of the passages seemed deserted, aside from the occasional bug that scurried across the floor. I peered back up at Hoggle.
"They both look the same."
Hoggle sneered.
"You're not going to get very far, then, now are you?" He replied nastily.
"Well, which way would you go?" I asked him shortly.
"Me?" He snorted. "I wouldn't go either way."
I sighed, and glanced back down the tunnels. I stood up, and wiped my hands off on my jeans. Something scurried across my bruised feet, and I shuddered. Taking a deep breath, I began walking tentatively down the left corridor, watching out for sharp pointy objects that might have imbedded themselves in the floor.
"Even if you reach the center, you'll never get out again." Hoggle yelled after me, and I stopped suddenly. He chuckled darkly, and the shadows flickered on the passage walls.
"That's your opinion." I shouted back to him, and kept walking.
"It's much better than yours!" He scoffed, clearly enjoying the argument.
"Thanks, Hogwart."
"It's Hoggle, insipid child!"
I pursed my lips, and ignored him, walking further down the tunnel.
"Well, don't say I didn't warn you…"
Yes, well. I am sorry that it's been two months since I've updated this story. It's been chaotic, really, it has. Relatives, finals, wacky children... it's been a mess. Truly. Please put the pitchforks down... here, you can have HIM!
thrusts a displeased Jareth at mob
waves a cheerful goodbye
And don't forget to review!