04.10.2016 – I have made minor changes
EPOV
She sat in silence for a while, and I could hear her breathing hard and more steady.
"Bella?" I asked, unsure if she was still awake.
"Mmm?" She replied.
"Are you going to tell me?" I laughed.
"Yeah, I was just replaying it in my head" She sighed loudly.
"Ok, well whenever you're ready"
We sat in silence for a moment before she finally began speaking again.
"Well, I was dancing with Jasper. As you know"
I nodded my head, even if she could barely see me.
"And well he told me that…"
"That?" I repeated
"That he loved me"
"Then why were you crying?" I asked, a bit confused. Usually people are happy when someone tells them they love them.
"Because I couldn't say it back" She sighed "And then he told me that after a year of being together and not being able to tell him I love him we probably shouldn't be together, that we were wasting time because I would never fall in love with him' She started crying again, and I had no idea what to say to her.
Sure I didn't give a crap about love at the moment, but I felt like an ass sitting here not doing or saying anything so I rubbed my hand up and down her arm in attempt of soothing her a little bit and to try let her know that it's ok.
"I told him that I liked him a lot, and I didn't want to lose him and that one day I know I could fall in love with him. He just repeated what he said and then said he needed time to think" She continued between sobs.
"Then give him time to think about it, then talk to him again and see if you can work it out. I'm sure you guys can" I said trying to stay positive so she wouldn't break down even more.
"You think?" She sniffed
"Yeah, I do" I gave her a small smile and just sat there with her, not saying anything or doing anything.
It was nice to be able to sit with a female and not have them try to jump me, even if this emotional stuff was tiring.
"Do you mind if I duck out and have a smoke?" I asked after a few minutes of complete silence.
"Bella?" I said once she didn't reply
I looked down at her and saw that her eyes were still closed, deciding that she was asleep I went out onto her balcony and lit a cigarette.
I looked down at the people in her backyard, Jasper didn't look so sad now. Alice did a good job of cheering him up, they were now dancing; the fucker didn't even come up to check on Bella.
I could see Michael and Tyler pocking Emmett who was passed out on the grass, Rosalie was fuming and yelling at him to get up off the ground. I laughed, only Emmett would pass out on the grass.
All the girls, except Rose and Alice, were sitting in a circle chatting away, I could hear their loud laughter from where I was standing.
"Edward" I heard Bella whisper. I looked back at the door and threw my cigarette over the edge of the balcony and walked back inside. Bella was still in the same position as before and her eyes were still closed.
I walked over to her and knelt down in front beside her bed "Are you awake?" I whispered.
I watched her for a moment, expecting her to move but she didn't. fuck me I thought is she dreaming about me? Shaking my head, deciding that I must have been hearing things I headed for her door.
"Edward" I stopped, with my hand on the door knob, then shook my head and started twisting it.
"Can I ask you something before you leave?" I spun around and saw Bella sitting upright in her bed. Man I'm fucken losing it.
"Sure" I said.
She patted the spot next to her, so I walked over and sat down. She turned to face me and put her hands in her lap "Why are you here?"
"Umm well I was having a few drinks and trying to have fun"
She laughed and shook her head "No, I mean here in my room"
"You were upset" I shrugged
"Why do you care? You've hated me for so long, and now your checking up on me and being friendly"
How the hell was I supposed to answer that? Even I didn't know why I cared, but I definitely didn't hate her, so I told her as much "I never hated you Bella" I sighed, running a hand threw my hair "You started acting like a bitch when we started high school" I stated
She raised her eyebrows at me "I didn't start acting like a bitch. You became cocky and arrogant" She almost shrieked at me
"How the fuck am I supposed to know what happened then? I thought you were being a bitch, you thought I was being cocky and arrogant and whatever else you have on your list, so let's just say it was both of our faults"
"Fine" She huffed
"Good" I said.
"You know" She whispered as she looked down at her hands in her lap "I missed being friends with you" She admitted.
I was seriously starting to get a headache from all this emotional talk.
I stuttered "Ahh yeah… ummm... I guess I missed being friends with you too"
"It's ok Edward, I know you're not good at this stuff" She laughed shaking her head.
"Sorry" I mumbled sarcastically
She lightly smacked my arm and laughed, then looked at me seriously and said "Thank you"
I frowned "What for?"
"For letting me talk to you about this. I know it probably wasn't the most fun thing to do when you're supposed to be out there with our friends"
I shrugged "Don't mention it"
She smiled at me then leaned in and placed a kiss on my cheek. Her lips where soft, and really warm. My skin felt tingly from where her lips had touched.
"I'm going to lay down for a bit. You can go back down and have fun if you like"
I watched as she rolled over so she wasn't facing me and closed her eyes. I sighed and left her room to enjoy what was left of the party
BPOV
After chatting with Edward, Jasper came over and pulled me away to dance. I smirked back at Edward, silently thanking Jasper for getting me out of that awkward conversation with Edward, because, well, there was no way I was going to handstand on that keg and show off my underwear to everyone at this party.
"You look beautiful tonight; did I tell you that?" Jasper whispered against the skin on my shoulder
I smiled, though he couldn't see "No, you didn't and thank you"
He was holding onto my hips, swaying us from side to side. I put my head on his chest.
"Bella" He whispered after a few minutes of silence "I need to tell you something"
I pulled my head away from his chest and looked up at him, giving him a smile "Yeah?"
"I, Bella... I have been trying to say this for a while but I never found the right time... I-I love you, Bella"
I love you, Bella, I love you, Bella, I love you, Bella. I don't know if I really heard it, or if my mind was playing tricks on me. He loved me? What am I supposed to say to him? It was only earlier today that I was thinking about this very subject, but I wasn't prepared for this moment. I don't even know I if can say it back and actually mean it.
"Please say something" He whispered again.
"I-I Don't know what to say" I shook my head and look down at my feet.
We stopped moving and I looked back up at him his eyes were filled with sadness, I hated the fact that I caused that.
"Don't worry about it, forget I said anything." He pulled his arms away from me and took a step back.
"Jasper I'm so-"
"Don't" He said, looking down at me "You don't love me, that's fine. I just thought that after a year of being together that you would. Maybe we should have some time apart"
"No, Jasper. I like you, a lot. And I know that I will fall in love with you. I'm just not ready for that yet"
"Ready? No one is ever ready to fall in love Bella. I need time to think" He looked deeply in my now tear filled eyes for a moment, then walked away.
I stood there, by myself. I was going to talk to Alice, but she was too busy talking to Edward so I went inside and up to my room.
"Bella" I heard Alice call after me.
I spun around and saw her running towards me "Honey what's wrong" She said as she put her hands on my shoulders.
All I could do was shake my head and cover my face with my hands.
"Shh it's ok, tell me what happened" I pulled away from her and looked at her through my blurred vision.
"Maybe later Al, I just want to be alone right now"
She stared at me for a minute, like she was wondering if she should really leave me alone. Then she sighed and nodded her head "Ok, call if you need anything"
I nodded, slumping my shoulders then resuming the walk to my bedroom.
How could I be so stupid? How hard is it to say I love you to someone? I could have said it, but if I did I would be lying.
"I said I don't want to talk, Alice" I said when I heard a loud knock at my door
"It's not Alice, can you let me in please" It sounded like Edward, what the hell is he doing here?
I sighed and climbed out of bed, why I was letting him I have no idea. My body moved all by itself, despite my brains protesting to stop moving. I unlocked the door and crawled back into bed crawling into a ball and trying to control the sobs that escaped my lips.
I heard a few soft foots steps, then the side of my bed shifted. I knew he was sitting beside me, he asked me what was wrong and I lied and said nothing. Of course he saw right through it and called me out on it. After some persuading, I finally told him what had happened between Jasper and I. It was like word vomit, and I kept wondering why on earth I was telling all of this to Edward and not Alice. Edward and I, despite being pleasant toward each other the last couple of days, still were not friends. Or, at least I didn't think we were, though I'll admit that it was nice to finally be able to have a decent conversation with him without any back and forth banter.
I could see he was a bit uncomfortable talking about such personal things, but he gave me good advice regardless. We both went quiet, so I closed my eyes and before I knew it I fell asleep.
When I woke up, I saw Edward standing by the door.
"Edward" I said, trying to get his attention. He froze by the door and shook his head but he didn't turn around, I frowned "Can I ask you something before you leave?"
He spun around to face me "Sure"
Once he was sitting beside me I asked "Why are you here?"
He looked a bit confused "Umm well I was having a few drinks and trying to have fun"
"No, I mean here in my room" I laughed
He shrugged "You were upset"
"Why do you care? You've hated me for so long, and now your checking up on me and being friendly"
Now he looked shocked "I never hated you Bella, you started acting like a bitch when we started high school"
"I didn't start acting like a bitch. You became cocky and arrogant" I could hear my voice getting louder, he was blaming me?!
"How the fuck am I supposed to know what happened then? I thought you were being a bitch, you thought I was being cocky and arrogant and whatever else you have on your list, so let's just say it was both of our faults"
"Fine"
"Good"
After a moment, I looked down at my hands in my lap and admitted the one thing I hadn't mentioned to anyone, not even Alice "You know" I whispered "I missed being friends with you"
Edward stuttered and admitted to missing me as a friend as well, I had to laugh at his awkwardness but told him it's ok, and that I knew he wasn't good at this sort of stuff. He mumbled a sorry and I laughed again
I looked at his seriously and said "Thank you"
"What for?"
"For letting me talk to you about this. I know it probably wasn't the most fun thing to do when you're supposed to be out there with our friends"
He shrugged "Don't mention it"
Without thinking about it, I smiled and kissed him on the cheek. I tried to hide the fact that I shocked even myself and told him that I was going to lay down for a while and rolled to face away from him.
Once he had left the room, I closed my eyes and thought back to the events that had taken place so far tonight.
The drama with Jasper. Reconciling with Edward. It was all too much to take in, but I knew first and foremost that I needed to talk to Jasper. We needed to sort this out.
...
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