Everyone's reviews were greatly appreciated. I just love getting reviews, they make me all warm and fuzzy inside. Haha. So thank you!
fan girl 666 - Its during the Soul Society Arc.
.Sailor.L - I absolutely adore reviewers like you, especially when they want to throw in an idea or two. Thank you so much, love! I'm known for choosing pairings some people aren't used to. I just look at things a different way and say, "You know what? Those two are cute together, I'll make a story on them." And wah lah, here is my plot bunny. (:
Shirou08 - I use Microsoft Works Word and insert the 'ō'; into my text from the special characters box.
So now, on with the story. And of course, I took your idea into consideration Mickey.
Enjoy.
-- M
Fuyu no Hanabi
.o.
Chapter Three
I feel so alone, Shinso. Of course you're always with me, but I feel so cold on the outside.
I don't know why I decided to eat breakfast in my quarters. I won't be able to see Tōshirō. But then again maybe its for the best. He's consoling that insufferable girl, Hinamori. What if I started crying whenever I saw it fit? Would he comfort me too?
I'm being selfish Shinso. I know that now. Tōshirō will never feel anything for me. Maybe he has eyes for another, maybe his heart has been captured by another. Maybe I'm supposed to be alone, hmm?
It's like a punishment.
I think, that I'm going to give up Shinso. I won't pursue him. There's too much…. There's a void between us.
And I'm perfectly fine with just admiring him from far away. The letters will stop soon. I cant have him believing I'm the girl of his dreams or something.
Tōshirō probably thinks it Hinamori.
Childhood friends finally fall in love. So sweet. Just thinking of it makes me sick. When the time comes and they do, I'll resign. I'll leave the Seireitei, the Soul Society, everything.
Don't hiss at me, Shinso. I just can't take it anymore!
…Shinso.
I'm sorry for yelling at you. It's just that I'm breaking down and no one can see it.
No one can see how their cold, mocking, sadistic Gin is breaking down.
They would love it. They would even help speed up the process. Anything to see me fall and shatter.
Especially Rukia Kuchiki.
She's so easily intimidated by me. I loved watching her shake with fear for no reason as I talked with her brother. But she's so annoying, trailing behind Byakuya like a pet. I liked Hisana better.
I remember, Shinso, when I would just talk to Byakuya about her when she was in the gardens. He tell me about this warm feeling, the light but needing touches and caresses, whispered affections. Byakuya made love sound like an addictive drug.
And I wanted it.
Hisana loved him and Byakuya loved her. He adored her in fact but was shy about it.
Which is really funny.
Byakuya.
Shy.
But I never envied him. He was my friend. And he knew of my feelings towards Tōshirō.
Other than her.
Yes I know Shinso, it's time to see her anyway.
---
Gin was on a roof above Tōshirō when he sensed him.
"Captain Ichimaru." Tōshirō deadpanned. "Looking for another poor defenseless soul to pick on?"
Gin slid of the roof and landed lightly in front of Tōshirō. His face held no mocking, there was no grin and his narrow eyes looked sad. Tōshirō even saw a flash of color of his eyes. Something was definitely wrong. He stood aside as Gin walked past him, slightly slouching.
"Good morning, Captain Hitsugaya," Gin said, anguish in his voice though Tōshirō didn't understand why. "May the rest of the day find you well. Goodbye."
When he was out a sight, Tōshirō grimaced and cursed. "Just what the hell is going on?!"
Gin made his way to the area of all the 4th Division members of the Soul Society. Dragging his feet up the steps to the main building, Gin sighed. Tōshirō. Tōshirō. Tōshirō. That was all in his head. It seemed like he truly hated him. A bitter harsh laugh came from Gin. "What will you do Tōshirō, if you never see me again?"
"Do you plan on leaving the Soul Society, Gin?"
Gin looked up at the doorway and bowed reluctantly. Bowing was never his thing. "Please excuse my words, Captain Unohana. I'm a bit stressed today. Did anyone come today?"
Retsu Unohana shook her head and stepping back, granting Gin entrance. "Usually it's only Momo. But now I see she's a bit busy with Aizen and Tōshirō."
Retsu lead Gin to the back room of the main house, which was connected to a garden. The room was filled with many flowers of all scents and colors. She sat at a table, Gin following suit on the opposite side. "You're awfully quiet today," Retsu said, placing some flowers on the table. "Is everything alright with Tōshirō."
Gin shook his head and smiled sadly. "I'm afraid I messed things up. But I can see they have feelings for each other. They'll fall in love. I must be happy for Tōshirō." He picked up a white rose, gazing at it thoughtfully as Retsu placed a small glass vase on the table.
"Lets see you make a cascading arrangement. Light and cold colors only." Retsu said. Everyone knew once a month, Retsu held ikebana or a flower arrangement class for her division. Not many show up, but Momo attended and even Gin came sometimes too, which surprised her. "Why are you so interested in this? I've never seen a man so…gentle."
Gin actually smiled as placed a white roses in the vase. "Flowers hold life. They are quiet and beautiful. They are there, just so you could admire them and take care of them." He began to place light pink roses in various spots. "I've killed so many with my hands Retsu. It's really comforting when I can take care of something, create something beautiful and full of life with the tainted hands instead of taking the life." Gin then placed calla lilies around the flowers. His arrangement was done. "I really wanted to impress Tōshirō, but now, its just good thing to know."
"I understand," Retsu said as she examined his arrangement. Gin had delicate hands, despite how frightening they look. He was so gentle with flowers and had an eye with color. Three classes and he was already a pro. "Gin…Are your really giving up on Tōshirō."
The pained look on Gin's face was heartbreaking enough. "Yes," Was the choked answer from him. "We're too different. I am not the one for him." He smiled after a few moments. "I'm letting him go and things will back the way they are. It's not like he ever knew of my feelings. It'll be easy to move on."
Being known for her sharp eyes, and knowing of Gin ability to hide anything, for the first time in her life, Retsu saw everything in Gin's eyes. Slowly she got up and sat beside him, embracing him in a warm hug.
How could Tōshirō not see how much pain Gin was in?
---
Retsu, is a mother to all in the Seireitei, Shinso. She helped me get over my guilt of being in love with Tōshirō. Not all of it, but I would never tell her that. She's so kind, helping everyone, I'm forever in her debt.
I planned to tell Tōshirō my feelings and then leave this place, without a glance back. If I could tell him, then maybe it could relieve some of this weight on my heart.
But every time I see him, the weight comes back at full force.
I love him Shinso. I really do.
But…What should I do?
---
It was midnight and Tōshirō sat on the roof his quarters, staring at the letter that was left on his desk after his confrontation with Gin. Usually, he figured things out. He was a child genius, a prodigy, and he still couldn't figure out was.
With a defeated sigh, he opened the letter.
When you get older, you start to understand things you didn't before as a child. It could be something you said or did.
But that's the problem.
When you're older, you understand rather than regret.
The world is veiled in darkness.
People who want to erase the ignorant and arrogant self from their past life are truly selfish, not wanting face what they did.
They don't cherish what's truly important. But I want you to. Be grateful for things, appreciate everything.
Tōshirō.
I cherish you.
Tōshirō absentmindedly brushed away the stray tear that fell from the corner of his eye. These letters…They were so deep. They made him think; not to take things for granted. And this one was right. He wanted to regret and understand at the same time.
Light footsteps brought him out of his reverie. Tōshirō could sense Gin's reiatsu this time; maybe he wasn't trying to hide since he was humming lightly to himself. Tōshirō pocketed the letter and jumped down behind Gin.
Gin turned around quickly, tensing defensively only to be shocked as Tōshirō hugged him.
"Gin," Tōshirō said. "I'm sorry."
Slowly, hesitantly, but surely, Gin raised his hands--
And hugged him back.